No replies to this topic

[DarkJuno]

Krystal's kick-off, Schala disowns Kid, and the search continues. All this and more on the 16th Edition of DarkJuno:(Non)Roving Reporter!

-same somber music-

Non-Cheesy, 50's Style Announcer: With Foyusa....Freaky Psychic Bird...Millenia...and on the spot correspondance from Mai Shiranui.....this is DarkJuno:(Non)Roving Reporter.......

Millenia: -sighs and smiles- Hey everyone, and welcome to another edition of DJ:(N)RR! Again, I'm Millenia, and over there at the Letters' Desk are...
Foyusa: Foyusa!
FPB: and FPB!
Millenia: And once again, joining me in subbing for DJ is Squall Leonhart...
Squall: -half hearted wave-
Millenia: Well folks, you know what happened...but hey, we're still pressing on! News is what matters here and besides, we all have the utmost confidence that DJ is still around....search crews have been working all week long, and no one's ready to give up....with that, let's go!

-news mode-

Millenia: Starting off tonight, Krystal kicked off her newest line of lingerie last night at a gala event held in the brand new "Cape Claw's Secret" store located, naturally, in Cape Claw! The line of the same name is being heavily promoted and anticipated line was unveiled in a fashion show which not only included the vulpine beauty herself, but her close friends the famed dancer of the Magical Dreamers Miki, half genie cutie Shantae, and several others, such as DOA participant Tina Armstrong. The crowd was rather pleased with the outdoor extravaganza of sexy and alluring lingerie, as we gauged the pubic reaction.

Kuja: QUITE ravishing, if I do say so myself....
Crono: .............
Irvine: -puts down high-powered zoom lens- Huh? What?
Mature: Mmmm, I've gotta get me some of those...er, the lingerie, of course! -nervous laugh-
Setzer: Well...what can I say? -thumbs up-

Millenia: Krystal herself comments, and do forgive her speech, as she still hasn’t QUITE mastered English...

Krystal: Hmmm, how does one say.....this line was meant to be both....comfortable and...attractive? Yes, and I wish that this will be a....how do you say "jissocc?"
Fox: Uh, success?
Krystal: Yes! A success....

Millenia: Already, the 3 locations of Cape Claw's Secret have been packed, and more are planned to open in cities such as Hyrule Castle Town, Isle Delfino, and Metro City. Hmmm, pretty nice, I especially like that red one Miki had on....

Squall: .........whatever....in other news, there was another event a few nights ago as the "Shut the Hell up!" exhibit began its worldwide tour, starting out in the brand new Dreamland Museum of History. The exhibit highlights...-frowns as he reads and realizes the story- great loners jerks, and general @$$holes throughout history and the present day. Exhibit organizer Princess Nidia "Marle" Guardia commented:

Marle: Ah, now you see....a great many acts have been done by many lone wolves throughout history, yet they never received the respect they should.....for these people are truly not weak. It was time that they received a memorial to remember their valor and other acts. From the great creators of the past to more modern "jerks" such as Falco Lombardi or Squall Leonhart, this is a place to honor them!

Squall: -grumble- It's rumored that Marle did this to appease her loner like boyfriend Crono, since their romance has been rather rocky as of late. Regardless, it has been greatly attended and generally well liked...

Millenia: Hey! You're in there!
Squall: ............
Millenia: All right, all right! Moving right along, Princess Schala Zeal ahs expressed outrage at her daughter-clone's involvement in the Vincent Valentine/Starky incident, finally getting around to visiting her more brash self today as visitors were finally allowed to see Kid. Schala, who somehow was able to stay a separate entity from Kid despite the two worlds of the Chrono Dimension rejoining as one, had a one of disappointment in her voice as she stated, "While there's no denying that I share the same feelings as, er, myself, Kid has taken this too far....I have disappointed myself in this action and shall need some time to think this over..." It should also be noted that she showed up at Viper Manor sporting her natural blue hair rather then the blonde she has had for a while now, perhaps a sign of disowning her own clone.

Squall: Speaking of separating, the rumors are now true...Princess Daisy, sovereign of Sarasaland and well known cousin of Princess Peach of the Mushroom Kingdom, has broken off her engagement with Luigi Mario, the other half of the (in)famous "Super Mario Brothers." She cited that "Luigi just never got anywhere with it, and took too much time running around his old house sucking up ghosts with that crazy vacuum...seriously now, I mean at least Mario's water pack is cool...besides, I just don't feel that spark anymore...." Luigi refused comment on camera, though longtime friend of his and Mario's Yoshi commented,
["Yes, well, he seems pretty upset...though I can't blame Daisy, I mean, Luigi was just never really into that relationship...."] Neither Mario nor Peach had any comments on the matter either.

