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[DarkJuno]

Top ten lists, retired Dragoon, and Ski Time! All this and more, on the 24th Edition of DarkJuno: (Non)Roving Reporter!

-Intro, music has bells in the background now-

Non-Cheesy, 50's Style Announcer: With Millenia.....Foyusa....Freaky Psychic Bird.....and special correspondent Mai Shiranui.....this is DarkJuno:(Non)Roving Reporter....

-rather then the usual set, DJ and Millenia are seated behind a heavy wooden, oaken version of the desk situated in a giant version of a log cabin. There's a gigantic window behind them, showing off the white, snow filled slopes and people walking by happily, carrying skis, snowboards, and the like. DJ and Millenia are wearing ski parkas and such, with the latter again wearing the bandana thingy. She also has dark shades on and is grumbling-

DJ: Heya, Happy Holidays, and welcome to the 24th Edition of DJ:(N)RR! Coming to you live from the completed but unopen to the public Ice Mountain Ski Resort, I'm your boardin' host DJ, and of course..
Millenia: ......I'm Millenia.......hi everyone.......and while they may not be at their desk today, up on top of one of the slopes here are...

-split screen, with Foyusa sitting on Sailor FPB's shoulder, both also dressed warmly-

Foyusa: Foyusa!!!
Sailor FPB: And FPB! Erm, Sailor FPB! And I'd like to see you try and snowboard!
DJ: Hey hey, I'll show you ALL after the show! Anyway, as I said, we're here in the lobby of the Ski Resort's Massive, Five Star Hotel, and we hope you all had a Merry Christmas or whatever holiday you may or may no celebrate this time of the year, and wish you all a Happy New Year's! We're here amidst the VIP's and spent the last few weeks here celebrating and generally just enjoying our time off!
Millenia: -groan- Hey, keep it down!
DJ: Well, that's what you get for partying so much last night!
Millenia: Bah, whatever...anyway, in a little bit, our own Mai Shiranui will show us part of this gigantic complex, and take her turn down one of the slopes....
DJ: But first...on to the news!!!
Millenia: -covers ears- QUIET!!!

-news mode-

Millenia: -sigh- First up tonight, the rumors are indeed true. Famed Grand Summoner with nothing to summon Yuna and her close friend Rikku of the Al Bhed tribe have, out of the blue, released a debut rap album, entitled "Sphere Street." Apparently, the duo has been close ever since the fall of Sin and the new mandate against excessive clothing for woman with skin tones higher then a certain point. Thus far, the album's been a hit, and the two are scheduled to have a concert in the former meeting hall in Spira. This follows the rumblings of Yuna supposedly writing lyrical rhymes, though some say the songs are a little marred by the somewhat high pitched voices of both singers.

DJ: Yesterday afternoon, El Nido was shocked when Head Acacia Dragoon Deva Karsh retired from knighthood! Apparently, this stems from his oath to either bring in the now captured convicted murderer Vincent Valentine back to Termina...or to retire. While he was successful in catching his accomplice Kid, he still states that it was not the same and that, as a man of his word, he shall hand his title to the remaining Four Devas. General Viper has expressed regret at the renowned Axe wielding dragoon's departure, but supports his decision. He also added that he hasn't decided on who shall be the new leader or newest member of the three-person team. Rumors, however, indicate that Zoah is the likely candidate for the position. As far as Karsh himself is concerned, he has not yet revealed his plans for what he is going to do from now on, though he has received a rather generous retirement fund.

Millenia: This week, it was confirmed that former dead flower girl Aeris Gainsbourough has, indeed, joined extreme left wing environmental group the Green Gaians, which is surprising considering her usually conservative nature about things. She states that, while she does not support some of the more radical actions of the group, nor does she believe in all of the liberal ideals, but her belief in protecting the planet is indeed just as strong. She continues that the planet(s)' lifestream(s) need protection, and this means taking care of the surface and all of its creatures and natural wonders. Aeris also commented that this has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that her former boyfriend Cloud Strife is now going out steadily with one of her beast friends, Ms. Tifa Lockhart, and that in no way is she planning to use what leverage she may have in the group for vengeance.

