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[DarkJuno]

Return of the SSBM and the Terminian War. All this and more, here on the 20th Edition of DarkJuno: (Non)Roving Reporter!!!

Non-Cheesy, 50';s Style Announcer: With Millenia.....Foyusa....Freaky Psychic Bird...and special on the spot correspondent Mai Shiranui...this is DarkJuno: (Non)Roving Reporter....

-news desk...a rather empty news desk decorated much in the same style as it was back in the 10th Edition. However, there doesn’t seem to be anyone there....-

Unknown, yet strangely familiar female voice that's low but not particularly deep: No! I'm NOT going out there!
Unknown, yet also strangely familiar male voice: Same here buddy!
Generic Network Executive: Oh, come on guys! It's your 20th show!
Female voice: Anniversary be damned, I don't care!
Male Voice: Ditto!
FPB?: Hey, WE'RE out here, so quit whining!
Foyusa?: Yeah, and as she said, it's not permanent or anything...
"Female": Well, you two are Pokemon! At a glance, it doesn’t look like anything's, uh, wrong....
GNE: That's it! You two are going out there now!
"Male": Hey! Put me down! Stop it!

-GNE storms onto the set and throws the two "Strangers" onto the set. The Asian looking girl has long, dark brown hair and glares at the somewhat shorter GNE as he walks off. Strangely enough, "her" clothes seem just a tad bit too big for "her," and the only thing that's keeping the jeans up are her ridiculously wide hips...very tomboyish. The "guy" on the other hand, is a red head and isn't wearing much more then a pair of red shorts and a shirt over that, as if "he" wasn't quite sure how to dress-

"Female": Bah, go to hell GNE!!!! -mumble mumble-
"Male": Well...since we're already here....
"Female": Yeah yeah.......whatever.........-sits and looks up at the camera-

-As if it weren't obvious now, people can now plainly see why FPB was so worried about the drinks last week-

DJ: .......-sigh- Hi again, and welcome to the 20th Edition of DJ:(N)RR.....unfortunately, I am, indeed, your usual host DJ, suffering from the effects of a certain redhead's drink -glares at Millenia-
Millenia: Hey, this isn't a cakewalk for me either! Besides, how come yours are so much bigger then mine are supposed to be!?!?!
DJ: Don't remind me...
-tries to cross "her" arms, but gets frustrated and quits-
DJ: -sigh- Anyway, as always, joining us over there are my buddies...

Foyusa, slightly girlish tone: Foyusa!!!
FPB, slightly manish: FPB! And shouldn't that be...Fayusa?
Foyusa: Shut up!!!
DJ: Blargh...anyway, I guess we should get on with the news....

-news mode, with the music and all that jazz-

DJ: First up tonight, it seems that the recent rains in Transylvania have caused rather massive floodwaters to rise, placing the area in a nearly 5 foot deep lake around the Castlevania region of the area. As expected, federal aide is to be sent soon, though residents are complaining that the rivers of blood have all left their banks and are staining their walls and streets. Vlad Dracula, representative of the area, however responds that it's no big deal and invites anyone into the castle for shelter. Strangely enough, the peasants refused his offer and instead ran off screaming for help.

Millenia: Moving right along, we have now received unconfirmed reports that the Terminian Civil War may be nearing an end. After the 4-day siege of the Gerudo Pirates Stronghold in Great Bay, the combined Terminian, Hylian, and Esthar forces were able to breakthrough, forcing the Gerudo Pirates to flea. Consequently, the many Venomian aircraft and vehicles kept their were also destroyed in the attack, as it is now in Terminian hands. Now, the troops seem to be clearing the rubble and exploring the once secretive Pirate Base, searching for anything that remains for clues. There are no clues to support where the Pirates have run off to. Meanwhile, in the other side of the war, the Zorans are focusing on the Gorons of Snowhead themselves, as the snow has thawed, allowing them easier passage to the springs and streams of the usually impenetrable domain. It remains to be seen how they will sue the aide Esthar has given to them as well.

DJ: In other news, the SSBM kicked off its new season last night at the Indigo Pokemon Stadium, sporting a free live broadcast to billions of viewers across the globes. Despite the small amount of flack they have gotten from the UBA due to the fact that they are now a political party, the show went off without a hitch, as the SSBM Championship was taken from current winner Link and locked away, ready for its worthy owner for this season. For the uninformed, the SSBM competition takes place in the course of a few months, as participants brawl for the most points in a variety of team and singles matches. The top 12 or so are then put into a tournament style ladder near the end of the season, where the champion is decided. Besides Link, of course, hopeful prospects this year include "6 Time F-Zero X Grand Prix Champion" Captain Falcon, Ultra Psychic Pokemon Mewtwo, and, while she's to be understandably absent as she tracks down Vincent, bounty hunter Samus Aran.

