PART I
Name: Taer Noitem
Race: Human
Gender: Male
Age: 227
Height: 5'9"
Weight: 165 pnds
Hair Color/Style: Black and shoulder length long, shaggy
Eye Color: Brown with yellow flecks
Build: Lean, Left Handed
Origin: Rome
PART II
Strengths & Abilities: Has the ability to turn to a Werewolf (no not inspired by Twilight Princess, although it did inspire me to become a black wolf) Although not a will, tranformation to Werewolf will occur under three circumstances: A full moon (3-4 nights a month) with little control over body, when very close to death in which will have full control of body, and when a woman screams his name (Loses all control). Werewolf form gives extra muscle, strong jaws and sharp teeth, sharp claws, and hightened senses.
Weaknesses: Is a werewolf (if it's a full moon and he's really mad, killing spree is a given), pure silver burns skin, the sound of woman screaming "Taer" transforms him.
PART III
Biography: Was born in Rome (has no memory of date) and became a scholar. Left for England at 25 where he met Sarah, a poor laundry maiden, who he thought was an angel from heaven. He courted her and they got married when he was 27. While walking down the streets of England he encountered a crazed man who was drunk and breathing heavily. The man crashed into him and knocked him down. The crazy man bit his shoulder saying "My essence will be spread..." and ran off.
For the next week Taer was amazingly sick and in bed the whole time, with his wife Sarah beside him the whole time. On the night of the full moon he transformed into a werewolf, and advanced on Sarah. All she could say was his own name. He hated the chanting of that name... the screaming of the name... he had to destroy the name Taer. And iwith that he killed Sarah by opening her throat and letting her bleed. He went into the night, killing 3 more people, a man and 2 women. When he awoke he was in an alley and it was raining. All he remember was his wife screaming his name. It took him 3 days to remember what he had done. In shame he exiled himself from the world and hid in forests and sewers, learning to use the bow to hunt and the sword to kill hunters. As weeks melted into months, months into years, and years to decades, he became stronger, learned how to slightly control his werewolf form on full moon nights and that when severly injured he could transform and flee his accident.
Eventually he lost track of all time, and decided to go out to the world. That's where the story begins.
Taer
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Sol Knight
, Jun 13 2005 01:28 AM
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#2
DarkLink_14
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Posted 16 June 2005 - 10:07 AM
You have the very beginning of the bio. It needs to be expanded on a great deal, but its a decent start. You've basically described one incident in over two-hundred years of life, there's no way that would be approved. I'm not asking you to go year by year, but we need to know what has happened to him since his exile that will shape the story you seem to want to tell. What, after so many years, made him decide to return to society? Maybe it wasn't one thing, maybe it was a culmination of events, but decisions like returning from exile, especially after so long, have to have some trigger.
Also, you need to include some information on his upbringing. What was his situation? You need to give some background on the character so that his actions are supported by his life. Let's face it, a scholar was not a position that could be held by just anybody in the Roman Empire. An actual birthplace would help, as "Roman Empire" is simply too vague. At its furthest extent, the Roman Empire covered half the known world, including parts of England. And really, until relatively recently (past 200 years at the most), people did not move far throughout the course of their lives, odds were people would settle down less than twenty miles from their place of birth, and crossing any notable body of water, in this case, the English Channel, was even rarer.
I suggest you look over some of the previously approved submissions so you can get an idea of what we're looking for. Until then,
....Approval Pending
Also, you need to include some information on his upbringing. What was his situation? You need to give some background on the character so that his actions are supported by his life. Let's face it, a scholar was not a position that could be held by just anybody in the Roman Empire. An actual birthplace would help, as "Roman Empire" is simply too vague. At its furthest extent, the Roman Empire covered half the known world, including parts of England. And really, until relatively recently (past 200 years at the most), people did not move far throughout the course of their lives, odds were people would settle down less than twenty miles from their place of birth, and crossing any notable body of water, in this case, the English Channel, was even rarer.
I suggest you look over some of the previously approved submissions so you can get an idea of what we're looking for. Until then,
....Approval Pending
#3
Sol Knight
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Posted 18 June 2005 - 03:25 PM
Ok I'm gonna change it up then, it's gonna be really different.
PART I
Name: Taer Noitem
Race: Human
Gender: Male
Age: 1754
Height: 5'9"
Weight: 165 pnds
Hair Color/Style: Black and shoulder length long, shaggy
Eye Color: Brown with yellow flecks
Build: Lean, Left Handed
Origin: Rome
PART II
Strengths & Abilities: Has the ability to turn to a Werewolf (no not inspired by Twilight Princess, although it did inspire me to become a black wolf) Although not a will, tranformation to Werewolf will occur under three circumstances: A full moon (3-4 nights a month) with little control over body, when very close to death in which will have full control of body, and when a woman screams his name (Loses all control). Werewolf form gives extra muscle, strong jaws and sharp teeth, sharp claws, and hightened senses.
