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[DarkJuno]

Vincent captured by Samus Aran! All this and more, in the 21st Edition of DarkJuno: (Non)Roving Reporter!

Non-Cheesy, 50's Style Announcer: With Millenia......Foyusa....Freaky Psychic Bird...and on the spot correspondent Mai Shiranui.....this is DarkJuno: (Non)Roving Reporter.....

-news desk-

DJ: Heya folks, and welcome to another edition of DJ:(N)RR! Again, I'm your jammin' host DJ, and joining me here at the desk is my partner...
Millenia: Millenia! Hey guys!
DJ: And over there at the letters' desk are my old buddies.....
Foyusa: Foyusa!
FPB: ...and FPB! Jammin' eh?
DJ: Yeah, well, I thought it was about time I went back to the nicknames...anyway, just a note before we start here. Sorry about missing last week, but hey, school's rough, and at the very least, it gave me more time to think of these, right?
Millenia: School? Please, you just wanted to play Metroid Prime...
DJ:....Anyway, I should give fair warning not to expect one next week either....but then again, that's the Thanksgiving Parade, and I'm sure just one shot of the DJ:(N)RR insanity is good enough, right? All right! Oh, and before you all ask, yes, both Squall and Mai are both back to normal as well, so to speak.
Millenia: Yup! So you ladies drooling at Squall...
DJ: Or guys drooling at Mai can go ahead and continue now, since their back to their respective genders.
Millenia: Unless of course, you happened to have liked them the other way, in which case...uh.....
DJ: Er...on to the news!

-news mode-

DJ: First up tonight, we have this breaking story: After months of being on the lam, Vincent Valentine has finally been apprehended by famed bounty hunter Samus Aran. Late last night, at Hyrule Castle, Samus burst into the royal dining hall, where Vincent was apparently speaking to Princess Zelda on certain matters. Apparently, it took a bit of talking from both women, as Vincent gave himself up without a fight at all. As you can see here...

-video of Samus carting Vincent off to the trans-dimensional gateway in Hyrule Castle Town, mobs of Hylians trying to see-

DJ: Vincent looks rather haggard now, presumably tired of it all. As they later arrived in Termina, and Vincent was locked up in a much tighter holding cell, Samus stated,

Samus: What do I think? Look, like I said before, it was a job, and damned if I didn't do it...so long as Viper's check clears, I'm outta here....

DJ: Very apathetic indeed, but that's what we'd expect from her. Vincent is, again, being guarded in a hi-tech, maximum-security dungeon in Viper Manor, after having rebuilt it from the prior break out.

Millenia: On a different point, now that Vincent has finally been caught, trials for both him and his accomplice, noted Radical Dreamer Kid, can now go forward. Due to all the media attention of the break out, the Terminian Court's viewing deck has been booked solid for whenever the trials will take place. However, some are now worried that the trials will be turned into "Three ringed Circuses," as UBA leader Sephiroth put it. Finally putting forth the Bishounen Protection Act forth on Vincent, he wishes for this to stay a "normal trial." However, Pip of the CCKA is completely against this, citing that it is not a normal trial and that all the hoopla should be allowed. Most, however, believe that this is merely action against the UYBA due to the rivalry between the two parties, rather then Pip's actual opinion. On a different note, it's rumored that the case is likely to be handed to a new judge, mostly so bias won't have set in yet.

DJ: Moving along, in a shocking move tonight, the FFMCC has, surprisingly, downgraded Cute-Brown-Haired-Girl-in-White-Sleeveless-Shirt, FFXI Representative, into a secondary position rather then being part of the main council. Chairperson Terra Brandford explains,

Terra: After going over it with the other members, we agreed that while FFXI continues the numbered name system, it is quite simply not to be regarded as part of the series itself. We still appreciate CBHGiWSS's work and hope she stays on in the new level, but until FFXII, this council will stop at 10 members. Thank You.

DJ: CBHGiWSS now joins the other members of the so-called Secondary Council, including FFT Representative Ramza and FF:TSW Rep Aki Ross. She has no comment about the issue as of this time.