Millenia: Krystal is in the news yet again, as her "Cape Claw's Secret" shops have been breaking records ever since the line opened a few weeks back. Already, it has become the most popular lingerie and swimsuit land in 10 different universes, and plans to open new shops in Lindblum and Esthar have been accelerated, along with some other new locations planned soon after. Here are some opinions from a few gals at the FFMCC's wives/girlfriends/whatever’s gala.

Tifa: Whoa, it's just so comfortable...and it fits! Plus, certain spiky haired boys seem to like it...
Terra: At first I thought it might be more of the same...but these seem to have both form AND function....
White Mage: Yeah, plus Fighter ogles me even more now then ever!
Rinoa: Like she said....I think Squall even began to bl....-Squall, also having been feminized into a girl, grumbles into the camera and glares into the screen, as the cameraman nervously laughs and turns it off-

Millenia: Er...it should also be noted that shares for Cape Claw's Secret have jumped up.

DJ: Hmm, looks like even Squall's been affected....
Foyusa: I'll say...
DJ: What, no comment about "her" body?
Foyusa: Heck no! "She" IS really a guy, after all! Though.....does this mean "she" and Rinoa will be, at the moment, a lesbia...
DJ: MOVING RIGHT ALONG....-glare...as everyone around him screams and ducks-
DJ: ...what?
Millenia: Your death glare...now that you're temporarily a girl, it's been upgraded!
Unseen Female Stagehand #1: -gulp- Even we're scared!
Unseen Female Stagehand #2: Indeed! ARGHH!!!!!!
DJ: -sigh- We'll be back after this...

-Three Dumb Kids are walking in a cave-
DK#1: Dang it! I know that dragon thingy's in here!
DK#2: Well, I don't see why I have to be here....
DK#3: Quiet! We're here to find this dragon and make it our summon! And any idiot knows only girls can be innate summoners...
DK#2: But....
DK#1: Ah, there it is!
-the trio runs to a box with a button on it that says "Push to release Dragon Summon"-
DK#1: Okay, let's catch this here mug!
Other Two: Hell yeah!
-inexplicably, a hole opens up in the ceiling, as Yuna, in FFX-2 gear, leaps in with the sunlight-
Yuna: Hold on kids!
DK#1: Holy....it's Yuna!
DK#3: Kick ass!
DK#2: Mmm, ass is right....
-DK #1 and 2 glance at the drooling female #2 and back away slowly-
Yuna: Er, thank you...-cough- Anyway, what are you three planning to do?
DK#2: Oh! We were going to open that box there and catch that summon dragon!
Yuna: Really? I don't see any of you holding weapons...
DK#1: Weapons are for sissies!!!!!
-DK#1 opens the box and "releases" a badly edited in Ruby Dragon, which, in another badly edited shot, "eats" him and disappears back into the box-
DK#3: Damn! The hell!?
Yuna: Common mistake! You see, you8 need to first weaken it! Observe!
-walks over, presses the button, and steps back. This time, however, the "Ruby Dragon" is a horribly made paper mache model, which emits a weak roar. Out of nowhere, Tidus, Rikku, Lulu, Wakka, Auron, and Kimahari come on screen, knock the statue over, and walk away-
Yuna: All right! Now try!
DK#2: Okay! -nods and "catches" the summon as it disappears in a badly done dissolve shot-
DK#3: Whoa! Now that was kick ass!
DK#2: Mmmm, ass.....
Yuna: Er...-pulls collar- Anyway, aren’t you glad it was weakened now?
DK's: Yup!
Yuna: -turns to camera and does a cheesy smile and puts up a "v" sign with her two fingers- Remember! Summons, like Pokemon, need to be weakened first!

Non-Cheesy, 50's Style Announcer: This message has been brought to you by the Al Bhed and DJ:(N)RR

Millenia: -sigh- And welcome back...so it's time for..
DJ: -sniff-
Millenia: Eh? What's wrong there DJ?
DJ: Grrr...EVERYTHING! I mean, this is ridiculous! This is just so frustrating!!
Millenia: Awww, there there DJ...though, now you can see how it feels huh?
DJ: -grumble grumble- I know....all this crap you girls have to go through...I mean, normally, all I have to do is hoip in the shower, throw on my t-shirt and jeans, then spend the 10 minutes with my hair...and BAM! done! But now, there's all this..
Millenia: -pats DJ on the back- Now now, at least you get a lesson out of this..
DJ: Screw the lesson! I just can't handle it! I still don't understand the whole bra thing either!
Foyusa: Obviously...cold, isn't it DJ?

