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[DarkJuno]

Even more on Vincent (or is there?) Sephy's apparent lead, and a peachy guest! All this and more on the 9th Edition of DarkJuno: (Non)Roving Reporter!!!

Non-cheesy, 50s Sounding Announcer: With Millenia.........Foyusa.....Freaky Psychic Bird......and on the spot reporting with Mai Shiranui..............this is DarkJuno: (Non)Roving Reporter........

-DJ and Millenia are shown sitting at the desk, a brand new screen behind them, as well as a generally more professional looking set. DJ's hair isn't QUITE back to normal yet...-

DJ: Heya everyone! Welcome to the 9th Edition of DJ:(N)RR! Of course, I'm your "lone wolf" host DJ...
Millenia: And I'm your co-host, Millenia! Hey everyone!!!!
DJ: Naturally, how could one forget my buddies at the letters' desk....
Foyusa: Foyusa!
FPB: FPB! And, uh, isn't a "Lone Wolf" a Bishounen Archetype?
DJ: ..................very funny, I think that's getting old...
Millenia: No it's not! We've still got about a million of these "DJ is a Femmy Guy!" jokes....right ladies?
FPB: Yup!
Unseen Female Stagehand #1: Indeed!
Unseen Female Stagehand #2: Righty-o!
Unseen Female Stagehand #3: -nods vigorously-
DJ: ......On to the news!!!

-news mode, the usual drill-

DJ: First of, as usual, more news on....."The Valentine's Fugitive." -fancy graphic w/ "Dun dun DUN!" music-
Millenia: Huh?
DJ: Eh, the Generic Network Executive tossed us even more money....thus the spiffy new screen, the polished set, and the new music from last week...
Millenia: Ah....
DJ: Anyway, we are proud to bring you exclusive footage of the Acacia Dragoons chasing down fugitive Vincent Valentine and his accomplice Kid down through the Warp Tubes of Mushroom Kingdom....

-shaky, handheld footage. Several Dragoons, Karsh in the lead, are seen running through the round, tube like pathways. In the close distance, two shadowy figures are shown running, one with a cape and another a female-

Karsh: Valentine! Kid! Give it up!
Kid: Not on 'yer life pal! In 'ere Vinny

-the two stop as Vincent turns and leaps into another tube into the floor. Kid turns and drops a small, round sphere-

Kid: Later Mates!

-the handheld camera shorts out, as the screen goes blank-

DJ: Obviously, the duo got away. Joining us now from the Dragoon's Base Camp is our own Mai Shiranui! Mai?

-DJ and Millenia turn to the side and face the new screen behind and in-between them. The static on the screen fades away, as Mai stands, her usual cheery self, still decked out in the modified Dragoon's uniform...though now she's wearing a blue beret-

Mai: Konnichiwa! Hiiiiiiiiii DJ-chan!!!!!
DJ: Heyyyyyyyyyyya Mai!
Millenia: .....Mai
Mai: ............Milly-chan.............-cough- Yes, I stand here live at the base camp, which has now moved here, into the Raccoon Forests just outside what's left of Raccoon City.
DJ: Erm....isn't that a bit dangerous? I mean, the radiation......nice beret, by the way...
Mai: Hehe! When I say, just outside, I mean about 200 miles....the nuclear bomb they dropped on Raccoon was only about the size of.....well -motions down-, so it wasn't enough to spread nuclear fall out too far....but at the same time, it destroyed the entire city and the forests surrounding it. And yes, I found it lying way out here....funny, I remember reading somewhere that berets were the in thing here in Raccoon before it blew up. Wish it were red.....
Millenia: -ahem- So, what's going on now?
Mai: -glare- Wellllllllllll, General Viper has demanded that Karsh do all he can to find the two, thus Karsh here has ordered that a team of Dragoons search what's left of Raccoon, though he did admit that it's not likely the two of them would be over there.
DJ: I'll assume you didn't interview anyone this time around, right?
Mai: Of course not! Unless you want me to interview Lisa Trevor, or whatnot....
Millenia: Lisa? Isn't she dead?
Mai: Well Milly-chan, for the uninformed, no, she isn't. Well, her mind is pretty much gone, but she basically walks around, moaning and groaning in her mutant form wanting to see her mother and father....but any who, I do have some tape! Check it out!

-tape. Mai is shown bounding along in her usual fair through the Dragoon Camp. She hops along and jumps beside Karsh, who's surprised by her sudden appearance-

Mai: Karsh!!!! -hug-
Karsh: !?!? Ms. Shiranui! This is a search and recover operation...not some kind of hippie fest!
Mai: Hehe, sorry, I warned all of you about this...
Karsh: Yeah yeah...whaddya want?
Mai: Well...I was just wondering if you had any more information you could share with our viewers out there! -points at camera-
Karsh: -sigh- Well, I guess I can disclose some information........Solt! Peppor! Get the map!
-Solt and Peppor run in carrying a table with a map on it-
Karsh: Good! Now, as you can see, here we have a map of the worlds....
Mai: Uh, worlds?
Karsh: Yeah....-presses button as a 3-D map pops up- Here we are in Capcom World, here in the Raccoon Forest...
Mai: Ohhhhhhhh!!!! Nice!!!!! Is Japan here!?!?
Karsh: Eh? Well...I guess I can look.......-messes around with controls- Here....
Mai: -squints- Hey, zoom in!.........I can see my house from here!
Karsh: Uh....right.....
Mai: -move aside!-
Karsh: Hey!
Mai Hehehehehe........-messes with knobs and buttons- Ha! It's Andy-chan's house! Zooooooooom in the bathroom window........

