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[DarkJuno]

A council debate, strange "patch," and something more? All here on the 34th Edition of DarkJuno: (Non)Roving Reporter!

-normal intro-

Non-Cheesy, 50's Style Announcer: With Millenia......Foyusa......Freaky Psychic Bird......and special correspondent Mai Shiranui......this is DarkJuno: (Non)Roving Reporter......

-news desk-

DJ: Once again, hello everyone and welcome to another edition of DJ: (N)RR! As usual, I'm your Beam Charging Host DJ, joined, as always, by the lovely Millenia.
Millenia: Hiya! And over there are everyone's favorite falsely named Pokemon...

-letters' desk-

Foyusa: Foyusa!
FPB: ...and FPB! Come on, I know your jokes are lame DJ, but you could surely think of something better then THAT.
DJ: Bah, you try making nicknames up for over 30 editions and have them all be cool.
Millenia: Still, you could try something else for a change...
DJ: Eh, well, whatever the case, this is indeed the time for holidays, whether it be Christmas, Granas' Day...
Millenia: Ack! Don't mention that name around me!
DJ: ...The Triforce Days, or anything else. I mean, they're all for their own reasons, but they're still celebrated around now.
Millenia: Then why is it always a Christmas party everyone's invited to?
DJ: Because it's easier for me to write stuff about the holiday I celebrate then to have to make up long-winded customs and histories for the others.
Millenia: Oh......that makes sense.
DJ: Yes, well......onto the...

-loud rumble-

DJ: ...onto the news!

-news mode-

DJ: All this week, the FFMCC has been, and indeed, still is, debating on whether or not they should induct ex summoner and now Sphere Hunter Yuna into the council as the official 11th member. As you may recall, the Council once had 11 members, but was reduced back to the current 10 due to the off shoot status and complexity of Cute-Brown-Haired-White-Short-Sleeved-Shirt-Girl-Whose-Name-Is-Inconsistent's status was placed back down as a regular council member. Now, with the advent of Yuna's well meaning and viable efforts, Terra has brought up the possibility to the rest. The Main Council, however, is torn on the subject...

Terra: Yuna has shown herself to be a true heroine and indeed, deserves this spot. FFX-2 being an official sequel places her as a "Main Character" and should qualify her.
Cecil: I have no problems with Lady Yuna becoming a member of our Council, but I worry about what those FFT or FFL characters will say about this, especially since we knocked off our FFXI representative as only a side game.
Squall: ......whatever...

DJ: Already, there are rumblings from the Lesser House of Final Fantasy, as FFU Representatives Yu and Ai are rumbling about this development, though despite this, it seems likely Yuna will be inducted, if anything, to replace the XI Representative seat with one for X-2. More on this as it develops.

Millenia: The Famed Street Fighter and King of Fighters World Champion Fighting Tournaments are in a bit of trouble this week as both circuits received mobs of angry protesters outside their Headquarters this week, respectively in Hong Kong and Southtown. These angry mobs come with the complaints of allowing minors to engage in such physically violent fights with rather simple paperwork and having a hand in making violence so popular amongst the Middle and High School crowds. Says one protester, "This is disgusting! These circuits and their use of such obvious minors to extend this brutal "sport" into the minds of our youth, and must be implemented with stricter guidelines!"

Naturally, the circuit itself isn't very happy, especially one Sakura Kusagano, who, at the moment anyway, is a minor and a very popular member of the SF Fighters' Circuit. She stated...

Sakura: What a load of bull! These people need to get off their high horses and leave us alone. Besides, I turn 18 next year then they can't bother me, at least...

Millenia: This happens right when both promotions are planning yet another "crossover" Tournament along with some lesser Fighting Circuits and is indeed an inopportune moment. Still, plans are going ahead for the Tournament next spring.

DJ: In other news...

