23 replies to this topic

[Selena]

ooc: A non-canon festive RP thread for shits and giggles! No relation to any other threads. No need to list any new characters in the main player roster thing. No rules, no limits, no sanity. Where in the timeline is this set? No clue. Which dorms? Doesn't matter. Just have fun. Anyone can join!

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A Very Chronicles Christmas
People from near and far assemble at a grand manor for a winter celebration. But when all of these heroes and villains gather together, you can bet that somebody's going to throw a punch or two after the ale starts flowing.


Selena wasn't sure how she got roped into going to a party, but she would systematically slaughter the people responsible for it. Most of the guest list would likely follow. It may have been her lack of social grace, but she hated large gatherings like this. Ah, well. There was a chance that she could steal something valuable while she was there. Nothing said "happy holidays" like pillaging and raiding, after all.

She walked up to the manor -- a large building situated in the middle of some rolling fields -- and dusted the heavy snow off of her cloak. She slammed her fist against the door, but there was no answer. Never one for patience, Selena kicked the door in and made herself at home. It was a cozy place. There was a large fire in the main hall, and a large staircase twisted upward to the top floor. Decorations hung on the walls. Tables full of food were laid out before her. The cupboards were stocked with spirits, wine, and ale.

But no people.

No host? She'd been invited here by someone. Peculiar.

Something caught her attention. There was a large tree in one corner of the main room. Who brought trees inside? Were those candles and tinsel? Fire hazard -- a blaze waiting to happen. Kind of neat, really. Her eyes widened. Underneath the tree was a large collection of wrapped boxes.

She ran up to them with a big grin on her face. Ohh! Presents! Selena loved presents so much what was in them could she open one now the last present she got in the Labyrinth was knockout gas and then her clothes disappeared along with all her money and these present should be much better than that open open open.

She picked up a box and shook it. Prepared to tear into the wrapping paper, she saw a note by the tree.

"Do not open until morning -- or else."

WHAT?

Lame.

[Crimson Lego]

Lena had been tricked.




Gangnam Style proceeded to echo throughout the entire house.



Random Koreans jumped out and began dancing.



Leo laughed.

[Egann]

Egann opened the door to see some Korean guy and a bunch of backup dancers serenading some brunette. Well, mumbling behind sunglasses at, really. He was also flapping his hips. How do you flap your hips?

Eh, sexy lad-

OhNoNoNo. No Sexual Harassment Lawsuits before nine, please.

Egann grabbed the lead singer and pulled him over to the minibar before he hurt himself. "You speak English?"

"Oppa Gangam Style."

"Do you speak any coherent language?"

"Oppa Gangam Style."

...Oppa Gangam Style. Yes. This is going to be a long night. TIME TO HIT THE BOOZE. HARD.

[SL the Pyro]

OOC: Just a note: when I say "Mercenary Band," I mean Shadow's soldier group, not the current player character group in The Day the Wind Died.

--------------------

Shadow had no idea what was going on.

He'd come to this manor in the middle of nowhere for a single reason: curiosity. Shadow and his mercenary band were always moving, and as such were not only difficult to find, but even more difficult to keep up with. And yet the one who gave him this invitation had managed to slip it into his hat, which he protected with as much care as his own body parts, without him noticing. Whoever meant to invite him to this place was both very persistent and very bold, and it piqued his interest. The catch was that he'd had to come alone; the rest of the mercenary band hadn't been invited. But he was confident he'd be able to handle a dire situation if one sprung up.

"At least the invite only said 'no other people.' Good for you, eh Phoenix?"

That remains to be seen.

Evidently the ethereal old bird was more pessimistic than him tonight. Possibly for good reason, as coming up to the entrance he saw that the door was not just open, it was kicked open if the broken deadbolt was any indicator. Apparently one guest wasn't patient enough to wait for the locals. "Gee, that's a good omen..." he chided with his voice dripping with so much sarcasm that it might as well have been visible. He "closed" the door before shaking the snow off of and hanging up his heavy winter coat, stretching his arms a bit. He enjoyed hot clothes, not heavy ones. He intruded deeper into the manor, wondering if the festivities had started without him... social gatherings didn't suit him, but he did enjoy parties every now and then...

