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[DarkJuno]

Charities, Bizzare Diseases, and more, all on the 25th Edition of DarkJuno: (Non)Roving Reporter!

Non-Cheesy, 50's Style Announcer: With Millenia.........Foyusa.........Freaky Psychic Bird.........and special correspondent Mai Shiranui........this is DarkJuno: (Non)Roving Reporter.......

-news desk, slightly touched up-

DJ: Heya, and welcome to another edition of DJ:(N)RR! Live (not really) from our new studio, I'm your Jet Settin' Host DJ....
Millenia: Hi everyone! Naturally, I'm Millenia! And over at the letters' desk are...
Foyusa: Foyusa!
FPB: ...and FPB! A little too much time playing quirky games there DJ....
DJ: Bah, what would you know? Anyway, after a long break up there in the slopes of Dinosaur Planet, it's nice to be back home...or, in a world that's like home, whatever...
Millenia: Please, you're just glad you don't have to board down those mountains anymore...
DJ: Hey, I proved to you guys that I rock on those slopes!
Millenia: Until you went on "K.Y.A.G" Hill....
DJ: Oh, you're one to talk....who was it again who started screaming for help down that hill?
Millenia: ..........Well, all of us had trouble with that hill.....
DJ: Exactly....on to the news!

-news mode-

Millenia: First up tonight, Rinoa Heartilly-Leonhart, well-known wife of Balamb Garden Commander Squall Leonhart and the sorceress of our time, has just recently started a charitable organization known as the Lighthouse Project. After witnessing the various disasters occurring during the second Sorceress War, and naturally hearing of other towns in need in the other worlds, this has always been Rinoa's dream. Named after the lighthouse orphanage run by Edea Kramer, where husband Squall and several of their friends were raised, Rinoa pledges that this non-profit organization will aide towns and cities in need after decidedly Unnatural disasters, including but not limited to the aftermath of insane girly-men, total destruction by supernatural monsters, and citizens being turned into....something. Today, she and the beginnings of the Organization took part in helping rebuild the recently ravaged Traverse Town, helping out those whoa re still recovering from the Heartless Attack. It seems that with the volunteers joining Mrs. Heartilly-Leonhart, the town should be back on its feet soon enough. Reportedly, local monster slayer Leon was supposedly silent and nervous around Rinoa, but no one cans ay for sure.

DJ: Former Chicago P.D. Veteran and Anti-Mitochondria Resistance Member Aya Brea was admitted into the Hyrule Medical Center, as she has contracted a rare disease as a consequence of her control of mitochondria. The rare illness is known as Halfasedxcusetomakcharslokhoter, or, inexplicably, Plo Thol E. Many well-known people are also affected by this ailment, but it is only in extreme cases, such as Aya's, where it is problematic. Plo Thol E. is known to actually make a person's looks completely change in away that they no longer look the same, or in some cases, making them look younger as time goes on. That seems to be Aya's case, but coupled with the mitochondria, it has also caused her cellular structure to weaken and go crazy, in layman's terms. No one is quite sure what exactly causes the disease, but she will be under strict observation by the finest doctors in the world. Others with Plo Thol E. are Intergalactic Bounty Hunter Samus Aran and Zoanthrope Alice, among others, but again, the cases for these are minor and are arguably beneficial.

Millenia: Spiritual Leader and Divinity Sheena of Guldove openly attacked the remnants of the Church of Yevon this week due to its recent outcry against women's clothing, and the persecution of those who refuse to wear "strange" clothes. The white magic innate said this from the Dragon Shrine of Guldove:

Sheena: After the fall of the Church of Yevon in general, it is deplorable to believe that such a hopeless organization wishes to reinstate the obviously mismatched ideas into power. After all, it was obviously a highly corrupt group that insults the very meaning of a church and has needlessly destroyed what some people's perception of faith is.

Millenia: Sheena plans to travel to Spira and speak to former Summoner Yuna about this, as the noted woman still has some leeway with the council....

DJ: Ya know, the life of a Pokemon Trainer seems cool, right?
Millenia: Well, they have that freedom...they travel around catch squirrels and have them beat the hell out of each other!
DJ: Erm, right....but there's quite a bit that goes into it..
Millenia: Please...
DJ: Don't take my word for it, just check out a tiny sliver of what it takes to be a Pokemon Trainer through, "The Eyes of Mai..."

-EoM intro, like last time-

Mai, having a sling and a bandaged head: Konnichiwa!!!!! Hi everyone, and yes, this is the Eyes of Mai, and I'm Mai Shiranui! Here I am, standing on the quiet field of Pokemon Stadium here at the Indigo Plateau, Kanto! Yes indeed, the life of a Pokemon Trainer does seem to be carefree as I thought, but after going through just one day here...well, just watch!

-video of Mai earlier in the day, bounding up the steps to a main building. The Stadium is seen in the far background-

Mai: Well, here I am at the International Pokemon League Main Plaza building! I'm here today to learn a little bit about what it takes to become a trainer.....personally, I think it'll be a waste, but eh, it works for me! C'mon!

-more of her entering the door, cut to a new scene of her standing in a lobby-

Mai: Now, I'm here with Lance, leader of the Elite Four...or Five, whatever, and today, he's going to take me through some of the steps to compete here in the Pokemon League!
Lance: Yes Mai...naturally, a real trainer would take the tests you're about to take over several days, but for simplicity's sake, we'll give you some shorter versions...ready?
Mai: Hai! As I'll ever be!

