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[DarkJuno]

Trials, Monster Attack, and more, on the 26th Edition of DarkJuno: (Non)Roving Reporter.

-regular intro-

Non-Cheesy, 50's Style Reporter: With DarkJuno......Millenia..........Foyusa.........Freaky Psychic Bird.......and special correspondent Mai Shiranui...........this is DarkJuno: (Non)Roving Reporter.......

DJ: Hey all, and welcome to another edition of DJ:(N)RR! Once more, I'm your Mobile Fightin' host DJ, joined, as usual, by...

-pause, as Millenia seems to be singing along to headphones-

Millenia: Uh-huh!
Mirror of Light,
Reflect Magical Spite, yo!
Armor of Light,
Halt this Smite, right?
Shield us from Frigid Blight....

DJ: -pulls on one of the ear pieces- Uh, we're on.....
Millenia: Oh! Uh...-throws headphones under desk- Sorry, 'bout that, and of course, I'm Millenia!

-Letters' Desk-

Foyusa: And over here are us, Foyusa...
FPB: ...and FPB! And I know I'm supposed to pick on DJ, but singing a Yu.Ri. song?
Millenia: Bah, Yu.Ri. isn't too bad....
DJ: Eh, Elena's a better performer then Yu.Ri. will ever be...
Millenia: What? No way!
DJ: Honestly Millenia, don't you think you're just a little biased?
Millenia: Hmph!
DJ: Fine, but you gotta admit that compared to Nikki, the Indigo-go's, or even The Runaway Five, Yu.Ri's nothin'....anyway, onto the news!

-news mode-

Millenia: The hotly anticipated Trial of Vincent Valentine began this week as Opening arguments were presented. With the honorable Judge Mother Brain presiding, Seymour Guado, the prosecuting attorney, cited that he would prove beyond doubt that it was he, who was responsible for the murder of the late CCA leader Starky. Furthermore, he claims, he will prove that he is also the one who murdered several other anthromorphs, and will also charge Vincent with several other items, which he says, "are definite and indisputable due to its large media attention," naturally including his breakout and the subsequent multi-world chase that ensued.

On the Defense, Tifa Lockhart also presented her case, surprisingly behind modestly dressed as you can see from these artists' sketches. She claimed that it is she that will prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that Vincent Valentine is innocent of all murders, and only acted against his pursuers under forced circumstances. This will obviously be an up hill battle for Ms. Lockhart, as Vincent's claims of being alone in his personal "waterfall cave" are not supported very well...mostly since he has no alibi's. Still, she is convinced that she can win and "Let truth prevail." Stay tuned to DJ:(N)RR's very own Mai Shiranui in the upcoming editions for more updates on this trial.

DJ: In other news, the citizens of Isle Delfino awoke this morning expecting another perfect day on the island paradise. Unfortunately for them, this was not to be, for Delfino Plaza was soon terrorized by the planet protecting Emerald Weapon. The fact that it was reportedly destroyed years ago, and that it doesn’t even belong in the Mushroom World notwithstanding, the terror from the sea marched across the land, destroying anything in its path. Fortunately, casualties were somehow held to a minimum, and the ancestral homes of the Piantas and Nokis, Pianta Village and Noki Bay, respectively, remained untouched, though Pinna Park suffered heavy damage and will be closed for the foreseeable future. Damage ranges into the Millions of Coins, but the survivors all have an optimistic attitude for the future. As far as why the Emerald Weapon even appeared, scholars from the noted Ancient Library and from the Worlds over are puzzled, since the infamous weapons only tend to appear if the population of a planet is damaging it in anyway. The Piantas and Nokis all take good care of their island paradise, and all signs of the infamous Graffiti Bandit "Shadow Mario" are now gone. More as it develops.

Millenia: As you may have figured out at the top of the program, the singing duo Yu.Ri. has been a popular group ever since their inception a few months ago, having skyrocketed to the top of the charts due to their debut Rap album. However, fans were in for a surprise last night as they opened their show at the Cloudrunner Fortress with what's best described as a "hard" Pop song! The fans cheered louder last night as they continued with several other styles, including their "normal" style. Singer and former Grand Summoner Yuna had this to say,

Yuna: Well, rapping with Rikku is great and all, but it just seemed that we shouldn't be limited to just being one style. Last night was an experiment, and we'll monitor everyone's thoughts of it. If it’s good, we'll be releasing a new album with our new styles...but we'll always be Yu.Ri!

Millenia: The group, consisting of Yuna and her close friend Rikku of the Al Bhed, are also appearing on the "group effort" album produced by Pop star Elena this Spring. They appear alongside several others groups such as The Magical Dreamers, the SeeDs of Faith, the Runaway Five, and several others, including a special, never before released song by the late great singer Julia Heartilly, recorded before her death. Of course, most importantly of all, I'll be on there!
DJ: Didn't we already do this story....?
Millenia: Just the part about the album....

