The Young and the Breastless
The Nadir Experiment
Season 4, Episode 1
Scene opens up to a shot of a black sports car pulling up to a nicely decorated house in an arid desert land. Inside are three people, and former residents of LA! The car pulls up to the house and comes to a halt. One by one, CHIK, SELENA, and TOAN, step out of the car and approach their new home.
TOAN
Whoa! Check this place out, guys! Sweet!
SELENA
Eh, it’s okay. I guess.
CHIK
Well, it better be nice! I didn’t come all the way out here for an experiment just to live in a run down old shack.
SELENA
(withdraws a note card from her pocket)
Well, it says here that all our food, housing, and other supplies will be paid for in full. No charge to us. We can get whatever we want.
Toan runs inside the house.
TOAN
What are you two waiting for? C’moooon!
Chik and Lena then head inside and all three immediately begin looking around their home. It is well furnished indeed! In the house is a Disco Room, above that lies the living room and lounge areas, and on the third floor is a bedroom for each of the guests.
They all make their way to the patio outside, where they examine the back yard.
TOAN
This place is frickin’ sweet, huh!? You guys see all the stuff in there! Holy shit on a stick.
CHIK
Yup. Waaaait a minute, what’s with those ugly as sin lights out here?
SELENA
Okay, so our proprietors didn’t exactly have good taste.
TOAN
Fine, fine, the lights suck. But whatever. What do we do now?
CHIK
(shrugs)
Well, I wanna go explore the inside of the house a bit more!
She runs off inside, where she goes up to inspect the punching bag and telescope in the house. Toan and Selena are left outside, where they are still looking at the surroundings. Selena goes off to the corner of the backyard, and Toan follows.
TOAN
So, whatcha think, babe?
SELENA
It’s nice, I guess.
TOAN
(hugs Selena)
Oh, come on! Liven up a little! We’re on a paid vacation with everything we could possibly want!
SELENA
Okay, good point. Do you think I’ll be allowed to buy any kinds of explosives while we’re out here? This town just looks like it’s dying for a few craters to be added to the location.
TOAN
(hugs again)
Hey, whatever you can get away with, right?
SELENA
Right!
Chik, upstairs, moves on from the telescope to play pinball. She curses and hits it repeatedly.
CHIK
Stupid pinball, start being cooperative or I’ll kick you in the nuts, you little pussbag!
She looks around.
CHIK
The hell? Those two aren’t inside yet? Hey, guys? Where’d you go?
Back outside, Toan and Selena continue to talk.
SELENA
Yeah, the place is nice. But this whole situation is somewhat peculiar. Don’t you find it odd that we’re here? Being monitored?
TOAN
The camera loves me, baby! What can I say? Gotta give the viewers at home something interesting to watch!
SELENA
Yeah, you’re interesting to watch. Like paint drying.
TOAN
Psh, you know you wish you could be the fish. ‘Cause he’s awesome! Am I right?!
SELENA
(rolls eyes)
TOAN
(reaches over and tickles Selena)
Come on! You know it’s true!
SELENA
(laughing)
Hey! Quit i- ahah! Stop that, fish! No tickles! Gaaah!
TOAN
(laughing)
There, if that’s what it takes you to get you to smile, I’ll just do that every five minutes.
SELENA
Whatever, fish! You explore out here if you want. I’m gonna check out the insides and maybe see if the hobbit hasn’t destroyed something by now.
Selena walks away, and Toan watches her with a look of admiration as she heads inside.
Selena enters the Disco Room on the first floor and Chik hears her enter the house. Lena starts to head upstairs to find Chik, but becomes immediately distracted by the GIANT television in the Disco Room.
SELENA
Oh, sweet mother of Jesus, thank you.
Lena turns on the television and falls down on the sofa. She begins to watch TV. Chik heads down to the Disco Room, where she finds Selena.
CHIK
(takes a seat next to Lena)
(takes a seat next to Lena)
There you are. You and Toan have a nice talk?
SELENA
(glued to the TV)
Uh huh. Talk. Yes. Talk nice.
Chik sighs and turns to watch the television for a while. Then, she thinks up a dirty joke in her head, and waits for Selena to lose interest in the show in order to tell it. Perhaps when a commercial came on. But, alas, it seemed that Lena was hooked.
Chik then examines Lena, and nearly laughs at how vapid and lost Lena currently looks as she focuses on that stupid TV. As a commercial comes on, Lena finally looks away and turns back to Chik.
SELENA
Sorry, you were saying?
CHIK
(laughs)
Not a thing, Lena. Not a thing.
SELENA
Oh.
Laughing again, Chik then moves forward to embrace Lena as the show once again comes on, and the two watch TV together.
Through the curtains, a creepy old hag pokes her head up and stares at the two girls. This woman is holding an ORB.
MYSTERY WOMAN
Ehehehe…
The woman then vanishes again, leaving the two lemons alone.
Toan, however, decides to go bowling at the built in alley for a while as the other two roommates watch TV. He curses his luck as he misses picking up a spare, and then, a strange sound fills his ears. Something slightly off key and disturbing. Someone has turned up music inside.
Ducking his head in the Disco Room, Toan nearly gasps in fright. Selena… was using a karaoke machine! She is singing and dancing to an all too infamous beat, with a glass of alcohol in her hand. ONOES!
SELENA
(singing)
Hoo-hoo-hooooo, yeah! I’m just a love machine, and I won’t work for nobody but you!
CHIK
(at the bar, fixing drinks)
That’s right, Lenabot, you’re a love machine!
Toan decides that looking in on this might burn his retinas, so he goes upstairs to fix himself a TV lunch. Those girls were getting a little creepy.
SELENA
(still singing, occasionally slapping her ass)
I’m just a looove machine! A huggin’-kissin’ fiend!
CHIK
(bringing over more drinks)
Man, I never knew you were that into karaoke.