And then he saw Selena. He recoiled with shock as their eyes met--

"Oppa Gangam Style!"

...He didn't even have time to get angry before a small army of foreign people showed up out of nowhere, blaring... something from God-only-knows-where.

"Agh!" Shadow groaned in equal parts rage and agony, covering his ears. "What is that horrible noise!?"

He'd only just arrived and he already wanted to murder someone. This was going to be an exciting party...

Edited by SL the Pyro, 28 November 2012 - 09:14 AM.

[Crimson Lego]

Over hidden speakers, a high-pitched voice spoke.

“Welcome, friends. You’ve all been invited here for one reason – and that is for a Christmas party. Happy party!”


The speakers went silent.



And then crackled again.

“Oh yeah, one of you get a special prize depending on if you live or not. Good luck!”

An army of clone troopers came in and fired in all directions, the bulk of their fire focused on Selena Egann and Shadow (not that there was anyone else to fire at).

Edited by Leo Crimson, 28 November 2012 - 06:37 PM.

[Selena]

Selena slipped away from the noise, irritated with the sudden influx of Koreans and clones, and journeyed to a neighboring room -- some sort of maintenance office. After examining various panels and levers aligned on the back wall, she finally came to the device she was looking for. This would end all that nonsense and put things back on track.

"Korean Dispenser."

She flicked the lever to the off position, and all of the Gangam dancers -- in actuality some type of automaton -- simultaneously powered down and ceased to reproduce. The last few bars of the song flickered out of existence. Now, the clones. She strutted back into the main room and, releasing a sudden burst of chaotic energy, shocked them to the core. They collapsed on the ground. Blissful silence.

She placed her hands on her hips. "This is ridiculous. Did you all get the invitation, too?"

[JRPomazon]

Jordan reread his invitation as he trekked through the snow, clenching himself to keep warm underneath his cloak. He looked up to see the manor in the distance, accompanied with several sets of foot prints. With a little luck, he wouldn't have to suffer too long in the cold. So he trudged on and shivered. He started to hear another noise behind him, another set of steps. He looked back to find someone wearing a deep red cloak with white trim.

Oh man, was it Santa? Wearing a hood and cloak?

Jordan pondered for a moment and decided to wave back to the man in red.

"SANTA! HELLO SANTA!" He shouted.

The man stopped and lowered his hood, revealing the face of a much younger man with premature white hair. Oh, it was only Solomon.

Wait.

Crap.

The inquisitor didn't very much like Jordan to begin with, let alone being mocked by him. Some things just wouldn't stand.

"And what the bloody hell are you do here, HERETIC?" He said as he marched over the sleet and snow towards Jordan.

"I could say the same to you! Intimidating Santa is a crime you know!" Jordan said, still upset that Solomon wasn't, in fact, Santa.

"You dare accuse me of a crime? I'll SKIN YOU ALIVE YOU SCUM SOAKED WRETCH! I WAS SUMMONED HERE!"

Solomon took out his invitation, flapping it in Jordan's face.

"Oh, well would you look at that. So was I."

Jordan showed Solomon his invitation. The Inquisitor looked confused and then judgemental.

"You? Invited? Preposterous, there must be some sort of mistake. Do yourself a favor and go back to whatever hole you crawled out from, I have matters to attend to heretic."

Solomon shoved Jordan out of his way and preceded towards the manor. Well, things were just going to get better and better it seemed.

[SL the Pyro]

Shadow was more than elated to see all the Koreans suddenly drop like toys that ran out of battery power, but as skilled of a warrior as he was, he had no answer for the Clone's lasers. He was forced to duck behind the bar with Egann, firing back fireballs at random.

