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[DarkJuno]

Intro

Non-Cheesy, 50's Style Announcer: With DarkJuno......Millenia......Mai Shiranui......Foyusa......and Freaky Psychic Bird......this is, the Non-Roving Reporter.

News Desk

DJ: Hello, and welcome to another edition of NRR! Once again, I'm your Dixie Bustin' host, DJ, and like always, I'm joined here by my lovely news partner...
Millenia: ...Millenia! Wow, I gotta say, I'm a little surprised that we're on time this week!
DJ: What're you talking about? We're always on time! -cough-
Millenia: Bah. Anyway, of course, over there are DJ's drinking buddies-
DJ: ...named so because they're my buddies who drink...

Letters Desk

Foyusa: Foyusa! Along with...
FPB: F! P! B! This week, with a letter, but later on in the show!
DJ: Indeed, so let's just get on down to buisness!
Millenia: Showtime!

News mode, small musical flourish

DJ: First up tonight, there's trouble in Gaia, as MogNET has gone on strike, citing low wages, long hours, and lack of appreciation and benefits as their reasons. This has caused shockwaves of trouble across the planet, as local news agencies report massive delays in shipping, in both private and public ventures. Other delivery and parcel services are scrambling to cope, but it will take quite some time for that to occur. While MogNET isn't nearly as large as multi-world organizations like Air-Pidgeot and the Chocobo Express, the hold they have on Gaia is something only other companies can dream of. Last holiday season, ittook up nearly 90% of all shipping and packaging on the world, so yes, this is ineed being felt by the entire planet. Queen Garnet til Alexandros XVII has almost threatened them to get on their feet, but it has fallen ond eaf ears. ow this will affect the rest of the world(s) is currently unknown.

Millenia: The ultra liberal, radical environmental group, the Green Gaians, are at it again, as this week the Cape Claw's Secret Headquarters on Sauria was marched on and protested in front of.....again. This time around, however, there were no fronts of peace made, as the building was outright attacked and vandalized. While luckily, officers - including several S.T.A.R.S. contingents brought in from other worlds in a show of quick response - were able to quell the violent outbreak before the rioting group could break into the building itself, the precisely manicured and landscaped gardens, as well as the outside walls and windows, were badly damaged and ruined from this heinous, violent show of opinion. Rather obscene, derrogatory graffitti ahs been scrawled on the walls, and windows are all shattered as they attempted to storm the building. Unforunately, there were 6 deaths involved and about 2 dozen major injuries, as for some bizzare reason, these were far more fanatical Green Gaians then usual, stopping at nothing to get to their target. It's a surprise that more weren't killed or injured, in fact. More on this as it develops.
DJ: Geez, I'm really weirded out now by how Aeris is leading her new little friends along....
Millenia: Yeah. She was always a little off, but this is just crazy....

DJ: Anyway, in sports news, the Balamb Chocobos defeated the SimCity University Alpacas in a close, nail biting OT victory in the Deling City Stadium this week. This means the Chocobos advance to the College Basketball Worlds' Championship game next week at Indigo Plateau, where they will face off against the winner of the upcoming Station Square/Midgar game for the Title. This is the first time the Chocobos have ever made it to the play offs, much less the finals, so there is indeed a lot of rejoicing going on in the small town of Balamb, and of course, in Garden itself.

Millenia: Finally tonight, after a blindsided, vicious assault during the Station Square Thanksgiving day parade, Tina Armstrong has formally called out Rowdy Reiko and Sgt. Clements of the Rumble Roses out for a proper match. She claims that if the two former faces believe they can tangle with the best female wrestler of all the leagues and federations, why not do it in a legitimate, cross-promotional match. "As far as I'm concerned, she states, "it doesn't matter to me if ya'll want to take me on one-on-one, in a triple threat, or even in a handicap match. I just want to show ya'll and everyone else, that you don't mess with the DWA, and you sure as hell don't mess with an Armstrong!" As of now, neither Reiko nor Dixie have replied, though both the Rumble Roses Council and the DWA chairman have expressed interest in allowing this interpromotional match to go on, provided they iron out the specifics and venue. We'll be back after this.