Weaknesses: Is a werewolf (if it's a full moon and he's really mad, killing spree is a given), pure silver burns skin, the sound of woman screaming "Taer" transforms him.
PART III
Biography: Was born in Rome (251 AD) and was raised in a peasant family. His father Regan worked as a bread salesman and his mother Zephi had taught Taer and his sister Trilli math and history. When Taer was 14 Regan took his son into an intense training program hoping that he could become a soldier instead of a merchant. when Taer was 16 his father was murdered after a couple of men stole a basket of bread and he chased them down, but in the alley he followed them in he was stabbed to death. A year later Taer went away to a local Gladiator arena to be trained to fight better, but only signed up for 2 years. He went back home for a year and sold bread to help his family. He was later taken into service of the Roman Empire when he was 19 under the rule of Emporer Aurelian. At 21 he had become very strong and a holy agent (a secret society defending the emporer of Rome) and was sent as an assassin to Palmyra, an oasis city used as a trading route between China, Persia, and Rome, to kill the Empress of Palmyra, Zenobia as Rome thought that the Empire of Palmyra was growing too strong with her under rule. While in the hotel he met a beautiful hand maiden named Sarah. While on mission (amazingly for 2 years, putting off the assassaniation so he could be with Sarah, telling the Empire that he was close to finding a weak point in the gaurd of the Zenobia) he married Sarah and with his Empire paying him lived in Palmyra. While walking the streets one day he was met by a crazed Persian trader who had glowing eyes and fanged teeth. As Taer was soon backing away the Persian chased him down, tackled him, and bit him in the neck, but to Taer's luck a couple of soldiers caught the Persian before Taer could've been killed.
For the next week Taer was amazingly sick and in bed the whole time, with his wife Sarah beside him the whole time. On the night of the full moon he transformed into a werewolf, and advanced on Sarah. All she could say was his own name. He hated the chanting of that name... the screaming of the name... he had to destroy the name Taer. And with that he killed Sarah by opening her throat and letting her bleed. He went into the night, killing 3 more people, a man and 2 women. When he awoke he was in an alley and it was raining. All he remember was his wife screaming his name. It took him 3 days to remember what he had done. In shame he exiled himself from the world and hid in forests and sewers, and used the bow to hunt and the sword to kill hunters. After travelling randomly for years he eventually found an old cabin in a forest in what he thought was Europe. He went to the nearest city called England. After stealing some books for entertainment and a couple maps to find out where he was he went back to his small cabin. As weeks melted into months, months into years, and years to decades, he became stronger, learned how to slightly control his werewolf form on full moon nights and that when severly injured he could transform and flee his accident.
As Taer was one of the first werewolves of the Christian age, hunting of them was very rare, but in the newer age Werewolf hunting had become more... "Popular" and he had noticed more people coming into the forest (He had no doubt in his mind that people in town made small myths about him) so he had to get out, he took what he had for belongings and went into town and bought a small house. Since he had more control of his Werewolf form he could easily live in peace in town, but had to move to different cities and villages every once in a while so that no one would be suspicious of his long life. He lived in England for many years, moving back and forth every 17-20 years to a new settlement (He found that he was at the same place about 50 times) until present time.
PART I
Name: Taer Noitem
Race: Human
Gender: Male
Age: 1754
Height: 5'9"
Weight: 165 pnds
Hair Color/Style: Black and shoulder length long, shaggy
Eye Color: Brown with yellow flecks
Build: Lean, Left Handed
Origin: Rome
PART II
Strengths & Abilities: Has the ability to turn to a Werewolf (no not inspired by Twilight Princess, although it did inspire me to become a black wolf) Although not a will, tranformation to Werewolf will occur under three circumstances: A full moon (3-4 nights a month) with little control over body, when very close to death in which will have full control of body, and when a woman screams his name (Loses all control). Werewolf form gives extra muscle, strong jaws and sharp teeth, sharp claws, and hightened senses.
Weaknesses: Is a werewolf (if it's a full moon and he's really mad, killing spree is a given), pure silver burns skin, the sound of woman screaming "Taer" transforms him.
PART III
Biography: Was born in Rome (251 AD) and was raised in a peasant family. His father Regan worked as a bread salesman and his mother Zephi had taught Taer and his sister Trilli math and history. When Taer was 14 Regan took his son into an intense training program hoping that he could become a soldier instead of a merchant. when Taer was 16 his father was murdered after a couple of men stole a basket of bread and he chased them down, but in the alley he followed them in he was stabbed to death. A year later Taer went away to a local Gladiator arena to be trained to fight better, but only signed up for 2 years. He went back home for a year and sold bread to help his family. He was later taken into service of the Roman Empire when he was 19 under the rule of Emporer Aurelian. At 21 he had become very strong and a holy agent (a secret society defending the emporer of Rome) and was sent as an assassin to Palmyra, an oasis city used as a trading route between China, Persia, and Rome, to kill the Empress of Palmyra, Zenobia as Rome thought that the Empire of Palmyra was growing too strong with her under rule. While in the hotel he met a beautiful hand maiden named Sarah. While on mission (amazingly for 2 years, putting off the assassaniation so he could be with Sarah, telling the Empire that he was close to finding a weak point in the gaurd of the Zenobia) he married Sarah and with his Empire paying him lived in Palmyra. While walking the streets one day he was met by a crazed Persian trader who had glowing eyes and fanged teeth. As Taer was soon backing away the Persian chased him down, tackled him, and bit him in the neck, but to Taer's luck a couple of soldiers caught the Persian before Taer could've been killed.
