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[DarkJuno]

Tree Huggers, unexpected smarts, and a mandate for less clothes. All this and more, on the 22nd Edition of DarkJuno: (Non)Roving Reporter!

Non-Cheesy, 50's Style Announcer: With Millenia.......Foyusa.......Freaky Psychic Bird.......and special correspondent Mai Shiranui.........this is DarkJuno: (Non)Roving Reporter.........

-news desk-

DJ: Hey everyone, and welcome to another edition of DJ:(N)RR! Once more, I'm your silky haired host DJ...
Millenia: And I'm Millenia! And over there at the Letters' Desk are DJ's buddies...
Foyusa: Foyusa!
FPB: ...and FPB! Silky haired? Are you okay there bud?
DJ: Hey, 22 Editions of adjectives isn't easy....at least of ones that don't sound weird.
Foyusa: Yeah, well, still...you could have thought of a better one...
Millenia: Well...-ruffles DJ's hair- It IS pretty smooth there..
DJ: -snaps head out of Millenia's hand- Whatever...on to the news!

-news mode-

DJ: First up tonight, the worlds are shocked tonight as extreme left wing interest group the Green Gaians are suing Interstellar Bounty Hunter Samus Aran on charges of destroying entire biomes and species. According to the SimCity based organization, Samus has recklessly "murdered" thousands upon thousands of species in her destruction of Planet Zebes, as well as her admitted action of driving nearly all Metroids into extinction. The group also cites that Miss Aran's actions have greatly tilted the ecosystems on both the barren Tallon IV and the ecologically unbalanced SR388. Samus had this to say from the SSBM Tournament.

Samus: Hmph, ungrateful ingrates....it may have been a bounty job, but if I hadn't had wiped out the Metroids, all their sorry asses would be dead by now. Next thing you know those weepy tree huggers are going to want to sue Fox for interfering with the "natural" balance of Dinosaur Planet's hierarchy...

DJ: It is expected that, while not being thrown out, this case will be hidden quietly by the works of both G.U.N and the Galactic Federation, though Gaian leaders say they will push the case and several others no matter what.

Millenia: Damn tree huggers....anyway, in other news, it looks like the Terminian Civil War has finally come to an end, as the Esthar. Terminian, and Hylian Forces stormed the Great Bay Temple and apprehended the final few Gerudo Pirates, surprisingly, with the aide of the Gerudo Thieves of Hyrule. While the Pirates spat and called the Thieves Traitors, Nabarou has already stated from a letter that it was the Pirates who are the traitors, betraying the true path of Gerudo everywhere and instead stooping to tactics that the Great King of Evil himself would use....something that the Lone Wolf Thief is obviously not fond of. As far as the Snowhead Gorons go, it looks like that freak Autumn thaw has greatly aided the Zorans, as they have been able to infiltrate the stronghold itself and capture many of the water-fearing Gorons. However, several hundred Barrels were detonated, badly scarring the mountain with devastating effects that are sure to stay for years to come.

DJ: Moving on, preparations are under way to, uh, prepare for the dual trials of both Vincent Valentine and his accomplice Kid in the Terminian Harbor Court System. While it's not set to start until January of next year, already lawyers are being chosen for both sides. As of right now, it looks like noted dead member of the Brotherhood of Evil Villains Seymour Guado will be the prosecuting attorney representing the "state." Apparently, being dead gives one more then enough time to go to law school, in this case, the Galbadian Law University. This will be his first high profile case, and he is expected to push his case hard. On the other side, it looks like both Vinny and Kid are going to rely on the same attorney...surprisingly, noted 7th Heaven Bar owner and Vincent's acquaintance Tifa Lockhart! She had this to say from the 7th Heaven...

Tifa: Well, I wouldn't exactly call Vinny a close friend, but we were all together as a group against Sephiroth, and this is something none of us can stand for....besides, I've been meaning to try out this degree I got from Harvard Law...-motions to the diploma hanging behind the bar, alongside a picture of her as the Valedictorian of the graduating class- True, this will be my first case since I received my degree and the Bar Association Approval, not to mention that pesky Ph. D I got at the same time for Political Science, but anything for someone I can help...

DJ: Besides the obvious surprise that Tifa seems to be a genius, this seems to be a landmark case in the making, so stay tuned to us here for more information.

Millenia: In other news, UBA Galbadian Presidential Candidate began his campaign trail earlier this week in the city of Timber. Naturally, this has caused quite an uproar as Timber had been promised its freedom returned to it after the Esthar occupation. Former "Princess" of the Timber Resistance Organization the Timber Owls and wife of Balamb Garden Commander Squall, Rinoa Heartilly-Leonhart, says,

Rinoa: By this, it looks like Kuja has no intent to allow Timber back its independence that it had finally won at the end of the war with -shudder- Ultimecia. Laguna promised the city freedom, and I hope he intends to let it through...

Millenia: As far her father -in-law is concerned, Laguna has yet to comment on this development, nor has UBA leader Sephiroth.

