-normal intro-
Non-cheesy, 50's Style Announcer: With Millenia...........Foyusa......Freaky Psychic Bird......and special correspondent Mai Shiranui.........this is DarkJuno: (Non)Roving Reporter.........
-news desk-
DJ: Hey everyone, and welcome to another informative edition of DJ:(N)RR! Once more, I'm your One Winged host DJ!
Millenia: And I'm everyone's favorite immortal body part, Millenia!
DJ: Hey, make up your own material....and I don't see how you're the wing of Valmar, and they're not your most obvious feature...
Millenia: Well, what can I say?
DJ: Anyway, and over there at their own desk, are my two old traveling buddies...
-letters' desk-
Foyusa: ...the happening arthropod, Foyusa!
FPB: And the Antagonizing Avian, FPB!
DJ: .............
FPB: Hey, we hear you do it every week, so we should get a shot at it!
Foyusa: Yeah, just because it's your show doesn't mean you get all the fun!
Millenia: They've got a point!
DJ: .....onto the news...
-news mode-
Millenia: First up, a shocking revelation from the continent of Balamb, as Squall Leonhart has admitted to having an addiction...an addiction to machines! Ever since the aloof, surly SeeD joined Balamb Garden, he has taken a shining to mechanical things, "borrowing" them here and there. Eventually, the addiction went out of control during the Second Sorceress War, as the soon to be Commander made off with a Galbadian Automobile, a priceless old fashioned train, a Galbadian Garden Jet pack, a Ragnorak class Estharian spacecraft, and several others, including Galbadian Garden itself. That of course solves the mystery of where the massive complex disappeared to during the war, and Squall even admitted to taking even more items, such as a couple of Esthar spacesuits, and scraps of the old space station as well as pieces of the Ultima and Omega weapons. His supportive wife Rinoa Heartilly-Leonhart stated from a clean-up effort at Isle Delfino.
Rinoa: Well, we all knew of his problem, but we didn't want to reveal it until Squall was ready. Now that he's admitted it, the healing can begin.
Millenia: Squall comments "...whatever."
DJ: Shock hits both Baron and Gaia today, as noted loner Kain Highwind, distant cousin to airship master Cid Highwind, claims that fellow dragoon Freya Crescent has, perhaps unknowingly, stolen one of his precious spears. Kain states:
Kain: I didn't really want to say anything, but a few years back, I was in the midst of my journey across the world(s) to try and get over...something. I made a quick pit stop in Burmecia, which looked like it was in ruins, and left my spear in what looked like a safe place in a ruined closet near a save point. When I got back, it was gone. Apparently, Freya must have picked it up when she was there and took it. All I ask is for it back, mostly since I've been using my cousin's old spear, and frankly...I just want my old one back.
DJ: In response, Freya says,
Freya: Oh, Kain's Spear? Yes, well...I think Reis has it, I sold it to her in exchange for Reis' Wind...
DJ: Naturally, Kain wasn't very happy with this, but he has shrugged it off and is headed for the home of that other famous female dragoon to pick it up. As far as Cid is concerned...
Cid: What the #%(&$(&!?!?!?!? He took my %#$^* Spear!? I was wondering where that $%@#*& thing went! ^$#*&$!!!!
Millenia: In other news, the First Annual Dead or Alive Extreme...erm, "Xtreme" Beach Volleyball Tournament at the eternal summer-like Zack Island started registration today, and despite its reputation and name, anyone, male, female, or monster, is allowed to join. The games are doubles matches in three categories, men's, women's, and mixed. Teams are already flocking to sign up, including the dynamic Princess duo of Peach and Zelda, the speed and agility of Sonic and Tails, and much more, naturally including the lovely ladies and damn fine men of DOA.
DJ: -rolls eyes-
Millenia: Yeah, like you're not going to want to see the girls play?