For the next week Taer was amazingly sick and in bed the whole time, with his wife Sarah beside him the whole time. On the night of the full moon he transformed into a werewolf, and advanced on Sarah. All she could say was his own name. He hated the chanting of that name... the screaming of the name... he had to destroy the name Taer. And with that he killed Sarah by opening her throat and letting her bleed. He went into the night, killing 3 more people, a man and 2 women. When he awoke he was in an alley and it was raining. All he remember was his wife screaming his name. It took him 3 days to remember what he had done. In shame he exiled himself from the world and hid in forests and sewers, and used the bow to hunt and the sword to kill hunters. After travelling randomly for years he eventually found an old cabin in a forest in what he thought was Europe. He went to the nearest city called England. After stealing some books for entertainment and a couple maps to find out where he was he went back to his small cabin. As weeks melted into months, months into years, and years to decades, he became stronger, learned how to slightly control his werewolf form on full moon nights and that when severly injured he could transform and flee his accident.
As Taer was one of the first werewolves of the Christian age, hunting of them was very rare, but in the newer age Werewolf hunting had become more... "Popular" and he had noticed more people coming into the forest (He had no doubt in his mind that people in town made small myths about him) so he had to get out, he took what he had for belongings and went into town and bought a small house. Since he had more control of his Werewolf form he could easily live in peace in town, but had to move to different cities and villages every once in a while so that no one would be suspicious of his long life. He lived in England for many years, moving back and forth every 17-20 years to a new settlement (He found that he was at the same place about 50 times) until present time.
#4
DarkLink_14
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Posted 20 June 2005 - 06:28 PM
ok, much better.
Now what you have to do is carve your character's personality a little deeper. You have a good skeleton to build on, now you have to flesh out the character's personality through his relationships. Talk about his relationships with his parents and his sister (who was only scarcely mentioned), as well as his own feelings and impressions on his own life. Why did he choose the Gladiator arena? Was it simply for money? Fame? Did he go willingly into the Empire's service? Did he want to? Did he feel he had to? Things like that help give an extra dimension to your characters and give them personality. If it sounds hard, don't be daunted. If you have the character formulated in your mind, many times it writes the bio itself. It helps not to think of it as a character you're building, but as a character you created that has been allowed to grow on develop on its own.
if you have any specific questions, you can PM them to me. The bio is almost there, but until then
...Approval Pending
Now what you have to do is carve your character's personality a little deeper. You have a good skeleton to build on, now you have to flesh out the character's personality through his relationships. Talk about his relationships with his parents and his sister (who was only scarcely mentioned), as well as his own feelings and impressions on his own life. Why did he choose the Gladiator arena? Was it simply for money? Fame? Did he go willingly into the Empire's service? Did he want to? Did he feel he had to? Things like that help give an extra dimension to your characters and give them personality. If it sounds hard, don't be daunted. If you have the character formulated in your mind, many times it writes the bio itself. It helps not to think of it as a character you're building, but as a character you created that has been allowed to grow on develop on its own.
if you have any specific questions, you can PM them to me. The bio is almost there, but until then
...Approval Pending
#5
Sol Knight
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Posted 20 June 2005 - 09:44 PM
Ok hopefully this will be my last post. I'm also gonna give him a special weapon while I'm at it. I hope this is good enough...
PART I
Name: Taer Noitem
Race: Human
Gender: Male
Age: 1754
Height: 5'9"
Weight: 165 pnds
Hair Color/Style: Black and shoulder length long, shaggy
Eye Color: Brown with yellow flecks
Build: Lean, Left Handed
Origin: Rome
PART II
Strengths & Abilities: Has the ability to turn to a Werewolf (no not inspired by Twilight Princess, although it did inspire me to become a black wolf) Although not a will, tranformation to Werewolf will occur under three circumstances: A full moon (3-4 nights a month) with little control over body, when very close to death in which will have full control of body, and when a woman screams his name (Loses all control). Werewolf form gives extra muscle, strong jaws and sharp teeth, sharp claws, and hightened senses.
Weaknesses: Is a werewolf (if it's a full moon and he's really mad, killing spree is a given), pure silver burns skin, the sound of woman screaming "Taer" transforms him.
