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[DarkJuno]

The war grows and intensifies, as DJ's friends speak out. All this and more on the 15th Edition of DarkJuno: (Non)Roving Reporter!

-same music as last week-

Non-cheesy, 50's Sounding Announcer: With Foyusa..........Freaky Psychic Bird....Millenia.......and on-the-spot correspondent Mai Shiranui....this is DarkJuno: (Non)Roving Reporter.......

Millenia: Hey everyone, and welcome to another, unfortunately, DJ-less edition of DJ:(N)RR. Once more, I'm Millenia, and over there are...
Foyusa: Foyusa!
FPB: And FPB! And naturally....
Millenia: Hey! Don't take my lines!
FPB" Tch...
Millenia: -clears throat- And yes, once again this week we have well noted SeeD Commander of Balamb Garden and accomplished author, Squall Leonhart filling in the void for now. Thanks again Squall.
Squall: .....whatever.....
Millenia: Oh come ON Squall! You gotta at least be SORTA enjoying yourself, right?
Squall: -glare- ...........
Millenia: -sigh- Fine, on with the news!

-news mode, music, you know by now-

Millenia: In a shocking move earlier this week, G.U.N. has actually refused international aide to the War torn nation of Termina, and does not plan on sending any aide whatsoever! They cited that, while they did indeed break the Anti-Nuclear Weapons ban, it is a civil war and the only outside country that has a right to be involved here is Hyrule, due to its close range and ties with its sister nation. However, they also spoke out that even so, they would not stand in the way of any nation which chooses to support either side. And indeed, today it was announced that both sides would be receiving help! Naturally, President Laguna Loire of Esthar has formed a coalition between his country of Esthar and the sovereignties of Alexandra, Altea, and several other smaller countries and principalities, and are sending troops and aide to the Terminians and their allies the Hylians. While the bulk of equipment and troops will be handled by the massive Esthar army, Prince Marth of Altea and Queen Garnet til Alexandros XVII are also sending much needed food and some troops and more common weaponry to the hunger stricken Terminian civilians. In addition, they and the Terminians have seemed to have reached a peace agreement with the Zorans of Great Bay, who are also under siege by the Gerudo Pirates.

Squall: The Gorons and Gerudo Pirates, however, are also receiving aide from, of all people, the Divine Dragon Emperor Fou-Lu. As of this broadcast, both factions have received magical weaponry and arsenals and are beginning to use them. It also seems that the Divine Dragon Empire's longtime ally, the Andross Faction in the Lylat System, will send much of its troops and technologies to combat those of Esthar. Granted, their leader Andross has been long dead...however, the Cornerian Army is still extremely wary and careful about the remaining masses of troops left over after the Lylat Wars. It is likely that Corneria and perhaps event he mercenary team Star Fox may help...the latter if the price is right.

Squall: Either way, another side note...now, I don't claim to be an expert in war or battle, but we must remember that there is no good and evil on the sides here....while there are, no doubt, evil INDIVIDUALS involved in this war, neither side is "right" or "wrong." That is NOT what separates us from our enemies....as I've said before, it is our viewpoints and perspectives that separate us...granted, from the records, this war was unavoidable, yet at the same time we must all remember not to begin labeling either side as the "right" side and the "wrong" side. While I'm sure most of you are, and indeed, I myself am, on the side of the Terminians, remember, we're all human. We all have a bit of good and evil in us, regardless of which side manifests itself in our actions, and which path we wish to follow....

Millenia: -snores, mouth open and drooling a bit as she's tilting her chair back with her head thrown over the neck rest-
Squall: .........-poke-
Millenia: Wha! YAHHHH!!!!!!!! -falls over and jumps back up grumbling as she gets back in her seat- Thank you Squall for that....insight. Moving right along, Our other big story is, of course, the on-going chase after supposed murderer and now definite kidnapper Vincent Valentine, who does indeed have our own DarkJuno as a sort of hostage. However, this is breaking news, as Riddel Viper, daughter of the other Termina's leader General Viper, found a note in her bedroom this morning as she awoke. It was checked by the finest linguists to verify it, but it is, indeed, a note written by DJ, in his own handwriting. It states that he is definitely all right and not to worry too much, and that he should be released soon enough....and he said to calm down and do the damn letter section or else Foyusa and FPB would get that hacked off their pay. -smiles- With this news, our on-the-spot correspondent -groan- Mai Shiranui took off into the -shudder- real world and conducted an interview with DJ's girlfriend and three of his other friends, all shown last week here on DJ:(N)RR. While "DL" was more then happy to speak, the other four, while not minding to be shown, preferred to use false names, and we have granted them this request. Mai?