After a sudden manifestation of Lazu's power - something he was very thankful to have been hiding from, as it may have killed him otherwise - the Clones had ceased their transgressions too.

Crisis seemingly averted, for now anyway, Shadow picked himself up off the floor and hopped back over the bar into the room full of collapsed bodies and produced his invitation. "Seeing as you dealt with that in short order 'Lena, I'll refrain from trying to kill you tonight. I came here for a party, not to get my ears raped."

He repocketed his invite and then went about dragging those who didn't have one, two at a time, off of the floor and outside until they were all in a pile at the far back of the manor. Then he incinerated them all. Good riddance. He then rejoined the... well, he wasn't sure if the "festivities" had actually begun yet or if that was some sort of cheap prank. He assumed the latter since as far as he could tell, that weird, blaring rap music had nothing to do with the holidays...

Edited by SL the Pyro, 29 November 2012 - 12:36 AM.

[Sir Deimos]

There was simply no accounting for all of this noise. What the hell was going on out there?

Synile emerged from the cellar and stumbled into the foyer of the mansion, clutching a mostly empty bottle of fine spirits. "Wat... whatter you guys doing here?" Judging from the speech impediment he did not usually have, it was quite apparent Synile was drunk. "Waddafuck was all da noises?" The four in the main chamber room couldn't help but stare. "Dey hide the good shtuff in the basement..."

Synile raised his bottle in a salute to the other guests, took a huge swig, and fell flat on his face. The bottle, upon hitting the floor, shatters into a multitude of glittery green tinted fragments. The minuscule amount of remaining liquor spills out and soaks into the rug. Synile seems to grumble in disagreement with the events, but relatively soon there-after is heard to be loudly snoring.

[Egann]

"Hey, don't pass out, yet, Synile! I want to know if there's a bottle of Absinthe down there first." Egann said as he stood up. It was too late. He was already catatonic. Egann sighed and produced his invitation. "Mind if I ask why you're so curious?" Egann asked Selena. "You strike me as, well, a few Ho Hos short of being Hostess."

The backup drummer robot suddenly fell forward onto his set. DaDum Tish. Selena and Shadow stood silent for a moment, marveling at the pun, and how outrageously, abominably stupid it was, even for Egann.

Edited by Egann, 28 November 2012 - 11:55 PM.

[Mystic Kitsune]

Awakened by the loud snoring mixed with Gangnam Style in a Christmas themed atmosphere, Shorty Tinklebeard, the existentialist Lawn Gnome, awoke to find his own bottle of liquor missing.

He grumbled, feeling his bushy white beard and red hat were still there, and looked out the window toward the snow, ignoring everything. suddenly looking at the time. The time actually didn't matter, but he had a habit of looking at the time anyway to remind himself of just how much it didn't matter to look at the time.

He sprung out of bed, landing on his tiny feet, running to the window, "Oh my non existing entity! It's almost CHRISTMAS!"

Sudden flashbacks came about --publicly displayed somehow -- as he changed his expression to a frown, stroking his beard, "It'll be another year since that dratted Santa ousted me from my rightful place in the North!" he said, grumbling and looking down at his compass, pointing north...pointing to where Santa would be coming from.

"This time..." he said, taking out a couple of triple A batteries and a grappling hook, "THIS time... I will prove who has the superior beard! How DARE they call me inferior due to my height and width! I spent AGES gaining enough of a pot belly to have the rightful place...only to be ousted by that jolly old saint!"

He grumbled on, moping around the room in his red tights, "This doesn't matter though. Revenge doesn't. It's the past. There's no point. There's no point to anything! There's no point to points...what is a point? What is anything?" he said, grumbling about stroking his beard.

His beard finally spoke up, "STOP STROKING ME. You have done nothing to deserve this awesome privilege other than not shave me!"

Shorty stopped, "This beard. It has caused me nothing but pain..."