Millenia: In a rather surprising turn of events, it seems that the rumors are indeed true. It looks as if Elena, famed singing sensation and former Granas Songstress, will indeed release a new album at the conclusion of this tour with the shared talents of several other talented performers. The singer cited, at her recent performance at the Mute City Stadium:

Elena: This is just a fun project I've always wanted to take part in, and besides, I have a lot of well known friends out there who can sing and do other musical things...now I want the world to find out! -smile-

Millenia: Ugh, all the happiness...Er, I mean, included in the list are noted former General Celes Chere, Queen Garnet of Alexandra, and even...me! Heh, as for those who will perform their music, included are Princess Zelda and Link, on the harp and ocarina respectively, as well as the local favorites of Balamb, the Garden 4. Also included are Tifa Lockhart on the piano and a plethora of others. The CD, yet unnamed, will be released in a few months.

DJ: Finally tonight, it looks like the Zorans have finally come to a clear-cut victory in their side of the war. After a siege on the Snowhead stronghold, they have mortally crippled the Gorons' defenses and, along with the Terminians' recent success with the Esthar backing, it signals that an end to the war is near. However, they have yet to find the remaining Gerudo pirates and their apparent true leader.

Back after this....

-Three Dumb Kids are standing on a hill in San Francisco, DK#3 holding a snowboard-
DK#1: Er, are you sure about this?
DK#3: Of course! Both you and even DK#2 who may or may not be straight have been the stars of these stupid PSA's! It's my turn!
DK#2: Idiot! He means that are you sure riding down this hill on a snowboard is a good idea!
DK#3: Oh! Right, well, of course it is!
DK#1: In that case, kick ass!
-inexplicably, Sonic jumps onto the street from out of a nearby "office building", which looks like it’s made of cardboard-
Sonic: Hold on their kids!
DK#2: It's Sonic!
DK#1: Word!
Sonic: Yup! Now, what are you planning to do anyway?
DK#3: Ah, you see, I'm going to take this board and ride it down this highly traffic congested street that looks like San Francisco!
Sonic: Now now, that's not cool!
DK#3: Tch, whatever!
-DK#3 jumps onto the board and rides down the hill...only to be run over by a badly superimposed truck, not to mention being crushed by a jet which has fallen out of the sky, which, for the hell of it, happens to be carrying tons of plastique explosive, which blows up the entire street in a badly put together explosion-
DK#1: Damn!
DK#2: Pretty cool though...thanks for the heads up Sonic!
Sonic: No problem!
-faces camera-
Sonic: Remember kids, surfing down roads is a baaaaaaad idea!
All: And now you know!

Millenia: .....er, and now to our weekly feature......

-usual effects-

LETTERS TO MODIFIED EXISTING POKEMON!!!
DJ: Take it away, Foyusa and FPB!

-letters' desk-

FPB: Thanks guys! Today's letter comes from Pirates' Cove, and it reads...

"Dear Foyusa and FPB,
Gah!!!! Our Boss is a woman!!!!! GAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
Sincerely,
GAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

FPB: ...........erm, well, what's wrong with that!? I mean, come on, so what if she's chick, you apparently had no problem with it before....
Foyusa: And indeed, you shouldn't! In this day and age, we should welcome these and accept it! We're all equal!
FPB: ...why, thank you Foyusa...
Foyusa: Of course! Besides, a tough gal can be a pretty good "boss," if you know what I mean....
FPB: ...........back to you guys.........

DJ: Well, thanks guys...ready Millenia?
Millenia: Yup!

-clears throat-

Millenia: Vincent the slinger, finally back in jail,
DJ: And this time around, there's no one to bail,
Millenia: Termina courthouses are gonna be packed,
DJ: Hey I hear the judge is really stacked!
Millenia: -thwap!- Uh, FFXI's been downgraded in stats,
DJ: Mostly since the music sucks worse then gnats.
Millenia: Alternate ego's releasing new tunes,
DJ: Let's just hope she -points to Millenia- Sounds better then wolves to the moon.

Millenia: What!? Hey, at least I'm not tone deaf like you are!?
DJ: What're ya talkin' about, I'm no worse then you!
Millenia: Bah! We'll see on Thursday...
DJ: Fine! Uh, anyway, yes, as Millenia said, don't expect another edition this week (This is actually last week's issue, really late), since again, this week we'll be covering the Station Square Thanksgiving Day Parade! If you have nothing else to do, why don't you join us and the rest of the DJ:(N)RR crew?
Millenia: Not to mention a few special guest, might I add!
DJ: Yup, it's this Thursday, here at LA! Anywho, for Millenia, Foyusa, Freaky Psychic Bird, and the currently M.I.A. Mai Shiranui, I'm DarkJuno, bidding you all a sane a pleasant day. See Ya!