-fuzzy picture, as a FULLY DRESSED Mai in a white sweater, jeans and sandals appears, her hair still in its usual style though, as she smiles-
Mai: KONNICHIWA Milly-chan! Squa-chan!!!
Squall: -cough- Hi..........
Millenia: Bah......hey, you're dressed!
Mai: Ha ha Milly-chan, but yes...I do not understand why, but....I don't know, I'm just not...comfortable in those clothes here in -shudder- reality. It's just...strange...it's usually fine for me, even when I visit the Dark Ice Mines or Antarctica, but here.....-shrug-
Millenia: Eh, what've you got for us?
Mai: Ah, well, I'm standing right now in the rather large, pretty, and well known park here in the area, by the lake here. And over there...-points- you can see the mall and the....what is it in English...cinema?
Squall: Movie Theatre...
Mai: Ah, yes, movie theater! As you can see, it's a very nice, idyllic scene here in Texas, but since DJ's missing, hi s family and friends haven't really been up to it as usual. While the family still refuses to speak, I did, as you said, conduct an interview with his girlfriend DL and three other friends, known here as Karen, Charlie, and Tim. Here it is....

-Mai, in her original clothes that actually covered her cleavage...still rather revealing though sits in a living room as 4 others, 2 girls and 2 guys, sit to her front left. The closest, one of the girls, is a pretty, tall-ish girl with Japanese features, though her eyes are blue. Next to her is a shorter, and sorta cute blonde girl, with a rather tall, pony tailed guy and a shorter, bulky, obviously football player next to her, in that order. It's, in order, DL, "Karen," "Tim," and "Charlie."

Mai: Thanks for joining me guys!
DL: Sure thing
Tim, thick Texan accent (Not hickish, just southern): No problem ma'am
Charlie: -nods-
Karen: Glad to be here! Hehe!
Mai: All right, first up....how have you guys been dealing with this dilemma, with DJ gone and all that?
Tim: Well, I think I speak fer' all of us when I say that, yeah, it's been rough, but hey! We all know that DJ's a tough guy, and he can handle anythin'...
Karen: Yeah! Though I'm still upset that Vinny had to resort to kidnapping...and DJ , of all people! I mean, seriously, he's not THAT important....
DL: Got THAT right....I mean, come on, kidnap Sephiroth or even Kuja man...
Mai: Erm, well, truth be told, I agree.....though, how's it been?
Charlie: Eh, same old, same old really...I mean, we're worried, sure...
Karen: But honestly, he's a big boy, he can take care of himself....
Tim: Sure, if he can handle DL< he can handle anyone!
DL: Why you.....
Tim: Eep!
Mai: Okay, none of that now! -smile-
DL: Right well, all I have to say is that Vincent better let DJ go again...THAT, or he'd better escape or something! I swear, if Vinny touches one hair on my sweetie's head...
Karen: Uh, calm down...
DL: No! I will NOT calm down! I don't want to put up with this kinda crap! And as cute or whatever as Vincent is, if he doesn’t let go soon, I'll find him myself, and... -ring- Huh? Er, excuse me...
-walks out and pulls out a cell phone-

Mai: Hmmm....well, we didn't get too much, but I still want to thank them for there time...
Millenia: Yeah, well, of course.....so, you coming back?
Mai: Yeah, this place is nice, but it's all a bit too creepy for me...reporting live from -shudder- reality, I'm Mai! Ja ne!!!!!

Millenia: Hmmm, I guess reality is pretty bad if it forces Mai to dress up...
Squall: ......whatever. In other news, following the accusations of singer Elena's supposed plastic surgery, scandal rocks the Mushroom Kingdom as now Princess Peach Toadstool is being accused of herself receiving breast enlargement surgery as well. To this, the crown Princess replies,

Peach: What!? You're crazy, all you see is natural made! -wink- Besides, being a world leader, I very well can't spend my time with petty thing like that...
Audience #1: Well, how do you explain this then?
Peach: Pardon?
-audience member holds up two pictures. One's from the charity golf tournament, and the other's from her returning from her and Mario's Isle Delfino vacation. There's also a...noticeable difference-
Peach: Please now sir, that's just a warped camera shot....
Audience #1: Oh yeah? So this is warped too! -holds up another, uh, more questionable picture-
Peach: !?!? Now, that's just not nice! That can't be real at all! Besides, I don't own a green thong....I mean, uh...no further comments!