PART III
Biography: Was born in Rome (251 AD) and was raised in a peasant family. His father Regan worked as a bread salesman and his mother Zephi had taught Taer and his sister Trilli math and history. Zephi was a harsh punisher for wrongs but did it in a loving manner, which Taer was grateful for. Trilli was 3 years younger than Taer and was annoying as a horsefly (She's burnt her fair share of bread) and Taer was always fixing her problems. When Taer was 14 Regan took his son into an intense training program hoping that he could become a soldier instead of a merchant which tired him heavily everyday but was well worth it later on in his life. When Taer was 16 his father was murdered after a couple of men stole a basket of bread and he chased them down, but in the alley he followed them in he was stabbed to death. Taer vowed to avenge his father in a sense of justice. A year later Taer went away to a local Gladiator arena to be trained to fight better and get more money for the family, but only signed up for 2 years. He went back home for a year and sold bread to help his family even more. He was later taken into service of the Roman Empire when he was 19 under the rule of Emporer Aurelian so that he could hunt for criminals in the name of justice. At 21 he had become very strong and a holy agent (a secret society defending the emporer of Rome) which his 'greatest achievement' and his mother said that his father would be proud. At this time Taer was sent as an assassin to Palmyra, an oasis city used as a trading route between China, Persia, and Rome, to kill the Empress of Palmyra, Zenobia as Rome thought that the Empire of Palmyra was growing too strong with her under rule. This made Taer feel uncomfortable as he was to protect the Emporer Aurelian, not kill for him but he did so without whine as it was his duty. While in the hotel he met a beautiful hand maiden named Sarah who was an amazing beauty, with black long hair and intense blue eyes. While on mission (amazingly for 2 years, putting off the assassaniation so he could be with Sarah, telling the Empire that he was close to finding a weak point in the gaurd of the Zenobia) he happily married Sarah and with his Empire paying him lived in Palmyra. He continued to live with his loving and lovely wife for 6 months. But one day while walking the streets one day he was met by a crazed Persian trader who had glowing eyes and fanged teeth. As Taer was soon backing away the Persian chased him down, tackled him, and bit him in the neck, but to Taer's luck a couple of soldiers caught the Persian before Taer could've been killed.
For the next week Taer was amazingly sick and in bed the whole time, with his wife Sarah beside him the whole time. On the night of the full moon he transformed into a werewolf, and advanced on Sarah. All she could say was his own name. He hated the chanting of that name... the screaming of the name... he had to destroy the name Taer. And with that he killed Sarah by opening her throat and letting her bleed. He went into the night, killing 3 more people, a man and 2 women. When he awoke he was in an alley and it was raining. All he remember was his wife screaming his name. It took him 3 days to remember what he had done. In shame he exiled himself from the world and hid in forests and sewers, and used the bow to hunt and the sword to kill hunters. After travelling randomly for years he eventually found an old cabin in a forest in what he thought was Europe. He went to the nearest city called England. After stealing some books for entertainment and a couple maps to find out where he was he went back to his small cabin. As weeks melted into months, months into years, and years to decades, he became stronger, learned how to slightly control his werewolf form on full moon nights and that when severly injured he could transform and flee his accident.
As Taer was one of the first werewolves of the Christian age, hunting of them was very rare, but in the newer age Werewolf hunting had become more... "Popular" and he had noticed more people coming into the forest (He had no doubt in his mind that people in town made small myths about him) so he had to get out, he took what he had for belongings and went into town and bought a small house. Since he had more control of his Werewolf form he could easily live in peace in town, but had to move to different cities and villages every once in a while so that no one would be suspicious of his long life. While travelling he came across a town named Salisbary. An old man who seemed to be blind to him to head north to seek his strength. He came across a strange arrangement of rocks with a awkward object in the middle. As he came closer it seemed that it was the handle of a sword. He pulled it out of the ground and studied it closely. the blade looked silver but when he touched it it didn't burn his skin at all (he guess it was possibly platinum) and the hilt was made of a very dark metal the made a V shape towards the tip of the blade and the handle was wired with gold wire. On the blade it said Lunaspada and it glowed magnificantly.
He lived in England for many years, moving back and forth every 17-20 years to a new settlement (He found that he was at the same place about 50 times) until present time.
PART I
Name: Taer Noitem
Race: Human
Gender: Male
Age: 1754
Height: 5'9"
Weight: 165 pnds
Hair Color/Style: Black and shoulder length long, shaggy
Eye Color: Brown with yellow flecks
Build: Lean, Left Handed
Origin: Rome
PART II
Strengths & Abilities: Has the ability to turn to a Werewolf (no not inspired by Twilight Princess, although it did inspire me to become a black wolf) Although not a will, tranformation to Werewolf will occur under three circumstances: A full moon (3-4 nights a month) with little control over body, when very close to death in which will have full control of body, and when a woman screams his name (Loses all control). Werewolf form gives extra muscle, strong jaws and sharp teeth, sharp claws, and hightened senses.
Weaknesses: Is a werewolf (if it's a full moon and he's really mad, killing spree is a given), pure silver burns skin, the sound of woman screaming "Taer" transforms him.
