18 replies to this topic

[Dan Smith]

Part I

Year: Midevilish
Location: Pomona, the capital of Western Empire
Genre: Mystery, Adventure, Westernish
Source: Original
Characters: Normodor (DJ should know about him)

-Goals: In a twist of fate, Normodor ended up on Earth; now, he is doing everything in his power to return home, no matter how many bodies he must step over to do so.

-Role: Antagonist, Villian, Bad Guy...any of those fit him very well.

Part II

The Western Empire: to call it big would be a gross understatement; to call it gigantic was still quite short. Streching from East to West, from the far North to the mid South, it is a world of prosperity and unity. The Empire is divided into 4 sections: North-World, East-World, South-World, and West-World. Located in the heart of North-World is Pomona, where the Emperor, Acturus III, sits upon the high throne atop The Spire; a long, towering structure, known to many of the aristocrats as God's Finger; the peasants call it Devil's Cock, but in hushed voices, far from the ears of the Emperor's Guard. At Acturus's side stands the King's Captain, also known as the Crimson Knight. He is suited in red armor, rumored to be stained by the blood of his many battles. In his hands, he weilds the Dread Blade, a weapon so finely made that it can split diamonds in half.

It was the Crimson Knight who first reported the incident to the Emperor: A huge, blinding flash had occured in the south, near the city boundaries. It was dismissed as dry lightning. Soon after, another report came to the Emperor: Five Royal Guardsmen had been murdered at the town gate. Each soldier's blade was plunged deep into their chest, save one; his blade was missing. These killings started the death flood that would follow.

It has been four months since that time; there has been a total of 100 civilians killed, and three dozen Guardsmen murdered. The Emperor, in panic, has sent pages far and wide, bearing the message to any able-bodied men who would recieve it: "Blood flows in the capital; the Emperor begs for assistance by any young man or woman. Reward set at 100,000 coins." In the Western Kingdom, it was a time of celebration to make 10 coins. Needless to say, the outcome was well taken.

Part III

I hate to be a rule-nazi, so let's keep it short and sweet:

1. PM me BEFORE posting

2. This is a midevil set story; anyone bringing guns or technology into the story will be denied.

That about covers it for rules. This RPG is still awaiting verification of it's antagonist, Normodor, before starting, so don't bug me about it; it'll start soon enough.

[DarkJuno]

Hmmm...it's not horrifically bad, but it's going to need a lot of work.

First of all, the world you present is very...flat. Flat, bland, and unimaginative - you let us know it's a big place, but...so what? The world this takes place in neither leaps out and grabs my imagination, nor does it make me care something's going on. Give me more details on the world, describe it vividly so those who are interested can have a better sense of it. Being medival isn't much to go on, after all - is it a regal sort of fantastic medival realm, a dark void of the time, or one of the other dozens of settings that can rightfully be called "medival." Fix it.

I can see that this is a fairly open RPG, which is good, but it would behoove you to include at least one person we can see...the way you have it set up, we can't really see anyone, not even the antagonist - it's like being thrown into willy nilly MMORPG where asking for help in understanding what's going on only makes it worse.

Start Working.

[Dan Smith]

Umm, when you say "seeing" a character, do you mean a character who assists in the game, as in a playing character, or a in-depth non-playing character?

[DarkJuno]

By seeing I mean there's nothing to really help give it a focal point. As I said, yeah, it's a nice wide open RPG with a big general goal, but there's no initial, for lack of a better term "funneled" view to cling onto. It's good to encourage people to do their own thing and not cling to anyone, but there has to be a greater focus in terms of goals of at least one character - starting it off with absolutely no characters attempting to do something is the extreme opposite of the equally bad "clutter" effect when everyone crowds around one leader for a quest.

[Dan Smith]

For a synopsis, I've added new parts to the before history of the Western Empire, some more info on Normodor, and a new character, Ramiel. (I still need to make a character submission on him)

Part I

Year: Midevilish
Location: Pomona, the capital of Western Empire
Genre: Mystery, Adventure
Source: Original
Characters: Normodor

-Goals: In a twist of fate, Normodor ended up on Earth; now, he is doing everything in his power to return home, no matter how many bodies he must step over to do so.

