The Young and the Breastless
The Nadir Experiment
Season 4, Episode 2
Morning
It is day 2 of the experiment. The three housemates are all asleep in their rooms, and gradually, they all begin to wake up and drag themselves out of bed at around 6 AM. They exit their rooms and prepare to go through their morning routines.
TOAN
(yawns)
Good morning, ladies? Sleep well?
CHIK
(grumbles)
SELENA
(grumbles)
TOAN
Okay, not morning people. That's, erm, fine then.
CHIK
I'm gonna go make food. What do you guys want?
TOAN
Hmmmm....
SELENA
You owe me croissants.
CHIK
I haveta MAKE them?
SELENA
CROISSANTS!
CHIK
(grumbles)
Chikara heads downstairs after changing to start working on making breakfast, and Selena heads off to use the bathroom. Toan then hops into the shower. The warm scent of cooking pastries soon wafts up to the third floor of the house. Toan and Selena change into their day clothes and then Selena rushes downstairs to check on the croissants.
Selena heads into the kitchen, where Chik has begun to obsessively clean the table. She has, in fact, gotten so focused on the table that she does not notice the smell of pastries beginning to burn.
SELENA
Croissants, no! My lovely ones!
Selena swings open the oven and takes the croissants out. They are, for the most part, badly burnt, with the exception of one or two. She sets them on the table and Chik smiles, embarrassed.
CHIK
I guess I just got carried away! Damn.
TOAN
(heading down the stairs)
Hey, guys, is the food done…? Oh.
SELENA
One or two are still okay. Well, if you like things well done.
Chik sits down quickly, and begins to eat while avoiding the gazes of her friends. Selena and Toan sit down as well, and they bite into the burnt croissants. They sure tasted… interesting.
TOAN
Um… these are really good, Chik.
CHIK
...
TOAN
I mean it!
CHIK
And what do you think, Lena?
Lena decides to choose her words carefully, despite thinking they taste like Saddam's rotten ass.
SELENA
Well, I finally got some croissants. I'm happy about that.
SELENA
(under her breath)
I think.
CHIK
Well, thanks guys.
TOAN
So, did you both manage to sleep well, despite not having the fish holding you all night long?
CHIK
Who needs you when I can just sleep with lemon over there?
TOAN/SELENA
...
CHIK
...Kidding, of course.
SELENA
I'd hope so.
CHIK
You'd like it too much, pervert.
SELENA
Whatever you say, lemon.
Toan chokes on one of the croissants after biting into a raw patch.
SELENA
You all right, fish?
TOAN
(hack, wheeze)
I-I'm fine.
CHIK
Well... um... I think I'm going to go take a shower.
Chikara runs upstairs, trying to hide her embarrassed look from the other two. She heads up to the shower, leaving Toan and Selena to clean up the kitchen after her.
Selena and Toan begin to clear the dishes and wipe down the table. Chik finishes her shower and heads into the study, where she grabs a book on cooking and begins to read in hopes of brushing up on her skills.
After cleaning, Toan and Lena head upstairs to find Chik after hearing the shower shut off, and they head into the study.
TOAN
What ya up to, hobbit?
CHIK
Um...
Chik hides the book at first, or at least the spine of it.
CHIK
Just doing some reading!
SELENA
On what?
CHIK
Shut up, that's what.
TOAN
Hey, you know... I've always wanted to try painting. You think I'd be any good at it?
CHIK
Never know until you try, eh?
Toan takes out a canvas and starts to slap paint onto it as Chik resumes reading. Selena eyes the piano, but decides to start a fire up first. She puts some logs into the fireplace and lights it up, and soon there is a roaring fire in the study. She walks over the piano and starts to play.
TOAN
When you'd learn to play that?
SELENA
I... Well, you know, I don't really know. I never tried before. Isn't that a little strange?
TOAN
Maybe you've got raw, natural talent.
CHIK
Or maybe she's been taking lessons during the times she's sleepwalked.
SELENA
Listen, bitch, I don't sleepwalk!
TOAN
(suggestively winking)
And how would Chik know how you act during your sleep?
SELENA/CHIK
Shut up.
TOAN
Oooh, defensive are we? Sorry if I've touched on something I shouldn't. ...Wait, you two do that enough with each other!
CHIK
Jealous? Lena, I think he wants in on the action.
SELENA
You two knock yourselves out. Whoa… hey, Toan! That's a really nice painting. Good job, fish!
TOAN
Thanks!
