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[DarkJuno]

DJ's return, some new evidence, and a theme park...of EVIL!!! All this and more, on the 19th Edition of DarkJuno: (Non)Roving Reporter!!!

-normal intro-

Non-Cheesy, 50's Style Announcer: With Millenia.....Foyusa.......Freaky Psychic Bird......and on the spot correspondent Mai Shiranui......this is DarkJuno: (Non)Roving Reporter..........

-news desk, off to the corner on DJ's side is a cake, while Mai and surprisingly, Squall are sitting on an extended portion near Millenia. Strangely enough, DJ doesn’t have the cast or sling anymore. Oh, and bizarrely enough, everyone but Squall is dressed up in a costume-

DJ: Hey everyone, and welcome to yet another edition of DJ:(N)RR! Finally, after weeks of absence, I'm your host, the good 'ol Slammin' DJ! And you should all know my co-host.....
Millenia: Millenia! Hi again everyone!
DJ: Naturally, over there at the letters' desk are my two buddies...
Foyusa: Foyusa!
(Sailor) FPB: ...and Sailor FPB! Welcome back buddy...but, Slammin'?
DJ: Blargh, whatever.....and joining us here today from the studio, is special correspondent Mai Shiranui...
Mai: Konichiwa!!!! DJ-chan, hi!!!!
DJ: ...and my rather excellent stand-in for the past few weeks, Squall Leonhart!
Squall: ............
DJ: Er, okay.....anywho, I'd just like to say that it's great to be back, and thanks for all of your gifts and outpourings, readers. While I could have taken another week off, I had to be here and just wanted to get back to work!
Mai: Besides, the Generic Network Executive wouldn't give you anymore paid vacation time!
DJ: .....whatever....
Squall: ......................
DJ: What? It's not like you have a patent on that phrase...
Squall: actually....-pulls out a piece of paper, which Millenia grabs-
Millenia: Wow! Apparently, Squall DOES own "...whatever......"
DJ: .................
Mai: Uh.....hey, who are you supposed to be anyone DJ-chan?
DJ: -brushes off the regal looking clothing and adjusts the blue cape, though there's a headband on the desk, which he refuses to wear- Why, Prince Marth, of course.....
Foyusa: Really eh? Then what about the headband?
DJ: Er, I'd rather not......what about you guys?
Foyusa: -sits on a tiny motorcycle and adjust a bandana- Eh, generic biker for me....not much, but at least I wasn't lazy like FPB!
Sailor FPB: What!? It helps to have a built in costume....
Foyusa: Bah!!!
Millenia: Heh...hey Mai, I gotta admit, you have a nice costume...
Mai: -giggles and stands, twirling around with the useless jacket and outfit- Thanks! You're the only other redhead I could look like! Nice Elena, by the way!
Millenia: Yeah yeah, whatever you say...these are a bit frumpy for me though...
DJ: Hey, ever since when did you two get so buddy-buddy?
Millenia and Mai: -shrug-
DJ: Hey Squall! What about you?
Squall: I find nothing amusing in dressing up....
Mai: Aw, why not? DJ doesn’t celebrate Halloween, but he did anyway for fun!
Squall: ...whatever......
Millenia: Party pooper!
Sailor FPB: Yeah, come on Squall!
Squall: ...fine.....
-walks off the seat, but comes back in his blue Kingdom hearts jacket-
Squall: Better?
DJ: Heh, good enough! Onto the news!!!

-news mode-

DJ: This time around, just for the hell of it, we'll let this one be a four-way segment. I'll start. Okay, first up tonight, we have undisclosed reports that, for the first time, there is hard evidence that Vincent is NOT the murderer of either SNK cat girl Cham-cham OR former CCKA leader Starky! The rumors persist that the Viper Manor has received a videotape freeing Vincent of all accusations of murdering, at the very least, Starky. That would explain why Karsh and the Dragoons have pulled out of Hyrule earlier this week, leaving Samus to trail Vincent herself. Thus far, Glenn has denied all reports, but General Viper himself has been strangely quiet.