-Role: Antagonist, Villian, Bad Guy...any of those fit him very well.

Ramiel (Pending)

-Goals: Receiving the message from the Emperor, he journeys into North-World to collect the huge reward.

-Role: Semi-Main Character; he's not horribly important, but he kind of keeps everything going 'round.

Part II

The Western Empire: to call it big would be a gross understatement; to call it gigantic was still quite short. Streching from East to West, from the far North to the mid South, it is a world of prosperity and unity. However, the Empire has not always existed; a mere 35 years ago, there was no such thing as the Western Empire.

The land was originally known by the name of the land, Shakaru, and was a land of many small baronys, each ruled by an equally small ruler. These districts were in constant turmoil, eventually leading to the Great War. The baronys were seperated equally, more or less, and battled constantly for land. Under one flag was the United Republic, which lied on the south western side of Shakaru. The other legion, the Empire Nation, lay on the north east side.

The war was long and hard, with horrifying losses on both sides. More then a fourth of the population was lost in the war, with the edge constantly changing sides. At one point, the Republic controlled so much territory that the Empire sent a messenger to give the message of surrender. The man, Willam Hart, was captured by the enemy, and tortured horribly, before being killed in front of hundreds of Empire prisoners. The word quickly reached the leaders, and rage spread through the armies. With renewed spirit, the Empire fought on for another three years, before crushing the Republic. Placed upon the throne was the current Emperor's father, Acturus II, who ruled for a grand term of three weeks, before murdered by Republic mercenarys. After his son took the throne, he vowed that all people under the Republic flag shall be killed. However, this has not stopped heavy Republic sentiments in South-World, the undesignated capital of the Republic.

The Empire is divided into 4 sections: North-World, East-World, South-World, and West-World. Located in the heart of North-World is Pomona, where the Emperor, Acturus III, sits upon the high throne atop The Spire; a long, towering structure, known to many of the aristocrats as God's Finger; the peasants call it Devil's Cock, but in hushed voices, far from the ears of the Emperor's Guard. At Acturus's side stands the Guard Captain, Alexander Remal, also known as the Blood Knight. He is suited in red armor, rumored to be stained by the blood of his many battles. In his hands, he weilds the Dread Blade, a weapon so finely made that it can split diamonds in half. This, however, is but a rumor; Alexander is more actor then fighter, lulling his enemies into fear and loathing.

It was the Remal who first reported the incident to the Emperor: A huge, blinding flash had occured in the south, near the city boundaries. It was dismissed as dry lightning. Soon after, another report came to the Emperor: Five Royal Guardsmen had been murdered at the town gate. Each soldier's blade was plunged deep into their chest, save one; his blade was missing. These killings started the death flood that would follow. Acturus tried numerous ways of stopping the bloodshed, though failed horribly.

It has been four months since that time; there has been a total of 100 civilians killed, and three dozen Guardsmen murdered. As the death count mounts, the citizens begin to openly protest, with many being led to the gallows, only to further the anger of the peasants. The Emperor, in panic, has sent pages far and wide, bearing the message to any able-bodied men who would recieve it: "Blood flows in the capital; the Emperor begs for assistance by any young man or woman. Reward set at 100,000 coins." In the Western Kingdom, it was a time of celebration to make 10 coins. Needless to say, the outcome was well taken.

Part III

I hate to be a rule-nazi, so let's keep it short and sweet:

1. PM me BEFORE posting

2. This is a midevil set story; anyone bringing guns or technology into the story will be denied.

Ok, that's what I have right now. Anything else need expanding?

[DarkJuno]

Italics please...you have permission to edit it and italicize the new stuff.

[Dan Smith]

I've italicized the new parts, as you asked. Just thought it might have slipped through the cracks. If not, sorry about being too uppity.

[DarkJuno]

Better, but it's still rather skimpy. You still have to expand upon the details of both nations and to apply these to current day standards and the like. Also, a lot of this information is presented as just being there - there's no sense of importance or urgency, it's as if it were dumped on the floor and pointed at. Fix that.

Keep working.