Commercial Break



Ivy is seen walking along her mansion, muttering as she tries to get from her bedroom down to the basement. However, much to her chagrin, as she passes by the ballroom of her family's portraits, Taki leaps out of nowhere. Ivy sighs, already used to this.

Taki: Ivy Valentine! I-
Iv: Let me guess - you wish to find infomation about the Soul Edge from me by any means possible?
Taki: Why...yes. How did you know?
Ivy: Trust me, it's happend often enough....
Taki: -notices big giant drop-off point at the far edge of the ballroom- Um, I hate to be nosey, but you have noticed that pit of endless doom in your ballroom, right?
Ivy: Indeed I have. It's jsut so ahrd to find a proper foundation repair company...
Random Disembodied Voice: Did you say a reliable foundation repair company?
Ivy: -looks around confused- Who said that?
Taki: -shurgs-
RDV: If you have foundation problems, call Diglett Foundation Repair, the most trusted foundation repair team in all of Kanto! For a fair price, we can tackle anyproblem whatsoever.
Ivy: Hmm, seems like a fair shake, but where can I learn more?
RDV: Easy! Just log onto...
Taki: Um, this is the 16th Century....we don't have computers.
RDV: Erm, then take these handy pamphlets!
Ivy: -Pamphlet randomly appears in Ivy's hands, as she reads- Well, this certainly is fair! i'll send for you right away!
RDV: Call us today, and we'll come and do a free estimate! That's Diglett Foundation Repair, remember it!
Taki: ....call?
Ivy: -shrug-




DJ: ...and we're back. Now it's time for everyone' favorite segment....
Millenia: <Reverb & Echo> LETTERS TO MODIFIED EXISTING POKEMON!!!</Reverb & Echo>
DJ: Take it awaaaaaaaaaaaay, Foyusa and FPB!

FPB: Thanks DJ! Today's letter comes from Meltokio, and it reads:

"Dear Foyusa & FPB,

I've got myself a little bit of a problem. You see, I've always got the hunnies comin' towards me, and frankly, no one can blame them. But there's this one girl who refuses to even just....act the part. I mean,it's kinda tickin' me off how to get under this babe's skin, so anya dvice? I've tried everything I know, and surprisingly, no good.

Chosen Looker"

FPB: Well, first of all, you obviously have got way too big of an ego, but still, you ahve two choices - either try to be a bit nicer to get her, or frankly, she's just plain not interested in you. After all, despite what you may believe, not everyone will love you, and it's not because of jealousy either.
Foyusa: ....that, or your ego is the only big part of you.
FPB: FOYUSA!
Foyusa: Oh please, you're the one dating that Pidgeot just ebcause....
FPB: o_o;;;; Hush! Back to you guys!

DJ: ......I didn't need to know that....anyway, ready Millenia?
Millenia: Of course! -clears throat-

Millenia: Cute little critter, striking and yelling,
DJ: While crazed ex-flower girl goes around rebelling.
Millenia: Chocobos fight, and Chocobos win,
DJ: Wrasslin' gals kick to go for the pin.
Millenia: Foundations break, so fix it you slacker,
DJ: Or else you'll end up needing a Mixmaster.
Millenia: Lastly a guy can't get any kicks,
DJ: It could be because of his lack of a.....okay, I'm not saying that.
Millenia: Fair enough.

DJ: Well, anyway, thanks for joining us this week,a nd remember! Within a few weeks time, our lovely Millenia, andof course Mai, will once again be hosting the Legends Alliance Awards!
Millenia: Yup! We'll be hosting from....actually, I haven't read where the venue is this time.
DJ: Clone's still working on that.
Millenia: Well, it better be somewhere good!
DJ: Ya know, you could stand to be nicer to the staffers....
Millenia: ...why?
DJ: Well.....nevermind. Anyway, for Millenia, Foyusa, and Freaky Psychic Bird, this is DarkJuno bidding you a sane and peaceful day.
All: See ya!!