DJ: Earlier today, the newly re-launched magazine "Timber Maniacs" has released this year's top ten lists for cutest chicks and...h...ho....
Millenia: Oh, I'll say it! Hottest Guys, woo!
DJ: Thanks...but anyway, both lists came out today, at an announcement back in Timber. First of all, the gals list has S.T.A.R.S. member Jill Valentine at #10, followed shortly by DOA Participant Hitomi at #9. Former Granas Songstress Elena comes in at #8...
Millenia: Number 8!?!?!? Whoa re they kidding!? -grabs head- Ow.....
DJ: Erm, and surprisingly, tough-as-nails-I-don't-care-how-I-look Bounty Hunter Samus Aran comes in at #7, with Al Bhed Tribe Member Rikku coming in at #6. Rounding out the top Five are, in ascending order, Southtown City Cop "Blue Mary" Ryan, Fox Girl Krystal, 7th Heaven bar Owner Tifa Lockhart, the entertainer anthromorphic cat-girl Felicia, and with the most votes, the number one cutest gal of 2002...everyone's favorite kunoichi, our very own Mai Shiranui!
Millenia: I was robbed!!! I should have been in the top ten, especially with Mai and Elena in there!!!!
DJ: Hey, I thought you were hammered....anyway, the guys had their list as well, which is as follows:
9. Laguna Loire
8. Auron
7. Link
6. Alucard
5. Squall Leonhart
4. Hwaorang
3. Fou-Lu
2. Ryu Hayabusa
1. Sephiroth
DJ: It is worth noting that Vincent Valentine was actually in her as #6, but due to his current state, was knocked off the list, limiting it to Nine.
Millenia: Eh, who cares, I wouldn't mind being in a room with all of that....Mmmm.....
DJ: Well, technically, all of these guys and gals are or were here....
Millenia: Believe me, I know!

DJ: ....Anywho...this week, we launch our newest regular feature! After the death of the Book Block and Movie Manifesto, we've mostly stuck to the Letters' Segment, but now with our correspondent, we got a new idea!
Millenia: You've seen the lobby of the resort, now see the Ice Mountain Ski Lodge and Resort through...
Both: ...the Eyes of Mai!




DJ: ........that was sorta lame sounding...
Millenia: ..agreed.....

-fancy intro with various moving poses of Mai along with the name "The Eyes of Mai." Up on top of one of the slopes is Mai, standing in winter gear and holding a mic with the "EoM" logo-

Mai: Konichiwa! Happy Holidays everyone!
DJ: Heya Mai, and congrats on you being the Number One Gal this year!
Mai: Aw, thanks!!!
Millenia: ...I stills ay I should have been in the top ten...
Mai: Well Milly-chan, as they say, some have it....some don't!
Millenia: -groans and shakes fist tiredly-
Mai: Teehee! Anyway, as DJ-chan and Milly-chan said, I did take a tour of this entire resort, and I gotta say, I'm sure glad I'm only here to enjoy the resort instead of having to work here! Take a look at some video we shot earlier, while I speak to the resort manager, Belina Te! Thanks for speaking to us!

-the Snowhorn nods and smiles-

Belina: No problem whatsoever...I needed to supervise a couple of things up here anyway....
Mai: So, how'd you get this job anyway?
Belina: Well, my father is the gatekeeper for the Dark Ice Mines, and I wanted to have a job that was different from such a supposedly high position. When it was decided that a resort would be built, I was recommended and I accepted.
Mai: I see...so, what does this resort have?
Belina: Ah, as you saw on the tour earlier, we have several rooms at the hotel, all of which have among the most comfortable beds direct from the floating Kingdom of Zeal. All also have a snack bar and mini-fridge, as well as individual showers and tubs. Now, of course, the higher end suites are larger and have even more amenities, but all the rooms are guaranteed to give a night of restful dreams...or whatever you wish to do in all of our soundproof rooms!
Mai: Ohhh, I should get Andy-chan in there....
Belina: Well, furthermore, we have some of the finest chefs in the world(s) here, from El Nido to Zanarkand...or whatever's left of it, anyway. We also have 12 slopes of various difficulties with more being constructed as we speak!
Mai: Speaking of slopes, I think it's time for me to try one of these out! How about this one?
Belina: Um, have you ever skied before?
Mai: Once.....but I can take this one! Ja ne! -runs over to the ski lift-
Belina: Well.....-looks at her watch-

DJ: Hmm...isn't that hill the only black level hill here?
Millenia: Yeah, "Kiss your ass goodbye Hill"
DJ: Well given that this is Mai, I wouldn't mind....
Millenia: .........we'll be back after this.....


