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[deep]

Chapter 27 - I Really DIG This Gym



No, actually. That would not have been one of my guesses.



Apparently a "roller coaster" is a car that follows a completely flat track at a responsible speed.

Bitch this is a monorail.



gurl I will cut u



...if you say so, Emolga. They're your orifices.



Emolga is Flying/Electric. Obviously Ground will not work. Luckily, Gojira can psychic rocks through the air.

Emolga, intelligently, has Grass Knot, which hurts like fuck because Gojira is super fat. I don't have the attention span to use weight-based attacks, but gosh they work when used right.



Lover's conflict. To hit the person I love, or to not hit the person I love?



YOU FELL DOWN THE STAIRS OKAY




Okay, shake your monitor to simulate Bulldoze.

I don't know why I kept screenshotting this. I think I was trying to prove you can tell I'm attacking stuff.



Bulldoze. You can see Gojira sort of changing shape each time.



You can see I'm right around the appropriate level for this gym.

For now.




Everyone in this gym is a prick.



Dig really doesn't screenshot well either.



Kills stuff plenty dead though.



I'm picturing Zebstrika in Kung-Fu Panda right now.

My brain won't let me reconcile how this works any other way.



also he misses.

I love that this attack penalizes you for missing. There are like 60 other super strong Fighting attacks that don't. Not to mention all of the other attacks - just as strong - that don't penalize you at all.

I wonder why Game Freak went away from self-harm attacks. Most of them are fossils from the very early gens. Skull Bash, Take Down...



Don't mind me just phasing through the floor.

I want to rename Queso. Kitty, Pryde, or Shadowcat.



Save some for me!



I love Electrode's face.

Also I swear to god if you selfdestruct I am going to be so mad you don't even



Clever girl.



Look how smug and proud he looks.



Ancillary effect of Signal Beam. This the first time it's ever proced.



Hey screw you that's my job



suck it downnnn



Loving the nerfed Eelektross. Now I don't have to think!



mmm



AI is so broken against Lightningrod.

I imagine its the same story for Sap Sipper, though Grass isn't nearly as ubiquitous of an attacking type.



yeah well you kept going and crashed.




WHAT WAS THAT NOISE?



Tankin everything.



This gym is much less difficult or exciting.

I know for a fact that the Electric type got pretty awesome over the years.

I know that every gym can't have fucking uber-Smeargle, but I'm disappointed by the Electric and Bug gyms.



oh this thing

eh

Electric/Ground

I bring in Guac for a bit



because Guac can summon sentient swords made of grass and leaves and shit



and back to Queso.




I don't remember what this was or why I screencapped it.

I mean I'm sort of impressed that it didn't pump another Thunder Wave into me.



aw sorry lil bro i wish it didn't have to be this way



I LIED







weeee



WHOSE FOOTPRINTS ARE THESE



meeeeheheheheeee



~geeheehawhee!!





I'm not even mad, +4 attack is amazing.



Double kick that mofo.



Flamethrower out of nowhere.



(Bulldoze.)

NOTHING CAN STOP MEEEE



...



VENGEANCEEEE







brb healing lol


---

Next time, I get whatever badge this is.

[Sir Deimos]

Reading on my phone makes shaking the screen whenever I'm ordered incredibly easy.

[Veteran]

WHOSE FOOTPRINTS ARE THESE

A tank is totally gonna come out of nowhere and own you.

[Twinrova]

DO WE GET AN UPDATE??

[JRPomazon]

I wonder if Elsea is packing a Zapdos or Raikou? I feel that would be a tricky amount of business right there.

[Veteran]

LA threw a rock at wild DP.

DP fled.

[deep]

Chapter 28 - The Bolt Badge



Alright, time to take this tram back to Elesa and take her down.



hey what wait

god damn it



it wasn't fun the first tiiiiiime



YEAH ALL THE FANTASTIC BACKTRACKING TOO LET'S DO THIS



Nice helmet-hair Lady Gaga



I'm waiting for them to get to 6 Pokemon already.