PART III
Biography: Was born in Rome (251 AD) and was raised in a peasant family. His father Regan worked as a bread salesman and his mother Zephi had taught Taer and his sister Trilli math and history. Zephi was a harsh punisher for wrongs but did it in a loving manner, which Taer was grateful for. Trilli was 3 years younger than Taer and was annoying as a horsefly (She's burnt her fair share of bread) and Taer was always fixing her problems. When Taer was 14 Regan took his son into an intense training program hoping that he could become a soldier instead of a merchant which tired him heavily everyday but was well worth it later on in his life. When Taer was 16 his father was murdered after a couple of men stole a basket of bread and he chased them down, but in the alley he followed them in he was stabbed to death. Taer vowed to avenge his father in a sense of justice. A year later Taer went away to a local Gladiator arena to be trained to fight better and get more money for the family, but only signed up for 2 years. He went back home for a year and sold bread to help his family even more. He was later taken into service of the Roman Empire when he was 19 under the rule of Emporer Aurelian so that he could hunt for criminals in the name of justice. At 21 he had become very strong and a holy agent (a secret society defending the emporer of Rome) which his 'greatest achievement' and his mother said that his father would be proud. At this time Taer was sent as an assassin to Palmyra, an oasis city used as a trading route between China, Persia, and Rome, to kill the Empress of Palmyra, Zenobia as Rome thought that the Empire of Palmyra was growing too strong with her under rule. This made Taer feel uncomfortable as he was to protect the Emporer Aurelian, not kill for him but he did so without whine as it was his duty. While in the hotel he met a beautiful hand maiden named Sarah who was an amazing beauty, with black long hair and intense blue eyes. While on mission (amazingly for 2 years, putting off the assassaniation so he could be with Sarah, telling the Empire that he was close to finding a weak point in the gaurd of the Zenobia) he happily married Sarah and with his Empire paying him lived in Palmyra. He continued to live with his loving and lovely wife for 6 months. But one day while walking the streets one day he was met by a crazed Persian trader who had glowing eyes and fanged teeth. As Taer was soon backing away the Persian chased him down, tackled him, and bit him in the neck, but to Taer's luck a couple of soldiers caught the Persian before Taer could've been killed.
For the next week Taer was amazingly sick and in bed the whole time, with his wife Sarah beside him the whole time. On the night of the full moon he transformed into a werewolf, and advanced on Sarah. All she could say was his own name. He hated the chanting of that name... the screaming of the name... he had to destroy the name Taer. And with that he killed Sarah by opening her throat and letting her bleed. He went into the night, killing 3 more people, a man and 2 women. When he awoke he was in an alley and it was raining. All he remember was his wife screaming his name. It took him 3 days to remember what he had done. In shame he exiled himself from the world and hid in forests and sewers, and used the bow to hunt and the sword to kill hunters. After travelling randomly for years he eventually found an old cabin in a forest in what he thought was Europe. He went to the nearest city called England. After stealing some books for entertainment and a couple maps to find out where he was he went back to his small cabin. As weeks melted into months, months into years, and years to decades, he became stronger, learned how to slightly control his werewolf form on full moon nights and that when severly injured he could transform and flee his accident.
As Taer was one of the first werewolves of the Christian age, hunting of them was very rare, but in the newer age Werewolf hunting had become more... "Popular" and he had noticed more people coming into the forest (He had no doubt in his mind that people in town made small myths about him) so he had to get out, he took what he had for belongings and went into town and bought a small house. Since he had more control of his Werewolf form he could easily live in peace in town, but had to move to different cities and villages every once in a while so that no one would be suspicious of his long life. While travelling he came across a town named Salisbary. An old man who seemed to be blind to him to head north to seek his strength. He came across a strange arrangement of rocks with a awkward object in the middle. As he came closer it seemed that it was the handle of a sword. He pulled it out of the ground and studied it closely. the blade looked silver but when he touched it it didn't burn his skin at all (he guess it was possibly platinum) and the hilt was made of a very dark metal the made a V shape towards the tip of the blade and the handle was wired with gold wire. On the blade it said Lunaspada and it glowed magnificantly.
He lived in England for many years, moving back and forth every 17-20 years to a new settlement (He found that he was at the same place about 50 times) until present time.
#6
DarkLink_14
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Scout
Posted 20 June 2005 - 11:24 PM
I'm sorry to say, but you've got two, maybe three revisions to go at your current rate, but don't get discouraged, you're getting there.
One thing about the bio that has been bothering me throughout the approval process has been the murdering of his wife. It basically used to be the whole of the submission, but now it just doesn't seem to live up to the rest of the bio. It seems almost like an afterthought when compared to the rest of the biography. So this time around, try working on that part of the bio. I suggest you throw out that paragraph and start from scratch, rewriting it in with the same quality writing that comprises the rest of the bio.
Ok, here, the first part you can get away with. The wife is scared and in disbelief and in that disbelief is constantly repeating her husband's name. The second portion can use some work. Why exactly does he hate the name? This ties back into the first comment I made. Is the werewolf him? A manifestation of a part of him? Or is it a completely different consciousness? Get my meaning?