-three dumb kids in the middle of a field. DK#2 has a sword-

DK#1: Hey, careful now!
DK#2: Butt out! I know what I'm doing...
DK#3: Are you sure? I mean, if you die, that gets rid of our only female/bi member of the trio...
DK#2: Don't worry! I've been practicing! I'm already an expert swordswoman, and I've named my sword, so now I need a fancy signature move!

-inexplicably, Link, Marth, and Squall appear out of nowhere-

Link: Hold on!!!
DK#3: Wow, three expert swordsmen with signature moves!
DK#1: How convenient, I mean, Word!
DK#2: Hey! I'm about to practice my signature move here!
Marth: -something in Japanese-
DK#3: Huh?
Squall: ..........
DK#1: That doesn't help any....
Link: Oh, they said that you shouldn't just do that! It takes years of practice and work to get a signature move!
DK#2: Maybe for you three, but not for me!
Squall: !?!?!?!? Stop....
DK#2: Buzz off! I'm doing it! HA!!! -runs away with sword-
Marth: -Japanese-
Link: Duck!!!
-the 5 duck, as a fiery explosion comes from off-screen-

One week later.....

-standing by DK#2's Grave-
Link: She should've listened....
DK#1: Eh, I'm sure she'll be back next week.....
Squall: ...still, now you know now not to just run around making signature moves....
DK#3: Indeed we do...
All: And now we know!! -cheesy grins-

DJ: ........okay.......Millenia?
-Millenia is snoring away, her head on the desk like a dead body-
DJ: Erm....it's now time for our weekly feature....

-special effects, though seeing as how they're fine tuned to Millenia's voice, it comes across strange-

LETTERS TO MODIFIED EXISTING POKEMON!!!

Millenia: -wakes up- Huh, wha?
DJ: .....take it away, Foyusa and Sailor FPB!

-change to Sailor FPB standing with Foyusa on her shoulder, as awhile ago-

Sailor FPB: Thanks guys!
Foyusa: Just so you know, we saw Mai pass by screaming a couple minutes ago....but I'm sure she's fine!
Sailor FPB: But anyway, this week's letter comes from right here in the Lylat System! It reads...

"Dear Foyusa and FPB,
Ya know, I don't know what to think...ya see, there's this guy I've known for awhile, and we've had...this little thing before. Now, he left and we aren't exactly broken up, and I've run into him and his team again lately. Thing is, I think he left before since he was, how can I put it...tired of the old act. Do you have any suggestions as to how to, well, bring him back?

Fel ineprezlastname"

Sailor FPB: Well Fel, if you ask me, that guy was just usin' ya...that, or you totally misinterpreted. If you have strong feelings, however, you should go for it...and see if there's something there.
Foyusa: Eh, I say just get some inspiration and figure things out...after all, just search around and I'm sure you can position yourself better in his eyes -cough-
Sailor FPB: ....back to you guys....

-news desk, Millenia has her head on the desk again-

DJ: Hey, you sure you'll be okay there?
Millenia: Yeah...just no more parties for the next few days and I think I'll be okay....
DJ: Well, you still have about another week before all of us have to go back anyway....but still, I hope you guys will join us again next week (Yes, really next week) when we move into our brand new studios...don't worry, we'll still be broadcasting from LA, as usual. Now, for my hammered partner Millenia, my buddies Foyusa and Sailor Freaky Psychic Bird, as well as our special correspondent Mai Shiranui, I'm DarkJuno, bidding you all a sane and peaceful day! See....

-Mai comes flying in from the window behind the desk, on skies, naturally-

Mai: Waaaa!!!!!!!!!!!-crashes into the desk and knocks down DJ and the ailing Millenia- Wooo!!!!!!! That was fun!!!
DJ: .....see ya......-passes out-