No replies to this topic

[DarkJuno]

Mai's angry, and DJ recieves an honor! All this and more this edition of DarkJuno: (Non)Roving Reporter!!!

Non Cheesy, 50's Style Announcer: With Foyusa...Freaky Psychic Bird...Millenia....and on the spot correspondent Mai Shiranui, this is DarkJuno: (Non)Roving Reporter...

-desk...surprisingly, DJ is missing...-

Millenia: Hi everyone! Welcome to the 13th Edition of DJ:(N)RR!!! As you can tell, DJ isn't here today (Why? You'll see...), so I'll be your sweet, nuzzling hostess Millenia! And over there at the letters' desk....
Foyusa: Foyusa!
FPB: And FPB! Erm, you're not any better at those adjectives Millenia...
Foyusa: I don't know, I rather like the nuzzling thing....
FPB: ....
Millenia: Right....anyway, while I can do this job alone, certain higher-ups -coughjerkoffscough- require me to have a substitute partner today with DJ gone. At first, I tried to get Ryudo, but he ran away, again, so forget about that. So, I went around looking for the person closest to DJ I could find. So I thought, "Hmmm, who do I know is a general loner, is sort of a jerk, doesn’t talk much for a rule, and at least tries to ignore all the wailing girls that seem to have crushes on him?" So....with me now is the recently married SeeD commander of Balamb Garden, Squall Leonhart!!!! Hi Squall!
Squall: .........
Millenia: Aw, come on, you're going to be my co-host, so talk!
Squall: ....whatever....
Millenia: Tch! Why'd you even sign up then!?
Squall: .......Rinoa......
Millenia: Ah...-nods and makes a whipping sound-
Squall: -glare-
Millenia: Erm....just read the stuff, okay?
Squall: .....whatever...
Millenia: Uh...on to the news!!!

-effects, the usual-

Millenia: First up tonight, Sephiroth has gone on the offensive once again, voicing his outrage at being voiced by Cosmonaut wannabe Lance Bass of N*SYNC in the upcoming movie "Kingdom Hearts." At a press conference, the UBA leader comments, "This is an absolute outrage! Even if not for myself, this is an absolute insult to degrade any character into being voiced by a member of -shudder- a boy band. In fact, it is only in this I can stand by my mortal rival Cloud Strife; he, too, has been given the dubious misfortune of being voice by Mr. Bass...worse in fact. While he merely grunts and screams for me, he is Cloud's voice through and through...this is unforgivable..." Nothing much more from Sephy, as he had to prepare for something tonight...

Squall:....
Millenia: Squall!!! Just read the story......
Squall: ...whatever....-clears throat- DJ:(N)RR correspondent Mai Shiranui was released today after being held in jail overnight by the S.T.A.R.S. Mai was apprehended yesterday evening as the Dragoons chasing suspected murderer Vincent Valentine traveled through Metro City in their on-going quest. There, Mai ran into Final Fight member Maki...and naturally the fight went on from there. Apparently, Mai believes that Maki robbed her fashion sense and style, and after a heated argument, it broke out into an all out catfight. Eventually, S.T.A.R.S. was called in to break up the fight, which had turned into quite the brawl. Joining us now is Mai herself, forgoing the usual on the spot report on Vincent this week....Mai...

-camera feed, Mai has a bandage wrapped around her head but is otherwise her usual perky self-

Mai: Konnichiwa Squall-chan!!!!!!!!!!!
Squall: ...............
Mai: Hehehehe....
Squall: Mai....explain yourself....
Mai: Geez, can't you ever lighten up!? Hehe, anyway, yes, I did get into a fight with Maki yesterday, but I was justified! She stole my outfit...I mean, look -fancy graphic- you can clearly see she stole my kunoichi outfit, down to the gloves and the color! Hmmmph, pretty soon, she'll be dying her hair reddish brown...
Squall: .....okay...
Mai: -sigh- Come ON Squall! I thought marrying Rinoa would've loosened you up a bit!
Squall: Well...I'm wearing pinstriped boxers...
Mai: .......you're a wild man.........
Squall: .....Whatever...Mai Shiranui everyone....
Mai: -sigh- Ja ne!!!

