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[DarkJuno]

Flashy, brand new intro with a remixed version of the old DJ: (N)RR theme song, complete with new, slightly corny video of each NRR Crew member as they're named, culminating in a single video of the entire gang joviously talking to one another around the news desk.

Non-Cheesy, 50's Style Announcer: With DarkJuno......Millenia......Foyusa......Freaky Psychic Bird......Mai Shiranui......this is The Non-Roving Reporter......

Cut to the news desk, the camera moving energetically to the seated DJ and Millenia in the newly rennovated set, though it remains the same basic layout.

DJ: Yo everybody, and welcome to another edition of NRR! Like always, I'm your Shine Get'n host DJ, and ove here's my news partner...
Millenia: ...Millenia! And over there at the side desk are the usual zany modified Pokemon...

...at the Letters' Desk...

Foyusa: Foyusa!
FPB: ...and FPB! Nice to finally be back again!
Foyusa: Eh? We've only been gone a week. <.<
FPB: Oh, right, of course. >.>
Millenia: Yeah, amazing how quickly they finished the set back here in our Clocktown studios, eh? -shifty eyes-
DJ: ......anyway, we've got a lot on tap today, including a special report from our own Mai Shiranui, so let's get going!

DJ and Millenia swivel their chairs to face the forward cameras with slight music.

Millenia: Our top story tonight, students at the University town of Sybak have risen in protest of the unfair treatment of half-elves in the wold - needless to say, this has not been a popular movement as an even larger counter-protest has come up just outside the city. Despite the large recent strives in mending the relationship between humans and half elves, including the full fledged elves themselves coming out of their isolationist philosophy, many in the world are still rather repulsed at the idea of the supposedly "inbred" half elves - a view which many at the University find outdated and ignorant. Still, with the close contact of both of these groups on the radical ends of the scale of the same subject, it is a rather tense situation, as Meltokio intends to send in more guards to prevent any eruptions in violence from either side.

DJ: In other news, the election race for Galbadian President heats up as it comes to its final month, with both UBA candidate Kuja and SS candidate Mewtwo are literally neck and neck in the race for the presidency. Apparently though, both sides have grown weary of the dirty mud slinging and general unpleasantness of the race, and are inf act speaking to one another to attempt to set up a peaceful sort of debate instead in which to express their views. Both men.....erm, both Kuja and Mewtwo are in agreement, it seems, that it should probably be done rather then all the ridiculous ads being run on televisiona nd radio right now. After all, if they are correct, Kuja has jaywalked in almost every world in G.U.N. and Mewtwo has overdue library books in 30 countries - it's all just getting a little too silly and pointless. Keep it right here on NRR for more on the development of this debate and the introduction of their respective running mates.

Millenia: In "kinda, sorta" sports news, the DWA last night was invaded by "Rowdy" Reiko and Sgt. Clements of the WWX, as the two former faces turned heels ran in and interrupted DWA Women's champion Tina Armstrong's title defense, causing a DQ finish that led to no title change or proper victory. More important, however, was the brawl that ensued afterwards, as Reiko and Clements teamed up on the already weary Tina, as you can see here.

Video plays with the subtitle "Courtesy of DWA Home Video" in the corner. Tina is about ready to put the finishing touches on her opponents when...

Announcer 1: I think Ms. Armstrong's about to do it! She's going to - wait! Wait a damn minute here, who're they!?
Announcer 2: Hey, out of the crowd! That's Rowdy Reiko and Sgt. Clements from the WWX! What are they doing here!?
Announcer 1: BAH GAWD! They've got weapons and are rushin' the ri - OH! Nasty shot to the back of Tina's skull with that kendo stick by Reiko, as the ref calls for the bell!
Announcer 2: Wait a minute, neither of these two are under DWA contract, so what're they...
Announcer 1: No! This is sick! These two harlots are completelybeating down Tina with their weapons as she's defenseless and worn out from the nearly 30 minute match she just had! Just look at these jezzebelles! Those harlots!
Announcer 2: Hey, get those security guards out here to get these...ohmy gosh! Tina's been busted wide open!
Announcer 1: Damn it! Damn it all! Now that....Clements girl is picking up the bloodied Tina Armstrong while Reiko takes the pad off the turnbuckle and - No! No! BAH GAWD! SGT. CLEMENTS JUST RAMMED TINA RIGHT INTO THE EXPOSED TURNBUCKLE!
Announcer 2: Uh-oh, I've seen enough of the WWX to know what this means....
Announcer 1: For the love of....no! Dixie Bomber! DIXIE BOMBER! This is just wrong! What? Oh no, Rowdy Reiko'on the turnbuckle now too and....NO!
Announcer 2: NO!!!! FALLEN ANGEL!
Announcer 1: DAMN IT! DAMN IT ALL! GET SECURITY OUT HERE AND GET THESE TWO HARLOTS OFF THIS PROPERTY! THEY'RE NOT CONTRACTED TO THE DWA!!!


Millenia: ....that's enough of that. Anyway, Tina is recovering and has yet to release a statememnt regarding this attack. The DWA will also rectify the title situation within the week as the WWX has kept quiet.
DJ: ....uh, you of course know that it's all staged right?
Millnia: Well, duh.