'nuff said.
Also, something I've neglected mentioning while you got the bio up and running, the strengths and weaknesses aren't meant to be a straight listing of what hurts him and what doesn't. Weaknesses are supposed to be tied to the character's life, such as one's weak leadership, inability to follow orders, careless recklessness, etc. While the strengths and weaknesses of the werewolf form should remain listed, they're not the core of what we're looking for, so work on that as well.
Until then,
...Approval pending
One thing about the bio that has been bothering me throughout the approval process has been the murdering of his wife. It basically used to be the whole of the submission, but now it just doesn't seem to live up to the rest of the bio. It seems almost like an afterthought when compared to the rest of the biography. So this time around, try working on that part of the bio. I suggest you throw out that paragraph and start from scratch, rewriting it in with the same quality writing that comprises the rest of the bio.
I suggest you take this portion and expand on it. A good deal could be written from this sentence. I suggest you describe his transformation into a werewolf, both physically and mentally. Definitely cover his mentality before during and after the transformation. It seems like there'd be either a slipping of consciousness or a displacement of consciousness for him to lose control and attack his wife, so definitely think about that when you're writing.
On the night of the full moon he transformed into a werewolf, and advanced on Sarah
All she could say was his own name. He hated the chanting of that name... the screaming of the name... he had to destroy the name Taer.
Ok, here, the first part you can get away with. The wife is scared and in disbelief and in that disbelief is constantly repeating her husband's name. The second portion can use some work. Why exactly does he hate the name? This ties back into the first comment I made. Is the werewolf him? A manifestation of a part of him? Or is it a completely different consciousness? Get my meaning?
This sentence, as I see it, can be used to further characterize the character. Why does he go out and kill more people? Is it a different, bloodthirsty, consciousness maybe? Or a seperate consciousness that he's unable to stop?
He went into the night, killing 3 more people, a man and 2 women.
He went to the nearest city called England.
'nuff said.
Also, something I've neglected mentioning while you got the bio up and running, the strengths and weaknesses aren't meant to be a straight listing of what hurts him and what doesn't. Weaknesses are supposed to be tied to the character's life, such as one's weak leadership, inability to follow orders, careless recklessness, etc. While the strengths and weaknesses of the werewolf form should remain listed, they're not the core of what we're looking for, so work on that as well.
Until then,
...Approval pending
#7
Sol Knight
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Archer
Posted 22 June 2005 - 01:58 AM
PART I
Name: Taer Noitem
Race: Human
Gender: Male
Age: 1754
Height: 5'9"
Weight: 165 pnds
Hair Color/Style: Black and shoulder length long, shaggy
Eye Color: Brown with yellow flecks
Build: Lean, Left Handed
Origin: Rome
PART II
Strengths & Abilities: Can take orders well and knows how to handle situations that require quick thinking.
Weaknesses: Sometimes can be way too aggressive when dealing with things such as trespassers or thieves (basically small things).
PART III
Biography: Was born in Rome (251 AD) and was raised in a peasant family. His father Regan worked as a bread salesman and his mother Zephi had taught Taer and his sister Trilli math and history. Zephi was a harsh punisher for wrongs but did it in a loving manner, which Taer was grateful for. Trilli was 3 years younger than Taer and was annoying as a horsefly (She's burnt her fair share of bread) and Taer was always fixing her problems. When Taer was 14 Regan took his son into an intense training program hoping that he could become a soldier instead of a merchant which tired him heavily everyday but was well worth it later on in his life. When Taer was 16 his father was murdered after a couple of men stole a basket of bread and he chased them down, but in the alley he followed them in he was stabbed to death. Taer vowed to avenge his father in a sense of justice. A year later Taer went away to a local Gladiator arena to be trained to fight better and get more money for the family, but only signed up for 2 years. He went back home for a year and sold bread to help his family even more. He was later taken into service of the Roman Empire when he was 19 under the rule of Emporer Aurelian so that he could hunt for criminals in the name of justice. At 21 he had become very strong and a holy agent (a secret society defending the emporer of Rome) which his 'greatest achievement' and his mother said that his father would be proud. At this time Taer was sent as an assassin to Palmyra, an oasis city used as a trading route between China, Persia, and Rome, to kill the Empress of Palmyra, Zenobia as Rome thought that the Empire of Palmyra was growing too strong with her under rule. This made Taer feel uncomfortable as he was to protect the Emporer Aurelian, not kill for him but he did so without whine as it was his duty. While in the hotel he met a beautiful hand maiden named Sarah who was an amazing beauty, with black long hair and intense blue eyes. While on mission (amazingly for 2 years, putting off the assassaniation so he could be with Sarah, telling the Empire that he was close to finding a weak point in the gaurd of the Zenobia) he happily married Sarah and with his Empire paying him lived in Palmyra. He continued to live with his loving and lovely wife for 6 months. But one day while walking the streets one day he was met by a crazed Persian trader who had glowing eyes and fanged teeth. As Taer was soon backing away the Persian chased him down, tackled him, and bit him in the neck, but to Taer's luck a couple of soldiers caught the Persian before Taer could've been killed.