The beard snapped back, "You keep that attitude up, and I'm gonna detach and run away from you, and latch onto some other poor unsuspecting chummy!"

Shorty knew he wouldn't last without his beard, no matter how existential. He NEEDED this beard for his revenge! He nodded and fell silent, the beard laughing mockingly back at him, as a mouse kicked him in the shin to add to the wound, saying "Serves chu right, shorty!"

Even the mice were after him. Shorty started singing the Bohemian Rhapsody to himself, but couldn't sing high enough and so it sounded more like a bunch of crows on fire in a windstorm.

This was gonna be crazy.

Edited by Mystic Kitsune, 30 November 2012 - 03:13 PM.

[Sir Turtlelot]

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through house
Every creature was being loud and rambunctious, especially that bastardous mouse.
The various Chroniclers had assembled in there
In hopes to kill one another, in a Christmas fanfare.

The Korean dancers were scattered all around the floor
With our heroes ever on the look out, for anymore.
With Lena, Frank, Jordan and the others searching for anything near
Synile was in the cellar, drinking all the beer.

Suddenly they heard a noise coming form the sky
It was loud and noisy, with a hideous cry.
It shot down the chimney at lightning speed
And it blew up the wall, as it accomplished its deed.

After the the dust settled from the missile strike explosion
A man wearing all red entered the house, appearing nearly frozen.
A long white beard lay over his big burly chest
And he appeared to be on some sort of quest.

He wore a red military uniform, complete with black boots
It became very apparent that this man has Slavic roots.
"Ho ho ho!" He said as he let out a laugh
Just before he decided to unleash his wrath.

"Sharing is something that we all need to do
Whether it be gifts, kindness, or this house's heating.
And since you're all on the naughty list
You all get to share this ass beating!"

He reached into his bag, with a twinkle in his eye
As pulled out his weapons, making sure that they all would die.
The LAers knew that they were in a pickle
When they saw Santa's great mighty hammer and razor sharp sickle.

Edited by Sir Turtlelot, 30 November 2012 - 06:34 PM.

[canas is back]

Ooc: wow that was pretty good turtle! I do better rp when I am talking, but here goes
Canas walked in the house toting several bags of snacks and a huge plate full of cookies.

He looked at what was happening and thought "man that escalated quickly, I was only gone for ten min..." He stopped In his tracks. "YOU!" He said pointing to Santa, "NO NOT THIS TIME, YOU HAVE RUINED ONE TOO MANY PARTIES NOW GO HOME!"

He gently set the snacks down and tackled the soviet Santa knocking them into the game room

[Mystic Kitsune]

"SANNNNTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" yelled the existentialist gnome --unheard as his size didn't allow for too booming of a voice. He ran out in his red tights, short height, and white beard, a mere shadow of the real Santa.

"COMMUNISM ENDS NOW.......I MEAN...revenge for me!" he said, "I HAVE NO POLITICAL AFFILIATION" the gnome said, twirling the grappling hook, as the beard yelled "But I'm quite liberal myself!"

The mouse however tripped the Gnome, causing him to roll down the stairway, while contemplating his existence with every step, *crash* "Hmm...the stairs...this is quite symbolic..." *bump* "I'm descending...much like how life goes into decline after a certain point..." *smash* "This pain...it's only temporary, this life is meaning--" the Gnome crashed, as the mouse giggled, holding up the shift-key it stole from the Gnome, "whatttt i can no longer speak with proper capitalization... or make question marks or exclamation marks... I CAN STILL YELL WITH CAPS THOUGH. HA. IN YOUR FACE, MOUSE. NOW, I MUST DEAL WITH SANTA." the mouse scurried into the Gnome's beard, pulling out his caps lock, and scurrying away toward the Soviet Santa and the person who tackled him.

"OH NO. NOW I AM STUCK WITH CAPS..." said the now constantly shouting, existentialist Lawn Gnome, in red tights, chasing after the mouse.