MIRROR MATCH

DIG TIME



AHAHAHAHAHA

YOUR FEEBLE AI BRAIN SHALL BE YOUR UNDOING



OH YOU THINK YOU'RE SO SMART



That's not shining, he's paralyzed, you bitch!



Oh, dip, he's not fucking around anymore.



This wasn't a good idea the first tiiiiiiime



aw... darn... that's...



Hey... I don't mind that, actually. Saved Queso's butt.



I whittle him down with my super buffed Signal Beams.




Nerfed, but still hardy as hell.



Waterfall.



hurgh!

Well splendid.

I'm just gonna uh

switch.



Much better.



pfft whatever



Sure is a...

HEAVY RAIN



Okay, okay. Things are under control.



HAH HOPE YOU DON'T UH HAVE ALLERGIES I GUESS



nothing to SNEEZE AT



Sure wish I had a good Special-based Grass attack...



Let's get rid of this rain.

You so fucked little spiderbro you gonna be on fire like soon



Volt tackle fucking hurts. Also, he's faster than me, so that was a free hit.



what

what

what



ugh







Not fuxin around anymore.



no way



well

that sure is a floating Jolteon.



Good thing I have giant viscous balls of poison.



And he's got giant viscous balls of yellow stuff.



His stuff wins...

New strategy!







Since god damn when did Jolteon get so hardy.



OKAY WELL I GUESS EVERY ELECTRIC TYPE HAS SIGNAL BEAM I'M NOT SPECIAL ANYMORE



Losing... control... so quickly...



Desperation.



phew!




Oh this fucking thing.

Well... at least we have peril.



WHY ARE YOU SO SLOW PEKING



hahahahah panic button time



suck it



I don't like to revive mid-battle, but I took too many screenshots to fail now!



oh fuck me

okay

time to abuse the AI



Woop woop.



SUCK IT DOWNNNN



BOLT BADGE.



Same TM as usual.



God damn. It was never that strong. That's borderline unfair.


---

Next time, I beat up some kids. What else is new?

Edited by deep, 12 August 2012 - 07:48 PM.

[Sir Deimos]

Yaaaaaaaay!

[deep]

Chapter 29 - Cheren

But first, minutiae!



I love how badass Fly is. Also... am I flat on a 3D bird?



I played through the entirety of White back in the day and NEVER KNEW she gave you shit.



oh. meh.



WELL THAT WAS A WASTE

Also, we've got some rocks to push!



meh.

Well anyway. FOOTBALL TIME



YEAH



I am no good at triple battles.



Fun fact, if you kill the middle guy, it does not become a double battle.

This is annoying.



Kinda crowded in here.



wee

CROSS FOOTBALL/POKEMON PUNS



THAT WAS A GOOD DECISION



ALSO FUNNY





WELL THIS IS GETTING SORT OF



I BELIEVE THE WORD I AM LOOKING FOR IS HOMOEROTIC



I THINK THE RUNNING TALLY ON BLACK PEOPLE IN POKEMON GAMES IS A HANDFUL OF GYM LEADERS, DANCERS AND SPORTERS, AND THEY ARE ALWAYS WEARING YELLOW AND GREEN.

JAPAN



SORRY I'LL turn off caps lock if it's bothering you.



but it isn't gay if they don't touch.



bring it



A fine choice, Young Cheren.



NOW I HAVE THE POWER OF OVERPOWERED VOLT SWITCH




That was Fake Out. He's taking the piss.



RAAA HAA HAAAA



What you missed is Escavalier having Sturdy and then Rock Sliding Queso to death.

Then this happened. You can hear my heart break.



Sturdy procs forever.

I get Lesta the f out of there.



Gojira will take all the rocks.



He will not take too many Drill Runs though.



Splendid.



I can never get rid of Fake Out.



grumble Spore grumble why can't you OHKO this thing grumble



Lesta is FRAGILE



Action confrontation.



Son of a bitch Ice-typing bites me in the ass again

So of course I bring in Guac.



YEAH I CAN USE HAND ATTACKS TOO



HAVE MORE HANDS



ffffffff

nah it's cool Peking also knows Fake Out



bwahahaha







hah. Called it!