Millenia: Pinstripes, eh? Different from your usual black silk...
Squall: ............
Millenia: Er, right...-whistles- Uh, turning to other news, the Terminian Civil War has reached a new low today as the Gorons of Snowhead have nuked the entire milk road area. You heard right, the Gorons detonated a specially modified nuclear barrel near the Romani Ranch, instantly wiping out all the farms and ranches in the area. Luckily, it was a crude nuclear weapon, and the impact and destruction was limited to the Milk Road area, so there's no worry for Clocktown suffering from Nuclear Fallout. However, hundreds are now dead, and the Terminians main source of food, milk, and other essentials is now gone. This is a crippling blow to Termina and is reportedly a joint venture between the Gerudo Pirates and the Gorons. Cremia and her little sister Romani were luckily in Clocktown at the time of detonation as you can see here...

Cremia: -sob- I...I don't know what to say...I never thought that anyone could go this far...but now, we have nothing.....

Millenia: Obviously, the worlds are shocked at this and are overwhelmingly against this act, especially in the sister country of Hyrule. Darunia and even Gerudo Thieves leader Nabaroou have both released statements about this act.

Darunia: At first, I supported my brothers wholeheartedly...but now, they have sunk to a new low...I do not wish to do this, but from this moment on, the Gorons of Snowhead are no longer considered our brothers!

Nabaroou: Now, I'm all for unfair fights and sneaky tactics...but this is unforgivable. Civilians are never fair game unless they provoke one, that is the code of honor signed by both I and my sister in arms. By breaking our noble code, she has forfeited my help...therefore, from this moment on, I shall sadly recant my support of the Gerudo Pirates...

Millenia: Naturally, the Royal Family of Hyrule has also been shocked and dismayed by this attack. Zelda has commented that, “This is the last straw. I was wary to commit troops in this war, but now with the proverbial thumbs up from both Darunia and Nabaroou, we shall send troops and supplies to aide the Terminians." Squall?

Squall: Naturally, this has also sent shockwaves throughout all the worlds. President Laguna Loire...
Millenia: Your dad.......
Squall:..............of Esthar, as well as several other world leaders.
Laguna: Nuclear weapons!? Now that's just crazy, and going way too far...I thought the Hylians and Terminians were a smart bunch of folks and, like us, had signed the Nuclear Weapons Ban at Jenova, but this is a strict violation of that ruling. Rest assured, if no one reports this to GUN, I will....

Queen Garnet til Alexandros XVIII: This is appalling. I give my word that any needed supplies and such will be given tot he Terminians...

Prince Marth: -Japanese- (He says, those miserable cowards! Using a nuclear weapon...Altia is behind the Terminians!)

Squall: Already, support is flocking for the Terminians...more on this as it develops...

Millenia: And now, it's time for our weekly feature....

-special effects, you know the drill-

LETTERS TO MODIFIED EXISTING POKEMON!!!!




Millenia: Squall!!! It's your cue!
Squall: ...............
Millenia: ........grr, fine! Take it away Foyusa, FPB!

FPB: Thanks Millenia! Today's letter comes from Russia! It reads...

"Hello Ladybug and Bird,

I have giant problem and misery. Forever memory is destroyed, as power is gone. Also, boyfriend much appreciated, and need find! Forever, must bop happily with one! Assistance!!!

Help with find"

FPB: What the....
Foyusa: Holy crap, what the hell was that!?
FPB: Erm, looks like a badly translated letter to me...but, uh, it looks like you've forgotten something and...want a boyfriend?
Foyusa: Erm....I don't think we can help this gal too much...
FPB: How do you know it's a girl?
Foyusa: Well, Rediba have a sort of "girl radar" we're born with, okay?
FPB: Uh, right...back to you Millenia....