This scene was silly, and relatively pathetic compared to the grand entrance of the Soviet Santa.

Edited by Mystic Kitsune, 30 November 2012 - 07:19 PM.

[Crimson Lego]

Looking at the commotion, Leo got up with his axe and swung it at the closest person.



It hit the Santa and as if on cue, strange music began to play again.





And then giant teddy bears popped out and hugged everyone.

[Sir Deimos]

OoC: Oh Leo. You just have to ruin everything.

[Mystic Kitsune]

'OH MY NON EXISTENT ENTITY, THOSE TEDDIES ARE CONSPIRATORS WITH THE COMMIE-SANTA. THEY SPREAD THEIR HUGS AND WREAK HAVOC ON--"

The beard shoved itself into Shorty's mouth to muffle him, as a teddy came up to hug them. He was smothered under the relatively giant bear. The bear hugged lovingly, but then was a little disgusted by the red tights.

The bear suddenly went into rage mode, all bears' heads popping off, turning upside down, and revealing skeletal terminator-like interiors, with glowing red eyes, as their chests opened up, revealing a sound blasting music program, playing "twinkle twinkle little star" for juxtaposition!

"STARS. THEY ARE TWINKLY. WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF THEM? WHAT IS OUR PURPOSE. WE ARE INFERIOR TO STARS. THEY ARE SO BIG. SO STARRY. SO BRIGHT, SO MMMPH."

The beard shut him up again, the mice were beginning to think maybe they should at least give him the shift key back...

The mice then pulled out chainsaws, and decided to take out the teddy-bear menace first.

[Egann]

OoC: Not for long, Synile. EDIT: Also I'm not going to lie. Turtlelot's and JRP's next post made me LoL pretty hard.

Oh, Gods, it's the invasion of the Alternative Hip Hopping Pedobears! I must cut the building's WiFi and music!


Egann scrambled past the groping appendages of the stuffed animals and rushed down the stairs into the cellar. Once there he slammed his fist against the "Eject All" button on the CD Player.

The music stopped, replaced by the sound of a wet, syrupy fart as the CD player vomited out hundreds of disks onto the floor, but Egann was busy pulling all of the breakers until even the building's heating audibly powered down.

"I sure hope that was a smart thing to do," Egann sighed into the darkness.

Edited by Egann, 30 November 2012 - 11:24 PM.

[JRPomazon]

Solomon had reached the manor earlier and decided to look through a window to see what exactly he was going to expect. After several minutes of gnomes, teddies and a man in white coming from the chimney, he looked at his invitation and wondered whether or not going in was actually a good idea. What the hell am I looking at? He wasn't a coward but he wasn't too crazy either. He slowly walked away from the window and decided to head back.

He noticed Jordan walking up to the manor door, who noticed Solomon's rather vacant look.

"OK, so you just gonna stand here then?"

"I don't think you're ready for what's in there."

"Huh?"

Paying no mind to Solomon, he opened to the door and preceded to enter the home, the sounds of the inside came crashing through as the sounds of Teddy Bears and screaming shot right into the cold winter air.

Jordan closed the door and looked back at Solomon, sharing the same vacant expression.

"So . . . "


". . ."


"Yeah . . . Uh . . . I mean . . ."


Solomon walked over to Jordan and opened the door.

"Look, let's just get this over with. If need be, I can kill you later to salvage whatever is going to be left of this day."

"My goodness Solomon, you just have a way with the silver lining in these situations." Jordan replied sarcastically.

The two entered the manor, expecting nothing and fearing everything.

Edited by Game Master JRPomazon, 30 November 2012 - 11:03 PM.

[Sir Turtlelot]

"ENOUGH!" Yelled Santa, as he turned blue in the face.
He threw everyone off of him, and muttered "What a disgrace."
His eyes had turned pure white, and frost began resonating from his hands.
"I will destroy you all, now prepare to face the deadliest frost magic in all the lands!"