I haaaaate confusion.



PREPARE TO



aw god damn it Psychic/Fighting makes Dark normal effectiveness ugh



yeah yeah my fault I'm sorry not everyone can be Showsni



That's precisely what I'm worried about.



NAH NOT REALLY



gotta go fast



In a few alternate universes, you did.

Badly.

-----------

Next time, Cheren and I tag team a couple kids. Also a bridge.

Edited by deep, 18 August 2012 - 08:07 PM.

[Sir Deimos]

This is turning into VG Cats. One of my favorite internet things THAT NEVER UPDATES. Stop having a life and responsibilities brah.

[JRPomazon]

It makes the updates all the more enjoyable. Yay 4 badges.

[Showsni]

100 base power Volt Switch would make OU so horrible.

[deep]

No kidding! I need to find the fastest special attacker I can and abuse that.

[deep]

Chapter 30 - The Bridge of Free Stats



But first! Alder, the Champion of Something, wants Cheren and I to beat up these two preschoolers.






Oh, come on, Cheren. At least send out your ridiculous Escavalier.



Thanks for all the great help, CHEREN.



Don't mind me, just doing EVERYTHING.



CONTINUING TO DO SO.

Spoiler

I didn't mean to cut the screen off, but I love the result.

Really what happened was a double-potioning. Wee.



Cheren follows suit.

I'm not-so-secretly praying that Rufflet dies and Cheren sends something cooler in.



YEAH! HIT HIM HARDER NEXT TIME GUYS



Illumise took out Rufflet, I took out both of them. Then Torkoal.



Also a sparkly Espeon.



Escavalier immediately pulls his weight. I almost forgive Cheren.



Wee Night Slash is usefullll



Escavalier is aggroing everything so Honchkrow is free to hit stuff.



BAM.

Torkoal wipes Escavalier and Cheren replaces him with Amoongus. GREAT JOB, EXCELLENT AND IMPROVED HACKED AI



Time to get mustache up in here.



Torkoals are hardy as shit in this hack. I think he's packin a Curse too.



This is totally unfair, by the way, because this is Cheren's fourth Pokemon. The youngsters get 3 each, while Cheren and I functionally have 12.



That moral quandry does not plague me for long.



Umbreon is a defensive monster. And this one's got Leftovers. Too bad it's so annoying to evolve them with happiness.



Gallarde ruins his day. Kill-stealer.



hmph



Majestic plot bridge cutscene



So this bridge... I've spent a lot of time here.



See, when you cut off the wings of bird Pokemon and ingest them, you gain their power.

For whatever reason, this bridge is just dripped with discarded bird wings for the taking.

One wing = 1 EV point; 4 EV points = 1 stat point. The wings are roughly equivalent to fighting one lowest-evolution-level Pokemon.

I collected a bunch of these, and this is the closest to EV training I've ever gotten, because fuck that time-consuming noise.



There are also worthless wings.



Vanilla has a pretty boring encounter table here.



It's even comparatively boring in the hack. Also, far, far below the levels I need.



zzz



Would be neat, but I already caught it. C'mon game, stop repeating! You're not out Pokemon yet!



This is like a 4% encounter rate. Woopdeedoo



Yeah whatever old news



Yawn.

I fished a LEGENDARY up from a river filled with DRAGONS and you can't give me something cool on this stupid bridge?



I... don't see it...

Also how is a Charizard elegant? It's all jagged and sharp and stuff.



Well you look postiviely American.



"Yer slanty eyes make me unconfertable..."



75/100 makes this not-terrible.



GUAC FINALLY HAS A SPECIAL-BASED GRASS ATTACK




Oh, you poor shed... you probably haven't caught any Pokemon at all, being a shed and all.



More times than I can count.





CAPITALISM

ALSO TO REMIND YOU THAT YOU HAVE NO FRIENDS WITH WHOM TO TRADE



I legit don't remember this building. There's no sign outside either.



NERRRRRRRRRRRD

shut up nerrrrrddd and your nerrrd talk I don't care about world of warcraffft



NAH



God damn. This house is just bringing me down.

