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[DarkJuno]

Languages, uprisings, and an attack! All this and more, here on the 31st Edition of DarkJuno: (Non)Roving Reporter!

-normal intro-

Non-Cheesy, 50's Style Announcer: With Foyusa...Freaky Psychic Bird...Millenia...and special correspondent Mai Shiranui...this is DarkJuno: (Non)Roving Reporter...

-onto the news desk and set, which looks slightly modified-

DJ: Hey everyone, and welcome to another exciting edition of DJ:(N)RR, now coming to you from our new home here at the Chamber of Sages! Once more, I'm your usual non re-deco host DJ...
Millenia: ..and I'm his news partner, Millenia! And frankly, this "Chamber of Sages" is too damn..."good" for my tastes!
DJ: Well, what're ya gonna do? Kakariko kicked us out...
Millenia: Tch...anyway, over there at the letters' desk are DJ's old buddies...

-letters desk-

Foyusa: Foyusa!
FPB: ...and FPB! And non Re-deco?
DJ: Eh, I was in a Transformers mood...
Millenia: Oh! And by the way, Happy belated birthday DJ! 19, right?
DJ: Yup! Thanks Millenia.
Foyusa: You missed a great party there!
DJ: Party? I didn't have a party, considering how it was on a Sunday...
FPB: ...then where the hell were we that night?
DJ: ...onto the news!

-news mode-

DJ: First up, students at the world(s) renowned Hyrule University are thrilled as it has been formally announced that next spring, the Crown Princess of Hyrule, Zelda herself, will begin teaching a brand new class offered on Ancient Hylian studies. While the study of the ancient tongue has always been a standard at the University, this is the first time an intensive study of its speech and mannerisms is being offered. Having it taught by Princess Zelda, undoubtedly one of the foremost experts of the language in all the world(s) (only surpassed by her father the King), only makes this class more intriguing. The Princess stated,

Princess Zelda: This is indeed an exciting new endeavor for myself, and indeed a satisfying opportunity for those students who wish to learn more of the history of Hyrule's ancient tongue. I can't wait to start!

DJ: Naturally, students have been feverishly scrambling to register for the class at HyU. The Princess herself, of course, has received a Bachelor’s degree in philosophy from the University.

Millenia: Next up, yet another attack by the revived Emerald Weapon has occurred, this time on the unsuspecting metropolis of Patriot City! While an attack was expected for the most part, it was very surprising that the gigantic planetary defense weapon attacked the home of the Freedom Force, especially since thus far it has only attacked world(s) linked to consoles. While the Energy X empowered costumed fighters were able to route the massive monstrosity, it still was able to lay waste to the entire Patriot City harbor before returning to the sea. While always having been serious, only now does this threat seem to mean anything, as now any major seaside ocean is a target to the Emerald Weapon. Experts from Midgar, Junon, and the rest of the world(s) are scrambling to find out how they may be able to put a stop to this behemoth.

DJ: ...nice touch with the cheesy journalism there.
Millenia: Thanks!
DJ: Anywho, Reports indicate that a faction of the thought to be dormant Brotherhood of Nod has arisen in, of all places, Saffron City, Kanto! While not technically a part of the massive cult-like group of terrorists, this faction is led by several former Team Rocket members who claim that the charismatic and likely mentally unstable Jacob Caine, better known as merely "Kane," truly is the way of the future and plans to instill a new system in all of the PokeWorld. Naturally, the National Defense Force is not happy about this and drove the rebels out of Kanto. However, it is rumored that they may have taken residence and are in hiding in the Ilex Forest, but those reports are unsubstantiated. No word has come from Kane's main fortress in Egypt about the validity of this faction.

Millenia: Finally tonight, even though the case of Vincent Valentine has been resolved, and his accomplice Kid has been acquitted of all charges, the Radical Dreamer is still not at ease about the whole ordeal. She says...

Kid: While it's bloody good this whole mess has been cleaned up, I still have this doggone feeling that there's somethin' up! I mean, That dern Pip mentioned something about there being another above 'im, so I don't know...

Millenia: As such, it ahs been revealed that while the Acacia Dragoons are indeed investigating the manner, they are not doing so deeply, which has prompted the thief to attempt to seek her own answers. Her "mother" Schala Zeal, however, has refused to acknowledge her as once more being her daughter clone due to her actions.

