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[DarkJuno]

DJ's still missing, and the war reaches international news. All this and more, in the 14th Edition of DarkJuno: (Non)Roving Reporter.

-Instead of the usual opening sequence, the images shown as the announcer speaks are quite different, and the music isn’t nearly as lively as it normally is-

Non-Cheesy, 50's Style Announcer: With Foyusa........Freaky Psychic Bird........Millenia.......and on the spot correspondent Mai Shiranui....this is DarkJuno: (Non)Roving Reporter...

Millenia, looking tired and generally not her usual self: Hey everyone, and welcome to another edition of DJ:(N)RR....well, I don't think I need to tell you guys too much....DJ is still missing, a kidnapped victim of Vincent Valentine and has yet to be heard from. However, as his partner....
Foyusa: ...and his friends! Don't forget!
FPB: Naturally!
Millenia: Of course...as these, we will work on, as I am sure that's what he wants us to do...when DJ started way, way back with the DJ:RR reports, he vowed to bring the latest and greatest reports from the world of gaming to all of you, our viewers, and it is in that vein that all of us here at DJ:(N)RR keep working. After all, news is something we should all know...
FPB: Besides, if we did quit for a few weeks, he'd get mad at us...and we wouldn't get paid!
Millenia: -smiles- Yup, that's exactly it. Anyway, joining me today here as a temporary partner is, once again, Squall Leonhart...Squall?
Squall: Yes...well.....I guess this is the least I can do, and...
Millenia: Rinoa again, huh?
Squall: ..........
Foyusa: That's a yes!
Squall: -glare-
Foyusa: Er...woo-boy...
Millenia: Heh, all right, onto the news!

-the usual-

Millenia: First up, you already know what happened last week, and Samus today released a rare press statement. She commented, "I'm not one to loose a job at any cost, but a civilian is a civilian...I swear, so long as my checks comes in, Vincent WILL be mine..." Karsh, still unhappy about this and the fact that Samus took a correct lead rather then his fluke in metro City,

Karsh: Hmph...I may not have found Vinny either, but look at this...she allowed him to gain a hostage! More then ever, I WILL catch him, or I'll retire from the Dragoons! I mark my word!!!

Millenia: As far as anyone can tell, Vincent has completely disappeared, with traces whatsoever, though both Samus and the Dragoons are digging for whatever they can find.

Squall: Naturally, this new twist has come as a blow to friends and family of DJ. His immediate family, for one, has turned down offers to speak on camera, but have commented in union that they pray for DJ's safe return and trust that he will come back. His friend's, on the other hand, have been...a little more vocal....naturally, their real names have been hidden to protect their identities...

"DL": WHAT!? Vinny kidnapped MY MAN!? While he's cool (and almost as cute as Seeeeeeeeeephy), if I see that guy, man....there's going to be a head rolling...

"Charlie:" Grr, mah main man.....I know he can go whip some gunslinger ass!

"Karen:" Awww, I LIKED Vincent too! But I'm sure DJ can handle himself...I just hope Vin doesn’t do anything desperate...

"Tim:" Well, seeing as how he puts up with his girlfriend so much, I can't see how he CAN'T get outta this one, ya hear? -proceeds to run away from said girlfriend-

Squall: Well....

Millenia: Oh, I'm certainly glad I've never been to this..."real world." If his friends are any indication...
Squall: Somehow, I think it's just the people he keeps himself around...he's not exactly normal either...
Millenia: I guess so....moving on, it seems that a third faction has come into this search, one that is a coalition of both the UBA AND the Super Smashers. This movement is attempting to find Vincent and DJ peacefully, without the violence Karsh and Samus are more accustomed to. UBA leader Sephiroth comments,

Sephiroth: After what occurred last week, we at the UBA can't help but feel a little guilty...if he hadn't been there, he, a civilian, never would have been taken...therefore, we have decided to help out DJ's closer political friends at the newly formed SS party, since it is the least we can do...

Millenia: Speaking of them, Link commented on behalf of the new group,

Link: Well, DJ has just done so much to bring news out to the world, we felt obligated for this...after all, it was he who convinced the network to air the SSB:M Competition, and now look at all our coverage....from DJ:(N)RR to NTV, we've got everything! And while yes, there is some bad blood between myself and the UBA, we welcome their help...after all, we also believe Vincent is innocent, and want to try and keep him from doing anything that would make him even more guilty then he is now....

Millenia: Certainly noble words from the Hero of Time...stay tuned to DJ:(N)RR for the latest on "The Valentine's Fugitive" and all of its twists and turns, only here on LA.

Squall: Turning to other news, fans were either disgusted, excited, or indifferent to the sale of Rareware to the Dev...Microsoft...but now the truly hard part begins. As of right now, the Rareware World is situated in the Nintendo Universe...obviously, it must now be moved to the.....-shudder- X-Box universe. The De...I mean, Bill Gates has requested that Master Chief and other Space Marines be sent too the Rae World to speed up its movement process, but the supposedly retired Hiroshi Yamauchi has flatly refused by sending Gates' representative's head back in a wooden box. As far as the Rare Characters go, it seems that the SS and several other Nintendo characters...

-shots of chaos in Spiral Mountain are shown. Mario is choking Banjo with a string as Yoshi is squeezing the air out of Kazooie. Ash is pointing at a running Kameo while Pikachu follows and electrocutes the poor fairy girl. Peach and Zelda are body slamming and pile driving the new, strange, but admittedly cute anime-ish Joanna Dark, while Kirby is attempting to hit Conker over the head with a hammer. It should also be noted that Sami is throwing Vela off of a cliff, as Fox McCloud and Donkey Kong are burning old t-shirts they got as gifts into the bonfire that used to be Banjo's house-

Squall: ....they're not very happy....