For the next week Taer was amazingly sick and in bed the whole time, with his wife Sarah beside him the whole time. His skin was pale and lifeless for the whole time. On the seventh night he looked out the window and saw the glowing full moon creep up over the horizon. His bones felt like they were crumbling within his body and his organs blowing up pushing his body to expand. Within his mind he felt that he was in a dark forest, lost with no memory of life. He could here sounds all around, screams and shouts. He heard a name that made him sick to his stomach. On the outside of his mind he had become a 7' black werewolf and was going insane. He was advancing on his own wife Sarah! Within his mind he started seeing all of the images, the beautiful woman who he for some reason loved very much, and wouldn't stop screaming... it was a name... she was screaming his name! Taer, he suddenly was flushed with all the memory's of his life and realised it wasn't his will to kill his own wife, but his werewolf side wasn't going to listen to his human side. Sarah kept screaming Taer's name and within the werewolf Taer was listening, and fighting the werewolf, trying to break through. His werewolf side realised to stop the human from breaking him, he had to kill the woman. So he leaped on her and slid his claws over her throat smoothly. Blood flowed from her neck and he knew she wouldn't live. Within the mind of the werewolf Taer diminished in sorrow and stopped caring about what happened.
Taer took off into the night to find food, but stumbled across a guard who was too terrified to react. The werewolf form was just as smart as the human form and realised that he had to kill any witness's, so he ran at him and snapped his jaws against the guards throat. He heard a woman scream as he was tearing the guard apart. This was yet another kill to his count. Continuing on in the night he found a young homeless girl sleeping against the wall in an alley. She seemed to be in pure shock of the sight of a wolf standing on it's hindlegs. But he didn't kill her, he simply ran out of the alley. He woke up the next morning very dusty and unclothed. I took 3 days to realise and remember what he had done on that night. In shame he exiled himself from the world and hid in forests and sewers, and used the bow to hunt and the sword to kill hunters. After travelling randomly for years he eventually found an old cabin in a forest in what he thought was England. He found out he was very close to a big city called London. He took a trip there and after stealing some books for entertainment and a couple maps to find out where he was he went back to his small cabin. As weeks melted into months, months into years, and years to decades, he became stronger, learned how to slightly control his werewolf form on full moon nights and that when severly injured he could transform and flee his accident.
As Taer was one of the first werewolves of the Christian age, hunting of them was very rare, but in the newer age Werewolf hunting had become more... "Popular" and he had noticed more people coming into the forest (He had no doubt in his mind that people in town made small myths about him) so he had to get out, he took what he had for belongings and went into town and bought a small house. Since he had more control of his Werewolf form he could easily live in peace in town, but had to move to different cities and villages every once in a while so that no one would be suspicious of his long life. While travelling he came across a town named Salisbary. An old man who seemed to be blind to him to head north to seek his strength. He came across a strange arrangement of rocks with a awkward object in the middle. As he came closer it seemed that it was the handle of a sword. He pulled it out of the ground and studied it closely. the blade looked silver but when he touched it it didn't burn his skin at all (he guess it was possibly platinum) and the hilt was made of a very dark metal the made a V shape towards the tip of the blade and the handle was wired with gold wire. On the blade it said Lunaspada and it glowed magnificantly.
He lived in England for many years, moving back and forth every 17-20 years to a new settlement (He found that he was at the same place about 50 times) until present time.
Name: Taer Noitem
Race: Human
Gender: Male
Age: 1754
Height: 5'9"
Weight: 165 pnds
Hair Color/Style: Black and shoulder length long, shaggy
Eye Color: Brown with yellow flecks
Build: Lean, Left Handed
Origin: Rome
PART II
Strengths & Abilities: Can take orders well and knows how to handle situations that require quick thinking.
Weaknesses: Sometimes can be way too aggressive when dealing with things such as trespassers or thieves (basically small things).