Millenia: Continuing on, it seems that the newly combined forces in the Terminian Civil War have finally clashed, with a rather ugly and bloody battle. Using the Andross Fleet and the Esthar Force, respectively, both sides fought to a draw before retreating, leaving Ikana Canyon a disturbingly more violent place then it already was. Unfortunately, the Ancient Castle of Ikana was almost totally decimated, only parts of the ancient ruin standing. The Clocktown Acting Mayor Cremia, whom lost her ranch a few weeks back, states that this is a horrible loss, and hopes that any further meaningless destruction can be averted. As of this newscast, over half of Termina has been horribly affected, due in no small part to the nuclear barrels used by the Gorons and Gerudo Pirates. Also, there is still no "lead" in the war either, as this bloody mess continues.

Squall: As far as our other big story goes, Vincent is now even more hidden then ever, after last week's presumed accident and disappearance of news anchor DarkJuno. Here now, live from Kakariko Village with the rescue effort is on the spot correspondent Mai Shiranui.....Mai?

-fuzzy pics, clears up-

Mai: -sigh- Konnichiwa......hi Squall.....
Squall: ???? Mai, you okay?
Mai: Well, sorry, it's just so depressing here right now...as you can see, the search and rescue team has set up base here in Kakariko Village, and thus far we have found nothing....
-assorted volunteers are seen milling about, including some lesser known characters-
Mai: Obviously, much of the Hylian men are off in the war right now, so we're relying greatly on volunteers here...
Millenia: Any leads whatsoever Mai?
Mai: No, nothing yet Milly-chan...we've even been searching the length of Zora's River from the spring to Lake Hylia, and nothing...but none of us here are going to let that get to us! We'll keep searching!
Squall: I suppose that's good...but what about Samus?
Mai: Oh, she left a few days ago, though reports are coming in that she supposedly left DJ's shoe with a note at his family's doorstep...nothing more about that, though it's presumed she's back to searching for Vincent, obviously more determined then ever now...
Millenia: -sigh- Well, get back to work there Mai, and thanks for the update...
Mai: Sure, no problem...Ja ne....
Squall: More after this....


-3 dumb kids are walking through the woods alone and generally being bad role models for anyone-
Dumb Kid #1: Hey look! A mushroom!
Dumb Kid #2: And a Fireflower!
Dumb Kid #3: Plus look, a skinned Raccoon!
DK#1: Let's eat them, that way we can get stronger!
Other 2: Hell yeah! -high five-
-Inexplicably, Mario and Luigi jump out of the trees and land in front of the three items-
Mario: Hold-a on there-a kids!
DK#3: Wicked! It's Mario and Luigi!
DK#1: Dude!!!!!
Mario: That's-a right! It's-a me! But hey-a, what are you-a planning to-a do?
DK#2: We're going to eat those things so we can power-up like you two!
Luigi: Now now kids-a, that is just-a stupid!
DK#1: Hey, you two do that all the time!
Mario: While that is-a true, only a fool-a would eat random things-a lying around!
-a cue card pops out of nowhere with a picture of a stick figure eating a mushroom on it. There's a big red X over the picture-
Luigi: Yes-a, mushrooms, flowers, and-a raccoon skins-a can-a be-a very dangerous! Just-a look! -shows kids a picture of another dumb kid who ate a mushroom-
DK#2: Whoa! Uncool!
DK#1: Hey, thanks for letting us know bros!
Luigi: No-a problem!
Mario: After-a all...
-all turn and point at the camera with cheesy grins-
All: Knowing is-a half-a the battle!!!
Non-Cheesy, 50's Style Announcer: This message was brought to you by the Mario Bros. Plumbing Company and DJ:(N)RR.


Millenia: ..........and welcome back! Now it's time for our weekly feature...

-special effects, you know the drill-

L:ETTERS TO MODIFIED EXISTING POKEMON!!!!

Squall: ...........
Millenia: -elbows Squall-
Squall: -sigh- .............take it away, Foyusa and FPB........

FPB: Thanks Squall! This week's letter is from Hyrule! It reads...

Dear Foyusa and FPB,
I'm getting annoyed! It seems that no matter what, I can't beat this guy! I try and try, but no matter how fast I run, eh always barely wins our races! Now, I'm used to a lot of things, but I'm just annoyed now! -screams- Anyway, I also have this problem....no matter where I go, there are always all these girls throwing themselves at me! I mean come on, I may be a hero, but stop it! I mean, I like them all as friends, but whenever I visit, it turns into innuendo after innuendo...at first, I tried some with one of these ladies, but it just got annoying....HELP!!!

Hero of...er, I mean, Scared of Commitment

FPB: ......Gee, that's a nice way of hiding one's identity... -cough- Anyway, just calm down ya pimp....you obviously have a lot of ladies after you, but just calm down and let'em down easy, if you don’t want them....
Foyusa: Are you nuts!? Take'em all, I say...that way, if you screw up with one of them, you could try again with one of the others!
FPB: Tch, typical male....
Foyusa: Yup! Back to you guys!

Squall: ...........
Millenia: Okay, that was strange...anyway, stay tuned for more coverage of both big stories, and on the other latest and greatest stories running around! SO for Squall Leonhart, Foyusa, Freaky Psychic Bird, and Mai Shiranui, I'm Millenia....Later!