And I still don't know what it is.



K...Kabuto?

hmmm...



$500 bucks for 100hp of healing. I buy a dozen.

...does Moomoo Milk spoil?



The secret entrance to the marketplace yields a largely useless TM. Woo



---

Next time, I chill out.

Edited by deep, 25 August 2012 - 09:20 PM.

[Sir Deimos]

I'm excited to see the changed encounters. I bet there will be Jynx at least. Maybe even something cool.

[Showsni]

I liked the talking shed.

I'm sure that wings should have been translated as feathers. It makes a lot more sense... Also, I don't think I've ever bothered to use feathers for EV training. Grinding to find feathers takes longer than knocking out a Lillipup to get (1+4)*2 = 10 EVs with a Power item and Pokérus.

[deep]

While true, that's not exactly a common and easily-attainable scenario, even aside from the BP. In all my years of Pokemonning, I've gotten the Pokerus one time, and that was in my White version. I had a 300-hour Sapphire save file with most of the Pokedex filled and never saw it.

I am, however, more than happy to drive my bicycle around in circles on a bridge while watching a movie. I suppose it all comes down to grinding, and just finding which particular flavor of grinding you hate the least.

[Sir Deimos]

I don't remember when or how I got Pokerus, but because I've been trying to keep all my pokemon with me, it's spread throughout each DS game and is still to this day ravaging my PC boxes, being wasted.

[Veteran]

I got Pokerus for the one and only time in Platinum. GG infected my mons way before that though in Diamond as part of my training. I've decided the electric rats will always be the boxed carriers.

[Twinrova]

GG infected my mons

You might wanna get that checked out.

[Veteran]

There's nothing the Center can do. There's a recession on.

[Twinrova]

>_>;

[Sir Deimos]

Yes. Mons pubis. We got it the first time.

Edited by Synile, 27 August 2012 - 08:00 PM.

[deep]

hahaha. <3 u Synile

[deep]

Chapter 31 - Surprise Gym Leader



Like every other time, I value my chance to grind before facing a gym leader. Let's see how far I can progress before the plot stops me.



Encounter table is okay here.



Also fightin.



Trainers are kind of ludicrously strong.



He almost one-shotted me, so I one-shotted him back.



Porygons got a Psychic typing in this hack. It makes enough sense.



I am not complaining.



This is basically a beefier Recover/Roost because Lesta comes packaged with Drought.




Meet Lesta's functional equivalent.



Castform got crazy buffs to every stat. He's got insane special attack and speed these days.





And pretty nice special defense too.

It hit Cool Ranch with 3 Fake Tears, and could have probably exploded him at that point.



It also had Pain Split to further ruin my day. This is a wild encounter.



At this point I'm just flailing wildly.



Did I mention it is a Psychic/Ghost type? When it gets a form, it becomes Fire/Ghost, etc.




Your song is bad.




More fightin.



Yeah, that was one attack from Emolga. It has Acrobatics, which just hits ludicrously hard at this point in the game. I can't answer that.



fffff



yessssssss



FFFFFFFFFF



OKAY.

GOT THIS.



RAAAAAGH



RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH



Fake Out for Move of the Year.



Some time after I finish cackling to myself I remember that





it has Sap Sipper.



Oh piss.



THANK YOU! KEEP HIM THIS WAY!
^{_{fucking rock/fighting weakness}}



Retaliate is good for barely any damage.



Water type with Water/Ice attacks versus Water type with Water/Ice attacks. It's a long battle.



Cool Ranch takes a long, soapy shower afterward.




Finally, an easy fight.



weee



Cake.



oh god WHAT



WHAT



WHAT THE FUCK



WHAT THE HELL

[Sir Deimos]

Damn. I expected that and it still absolutely sucked.

[JRPomazon]

That looked painful.

[Twinrova]

Yes. Mons pubis. We got it the first time.

Well it seemed like Vet didn't. >_>;

[Sir Deimos]

Yeah yeah. Just an excuse to post vaginas. I'm on to you.

[JRPomazon]

Hey DP, when you go into Cold Storage, be sure to catch a Vanilluxe.