His skin began turning a sickening blue, as a beam of ice energy shot from his hands.
Clusters of ice began freezing everything in the house, starting with that hideous ceiling fan.
It soon became dark, since the electricty was shot.
The others scurried about, however all for naught.

Soviet Santa swung his hammer and hit the nearest wall
Causing it to collapse and the upstairs to start to fall
"Hide all you want, it shall do you no good!
Because I shall you hunt you all down, even you don't think I would!"

Edited by Sir Turtlelot, 03 December 2012 - 10:39 AM.

[canas is back]

"you do this every year, ruin our party and cost a fortune in repairs" Canas said to the now frosty Claus. "I told you we should have moved the date Selena!"

he ducked over to a cupboard and emptied it out. Underneath all of the dishes was a button "For that soviet jerk". Canas slammed it with all of his might. a trapdoor opened underneath Canas and he fell to a room he had made after last years debacle. You know, the one with the whipped cream and bacon flavored dental floss.

He looked around at his basement base and nodded in approval "I should be able to get something to get that freak out of here". He reached for the grenade launcher and decided against it, too many innocents. Same with the shotgun. Then it struck him "I have that power axe I stole off that space wolf, good thing he didn't care" so he grabbed it and headed back into the fray.

He came up and kicked ol' St. Nick in the knee and swung the axe just barely missing the fat guys neck but getting part of his beard. Canas kept swinging at him trying to drive him out of the house hitting a couple of the couches and knocking over a couple of lamps

[Twinrova]

Suddenly Rova sidled up next to Selena and squeezed her boobie.

[Egann]

Egann stumbled around in the dark before he retrieved a bottle which smelled promising, then he stumbled up the stairs back into the main room.

Only then did the hilarity of the situation sink in. There were broken Korean backup dancers all over the place, a Kremlin Claus with golden hammers and sickles embroidered on his red clothes was spouting impromptu poetry while waving a Kalashnikov, Synile was passed out drunk on a sofa, Jordan and Solomon looked on through the open door, nonplussed.

And in the center Rova was copping one outrageous feel.

Selena's hands haven't even left her hips, yet. It's a bit early to be going downstairs, girl.

If ever there was a time for Chronicles fan art, this was it, cuz these kids sure knew how to party. Now if only they would all hold still while Egann spent seven years in a monastery learning to draw, we might get somewhere. In the meantime, Synile had a good idea. Egann checked the label on the bottle he'd snagged. Tequila from a decent year, some twenty years passed.

I guess that'll do.

Edited by Egann, 03 December 2012 - 09:33 PM.

[SL the Pyro]

Like Jordan and Solomon, Shadow was more irritated than stressed at the random events that were plaguing the manor within only ten minutes of everyone arriving; all he could do was stand beside Selena, neither of them having moved from their spots at all, in stupefied silence while warding off annoyances. The teddy bears were easily dealt with, turned to ash before his fire. Thanks to the heat he could put off, the "cold spell" from the soviet Santa didn't touch him either, nor Selena by extension.

After the chaos had momentarily subsided, Shadow did a double take to make sure the Santa, the crazy gnome and the piles of other hapless intruders were absent from the room, gone through the hole in the wall they had made. "...Okay. Now that the uninvited murderous party animals seem to have left the scene..."

He loudly, forcefully clapped his hands together, unleashing a burst of heat that wafted throughout the room and eventually, the entire manor, also freeing up the power lines and letting electric light illuminate the room again; the light shining on the evaporating frost provided a beautiful, sparkly light show fitting of the season. Pity he could do nothing about the wall or the ceiling, but he was pyromancer, not a stonemason.

"...Let's see if there are any actual plans for a social get-together around here." Hey, at least he was being optimistic.

...Though that optimism was temporarily halted when Rova snuck up on Selena and groped her, replaced by a sudden urgency and preparation to flee if Selena's reaction wasn't a good one...

Edited by SL the Pyro, 05 December 2012 - 04:38 PM.