-DJ gives "her" now "Mega Super Ultra Love Love Death Glare Mk II" at Foyusa, who turns white, stiffens, and falls to the floor, making a clattering sound-
FPB: Wow...you always had a good death glare, but now.....
DJ: Grr...I don't care! Being a woman is so much harder then you make it seem to be!!!!!!!!!

-blinding flash of light. DJ, back to normal, suddenly stands there with his fists up. Strangely enough, he's dressed normally-

DJ: Eh...-pats chest- Woohoo!!! I'm back! -dances around-
Millenia: Hey, wait a minute...how'd he get turned back to normal?
FPB: -snaps fingers- Aha! That's it! For the potion to wear off, you have to admit that being the opposite gender isn't as easy as it seems!
Foyusa: -flies back up- Really!? Then...-throws head up- Being a woman is tough!!!!!!!
-flash-
Foyusa: Haha! I'm back baby!!!
FPB: -sigh- Well...I suppose being a guy isn't all that easy either...
-flash-
FPB: Hmm...Foy Prism Power!!! -blinding flash of colorful light-
Sailor FPB: Aha! I'm back as well!!! C'mon Millenia, you too!
Millenia: Uh-uh! I don't think so!
DJ: Eh? Why not?
Millenia: Because it's NOT hard being a man! You guys STILL have it easy...
DJ: -sigh- Come on Millenia, you should know it's not...granted, from my point of view, you gals have the tougher job...
Millenia: We do! You don't have to bother with expectations or any of those things...I mean...
Sailor FPB: Oh come on...you know that's a lie...besides, don’t you want your boobs back?
Millenia: Grrr...you're right....-sigh- Being a guy isn't as easy as you all make it out to be...
-flash-
Millenia: -peers down shirt- Woo hoo! I'm back too!!!!
DJ: There...that wasn't hard, was it?
Millenia: ......guess not....Well, then, now turning to our....
Foyusa: Eh....could we not do the segment this week? Switching genders takes a lot out of you...

-strangely enough, light music begins to play, which, strangely, fits in perfectly with what the cast says from here on in-

DJ: Hey, regardless of what we feel, this is our job...and it's our duty to...
Foyusa, rather weakly: find and report the news...
DJ: -cough- What is it we do?
Millenia, also weakly: Find and Report the news...
DJ: What, I can't hear you!
Sailor FPB: Find and Report the news!
DJ: I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
All: WE SAID FIND AND REPORT THE NEWS!

-the desk and sets slide away, revealing a large stage area decorated with giant, oversized looking newspaper headlines relating to games-

DJ: In that case...

-happy, lighthearted music picks up-

All: Hey hey!!!!

-dancing-

All: No matter where it is, or from whom it comes,
Whether it's smart or really dumb....
Millenia: When News Breaks!
All: We'll be there!
Foyusa: When News Breaks!
All: From Kalm to Bowser's Lair!
DJ: Through Weddings to Heartbreak,
Night, Noon, or Day,
We give the News Stake,
To keep you informed on the day!

-dances over to the side-

DJ: Running around the world,
was always lots of fun.
Seeing things for myself,
All under the moon or sun!

Yet after the times went,
I was forced to change,
Though sittin' at a desk
Went and extended my range!

Now when news breaks,
From Guardia to Hyrule,
You hear it hear folks,
With me brinigin' it old school!

With Millenia at my side,
Foyusa and FPB on the edge,
Mai out in the field,
We can bring it with no hedge!

All: 'Cause Hey hey!
No matter where it is, or from whom it comes,
Whether it's smart or really dumb....
Mai: When News Breaks!
All: We'll be there!
Sailor FPB: When News Breaks!
All: From Scandals and abuse!
DJ: From the Day of Darkness,
And even the Lunar Cry,
We give the News Stake,
To keep you informed on the dial!

DJ: Let's go!

-ridiculously large dance number begins, as the crew and various other characters do some freak combination of tap, river dancing, and hi-hop-

DJ: So, what is it we do again?
Mai: Find and Report the News!

Foyusa: What do we do?
Sailor FPB: Find and Report the News!

DJ: What do we do?
Millenia: Find and Report the News!

All: Hey Hey!
No matter where it is, or from whom it comes,
Whether it's smart or really dumb....
Millenia: When News Breaks!
All: We'll be there!
Foyusa: When News Breaks!
All: From Kalm to Bowser's Lair!
DJ: Through Weddings to Heartbreak,
Night, Noon, or Day,
We give the News Stake,
To keep you infooooooormed.........

All: ON THE DAY!!!!

DJ: For Millenia, Foyusa, Sailor Freaky Psychic Bird, Mai Shiranui, and all of us here at DJ:(N)RR, I'm DarkJuno, bidding you all a sane and pleasant day....See Ya!!!

-everyone continues to dance as it fades out-