[Dan Smith]

Part I

Year: Midevilish
Location: Pomona, the capital of Western Empire
Genre: Mystery, Adventure
Source: Original
Characters: Normodor

-Goals: In a twist of fate, Normodor ended up on Earth; now, he is doing everything in his power to return home, no matter how many bodies he must step over to do so.

-Role: Antagonist, Villian, Bad Guy...any of those fit him very well.

Ramiel

-Goals: Receiving the message from the Emperor, he journeys into North-Lang to collect the huge reward.

-Role: Semi-Main Character; he's not horribly important, but he kind of keeps everything going 'round.

Part II

The continent of Shakaru; it is a land that has seen many people come and pass, thousands of kingdoms rise and fall. It is a rather flat land, consisting of many hills but only one actual mountain: Mount Sindari, where it is said that God himself resides. In the north, Shakaru consists of many woodlands and lakes; to the south, a junglelike climate, with many exotic animals. For many years, Shakaru remained unclaimed; no king could ever take over such a large space of land, even in a thousand years. However, things soon took a sudden turn.

It started as a disagreement between two groups in a small town, over how the town should be governed. One side advocated for a single ruler; the other for a panel of rulers. As the argument escalated, it carried out across the lands. Soon, much of Shakaru began to pick sides. From this, the Sons of the Empire and the United Republic were created. As the rift continued to grow, things began to grow hostile on Shakaru; armies were formed in overwhelming numbers, united under a common goal, rather then for their own interests. Finally, two years to the date of the original argument, open war was declared. Both sides predicted that they would crush their enemy in a week's time. The war ended up lasting over 35 years.

The details of the Great War are bloody and heroic, telling of suicide charges and heroic standoffs. It is estimated that over half of the continent's population died in the war, with heavy casualties on both sides. The balance of power shifted almost daily, swaying back and forth like a teeter totter. In the end, however, it was the Empire who emerged from the bodies of their enemies, waving the flag of victory for all to see.

In the years after the war, the Empire slowly spread it's rule across Shakaru. The capital city of the Empire was to be Pomona, which had served as the Empire's headquarters during the war. Broken and beaten, the Republic was driven down into the south, into the depths of the jungles. As the world moved on, the Empire picked it's Emperor: Arcturus II, a famous war hero. His rule, however, was tragically short, as he was murdered not long after ascending. His son, Arcturus III, took his place on the throne, vowing revenge on the Republic.

The realm of the Western Empire is seperated into four seperate districts: North-Land, East-Land, South-Land(South-World doesn't go all the way to the edge of the continent, like the rest of the Lands, but stops short; from there down lies the remains of the Republic), and West-World. Each Land has it's own minor capital, but if you were to ask even the furthest of South-Landers what the capital was, they would tell you Pomona.

Lying in the middle of North-Land, Pomona is the major capital of the Western Empire. It is the largest city in Shakaru, and also the most prosperous. It is in Pomona that the Emperor takes up throne, high upon the Grand Spire. At the top of the Grand Spire, it is said that one can see all the way from east to west, from north to south. And, if one's eyesight is more then just extrodinary, it is rumored that they can see across the world and look back upon the other side of the Spire. This, however, is obviously not true, but is still common legend amongst the peasants.

It is in the city of Pomona that the troubles all began. It started with only a handful of murders, blamed on a local band of theives. However, as time passed, witnesses said that it was not a group of murderers, but a single man with amazing cunning and power. Most people shunned these witnesses; how on earth could one man kill so many people at once? As the murders escalated, the rumors were actually believed less, rather then more. The naysayers merely held to their argument of how can one man have so much strength. They were proven wrong, however, when the Emperor himself addressed the nation about the mass murderer, named Normodor. The Emperor assured the public, though, that "While this man has murdered almost a hundred people, the entire Royal Guard is on his heels, and he shall be brought to justice within the week."

The week turned into a month, and the month into four months, and the Guard was no closer to catching Normodor then they were when they started. As the death toll rose, dissention rose amongst the townsfolk. Many spoke of fleeing south, to the boundaries of the Republic resistance; some even did so. As the Empire slowly began to crumble, the Emperor appointed a new Guard Captain: Alexander Remal. Clad in crimson armor, he was quickly dubbed the Blood Knight. He, too, assured the population that under his rule, that "Normodor's head shall bleed upon a pole by tomorrow eve." Though Remal came closer to capturing Normodor then his predecessor, he also failed to live up to his promise. The fraile twine that held the Empire together slowly began to unravel.