Millenia: Wow...and I thought we were past the Zero Wing-esque translations...
Squall: Whatever...can I go now?
Millenia: Not quite yet! Now, I'm sure you've all been wondering...where's DJ, right!?

-crickets chirp-

Millenia: Erm...anyway, we now take you live to the UBA Headquarters in Jenova, Switzerland, where DJ is ready to receive a terrific honor! Here it is now....

-camera feed, to a gala looking event. The UBA Seal is up front by a long desk where various Bishounen are eating, Sephiroth included. Surprisingly enough, DJ is sitting next to the podium, looking somewhat nervous. Sephy gets up and taps the mic-

Sephiroth: Okay everyone, thank you for attending...now, as I promised, we here in the UBA are going towards a bright, new, powerful future! But of course, while power is nice, we must also help the community! We must get off our high horses and help others, for this Union WAS conceived in equality, not to be an elitist group as our former leader Alucard made it out to be...this is already evident by our helping the UMW, and our other upcoming projects...however, we must also look past the political scene, at other people....even non-Bishounen. That is why we are here tonight...we are here to applaud one young man's efforts to bring news to an otherwise apathetic world, and his endless challenge of finding and reporting these world shattering events when no one else does...so tonight, it gives me great honor, to bestow our very first Honorary Membership to DarkJuno! Come on up!

-cheers echo as DJ gets up and nervously approaches the silver haired villain at the podium. Smiling, he shakes the latter's hand and accepts a crystal looking statuette and gets up to the mic-

DJ: Wow....seriously, wow....I can't tell you all how much of an honor this is....sure, it's a little bizarre being honored for supposedly having feminine qualities, but....damn. I'd like to thank my parents, my siblings...uh, my girlfriend...my best buds out there...oh! And of course, none of this could be possible with the DJ:(N)RR staff who puts up with me on a weekly basis, Millenia, Foyusa, FPB, and Mai...and of course, to LA owner Khuffie, who gave me the chance to start off with DJ:RR and go on to this, our...13th edition I believe. Thank you everyone!!!!

-camera’s flash as more cheers emanate, Sephiroth handing DJ an honorary membership card-

Millenia: Woooo!! Go DJ!!!!
Squall: ...........good job.............
Foyusa: -sniff- I knew our boy could do it.....
FPB: Yup, though I wonder how he'll take this....
Millenia: Hey, I'm sure he'll rub it into everyone's faces for a while....hold on, what the hell!?!?

-suddenly, a bright flash lights up the screen, as the gala, via camera feed, erupts with yells. Vincent comes out of nowhere and lands on top of the long table up front, Samus busting through the UBA logo, aiming at the runaway. DJ looks surprised and backs off, as pandemonium reigns-

Samus: Vincent! Give it up! The longer you keep this up, the guiltier you are, whether or not you murdered Starky and Cham-cham!
Vincent: ...no, I've almost found the murderer...leave me be for a few more days.....
Samus: I don't think so!

-suddenly, Vincent grabs the nearest person and holds his gun to his head. That person happens to be DJ-

Samus: Don't be a fool Vincent!
Vincent: Don't worry...I won't shoot if you let me go....and as good as you are, I doubt you can keep a plasma blast directed at me from frying his hair....sorry about this, by the way...
DJ: Erm, no problem, I guess....

Foyusa: DJ!!!
FPB: -gasp!-
Squall: ......no.........
Millenia: NO!!!!!!!

Smaus: -glares and sighs, lowering her gun arm-
Vincent: Good...you'll get him back soon enough. -holds up a crystal and in a flash disappears, DJ's statuette crashing down onto the floor in a million pieces. The camera blacks out as people panic in the gala, and Millenia, Foyusa, FPB, and even Squall watch the big screen, dumb founded....

-fadeout-











"Heheheh, it worked out perfectly boss....no, no problem at all, and I must say that was very convincing, that.........yes sir, I'll make sure they're played around with longer.........no, this won't interrupt your plans.......right, good bye, sir..............."