Millenia: Wow...they look angry...
Squall: ..........as a supplementary, let me speak for just a moment. While I may be a resident of the Sony Universe, I must speak...is there really anything to get upset about here? Sure, back in the days of the Nintendo 64, yes, Nintendo did need Rareware...they had far few 1st party games and almost no 3rd party support whatsoever. In this way, Goldeneye, Banjo-Kazooie, and all of those helped ease the times between Nintendo's own hits such as Super Mario 64 and Ocarina of Time.

Now however, we are in this generation...Nintendo has amassed great 3rd party support and has quite good, friendly partnerships with Sega, Capcom, and Namco, which are three of the biggest and most important 3rd parties out there. In fact, even my parent company, Square, is working on a game for the GameCube, which is something no one ever though would happened. Clearly, while its games may not state it, this is a different Nintendo then in the past.
Millenia: That's right! As far as Big N fans are concerned, Hell was frozen over, thawed out, frozen over again, and then started churning out jalapeno smoothies all this year!
Squall: ..............whatever. As I was saying, as much as you fans may hate to admit it, Nintendo just doesn’t need Rare anymore...I'm sure it would have been nice to keep them around, but move on, this is a business, after all, and this was just another deal. Nintendo's focus is now on its 3rd parties...isn't that what you fans were clamoring for? You were all upset that all of the games by EA, or Capcom or Square were going on the Playstation...and now you're upset that this is their focus, rather then its failed "dream team" plan? Just live with it, okay?
Millenia: Wow....ya know, somehow I think that's what DJ would've said...
Squall: ..............
Foyusa: Yeah! Though he'd probably add, "As I said, Rare is no longer important...sure, I'm upset, and disappointed, but hey...if anything, Microsoft needs Rare far more then Nintendo does...just look at the sales. Now, I wish Rare and, surprisingly, Microsoft good luck in the future, and say that it's been fun while it lasted. And by the way, Joanna looks cute now, but eh..."
FPB: What!? Ya know, that sounded EXACTLY like him....

Millenia: Maybe...moving on, the Terminian Civil War has now sparked national interest, as on par with Zelda's promise, the Hylian Knights have moved in and are aiding the Terminian Army in its two front war against the Gorons AND the Gerudo Pirates. The Zorans of Zora Cape have expressed interest in aiding the landlocked army, but are currently rather busy dealing with the Pirates themselves. In a statement, Gerudo Pirates' Leader Sahalin says that while they and the Gorons will refrain from detonating anymore nuclear devices in the near future, any outsiders should stay out and mid their own business. Naturally, The Government United Nations, or GUN, is not happy with this and are currently deciding whether or not to form a coalition to fight this war. Obviously Hyrule did not wait, as Zelda stated....

Zelda: We simply cannot stand by and watch as our brothers and sisters get slaughtered mercilessly....we, the Royal Family of Hyrule has the support and supplies of the Zorans of Zora's Domain, the Death Mountain Gerudos, and even the Gerudo Thieves. In fact, the Kokiri, too, have been sending medical supplies out of the forest for us to send to our troops and the civilians of the near-ruined Clocktown. I implore GUN...do not let these people suffer....

Millenia: Other countries, meanwhile are awaiting GUN's decision before going ahead...but at least one country is nearly read to take action. Esthar President Laguna Loire releases his own statement, adding in, that while he will wait, if the situation gets far too dire, the Esthar Forces will move in as well. Naturally, this is being received rather badly from other countries, which claim that Esthar is far too advanced a civilization to involve themselves with a developing country like Termina.

Squall: So......
Millenia: Well, that's it...it doesn’t seem right to answer a letter right now, does it?
Foyusa: Naw, not really....
FPB: Well, pity too....too bad DJ's gone, I mean, it IS his 18th Birthday this weekend....
Millenia: Oh, that's right! Geez, Vinny could have at least waited 'till next week before kidnapping him or something....
Squall: Please, Vincent is desperate, it doesn’t matter if...
Millenia: It was a joke! Geez...
Squall: .......whatever......
Foyusa: Oy, guess Rinoa's still working on your humor, eh?
Squall: -glare-
FPB: Eh-heheh...
Millenia: Erm...well, for Squall Leonhart, Foyusa, Freaky Psychic Bird, and even the busy Mai Shiranui, I’m Millenia, bidding you all a good day! Bye!

-fade out-



















"Oy..." Joanna Dark groans, as she pulls herself up from the ground. With a pain throbbing through her head, arms, legs...heck, everywhere, she moans and sits on a boulder. Behind her, a bear crawls along and sits up on the ground, shaking his head as if to clear it.

"Ow...Jo begins, "Well, I'll hand it to the Nintendo Guys...when they're mad, they're mad...." Banjo nods and promptly falls over, as the other assorted Rare Characters trudge over, beaten and bedraggled from the ruins of Spiral Mountain. Conker mentions, a bandage inexplicably on his head,

"Well, whatever the %^$ happens, at least we won't have to put up with that..." Juno nods in agreement as Joanna adds,

"Still, a shame they're so angry....I mean, I just had lunch with the girls the day before..."

"Yeah, it IS a shame..." The characters perk up, looking over to where the voice comes from. Jo's eyes slightly widen ass she exclaims,

"Hey, it's..."

"Yeah yeah, I know... the slightly low but not really deep voice cuts her off. "Look, I know my friends don't like you guys so much right now, but.....we need your help...willing to listen?" With nervous glances at everyone, Joanna stands up and nods.