DJ: Well, seeing as how we're going to be there, I don't have much of a choice...-sly grin-
Millenia:
; Anyway, yes, besides broadcasting "live" from the tournament as part of our action packed on location summer shooting, DJ:(N)RR will have some folks representing, with our own Foyusa and FPB on one mixed team, and myself and...well, you'll see in a few "weeks." -looks around-DJ: That's right, in a "few" weeks. Finally today, noted UBA member and Galbadian Presidential candidate Kuja is completely refurbishing his home, the famous Desert Palace. Hiring the top architects and designers the world(s) over, Kuja himself is naturally going to decorate the home himself, using both his already acquired collection of antiques and finely crafter furniture, as well as several new pieces he wishes to acquire - including the infamous sword, the Soul Edge. While this is merely asking for trouble, and pretty much guarantees that we'll eventually have to report how someone's been possessed by the blade of evil and that several heroes will have to step up to put a stop to it, Kuja seems to give little thought to it. Still, he claims that it will make an excellent addition to his living room. The Soul Edge, meanwhile, is currently up for auction at the world(s) famous Auction House on Windfall Island, with Kuja's latest bid coming in at nearly 500,000 Gil, or about 250,000 Rupees. We'll be back after this.
-three dumb kids are shown walking inside a creepy castle-
DK#2: Seriously man, be ready!
DK#3: Why? I mean, fighting that old hag is obviously going to be tough, but I'm sure this bag of potions should be enough to get me through...
DK#2: Well...
DK#1: I don't know about that...I still say you should be more ready...
DK#3: Bah! Whatever!
-inexplicably, Young Link and Justin from Grandia leap out of a couple of paintings on the opposite sides of the hallway-
Young Link: Whoa! Hold on!
Justin: Yeah, you don't know what you're getting into!
DK#2: It's Young Link and Justin!
DK#1: Rockin'!
Justin: yeah, whatever...anyway, you plan on fighting the owner of this castle?
DK#3: Hell yeah! I'm prepared...I'm at Level 85!
Young Link: That's all good, but honestly, you should be careful!
DK#3: Why, because this is going to end up being multiple battles one after the other with no chance to rest? Please! -runs off to the mysterious iron door and runs in-
DK#2: Well, we warned him...
-hours later-
DK#3: -runs in from outside- GAH!!!! What the hell!?
Young Link: Died, didn't ya?
DK#3: Yeah! I'm glad I sued that save point...that witch has five different forms one right after the other!
DK#1: Well, I'm glad we heard you guys! Now we know!
Young Link: Yes, and knowing...
All: ...is half the battle!
Non-Cheesy, 50's Style Announcer: Sponsored by DJ(N)RR and the SS.
Millenia: ...and we're back! Now it's time for our weekly feature...
-special effects-
LETTERS TO MODIFIED EXISTING POKEMON!!!
DJ: Take it away Foyusa and FPB!
-letters' desk-
FPB: Thanks guys! This, uh, "week's" letter comes from...wow, Tallon IV. It reads...
To: Foyusa and Freaky Psychic Bird
Re: Confirmation
Forgive the message, as this has been done in the utmost secrecy. Given your...program's penchant for openness and freedom, I have come to ask a question. We are...interested in any information any of you..."individuals" have on the Hunt...rather, interstellar bounty hunter Samus Aran. I believe that your leader has had contact with this woman, and we wish to have nay and all data.
Foyusa: Erm...are the Space Pirates hitting us up for information on Samus?
FPB: Apparently....well, Samus is 6;1, weighs 195 pounds, is blonde, athletic, and...why am I saying all this!? Back to you guys...
Millenia: Damn, she's a whole lotta woman!
DJ: Just how I like'em. -grins-
Millenia:
;DJ: Anyway, ready Millenia?
Millenia: Sure!
-clears throat-
Millenia: Jerk of a Loner likes mechanical things,
DJ: Though it certainly explains what happened to those Galbadian wings.
Millenia: Those wacky dragoons, always trading their things,
DJ: Never mind a certain cousin would rather curse then sing.
Millenia: Out on the beach, volleyballs will fly,
DJ: Naturally of course, that's not what'll catch my eye.
Millenia: Flashy candidate digs around for ancient weapons,
DJ: Stay tuned since we'll likely follow up with no shuns.
Millenia: Finally of course, aliens want us to be spies,
DJ: Still, I gotta say, the Hunter can give a guy a...
Millenia: Okay! None of that!
DJ: Hmph....anyway, stay tuned to DJ(N)RR as we, yes, get back to coverage of the Vincent Valentine case as Tifa wraps up her defense, and the other latest news. So, for Millenia, Foyusa, and Freaky Psychic Bird, this is DarkJuno, bidding you all a sane and contented day.
All: See Ya!