Lena keeps playing tunes on the piano while Toan paints. Chik learns how to make a few new dishes. As this is going on, the housekeeper Lena called shows up and enters the front door without a moment's hesitation.
Midday
HOUSEKEEPER GUY
Oh my go~osh! What a pig sty! Who lives here, like, three overweight slobs?
He goes to work on cleaning up the house while the housemates stay upstairs and practice/read/paint. He leaves the bill on the counter after he finishes his work.
HOUSEKEEPER
Tch, what nasty kids. They better leave me a tip.
He leaves, putting his hands on his hips.
As the housemates continue on with conversation and art, the fire begins to die down. It starts to spark, and as the sparks fly into the air, one little spark lands on the carpet. It begins to smoke and soon enough... WHOOSH! The carpet is up in flames.
TOAN
OMFG.
SELENA
OMFG.
CHIK
...what's the m — OMFG.
The fire alarm goes off, and they stand there panicking and screaming. Due to the small size of the town, it doesn't take long for fire crews to arrive in order to help out. A fireman runs towards the house and towards the flaming study, but comes to a halt. Chik is standing in front of the door. The fireman cannot pass.
CHIK
What do we do? What do we do?!
TOAN/SELENA
MOVE!
CHIK
Eh?
She looks behind her and laughs nervously.
CHIK
...oh!
She steps to the side and the fireman enters. He puts out the fire, and then takes his leave. With the fire crews leaving, the housemates are left there – sweating, exhausted and smelly.
TOAN
I really haveta pee.
Toan rushes off to use the bathroom, if he hadn't gone already thanks to shock. He runs out of the study. Smelling under his pits, he then decides to take a shower.
Chik and Lena head back downstairs to settle down. There, they take a look at the clock and decide that they should make something to eat for lunch. Lena decides it is best if SHE makes the food this time.
The girls eat silently, both a little shaken, and Toan returns from his shower to help clear the table of food. The house is awkwardly silent.
SELENA
I... think I'm gonna go take a bath. Maybe that'll help relax me.
She leaves, and the other two continue eating.
TOAN
Well, that was exciting, huh?
CHIK
Wha?
TOAN
Fire. Burn. No more carpet.
CHIK
Yeaaah, that was real exciting. Fireworks are suppose to explode. Not my house.
TOAN
Well, we can always get a new rug. No real harm done except for some smoke damage. Damn, my painting is probably ruined now.
CHIK
Just means you can practice more to make a new one then, eh?
TOAN
Yeah, I guess so.
CHIK
Lovely day. First I burn the breakfast, then Lena burns the study. What are YOU gonna light on fire?
TOAN
Hey, hey, hey! Those things weren't anybody's fault! And back on subject – both of your girls' loins.
CHIK
(joking)
Oh, get over yourself, playboy fish!
TOAN
It's hard to resist, I know.
CHIK
You know, a bath sounds like a good idea. Will you clean up for me?
TOAN
Sure thin—waaait a minute! You're gonna go take a bath with Lena?!
CHIK
I wanna get clean, not dirty.
TOAN
Aw, come on.
CHIK
(rolling eyes)
See ya, fish.
Chik retires to the other bathroom and starts to take her own bubble bath. Toan cleans up the kitchen and then heads back up to the study to assess the damage.
TOAN
Damn. My painting's totally ruined!
He rips off the scorched painting and starts up another one.
Upstairs, Lena finally finishes up her bath and decides to relax in front of the TV in her room. After a time, however, she bores of that. Looking at the nearby punching bag, she thinks that training would be a good idea. She heads down to the study.
SELENA
Fish, you in here?
TOAN
Yup! Wassup, Lena?
SELENA
You wanna help me get in some kickboxing time, Mr. TKD?
TOAN
Sure thing! Just lemme finish this, aaand, done! Okay. We can go now.
SELENA
Damn. Another good painting. You never told me you had mad skillz, fish.
TOAN
(blushes)
Naaaw.
SELENA
Don’t be so modest all the time. Now come on. I need to punch something. If you don’t want that thing to be you, you’ll come help me train.
TOAN
Right! Let’s go!
Selena and Toan head up to the punching bag and Toan holds the bag for Lena while she kicks the shit out of it. This continues for up to an hour before Chik finally gets out from her very long bath. She dresses and heads over to watch the pair for a while.
CHIK
Can I try?
SELENA
No.
CHIK
Bitch.
SELENA
Whore.
CHIK
Slut!
TOAN
Ladies, ladies, relax! There’s plenty of time for Chik training to. You can share fish, if you both try hard enough. I know, it’s tempting to keep him all to yourself.
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