Millenia: Moving right along, the annual Masquerade will be held at Alexandra this week, which in past years has been the most extravagant and well known costume party in the worlds. Held again by Princess Garnet til Alexandros XVII, everyone, from royalty to "normal folks" will be present for the engagement. Included in the festivities are, once again, the infamous "Great Pumpkin" relay, the story contest, and the ever-popular karaoke contest. Such greats as Crono, Cloud Strife, Link, Zelda, and several others are to attend, all decked out in costume.

Mai: My turn! -clears throat- Today marks the opening day to the brand new Brotherhood of Evil Villains sponsored theme park, Apoca-land! Located in the Kalamari Desert of the Mushroom Kingdom, the park is divided into 6 sections, from the extreme rides of the Koopa Crash, to the downright creepy Ganon's Dark World, it boasts an amazing 19 roller coasters and several other thrill rides. Among those are Kefka's Tower, a towering ride which drops you down at speeds up to 120 mph, and Bowser's Magma Mash, a 4 minute roller coaster set over a bubbling pool of lava. Also a hit today at the Dr. Wiley Robonation Theatre was the new Park Band, the Protoman Five. Apparently, they had to run off the stage as Chest panels and e-mail addresses were thrown at them. Another popular section of the Entertainment venue was the Team Rocket Pad, where the restaurants and the Blast off arena are located. Several major villains were there for the highly successful Grand Opening, including UBA leader Sephiroth, King Bowser Koopa, King of the Gerudos, Ganondorf, and even the esteemed Dr. Ivo Eggman Robotnik.

Squall: .....in other news, this week, famed DOA Participant and downright cold-hearted fighter Ayane shocked the world today, as she announced that she has recently had Breast Reduction surgery. She cites,

Ayane: Hmph, after DOA3, I felt sick and disgusted by that pathetic half sister of mine, Kasumi, and her insistence to fight with her ridiculously large chest. I have had it with all of these so called "serious fighters," especially after they run out on the field in skimpy clothing and proudly display them as if they were weapons! I had to take a stand.....

Squall: Immediately after this announcement, sales for the brand new Ayane posters spiked up because, as one fan stated, "Next time, the pictures won't be quite as effective, if you catch my drift..." Ayane, reportedly, cares little and plans to still participate in any and all DOA tournaments in the future...
Mai: Hmph! The nerve!!!
Millenia: I know! Why would anyone want to get reduction anyway!?
Mai: -shrug-

DJ: Er, and finally, it appears that construction is nearly complete on the highly anticipated Snowhorn Lodge, located on Ice Mountain. Said to boast some of the best ski slopes and shopping around, they will also be complemented by the cozy yet decidedly high tech accommodations for visitors. Dinosaur Planet itself has been witnessing a boom in population and its economy as of late, especially after Corneria formally recognized it as part of the Lylat System. It should also be noted that while it won't officially open to the public until the new year, it will be ready this December for celebrities and others to try it out.

DJ: We'll be back right after this...

-Three Dumb Kids are hiking along a ridiculously high cliff-

DK#1: Man, I'm depressed...I think I'll kill myself!
DK#2: Eh, me too, let's jump off this cliff!
DK#3: Kick ass! I'm in!

-inexplicably, Cloud Strife and Ryudo drop in from a nearby tree which wasn't there in the last shot-

Cloud: Hold on kid!
DK#2: Dude!!!!! It's Cloud and that guy from Grandia 2!!!
Ryudo: Why you....
Cloud: Hold on there Ryudo....now, what are you kids about to do there?
DK#1: Oh, we're all depressed, so we're going to jump off this cliff onto that ridiculously large pile of jagged rocks, surrounded by a pack of Grendals, who are probably desperate for food right now!
Ryudo: What are you kids on!?
DK#2: Well, before we left I had some....
Ryudo: Rhetorical question kid....but anyway, don't you think you should go to the save point first?
-points at the generic, trippy colored, transparent save point-
DK#1: Savepoints are for wusses! Bye!!!!
-jumps off the cliff-
DK#2: Hmm, ya know, that save point is a good idea...
DK#3: Yeah! Let's save first!
-runs off to save, but then proceed to jump off the cliff-
Cloud: ...3.....2....1.....
-DK# 2 and 3 reappear at the save point, screaming-
DK#2: Holy crap!!!!!
DK#3: -whew- I'm glad we saved there....death sucked!
DK#2: Yeah, plus I think we saw DK#1 being eaten alive by Bill Gates clones....Sucks to be him!
Ryudo: Now aren't you glad you used that save point?
DK's: Hell yeah!!!!
Cloud: -turns to camera and points- Remember kids! Save Points are your friends!
All: Save Points: Know Them, Use Them, Love Them.