DJ: ....erm, well, finally tonight, a team of archaeologists has set forth with a grant from the University of Midgar to explore and unearth the legendary Tomb of Vercci, the Italian Merchant from the 16th Century who was said to have amassed a massive fortune in his lifetime, and is buried with it in what is known as "The Money Pit." Now, the Money Pit is also well known in legends, as supposedly, any who dares to even set foot into it, even by accident, will suffer a horrible death from its secret guardian, who solemnly keeps watch over it by his dead master's side. Lara Croft says:

Lara: While I'm cetainly not one to doubt in the existance of mystical beings and supernatural phenomena, even if this so called protector existed, he should be long dead by now. Still, I suppose one shouldn't be too careful...

DJ: On the other hand, noted ruins expert Raine Sage warns that none of this expedition should take this threat lightly, as there have been documented reports from across the globe of this being violently attacking anyone who gets in its or its master's way. Still, the group is out to search for it in the Mediterranean Sea, hoping to find it and all its artifacts intact. We'll be back right after this...


Commercials


Rikku: -pops up from below screen and grins- Hey everyone! Do you have a job that needs to be done? A body that needs guarding? A mission to be carried out? Well! - Then you need us!

Y.R.P. Hit Squad flashes on the screen, as Rikku walks along a nice park, over tow here Yuna and Paine are happily standing by a playground. Well, Yuna is anyway, Paine looks rather miffed and agitated by this debacle.

Rikku: Now, you know Yunnie here as the former Grand Summoner of Spira, and with me, we're also the super-duper star duo singing group, Yu.Ri.!
Yuna: -rather badly and woodenly- Yes, but in our off-time, we and our good friend Paine here -rather scriptedly punches Paine in the shoulder lightly- revisit our old Gullwing days and help out as a pay-for-work service.
Rikku: -glances at Yuna's bad script reading and shrugs it off- Yes, and if you have any doubts to our services, justremember - we're the first group and/or faction that the very mayor of the City of Clocktown, the honorable Cremia,uses when there's a problem at hand!
Paine: ......
Rikku: -elbows Paine and not-so-quietly hispers through gritted, grinning teeth- Paine, your lines?
Paine: -boredly- ......with recommendations like this, who wouldn't hire us....?

A copy of Terminian Quarterly flashes up on the scrren,complete with a quote from Mayor Cremia: "Eh, they're all right..."

Rikku: So! Drop on by the HQ on the North Clocktown Waterfront, just down the street from the BBQ restauraunt, or give us a call at 555-YRPH! That's 555 - YRPH! The Y.R.P. Hit Squad, where no job is too small--

-sits up on short brick fence and places arms around a happy Yuna and a disturbed Paine-

Rikku: --but some payments can be!



Millenia: ....hmmm. Anyway, hey Deej...
DJ: Oh for the love of - I swear I'll pummel whomever started that!
Millenia: ah. Well, anyway, now it's time to check in with Mai Shiranui, and her very special interview!
DJ: Indeed. Hey Mai, how is it over there?

The giant screen behind the news desk springs to life, as a rather....sheepsih Mai appears, dressed in her usual immodest glory.

Mai: Ah...Konnichiwa DJ-chan, Milly-chan! Everything is...mostly okay today.
DJ: That's great then! So - how about that special interview you told us you had?
Mai: Um...about that DJ-chan...
Millenia: ...what? Did you not get it...?
Mai: -big cute eyes as she breaks out in tears- I'm sorry! I tried, I really tried, but that stupid little green guy wouldn't let me!!!
Millenia: Uh...wha?
DJ: Mai....are you feeling okay?
Mai: No, I failed to bring in the interview like I promised. Stupid shorty!
Millenia -whispering to DJ- I think she might be under some stress...
DJ: Er....Mai, it's all right, I know you really did try and all, I believe you.
Mai: -sniff- Really?
DJ: Yes, really. I appreciate all you've done for the show. Even Millenia does, right?
Millenia: Uh, yeah, I do!
Mai:Awwww...-sniff- Thanks a lot! I promise though - I WILL get that interview, stupid pointy eared thingy or not!!
DJ: ...of course. Well, Mai Shiranui everyone!
Millenia: With that, we end our first show back after a -cough- week?
DJ: Pretty much.
Foyusa: Hey, wait a minute!
FPB: What about our segment?
Millenia: Well, sorry guys, but no letters came this week!
DJ: Maybe ya'll ought to tell everyone what they need to do again?
FPB: Eh, why not?
Foyusa: Sure - if anyone has any problems out there, take your fancy pseudonym hidden videogame character ass to the mailbox and write to us here, and address -oughpmdjcough- it to:

Letters to Modified Existing Pokemon
c/o The Non-Roving Reporter
6334 Saffron Way
Clocktown, Termina 82757
Dimension NTNDO

FPB: Send us your mail -coughpmdjcough- and if it's good enough, we'llr ead it aloud and answer you on the air!
DJ: ...and with that, that's...that.
Millenia: Yup!
DJ: So! For Millenia, Foyusa, Freaky Psychic Bird, and Mai SHiranui, I'm DarkJuno, bidding you all a sane and pleasant day!
All: See Ya!!!

Outro music plays as lights dim, leaving the shadows of the crew interacting as the credits roll, before fade out...