Schala: Even if Mr. Valentine was indeed innocent, she still usurped authority and the law by helping him to escape. That I can never forgive...

DJ: More, after this...


-commercial for a reality show with the over bearing advertising-

Non-Cheesy, 50's Style Announcer: You've seen them fight...you've seen them acquire weapons...you've even seen them smile! But you've never seen them...IN THE SAME HOUSE!!!

Astaroth: ARGH!!! WOULD IT KILL YOU WORMS TO REPLACE THE TOILET PAPER!

Non-Cheesy, 50's Style Announcer: Presenting, The Real World: Soul Calibur II.

******

Nightmare: Gah! Who keep eating my Cinnamon Toast Crunch!?
Talim: Oh, talk to Xianghua about it!
Xianghua: Oh come on, I'll buy you another...just kidding!
Nightmare: Bah! I'll do it myself! Cinnamon, Sugar, come unto me!!!

-boxes of cereal appear in front of Nightmare-

******

Cervantes: I told all of you! Stop messing with my wooden ships!
Mitsurugi: Hmph! They are all of inferior quality anyway!

******

Sophitia: All right, that's it! Cassie and I keep baking stuff, but someone always eats it all! Who is it!?
Necrid: -grumba booga ooga graaaaargh-
Sophitia: Um...
Yunsung: He says something about asking those gods of yours.
Sophitia: Of course! Gods, guide me!

-a shaft of light appears in the room...right over Cassandra, who's eating a muffin-

Yoshimitsu: I suspected as much, from her ample rear!
Cassandra: I'M NOT FAT!!! -runs off crying and eating a bagel-

Non-Cheesy, 50's Style Announcer: Coming probably never, to a website near you!


Millenia: -blinks- Well, that's interesting...
DJ: It brings up a good point though.
Millenia: What?
DJ: I mean, Sophitia is older, married, and has had two kids, right?
Millenia: Yup! So?
DJ: Then why's her butt firmer then Cassandra's?
Millenia: ...um, maybe she had less self control when they worked at their parents' bakery?
DJ: Eh....anywho, now it's time for our weekly feature...

-special effects, you know the drill-

Millenia: LETTERS TO MODIFIED EXISTING POKEMON!!!

DJ: Take it awaaaaaaaaaaay, Foyusa and FPB!

-letters' desk-

FPB: Thanks guys! This week's letter comes from Kalm, and it reads...

"Dear Foyusa and FPB,

I may just be a little girl, but I'm a little confused. You see, my Dad's friend owns a bar, and she always seems to leave me in charge. I really don't mind, but lately, I'm confused about whys he chooses me. I mean, I'm only 8 years old...

Sincerely,
Futuretender"

FPB: Well Future, I gotta say that's a rather unusual situation you have there! I mean, I know kids are growing up quicker and quicker these days, but running a bar? I'll bet that's breaking a few laws already!
Foyusa: Actually... -picks up tiny copy of the Midgar Constitution- according to this, it's perfectly legal! Hell, it's encouraged that kids run bars as a part time job, so long as they don't drink!
FPB: Hmm...well, that explains a lot. Back to you guys...

DJ: Ready Millenia:
Millenia: Sure thing!

-clears throat-

Millenia: Non-Peachy Princess teaches some grammar,
DJ: Though those male students better not take a gander.
Millenia: Big giant monster takes on cheesy city,
DJ: While resident protectors sure don't sit and look pretty.
Millenia: Rebels Ex Rockets try to go for a bug,
DJ: These guys sure don't want to give you a hug!
Millenia: Restless thief attempts to dig for the truth,
DJ: And in the end, her point may be moot.
Millenia: And finally, a little girl's serving booze,
DJ: In the old days, this deserved a noose.

-boos-

DJ: Ah....
Millenia: Haven't heard those in awhile, eh?
DJ: Yup! Now, for Millenia, Foyusa, Freaky Psychic Bird, and, returning next week, Mai Shiranui, I'm DarkJuno, bidding you all a sane and pleasant day.
All: See Ya!!!

































"You know, that Kid character might just find out..."
"Do not worry about such things. With Pip dead, it cannot be traced back to us..."
"But are you sure sir? If you're discovered..."
:Again, do not fear. If this girlie does get too far...we can put a stop to it..."