DJ: Eh...........finally tonight, crusty old Cid Highwind officially opened his new business today, the Highwind Airship Co. With help from several other Cids, the company promises to be the foremost builder of quality Airships in all the worlds, and as Cid himself says...

Cid: We'll ^%$ show those #^%@$# jerks what it means to be a mechanic or builder! I've seen all this crazy $#^*^ about airships lately with these &$* bankruptcies! We'll show them what it means to make a good airship!

DJ: The company plans to make custom airships and to repair ones for specific purposes, offering all types from steam powered to the infamous "Mysterious FF style." Already, orders are coming in to the Rocket Town based operation, including ones from the UBA, the Alexandrian government, and several others. The stock has already jumped up in the Midgar Stock Exchange, and has a promising future ahead of it.

-turns-

DJ: We'll be back after this...

-three dumb kids walking in a shadowy forest-

DK#2: Geez, I think we're lost....
DK#1: I agree........we should've taken that left at Spira.
DK#3: Man, I'm bushed............we gotta rest......
DK#1: But how? We don't have anything, not even sleeping bags!
DK#2: Ya know, maybe we really ARE dumb....
DK#1: Whatever the case, we gotta find shelter...but how?

-inexplicably, Quistis pops out of the bushes-

Quistis: Hmmm, do I hear young people with a lack of knowledge?
DK#1: It's Quistis!
DK#3: Whoa! Tight!
DK#2: -looks at Quistis's outfit- Mmmmm, tight is right......
Quistis: Er...anyway, I hear that you three have a problem about not being supplied?
DK#2: Yeah! We want to rest, but we don't have a tent or anything!
Quistis: Well, that's easy enough! This is a basic survival skill: whatever you can buy in a store, you can get for free by killing a monster or animal!
DK#1: Huh?
Quistis: -takes out whip- Just watch!

-looking around, she spots a frog and whips it with her Save the Queen. Inexplicably, the frog disappears in a red glow and is replaced with a lavish looking cottage-

Quistis: See? Easy enough!
DK#3: Whoa, let me try!

-sees a bird, and throws a rock at it. A bottle falls down-

DK#2: -picks it up- Hey, a potion!
Quistis: Yup! So remember, if you're ever lost with no supplies, just kill something, and it'll, at the very least, drop money!
DK#1: Thanks Quistis, you saved us all with that, because...
All: Now we know!


Millenia: .........hmmm, why DO monsters keep tents anyway....?
DJ: Hell if I know........
Millenia: Well, anyway, time for our weekly feature......

-special effects, you know the drill-

LETTERS TO MODIFIED EXISTING POKEMON!!!!

DJ: Take it away, Foyusa and FPB!

FPB: Thanks guys! This week's letter comes from Cyrum! It reads...

"Dear Foyusa and FPB.

Wah! I just realized that I look like a girl! I don't mean having nice hair or eyes either, I mean glance at me and you'd think I'm one! Come on, I'm already a teenager, yet I seem to be becoming even more womanly as the time goes on...help?

Regards,
Not a Girl"

FPB: Hmm, well, that's a strange predicament, and I'm sure you don't want to end up looking like Kuja there. All I can say is to just be confident in yourself. So what if you look like a girl? We, as a rule, do like the looks, but at the same time, it's the inside the mostly counts in the long run. Obviously, there are exceptions, but if that's the case, that girl's not worth your time. So don't worry 'bout it!
Foyusa: Hmph, girly eh? Well, what she said was good and all, but you could maybe TRY to look like a guy. Like, get a short haircut and maybe loose and jewelry you might have - that way, you won't look like jailbait!
FPB: Back to you guys...

DJ: Erm....ready Millenia?
Millenia: Yup!

-clears throat-

Millenia: Vinny' trial finally begins,
DJ: As for Kid, it'll probably happened on a whim.
Millenia: Sea faring monster strikes paradise,
DJ: As villagers run like little mice.
Millenia: Yuna and Rikku turning over a new leaf,
DJ: Let's just hope it never reaches Bowser's keep.
Millenia: Airships fly, high in the sky,
DJ: Let’s just hope one doesn't hit you in the eye.
Millenia: And before we run from this weekly show of ours,
DJ: We hope the girly boy from Cyrum doesn't end up behind bars!

-boos-

DJ: Ahh, refreshing......
Millenia: Well, what do you expect?
DJ: Nothing really.....anywho, that'll do it for us this week, so join us again next week! So for Millenia, Foyusa, Freaky Psychic Bird, and Mai Shiranui, I'm DarkJuno, bidding you all a sane and peaceful day.
All: See Ya!