In the south, Republic troops began to organize for an assault on Pomona. With the people in unrest, their defeat would be inevitable. Finally accepting that his Guard would never catch Normodor, the Emperor launched his final plan. Fliers were sent throughout the land, begging all heroes and warriors to come to Pomona; the very foundation of the Empire was crumbling, and if the serial killer was not stopped, the Republic would surely destroy them. Though much of the population was angry with the Emperor, the seeds of hatred for the Republic were still sewn within them. Slowly, heroes began to flood into Pomona, eager to win legendary status. The Emperor told them of their mission, and of the reward: 100,000,000 coins, almost a fourth of the city's wealth. If any doubt had been in their minds before, there was none after that; no man besides the Emperor had ever seen that many coins, let alone own them. With dollar signs in their eyes, they hunted for Normodor.

Part III

1. PM me BEFORE posting

2. This is a midevil set story; anyone bringing guns or technology into the story will be denied.

[DarkJuno]

Much better! One last thing.

Tie in the very first part to the present time and to what's happening now, and this'll be open for discussion.

Keep it up!

[Dan Smith]

Just a little clarification: When you say first part, do you mean the first paragraph or so of Part II, or some of the info in Part I?

[DarkJuno]

The first story point in the Background.

[Dan Smith]

Part I

Year: Midevilish
Location: Pomona, the capital of Western Empire
Genre: Mystery, Adventure
Source: Lightly based on The Dark Tower series
Characters: Normodor

-Goals: In a twist of fate, Normodor ended up on Earth; now, he is doing everything in his power to return home, no matter how many bodies he must step over to do so.

-Role: Antagonist, Villian, Bad Guy...any of those fit him very well.

Ramiel

-Goals: Receiving the message from the Emperor, he journeys into North-Lang to collect the huge reward.

-Role: Semi-Main Character; he's not horribly important, but he kind of keeps everything going 'round.

Part II

The continent of Shakaru; it is a land that has seen many people come and pass, thousands of kingdoms rise and fall. It is a rather flat land, consisting of many hills but only one actual mountain: Mount Sindari, where it is said that God himself resides. In the north, Shakaru consists of many woodlands and lakes; to the south, a junglelike climate, with many exotic animals. For many years, Shakaru remained unclaimed; no king could ever take over such a large space of land, even in a thousand years. However, things soon took a sudden turn. In less then a century, a war ripped the continent to shreds, an empire arose to claim domination of the world, and a single man shook the very foundations of mankind. However, after his numerous murders and crafty escapes, it is hard to tell if he really is a man. However, before that tale can be told, first must be told the tale of the Great War, considered to be the start of this chain of events.

It started as a disagreement between two groups in a small town, over how the town should be governed. One side advocated for a single ruler; the other for a panel of rulers. As the argument escalated, it carried out across the lands. Soon, much of Shakaru began to pick sides. From this, the Sons of the Empire and the United Republic were created. As the rift continued to grow, things began to grow hostile on Shakaru; armies were formed in overwhelming numbers, united under a common goal, rather then for their own interests. Finally, two years to the date of the original argument, open war was declared. Both sides predicted that they would crush their enemy in a week's time. The war ended up lasting over 35 years.

The details of the Great War are bloody and heroic, telling of suicide charges and heroic standoffs. It is estimated that over half of the continent's population died in the war, with heavy casualties on both sides. The balance of power shifted almost daily, swaying back and forth like a teeter totter. In the end, however, it was the Empire who emerged from the bodies of their enemies, waving the flag of victory for all to see.

In the years after the war, the Empire slowly spread it's rule across Shakaru. The capital city of the Empire was to be Pomona, which had served as the Empire's headquarters during the war. Broken and beaten, the Republic was driven down into the south, into the depths of the jungles. As the world moved on, the Empire picked it's Emperor: Arcturus II, a famous war hero. His rule, however, was tragically short, as he was murdered not long after ascending. His son, Arcturus III, took his place on the throne, vowing revenge on the Republic.