-back to the studio-

Millenia: Well, now it's time for our weekly feature....

-special effects-

LETTERS TO MODIFIED EXISTING POKEMON!!!

DJ: Take it away, Foyusa and Sailor FPB!!!

-Letters' Desk-

Sailor FPB: Thanks DJ! Today's letter is from Lindblum, and it reads...

"Dear Foyusa and FPB,

I have a problem with my lovely wife....now, she’s the best, and I love her dearly, but she has this habit of turning me into things when she's mad! I mean, sure, I admit, the first time around, I was flirting with other women and deserved it, but come on! Now, every time I leave the toilet seat up or forget to buy her "products" at the store, she turns me into flies, cats, dogs, whatever! Sure, she changes me back but come on....help would be greatly appreciated....

Most appreciatively,
Ogglefrog"

Sailor FPB: Hmm, well, you're right, your wife MAY be going a bit too far...but think about it, how would YOU feel if she did all these annoying things? Just face it like a man!
Foyusa: Well, I tend to agree, but I think she wants something more....maybe you should buy some other "products" for those long nights...
Sailor FPB: Foyusa!!!!
Foyusa: I was talking about a hobby...
Sailor FPB: ..........
Foyusa: What? I'm talking about reading, playing cards, building ships, whatever! What'd you think I was talking about!?
Sailor FPB: ..........back to you guys..........

DJ: Thanks guys! And now....I know it’s been a while Millenia, but you ready?
Millenia: Yup!

-clears throat-

Millenia: Gunslinger could be free from killing aliens and cats,
DJ: Though more then likely, he'll still be wanted like Million dollar bats.
Millenia: Parties come and go, and help keep people in style,
DJ: Thought he singing will probably want people to drown in the Nile.
Millenia: Dastardly Evil park, is all fun and games,
DJ: At least until they start introducing rides which choke and maim.
Millenia: Girl with a big rack, decides to lower the stack,
DJ: While big fans run and by her posters by the packs.
Millenia: Icy Cold Resort is near ready for the curves,
DJ: Whereas the biggest slope will only be used by those with nerves.
Millenia: And last of all, a hubbie's got some troubles,
DJ: Being turned into hogs, chipmunks, and bubbles.

-boos-

DJ: -sigh- Ah....it's nice to be back............I'd like to again thank Squall Leonhart for joining us today, mostly just so I could thank him personally for filling in the past few weeks....
Squall: ...whatever........
Millenia: Heheh! So, for.....
DJ: Hey!!!
Millenia: Heh, sorry, it was getting to be habit....
DJ: No problem...well, for Millenia, Foyusa, Sailor FPB, Mai Shiranui, and Squall Leonhart, this is DarkJuno, bidding you all a sane and calm day.

-picks up a mug with some weird smoking drink in it, as does everyone else-

All, but Squall: See Ya!!!!

-fade out-










"Oy...what the heck is this anyway Millenia!?"
"It was a recipe from Elena! I followed it to the letter!"
"Oh, really Milly-chan?"
"Hmmm...something about this tastes familiar...."
"..............I agree........"
"Well........"
"Millenia?"
"It said to put in the yellow powder...but there was a blank in front of yellow, so I just took one from the shelf........"
"Wait........not MY shelf, right?"
"That doesn’t sound very reassuring FPB..."
"Er....DJ, Squall, I suggest you two should keep a shirt on when you got to bed tonight........"
"!?!?!?!?!?"
"...................FPB........."