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'Legend of Zelda' Screenplay


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#1 Guest_Prome_*

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Posted 12 May 2005 - 03:57 PM

Available: HERE

#2 27-Year-Old-From-Georgia

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Posted 12 May 2005 - 04:22 PM

...what in the world?

#3 Zythe

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Posted 12 May 2005 - 04:28 PM

From what I could be bothered to read it was fairly good. But... maybe you could have given us a blurb of WTF was going on before it all began.

#4 Fyxe

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Posted 12 May 2005 - 06:05 PM

In that... Thing...

Ganon is spelt Gannon.

Ganon. Is. Spelt. Gannon.

#5 JRPomazon

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Posted 12 May 2005 - 08:46 PM

It's gonna be a kick ass game. Sweet. But this will in turn cause havoc for the storyline of Zelda.

#6 joeymartin64

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Posted 12 May 2005 - 09:45 PM

GANNON-BANNED!

Hey, someone had to say it.

#7 Vazor

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Posted 12 May 2005 - 09:54 PM

Bah, you beat me to it...

#8 MK.

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Posted 12 May 2005 - 09:57 PM

I don't have time/patience to read it, someone give me gist of it. ty.

#9 HarryHatMan

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Posted 13 May 2005 - 07:47 AM

Looks fanish, just a glorified FanFIc, but brownie points to whoever took the time to write it!

#10 Fyxe

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Posted 13 May 2005 - 08:24 AM

Shame it's bollocks. >.> Change the names of the characters and it could be any lame fantasy film from the 80s, from what I've read. Maybe that's harsh, I don't know, but it certainly doesn't shout out 'Zelda'.

Man, the dialogue is terrible. No characters, even if whoever wrote it tried to disguise that fact by giving some of them Tolkien-style accents. Still doesn't make them decent characters.

Also, the Octorok is called 'Rock Spitter'.

The hell?

What IS this thing, anyway?

#11 JRPomazon

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Posted 14 May 2005 - 02:55 AM

I'm a idiot. I thought it was real.

#12 martinDTanderson

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Posted 14 May 2005 - 05:49 AM

I read up to the part where it mentions brandon and zelda's bedroom, and I decided enough was enough.

#13 thabto81

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Posted 16 May 2005 - 07:55 PM

Shame it's bollocks. >.> Change the names of the characters and it could be any lame fantasy film from the 80s, from what I've read.  Maybe that's harsh, I don't know, but it certainly doesn't shout out 'Zelda'.

Man, the dialogue is terrible.  No characters, even if whoever wrote it tried to disguise that fact by giving some of them Tolkien-style accents.  Still doesn't make them decent characters.

Also, the Octorok is called 'Rock Spitter'.

The hell?

What IS this thing, anyway?

Whoa whoa. Give the guy/girl a break. Writing a screenplay isn't easy. And a Zelda one, to boot, poses greater challenges than most. So everybody just chill, ok?

On that note I will have to agree with a vast majority of the comments stated here. I didn't get a chance to read all of it yet (I'm about three quarters finished) but I think I have a pretty good understanding of how you, Prome, want to present it. So let's begin with the torture (heh):

Cons:
Fyxe is right. The dialogue is quite stilted. Most of it is exposition and the rest that's not doesn't really add to much to the scene it's in or the character that's saying it. The only exception to this so far is the character of Fox. You've got that guy down perfect. I'm not one hundred percent sure if the character itself is Zelda-esque or not but he does work quite well on his own level. The character of Sossamon also has some decent dialogue though I am confused a bit by his actions. He says something to the effect of experience being a greater teacher of wisdom than man, and then procedes to put him through various tests he feels show the true quality of a hero. Kinda seems contradictory to me.

The characters themselves seem to have little importance to the scenes you put them in as well. Link, especially, suffers from this. I'm not sure if that's what you're going for, trying to make Link a blank slate or not, but it doesn't really work. There's nothing about the character that jumps out at you and makes you want to root for him. We get a short introduction of him leaving his house and then buying some herbs before he's sent off on an adventure to save the Princess. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that there doesn't seem to be any stakes involved where Link is concerned. In other words, there's nothing for Link to fight for. You could argue that the Link in the original LoZ didn't have very high stakes either, but you would be mistaken. The game itself may not have provided much story but there was, in the manual at least, a backstory. And that backstory, if I recall, did mention Link setting off in search of adventure and fame. Sure, that may sound cheesy and superficial but at least it was something.

The overall structure is also not very tight. You have scenes happening after other scenes and I have no idea why they're linked together except that the plot requires them to be. Again, this goes back to what I was saying earlier about having stakes for Link. As soon as you give Link something worth fighting for then all the scenes that come after it will have a purpose.

One last thing: there's a specific scene near the beginning where you have Link fighting an army of the dead. You place the scene in pitch dark and yet describe the scene in acute detail. I was wondering how this would work. If the scene is in complete darkness shouldn't you be describing sounds not visuals?

Well, I think that was enough torture for one evening heh. There were a few cosmetic things that needed touching up but that's inconsequential in this post. Now on to the back patting!

Pros:
There is some really amazing visuals in this script. Harkening back to the army of the dead sequence, the scene is quite interesting and really lends itself well to the overall atmosphere of the screenplay. If nothing else your "dungeon" scenes are the best in the script.

Another good scene is Sossamon's trial. I actually think this can happen earlier that way we get rid of all the pesky exposition sooner and it gives more validity to Link's skill as a fighter.

I really can't say enough about the atmosphere you display in your script. No two environments are entirely alike which is a good thing. You wouldn't want to bore your audience. My favorite of these environments is the underwater desert plain. Very neat idea and very Zelda-esque. And I also really like the slight twist on the giant spider fight you see in so many movies by changing the spider into a scorpion. Again, a nice touch. I'm not sure, however, about Link jumping into the Scorpoion. Perhaps, he can just throw something in?

All in all I'd say you have a rather decent, albeit rough, first draft on your hands. Keep working on it and when you've got a second draft done show it. I'd definitely like to see it.

#14 Guest_Prome_*

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Posted 17 May 2005 - 03:33 PM

Thanks for the great review and advice, thabto81. All of your points are good, and I'll take them very much into account when I write another script, Zelda or otherwise. The feedback about Link is especially vital, [sadly but correctly] showing how the entire script is fundamentally flawed. More outlining and tinkering with structure and plot next time, for me.

Thanks to everyone for taking the time to read, regardless of how much you trudged through.

Cheers,
Prome

#15 thabto81

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Posted 18 May 2005 - 11:42 AM

Hey, Prome! Don't forget to show us your second draft. And if you care to, would you mind reading my script?

#16 Guest_Prome_*

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Posted 18 May 2005 - 12:43 PM

I wouldn't mind at all. I'll PM you with my email.




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