The realm of the Western Empire is seperated into four seperate districts: North-Land, East-Land, South-Land(South-World doesn't go all the way to the edge of the continent, like the rest of the Lands, but stops short; from there down lies the remains of the Republic), and West-World. Each Land has it's own minor capital, but if you were to ask even the furthest of South-Landers what the capital was, they would tell you Pomona.

Lying in the middle of North-Land, Pomona is the major capital of the Western Empire. It is the largest city in Shakaru, and also the most prosperous. It is in Pomona that the Emperor takes up throne, high upon the Grand Spire. At the top of the Grand Spire, it is said that one can see all the way from east to west, from north to south. And, if one's eyesight is more then just extrodinary, it is rumored that they can see across the world and look back upon the other side of the Spire. This, however, is obviously not true, but is still common legend amongst the peasants.

It is in the city of Pomona that the troubles all began. It started with only a handful of murders, blamed on a local band of theives. However, as time passed, witnesses said that it was not a group of murderers, but a single man with amazing cunning and power. Most people shunned these witnesses; how on earth could one man kill so many people at once? As the murders escalated, the rumors were actually believed less, rather then more. The naysayers merely held to their argument of how can one man have so much strength. They were proven wrong, however, when the Emperor himself addressed the nation about the mass murderer, named Normodor. The Emperor assured the public, though, that "While this man has murdered almost a hundred people, the entire Royal Guard is on his heels, and he shall be brought to justice within the week."

The week turned into a month, and the month into four months, and the Guard was no closer to catching Normodor then they were when they started. As the death toll rose, dissention rose amongst the townsfolk. Many spoke of fleeing south, to the boundaries of the Republic resistance; some even did so. As the Empire slowly began to crumble, the Emperor appointed a new Guard Captain: Alexander Remal. Clad in crimson armor, he was quickly dubbed the Blood Knight. He, too, assured the population that under his rule, that "Normodor's head shall bleed upon a pole by tomorrow eve." Though Remal came closer to capturing Normodor then his predecessor, he also failed to live up to his promise. The fraile twine that held the Empire together slowly began to unravel.

In the south, Republic troops began to organize for an assault on Pomona. With the people in unrest, their defeat would be inevitable. Finally accepting that his Guard would never catch Normodor, the Emperor launched his final plan. Fliers were sent throughout the land, begging all heroes and warriors to come to Pomona; the very foundation of the Empire was crumbling, and if the serial killer was not stopped, the Republic would surely destroy them. Though much of the population was angry with the Emperor, the seeds of hatred for the Republic were still sewn within them. Slowly, heroes began to flood into Pomona, eager to win legendary status. The Emperor told them of their mission, and of the reward: 100,000,000 coins, almost a fourth of the city's wealth. If any doubt had been in their minds before, there was none after that; no man besides the Emperor had ever seen that many coins, let alone own them. With dollar signs in their eyes, they hunted for Normodor.

Part III

1. PM me BEFORE posting

2. This is a midevil set story; anyone bringing guns or technology into the story will be denied.

---

If you didn't notice, I changed the Origin section, after realizing I was ripping off one of Stephen King's ideas from the Dark Tower series as my own. I don't know if it really matters that much, but I thought you might like to know.

[DarkJuno]

All right. I hereby open this RPG for discussion.

Start recruiting!

[Phoenix Reborn]

DJ, loner said either Kain or Raziel was in!

Ya, Kain or Raziel would be a perfect addition to the rpg. If you can, make a post that you've had your character run by me in the actual rpg thread, so it doesn't get bumped off.

[Zythe]

Part I

Year: Midevilish

...


2. This is a midevil set story; anyone bringing guns or technology into the story will be denied.

http://dictionary.re...q=medieval&r=67

[Washu]

Sorry! Forgot to PM first! *hits head with book*

[Dan Smith]

Actually, this RP has been dead for quite some time. No one really showed any interest in it, and it just kinda slipped away. I might try again with it some time, but right now, I don't have a lot of free time on my hands. It's probably best if DJ closes it. Sorry Washu.

[DarkJuno]

Very well.