Squall: It seems that the person who spread these rumors is the same as the one who attacked Elena earlier with those accusations...the Mushroom Kingdom Task Force is investigating the matter at hand.

Millenia: Hmmm...ya know, I noticed that she does seem a bit...fuller there....
Squall: ............
Millenia: Okay okay! Geez.....anyway, onto our weekly feature once again, mostly since DJ demanded it from wherever he is...

-special effects-

LETTERS TO MODIFIED EXISTING POKEMON!!!!

Squall: ........
Millenia: -sigh- Take it away Foyusa and FPB!

FPB: Thanks Millenia! This week's letter comes from Baron! It reads...

"Dear Foyusa and FPB,

I...have a problem. You see, I would never betray my best friend under any circumstances...well, there was this one time when I was under a spell, but that another matter. Anyway, my problem is that I am deeply in love with his wife....you see, she and I grew up together here in Baron, and have always been friends with her, and indeed, she still considers me a very close friend...however, ever since my soon to be best friend came here awhile back, she instantly fell in love with him, as I had to keep my own feeling hidden...I do not wish to do anything that would hurt either, but I don't know how I can handle this...I ended up leaving Baron to think things through, and I missed their wedding...what shall I do?

Brooding Dragon"

Foyusa: Holy...a serious question!?
FPB: Er, apparently...anyway, what the hell's wrong with you!? Sure, you may love her, but she's taken buddy! You say you love her and would never break your friend's trust...in that case, keep it to yourself...look, I know it'll be hard, but it's best to be happy for them and leave it at that....maybe leaving was the only way....
Foyusa: Well, I...
FPB: What? You're going to say that maybe they would let him join in?
Foyusa: Er, no, I...
FPB: Oh! Maybe that maybe, "Screw the friend! You knew her first, so Nah!!!"
Foyusa: Er...I was going to agree FPB, and suggest that since this is such a delicate matter, he should call us up personally so we can speak..
FPB: Oh, uh.....back to you guys...

Millenia: Well.....all right, there's nothing else to say, right?
Squall: Whatever.......
Millenia: Okay...for Squall Leonhart, Foyusa, Freaky Psychic Bird, and Mai Shiranui, I'm Millenia, bidding......
-a hand with a sheet of paper comes into the screen, as a puzzled Squall takes it-
Squall: ?????
-Foyusa and FPB fly in-
Foyusa: Eh? What's that?
Millenia: Yeah!
Squall: ..............this just in, it seems that bounty hunter Samus Aran ahs once again corned Vincent Valentine, and he has DJ with him...we now join a live feed -turns towards the big screen- direct from Samus herself, as she chases him up Death Mountain....
-everyone turns as fuzzy, slightly green tinted images of the Death Mountain Trail show up. the cape less Vincent is running along with DJ, as Vincent seems to shove him along. Samus's breathing is heard from the live feed as she shoots-

Samus: Vincent! You're an idiot for letting this last so long! Now you're guilty of kidnapping!
Vincent: No...I have too much to do!
DJ: C'mon, listen to the woman!
Vincent: Keep running!
-the chase continues until they reach the Death Mountain Peak. With a smile, Samus extends her left arm and grapples up to the top, landing right in front of the two. Quickly she kicks Vincent's gun out of his hand as she takes aim with her gun arm-
Samus: I've got a clear shot this time Valentine...you okay DJ?
DJ: Yeah. just fine...-hobbles over to behind Samus, as she moves closer to Vincent, arms raised-
Samus: Okay, we'll do this the easy way fir...
-suddenly, the active volcano rumbles, the ground shaking, though Samus keeps her aim steady. however...-
DJ: Wha!? GAHH!!!!!!!!
Samus: Huh?
-turns, just in time to see DJ plummet over the edge. With a slight gasp she runs forward and releases her grappling hook over the edge into the misty void below. She slightly as she hears it contact, ignoring the obvious chrono shift sound from behind her, Vincent obviously getting away. However, she growls with agitation as the hook comes back up....with only a left black Doc Marten-

Millenia: DJ!!!!!!
Foyusa: No!
FPB: -gasp!-
Squall: !?!?!?!?!?

-the group watches in shock as various members of the crew and staff run on set and star at the scene, as an agitated Samus groans and slams the hard rocky ground with her left fist, cracking it-

-fade out-