DJ: Finally tonight, according to sources, the former Church of Yevon seems to be looking for more action in Spira. Ever since the fall of Sin and the Yevon Way, the ban on the use of machina has since been lifted and has indeed been embraced by quite a few people. However, many former members of the Yevon are now issuing a ban against....uh, women wearing an excessive amount or otherwise "normal clothing." Supposedly, it's due to the higher temperatures in Spira due to the defeat of Sin, but other organizations have found this rather dubious, at best. However, it seems that several women have complied, somewhat puzzled by the new mandate though. The Al Bhed seem to be the ones to follow the rule thus far, though it seems that several new styles have popped up all over Spira from the new law, most notably former Grand Summoner Yuna. Now, we'll be back after this...

-Three dumb kids walking down a generic pathway-

DK#1: I'm going to do it!
DK#2: But why!? I mean, you're not mute, and you don't want to talk?
DK#3: That's just silly!
DK#1: I don't care! Not talking's cool! Now I'll shut up!
DK#3: But...
DK#1: .............
DK#2: Come on, be serio....
DK#1: -shakes head- ...................

-suddenly, Crono and Serge leap out of the bushes-

Crono: ............-shakes head-
Serge: .........-nods and agrees-
DK#1: !!!!!!! -points excitedly-
DK#2: Yeah, it's Crono and Serge!
DK#3: Awesome, yo!
Crono: ..............-points at DK#1 and shrugs-
DK## Oh, yeah, he's trying to be cool by being a mute like you two....
Serge: -shakes head-
DK#1: -glares and turns, arms crossed-
DK#2: Ah, forget about him....so Serge...
DK#3: Hey, I thought you were, um...
DK#2: Only if it's convenient...
Serge: -slaps forehead-
Crono: -motions for DK#2 and #3 to come forward, as the entire group leaves DK#1 behind them. As soon as their backs are turned, DK#1's eyes bulge out as he starts waving at the group, which doesn't see him-
DK#3: What's this about being convenient?
DK#2: Hey, let's just say I can have a date without being too picky...

-while the four drone on, in the background, DK#1 is being squeezed by Ultros, and is attempting to get the others attention without talking. Ultros begins to play dress up with DK#1 who is trying not to talk..-

An hour later.....

DK#3: Erm, that was weird, but I guess I see where you're coming from....
Serge: -shrug-
Crono: -nods in agreement, and turns and sees DK#1- !!!!!!
DK#2: What the!? See, look what happened since you didn't want to talk!!!

-DK#1 is now half dead as Ultros leaves, happily whistling-

Crono: -points and shakes head-
DK#3: Ah, thanks Crono, Serge, for telling us why we shouldn't be mute!
DK#2 & 3: And now we know!!!!!

Millenia: Erm......who the hell's funding these PSA's anyway!?
DJ: Beats me.....
Millenia: Oh well...and now, for our weekly feature...

-usual effects-

LETTERS TO MODIFIED EXISTING POKEMON!!!!!

DJ: Take it away, Foyusa and FPB!

-letters' desk-

FPB: Thanks DJ! This week's letter comes from Figaro, and it reads...

"Dear Foyusa and FPB,

Ya know, you'd think being in the upper class, to put it lightly, would have flocks of gorgeous women running to you....but nope, nothing! I mean, it's getting lonely here, and while my brother's cool, I'm going to need more then family for this -wink wink-. Now, any advice, mostly since gals might be intimidated?

Brains Half"

FPB: Hmmm, well, I can see that you certainly have a high opinion of yourself...while ladies may well be intimidated -rolls eyes-, it's probably also got something to do with your attitude. Now, seeing as how you're filthy stinking rich, at least judging from the envelope...-olds up a ridiculously decorated golden envelope-, you want someone more then the skinks who are after your money...your attitude will need improvement if you want a real woman, so start with that.
Foyusa: Yeah, well, I guess so....but if you're not after companionship, but "companionship" -nudge nudge wink wink-, then you can't go wrong either way!
FPB: .......back to you guys......

Millenia: ............-glances at DJ-
DJ: -shrugs and motions back to Millenia-
Millenia: -shakes head and points-
DJ: takes finger and makes it point back at her-
Millenia: -frowns and fumes, taking the finger and poking DJ-
DJ: ...........-glares and pokes her back-
Millenia: -poke-
DJ: -poke-
Millenia: -slight shove-
DJ: -shove-
Millenia: shoves off chair-
DJ: -falls and kicks chair out of under Millenia-
Millenia: -falls- AHHH!!!
DJ: -leaps up- Woohoo! I won! Heh, anyway, for Millenia, Foyusa, and Freaky Psychic Bird, I'm DarkJuno, bidding you all a sane and pleasant day! See Yaaaa-AAARRGHH!!!!

-gets blown away by Millenia's Fallen Wings-

Millenia: Heheh, bye everyone!!!!