PART III
Biography: Was born in Rome (251 AD) and was raised in a peasant family. His father Regan worked as a bread salesman and his mother Zephi had taught Taer and his sister Trilli math and history. Zephi was a harsh punisher for wrongs but did it in a loving manner, which Taer was grateful for. Trilli was 3 years younger than Taer and was annoying as a horsefly (She's burnt her fair share of bread) and Taer was always fixing her problems. When Taer was 14 Regan took his son into an intense training program hoping that he could become a soldier instead of a merchant which tired him heavily everyday but was well worth it later on in his life. When Taer was 16 his father was murdered after a couple of men stole a basket of bread and he chased them down, but in the alley he followed them in he was stabbed to death. Taer vowed to avenge his father in a sense of justice. A year later Taer went away to a local Gladiator arena to be trained to fight better and get more money for the family, but only signed up for 2 years. He went back home for a year and sold bread to help his family even more. He was later taken into service of the Roman Empire when he was 19 under the rule of Emporer Aurelian so that he could hunt for criminals in the name of justice. At 21 he had become very strong and a holy agent (a secret society defending the emporer of Rome) which his 'greatest achievement' and his mother said that his father would be proud. At this time Taer was sent as an assassin to Palmyra, an oasis city used as a trading route between China, Persia, and Rome, to kill the Empress of Palmyra, Zenobia as Rome thought that the Empire of Palmyra was growing too strong with her under rule. This made Taer feel uncomfortable as he was to protect the Emporer Aurelian, not kill for him but he did so without whine as it was his duty. While in the hotel he met a beautiful hand maiden named Sarah who was an amazing beauty, with black long hair and intense blue eyes. While on mission (amazingly for 2 years, putting off the assassaniation so he could be with Sarah, telling the Empire that he was close to finding a weak point in the gaurd of the Zenobia) he happily married Sarah and with his Empire paying him lived in Palmyra. He continued to live with his loving and lovely wife for 6 months. But one day while walking the streets one day he was met by a crazed Persian trader who had glowing eyes and fanged teeth. As Taer was soon backing away the Persian chased him down, tackled him, and bit him in the neck, but to Taer's luck a couple of soldiers caught the Persian before Taer could've been killed.
For the next week Taer was amazingly sick and in bed the whole time, with his wife Sarah beside him the whole time. His skin was pale and lifeless for the whole time. On the seventh night he looked out the window and saw the glowing full moon creep up over the horizon. His bones felt like they were crumbling within his body and his organs blowing up pushing his body to expand. Within his mind he felt that he was in a dark forest, lost with no memory of life. He could here sounds all around, screams and shouts. He heard a name that made him sick to his stomach. On the outside of his mind he had become a 7' black werewolf and was going insane. He was advancing on his own wife Sarah! Within his mind he started seeing all of the images, the beautiful woman who he for some reason loved very much, and wouldn't stop screaming... it was a name... she was screaming his name! Taer, he suddenly was flushed with all the memory's of his life and realised it wasn't his will to kill his own wife, but his werewolf side wasn't going to listen to his human side. Sarah kept screaming Taer's name and within the werewolf Taer was listening, and fighting the werewolf, trying to break through. His werewolf side realised to stop the human from breaking him, he had to kill the woman. So he leaped on her and slid his claws over her throat smoothly. Blood flowed from her neck and he knew she wouldn't live. Within the mind of the werewolf Taer diminished in sorrow and stopped caring about what happened.
Taer took off into the night to find food, but stumbled across a guard who was too terrified to react. The werewolf form was just as smart as the human form and realised that he had to kill any witness's, so he ran at him and snapped his jaws against the guards throat. He heard a woman scream as he was tearing the guard apart. This was yet another kill to his count. Continuing on in the night he found a young homeless girl sleeping against the wall in an alley. She seemed to be in pure shock of the sight of a wolf standing on it's hindlegs. But he didn't kill her, he simply ran out of the alley. He woke up the next morning very dusty and unclothed. I took 3 days to realise and remember what he had done on that night. In shame he exiled himself from the world and hid in forests and sewers, and used the bow to hunt and the sword to kill hunters. After travelling randomly for years he eventually found an old cabin in a forest in what he thought was England. He found out he was very close to a big city called London. He took a trip there and after stealing some books for entertainment and a couple maps to find out where he was he went back to his small cabin. As weeks melted into months, months into years, and years to decades, he became stronger, learned how to slightly control his werewolf form on full moon nights and that when severly injured he could transform and flee his accident.
As Taer was one of the first werewolves of the Christian age, hunting of them was very rare, but in the newer age Werewolf hunting had become more... "Popular" and he had noticed more people coming into the forest (He had no doubt in his mind that people in town made small myths about him) so he had to get out, he took what he had for belongings and went into town and bought a small house. Since he had more control of his Werewolf form he could easily live in peace in town, but had to move to different cities and villages every once in a while so that no one would be suspicious of his long life. While travelling he came across a town named Salisbary. An old man who seemed to be blind to him to head north to seek his strength. He came across a strange arrangement of rocks with a awkward object in the middle. As he came closer it seemed that it was the handle of a sword. He pulled it out of the ground and studied it closely. the blade looked silver but when he touched it it didn't burn his skin at all (he guess it was possibly platinum) and the hilt was made of a very dark metal the made a V shape towards the tip of the blade and the handle was wired with gold wire. On the blade it said Lunaspada and it glowed magnificantly.
He lived in England for many years, moving back and forth every 17-20 years to a new settlement (He found that he was at the same place about 50 times) until present time.
#8
DarkLink_14
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- Members
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- 169 posts
Scout
Posted 23 June 2005 - 01:13 PM
ok, this one will suffice, but remember, all the time and effort you put in this bio should go into each and every one of your posts. The RPG at LA has seen enough mediocrity recently and you've got the makings of a good writer, so don't disappoint.
....Approved
....Approved
