8 replies to this topic

[Gabe Puratekuta]

Name: Puratekuta Gabriella/Sailor Sol
Original: Yes
Gender: Female
Age: 17
Height: 5'3"
Strengths: Very intellegent and strong; Mahou shoujo transformation; Solar Healing Blast; Solar Rising Flash; Summon- Silver Dragon(last resort)
Weaknesses: A bit too trusting; Can be a bit cryptic
Bio: Gabe was born in a small town in America. Orphaned at the age of three, Gabe had spent the better part of her childhood hopping around foster homes until she left for Japan at age seventeen. It was there that she learned that she was the reincarnation of a champion of the Moon Kingdom and received her powers as Sailor Sol. Her katana, the only thing left behind from her parents, had also belonged to her past self and was forged when the spirit of the Silver Dragon was affixed to it's own tooth. The engravement would become larger the more she awakened as a Senshi

Edited by Gabe Puratekuta, 28 August 2007 - 06:15 PM.

[Nevermind]

Okay....

Before touching this, I think I should probably direct you to some various examples of approved characters.

Read them. Take note of what they have that yours does not.

I could pick out certain parts but really the whole things needs a makeover.

[Gabe Puratekuta]

Hey, those were the only criteria I saw. Nothing else

[SL the Pyro]

You obviously missed character stuff.

*cough* modern stuff only *cough*

And only archaeic weaponry (ie: no guns or magic, but things like swords and spears and such are allowed).

[Delphi]

Please do not post in other people's character submission threads. You are not a submission mod so please do not post like you are one.

I also have to support Laz in this. The weaknesses do not balance the strenghts at all. Being a little naive or too trusting does not balance out Senshi power. Usagi from Sailor Moon is a freaking ditz not to mention a total klutz. She's still a little over powered but that's typical of a main character.

Edited by Delphi, 28 August 2007 - 08:22 PM.

[Nevermind]

You've got all the right criteria, you've just met them insufficiently.

Okay so we know she is intelligent and strong - and she has a whole bunch of moves - but when we ask for her strengths, we want to know WHY she is strong. What is it that makes her strong? Is she just a 17 year old beefcake, or does she have superhuman strength, or strong magical power, she's telekinetic? Maybe explain what all those moves are, and what power it is that makes her able to perform them?

Then the weaknesses. Too trusting is a minor, minor weakness. Being cryptic is a character trait, not a weakness. Apparently she has no physical weaknesses. Is she invincible? If so, she's not allowed. She's not? Okay, then what can we do to her that will hurt her? If we were to find a weak point - whether in regards to her abilities or just her physical structure - what would it be?


And for the bio, I'll assume this is Sailor Moon stuff but to break it down, this is what your character is comprised of:

- a 17 year old girl
- she was born in America
- she now lives in Japan
- she has gone through different foster homes
- SOMEWHERE, SOMEHOW she learned she was the Moon Kingdom's Champion, or reincarnation thereof
- She is now Sailor Sol and has new powers of some sort
- She has a sword, made from the spiritually-infused tooth of a Silver Dragon
- An engravement...perhaps on her katana..?...becomes larger as she awakens as a....Senshi..?

So, assume I know nothing of Sailor Moon. Who is this girl? First 4 points are fine. Afterwards, though, we get a little lost. You don't need to write an essay but we need to know SOMETHING, you know.

How did she learn she was a reincarnation?
What new powers did she receive as Sailor Sol? (This will help with the strengths as well)
What is the Silver Dragon?
What is a Senshi and does this grant her new powers?


Now if you can answer all the questions I have put before you, it should be approved. I didn't write [img]http://forums.legendsalliance.com/public/ALOT.png[/img] because I'm being picky or anything, I wrote [img]http://forums.legendsalliance.com/public/ALOT.png[/img] because I have just tried to offer you as much help as I could provide to make it easier on your behalf as to what you actually need to do. So you know what we need. Provide.

[Gabe Puratekuta]

Well, I can see your point about the weaknesses and I can probably flesh out the bio a bit more. But I can't really put anything down about the Silver Dragon as of yet because I really don't have anything written down about it

[Nevermind]

If the Silver Dragon Summon is your own creation, then you simply make up what happens when she uses it. If not, then give us some kind of reference as to what it is. We know she has powers, but we need to know what those powers are.

[Gabe Puratekuta]

I'll try to think of something, but not right now. My creativity's going into something else today