-loud rumble again-

DJ: -frowns but ignores it- In other news, scientists the world(s) over have identified a strange sort of anomaly spreading across the dimensions. However, they say there's nothing to worry about as it's likely what's known as a "patch" epidemic, something which affects people but really has nothing to do with anything. It was first discovered in Castlevania and quickly spread into several other worlds, though it is not known what its purpose is at this point. All we can do right now is hope they figure it out.

Millenia: -rubs forehead-
DJ: Eh? You all right there Millenia?
Millenia: Yeah, it's nothing, I'm just suddenly feeling light headed right now...
DJ: Can you...
Millenia: Knock it off! Finally tonight, the International Pokemon League Committee has cracked down on the illegal trade of Pokemon in a big way today as they broke up an intricate smuggling operation headed by, of all people, ex members of the now bankrupt Shinra Corporation. Apparently, they had stations in Kanto, Johto, and Houen and were shipping out Pokemon to all the world(s), an act that is heavily regulated since Pokemon are unique to only these regions. Says Lance of the Kanto and Johto Elite,

Lance: This is a sad day that such poachers exist - we've had such inept clowns like Team Rocket around for so long we're not used to it anymore. Still, at least this is the end of this particular ring.

Millenia: More after this...


-three dumb kids standing in the middle of the empty Lakeside Arena-

DK#2 Wow, I never knew we could get to the 16th Century...
DK#1: Well you learn something new everyday! Now, why are we here anyway!?
DK#3: You know about Soul Charging?
DK#1: Man, what's wrong with you!? You saw what happened the LAST time one of us tried something with a weapon...
DK#2: Yeah, my bones are still knitting after that one...
DK#3: Yeah, but this is so cool! Watch!

-inexplicably, Taki and Sophitia fly out of the water and land on the platform-

Taki: Stop it right there!
DK#1 & #3: -drool-
DK#2: Honestly, you two have seen me soaking wet before!
Sophitia: Um, right...
-suddenly, the two are dry again-
Sophitia: Now, what's this about trying to Soul Charge?
DK#1: Yeah, he -points at #3- wants to try it!
Taki: Such foolishness! Soul Charging takes many years of practicing.
DK#3: Well I don't care! I'm trying anyway!
Sophitia: -sigh- You two better shield your eyes then, I'm afraid
DK#1 & 2: We're used to it by now
DK#3: All right! SOULS!!!!!!!

-blinding flash of light-

Taki: -coughs- Well, he certainly went up in smoke a lot sooner then I thought...
Sophitia: Oh dear! Will he be okay?
DK#2: Eh, it happened to me before - I came back after about a week.
Sophitia: Oh, that's good!
Taki: Yes, now kids, what have you learned?
DK#1: That you should wear a bra when wearing a skintight outfit?

-Taki decks the kid-

DK#2: That Soul Charging takes practice?
Sophitia: Yes, and now that you know...
All: Knowing is half the battle!


Millenia: -rubbing forehead again- Wow, these PSA's get lamer every time...
DJ: Tell me about it! Now, are you SURE you're okay?
Millenia: For the last time, yes! Just leave me alone...
DJ: Well, all right...now for everyone's favo...

-Millenia just drops and her head falls on the news desk-

DJ: Eh? Hey Millenia, you okay? Millenia? -shakes Millenia- Uh, guys, we should get her somewhere...

-suddenly, the loud rumbling is heard again, but this time it seems more...familiar. Plus, there's now a loud banging sound-

UFS#3: Hey, we're live in here, knock it....AAAARRRGGHH!!!!
DJ: Unseen Female Stagehand Number Three? What's going...

-DJ's eyes widen as he ducks, a flaming rock thrown in his direction-

Mysterious Voice: THERE HE IS!!!!! KILL HIM!!!
DJ: -pop back up- What the hell!? What's going...

-DJ dodges another piece of debris as panic strikes the room, the cameraman grunting as the camera is pushed over.-

FPB: Damn! Stop talking and run DJ, they're obviously after you!
DJ: But what about...
Foyusa: We'll watch Millenia and hold'em off! RUN!

-Through the static filled feed, DJ is shown stumbling to his feet and running off, just as the camera flickers off...-