22 replies to this topic

[He-Man]

The objective of this thread is to try to tell a joke to various members. Here is mine. (Try to guess it, and if wrong, I tell you the answer.) Try to find a way to get various members to crack up. Anybody can tell a new joke in this thread when the previous one was answered. There are other types of jokes you can pull too; Small or large.

What did the baby porcupine say when he backed up into the cactus?

[Vazor]

"You little prick!"

[He-Man]

Real answer: "Is That You Mom?"

[He-Man]

You know you're staying in a redneck motel, when you call up the front desk to say you gotta leak in the sink, and the guy says, "Go ahead."

[Zythe]

... Yes.

OK.

Two blondes are hitchhiking, and they come across some tracks in a small valley just outside of the town. "It's a deer's tracks!" says the first one.
"No", the second argues, "they're wolf tracks."
"Deer tracks!"
"Wolf tracks!".
The two blondes go back and forth arguing, standing over the tracks when all of a sudden they're hit by a train.

[Vazor]

On the top of a forty-story building, there is a bar, with two men and a bartender at it.

The first man looks out the window and says "Wow, it sure is windy outside."

The second man nods. "Absolutely. Did you know that it's so windy that you ould actually walk on the air?"

The first man looks at the second and laughs. "I think you've had a little too much to drink."

"No, seriously!" shouts the second man. "Watch."

The second man opens up the window and walks out. Sure enough, he stays perfectly level with the window and walks around on thin air.

After the second man walks back into the bar, the first man stares in disbelief. "Wow! That's amazing! Let me try!"

The first man walks out of the window and plummets forty stories to a very bloody death.

The second man walks over to the bartender, who sighs, saying: "You're such an asshole, Superman."

[Zythe]

Heh. Superman is flying through town and sees Wonderwoman lying naked on a rooftop. He flies down and has a quicky and flies off.
"What was that?" asks Wonderwoman.
"I don't know," said the invisble man, "but it hurt A LOT."

[Vazor]

A policeman sees a car speeding on the road, and he makes the car pull over. Inside are a man and his wife. The man opens his window. "Is there a problem, officer?"

"Yes, actually. You were going 20 miles per hour above the speed limit."

The man gasps. "I swear I had no idea."

"What do you mean, no idea?" shouts his wife. "You just told me what good time we were making, and how you hoped no one would notice how fast you were going!"

"Shut up, you idiot!" shouts the man to his wife. The officer looks to the windshield.

"Did you know that your registration is six months expired?"

"What?" asks the man. "I can't believe it! I could have sworn I got that renewed!"

"Got it renewed?" shouts the wife. "We've been getting letters about it from the DMV for months! I thought you said 'fuck em! I'll get around to it when I get around to it'?"

"Can't you keep your mouth shut?!" he screams.

The police officer shakes his head. "Can I see your insurance?" The man rummages through the glove compartment and pulls out a copy of his insurance papers. "Sir, this insurance is also expired."

"What? Oh my, I can't believe I let that slip my mind."

"Slip your mind?" asks the wife. "I've been nagging you about that for weeks! How could you forget?"

The man turns to his wife in fury. "Listen you stupid wench, if you don't shut up now, I'll beat you to a pulp!"

"Is he always like this?" asks the policeman.

The wife shakes her head. "Only when he's drunk."

[Steel Samurai]

what is the difference between small and smell?

[JRPomazon]

"To get to the other side". Greatest finisher ever.

[Selena]

A baby seal walks into a club.

[GoliathTall]

Whats the difference between a Mexican and a Book?

Edited by GoliathTall, 21 May 2008 - 11:32 AM.

[He-Man]

I have no clue.

Edited by He-Man, 23 November 2009 - 08:22 PM.

[He-Man]

This thread needs reviving. The poster of the previous joke is not likely to reply, so I'm starting a new one. Here's the new joke:

What's green, has four legs, and will kill you if it falls out of a tree?

[Showsni]

A pool/snooker table.

A man's talking to his grandfather's ghost. He asks him, "Grandfather, what is a million years like to you?" The old man answers "A million years is like a single second to me." So the man goes on to ask "Grandfather, what is a million dollars like to you?" (He's American, I guess.) "Grandson, a million dollars is like a single cent to me." So the man thinks and says, "Can I have just one of your cents?" And the grandfather says "Sure, just give me a second to find my wallet."

I've been playing Ever17.

[GuardianNinja]

"Virgin Mary, you wern't a virgin were you?"

-"no"

"God, you dogg!"

[J-Roc]

It smells like updawg in here.

[CID Farwin]

Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer?

[He-Man]

This guy's walking home from work, really late, in the pitch black of night. There isn't another soul on the street. Suddenly, from out of the gloom, comes an ominous bump...bump...bump. He looks behind him and spots a furtive, shadowy thing coming down the street after him. Unnerved, he picks up his pace, finally breaking into a panicked run. He looks behind him again, and the shadow is closer. Bump...bump...bump. The glow of a streetlight illuminates the shadow momentarily, and, to the man's horror, it is a coffin, bumping down the sidewalk. He quickens his pace, running as fast as he can go, but the coffin only pursues more quickly. BUMP...BUMP...BUMP! He reaches his house, fumbles frantically for his keys, and slips in the door just as the coffin reaches his front steps. He slams the door and leans against it, catching his breath. Bump...bump...bump. There is a moment's silence, and the man wonders if he dares to breathe. Suddenly.... Bump...bump...bump...Bump...BUMP! BUMP! BUMPBUMPBUMPCRAAAAASH!!!! He rebounds away as the door breaks off its hinges. Scrambling to his feet, he charges up the stairs, and the coffin races after. BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP! Terrified, he backs into a corner and starts throwing everything within reach at the coffin -- a handful of papers, a vase, a box of crackers, a lamp -- but the coffin keeps coming! BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP INCHESFROMHISFACE, and nothing seems to slow it down! His hands fall upon a bottle of cough syrup, and he throws that at the coffin, too!

The coffin stops.

[Kisseena]

Oh wait I did it wrong. OH WELL I'LL LEAVE THIS BAD JOKE HERE.

Edited by Kisseena, 22 October 2012 - 11:23 PM.

[Mystic Kitsune]

So there's this joke...

It's funny!

[He-Man]

Knock knock
Who's there?
I eat mop
I eat mop who?
ಠ_ಠ

[Mystic Kitsune]

I was gonna post something here!

 

But it took a year!

 

...hahaha? XD