-switch to a classroom-
Lance: Okay, first a test for basic knowledge.....look at the screen, and we'll see how much you know.
Mai: No problem! -looks down- Hn...How many Leagues are there in the world? Easy!

-later-

Mai: Soooo, how well did I do!?
Lance: Erm...according to this, you got 56...
Mai: Haha! -dances around-
Lance: -blushes- ..out of 300.
Mai: Eh? Bah, I knew that I should have said that Pokemon were ordered by looks instead of discovery!!!
Lance: Right....moving right along...

-next-

Lance: Next up is Pokemon handling and care...we're going to put you into this room -points at door- and see how well you can handle and get along with 6 random Pokemon.
Mai: Hai! Easy enough, everyone loves me!!! Especially teenage boys, but I'm not sure why....
Lance: Um, yes, I wonder why indeed.....
Mai: -shrugs- Eh, don't ask me! Now, let me in! -jumps into the room-
Lance: -Leans against wall and waits...and waits.....and waits.....until-
Mai, slightly muffled: Waaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All I wanted to do was rub your belly!!!

-a loud roar is heard as the Kunoichi runs out of the room screaming, as a Steelix comes roaring after her-

-Later, outside, with a slightly dazed and bedraggled Mai-
Lance: Well, this is the final part of the tests we give trainers. You have three random Pokemon in those PokeBalls you picked up, and we'll pit you against one of our own in a fight. The point here isn't necessarily to win, but to see how well you hold up.
Mai: I see! -clips on belt- Well, let's go then!
Lance: All right, you'll be facing off against Bruno -points at the waving Elite Four Member- over there!
Bruno: Ready when you are!
Mai: Hai! Bring it on!
Bruno: Whatever you say! Go, Hitmonchan!
Hitmonchan: Chan!!!!
Mai: Heh, well see! Come on out, whoever you are!!! -throws the first ball, revealing...-
Steelix: STEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!
Mai: You again!? -curses in Japanese as the angry steel snake turns in angry recognition-

-Lance and the rest of the Elite Four members are watching from the stands, as Mai is being chased around the entire arena-

Lorelei: ...maybe you shouldn't have given her the same group as from the room....
Lance: I thought it'd be a good thing if she had Pokemon that had already met her...
Will: Well, obviously...
Mai: AYIEEEE!!!!!!!!!
Karen: Next time, we give our reports to CNN...

Mai, back in the present: So, as you can see, being a trainer isn't all THAT easy....
DJ: Erm, are you okay there Mai?
Mai: Bah, no problems! I'll be back and ready next time!
Millenia: Um, Mai....
Mai: What?
DJ: Behind you.....
Mai: Nh? -turns around and gets face to face with the glaring, angry Steelix- ........-curses in Japanese-
Steelix: -growl-
Mai: Uh, so, for Eyes of Mai, this is Mai Shiranui reporting, so....
Steelix: RAAAAAWWR!!!!!!!!!
Mai: AH! JA NE!!!!-runs off-

DJ: Er, Mai Shiranui everyone!
Millenia: We'll be back after this....


-Samus standing in front of a plain white background with her helmet off and a forced smile-

Samus: .....Hi everyone! I'm Samus Aran, and I know the problems of having to look glamorous on the go! After all, a Bounty Hunter doesn't have time to get....-under breath- do I have to say this!?
Off camera whisper: Just say it!
Samus: fine...-back to "normal"- ...get all glitzed up and proper, girl! That's why I use BishoujoCo. Brand Hair care products! With different levels for different women, and their very different lifestyles! Here are some testimonials!

-various characters, all with forced smiles-

King: After those long hours of keeping jerks out of those bars, my short hair is a mess, which is why I use BishoujoCo's Lite Style Conditioner!

Queen Garnet: Ruling a Kingdom is not an easy task, and it is rather hard to look royal all the time, which is why I prefer hi-style!

Ayla: Running in shrubs not easy, really hard on Ayla's hair. That why Ayla use Extra Style, keep Ayla's hair nice and not dirty!

-Samus looking bored again before realizing she's on-

Samus: Oh.......but now you see, that BishoujoCo. it the way to go ladies! BishoujoCo: They do hair right!

-inexplicably, Irvine Kinneas pops up holding a bottle of shampoo-

Irvine: And don't forget men, we've got our own too with Bishounenco! -tips hat-


Millenia: Say, don't you use that?
DJ: So? You use Extra Style or whatever the hell it is.....
Millenia: Come on, have you seen me!? I need to look good....not that it's too hard, of course!
DJ: ...Whatever.
Millenia: Anyway, now it's time for our weekly feature....
DJ: Er, actually, no.
Millenia: What!?
DJ: Yeah, since we had "Eyes of Mai" this week, no Letters....
FPB: What!?
Foyusa: You're going to rob everyone out there of our charm!?
DJ: ......pretty much.
Foyusa: Bah! Weak!
FPB: This is an utter outrage!!! We won’t stand for it, right Foyusa?
Foyusa: Yeah!
Millenia: -reading a paper- Actually, you two are still getting paid the same amount.....
FPB: ........oh, okay.
Foyusa: No complaints here!

DJ: .......right........well, anyway, for Millenia -Millenia winks at the camera- Foyusa -the Ledian gives a thumbs up- Freaky Psychic Bird -waves- and Mai Shiranui, I'm DarkJuno, bidding you all a sane and peaceful day.
All: See Ya!