-back to real time-

DJ: .......what the....
Millenia: What the hell was that Mai!?
Mai: Heheh...sorry, like I said, not much news this week......and I wasn't about to go a week without giving you guys something........
DJ: ..............Mai Shiranui everybody.....see ya next week........
Mai: Ja ne!!

Millenia: Well...-cough- In other news, the FFMCC is back in the news as they are finally announcing their plans for the empty FFXI Representative seat. Earlier today, Terra reported....

Terra: While we in the FFMCC have yet to decide who shall take this seat, we have come upon the decision to at the very least, put in a temporary "placeholder" of sorts until we come up with our decision. Thus, I am proud to present our temporary FFXI Representative....."Attractive-Brown-Haired-Girl-In-Sleeveless-White-Shirt!" Come on out here ABHGISWS!

Attractive-Brown-Haired-Girl-In-Sleeveless-White-Shirt: Hi everyone.........I am so happy to be here..........

Terra: Uh.......seeing as how she's not TOTALLY programmed quite yet, she lacks a real name a personality.....so that'll have to wait..........

ABHGISWS: Yes.......it will be nice to have a name and personality.............

Millenia: Of course, we went after what the other members of the council had to say....

Fighter: Well, at least she's hot! -gets slapped by White Mage- Ow!
Cecil: Hmmm...not quite what I expected, but at the very least, she's attractive -slapped by Rosa- Ow!
Cloud: Eh....she's hot -slapped by Tifa- Doh!
Squall: .........whatever........-slapped by Rinoa- Ow! What the......
Rinoa: Sorry! Got caught up there!
Squall: ............
Zidane: What can I say? She just sits there and looks pretty......-runs from Garnet-
Tidus: Hmph! What do I care!?!? SO long as she's a nice cheery person, it might work out.......
Terra: Well, I guess it's nice having another woman on the council...though again, she's only temporary.......

Millenia: Uh......Attractive-Brown-Haired-Girl-In-White-Sleeveless-Shirt is expected to being work this week.

DJ: Hmmm, she IS attractive........er, in other matters, The Association of Names has received two complaints today. First, from Link, the Hero of Time, has lodged a complaint with the Naming Association. Link complains about how he is now known as Link II, due to the "New Link," his newly discovered ancestor, is now Link I. The normally calm and collected Link states,

Link: C'mon now! I'm not much of a complainer, and I certainly don't mind my ancestor's.....style, but hey, I'M Link I! Not the bigheaded guy! Besides, I'm too lazy to get some new checks with the new name on them.......plus, what's with Zel now? Is she Zelda LXVIII now, o what? And ever since when did I have a female ancestor?

DJ: The AoN is looking into this matter now and plans to report to Link soon. As for the second complaint, Cid, Cid, Cid, Cid, Cid Highwind, Cid Kramer, Regent Cid, and Cid of the AlBhed have all filed a complaint to the Association on the whereabouts of their lost and misplaced packages.

Cid Highwind: What the &^^$*&*& Hell is ^%$*% wrong with the ^&$*&% %$^$^&$ ^$#^&$!?!?!? I haven't gotten any packages in #&^$#^ 2 years! ^&$*&%& damn $*&%& mail service! All I ever get are ^%#$^& Cid Kramer's %^$*&% packages........

Cid (FFV):Ah, yes....indeed.....Mid and I have been waiting for a long time for our new engine parts to come in, and the inter-dimensional mail carriers seem to keep mixing us all up! Now our engine will be ruined unless we keep it cool while waiting for the parts...and we're not going to be able to keep it up much longer!!!

DJ: The AoN is also concerned about this, and has contacted the Inter-dimensional Parcel Service about this matter.

Millenia: More news out of the struggle for power within the UBA. Supporters of the current leader, Alucard, have met and have held a rally for their esteemed leader in the city of Alexandra. However, the Pro-Sephy Members caught wind of this and soon overran the rally, causing a huge riot to ensue. The Problem eventually had to be put down with a combined effort from both the Knights of Pluto and the Mist Division of the recently expanded S.T.A.R.S. Steiner reports...

Steiner: Well, it took us a little bit, but with help from these new....S.T.A.R.S., is it? Well, this new agency helped us clean up the mess here. Though t looks like the Royal Health Department is going to have its hands full cleaning up these...tubes of lipstick and rouge and other.....beauty supplies. I must say, for some rather.....feminine men, they sure can fight with the best of them!

Millenia: The Health Department is out there, right now, cleaning up, and have reported finding a number of missing coin purses and compacts. If you have lost your...beauty items, contact the Mist Division of S.T.A.R.S., and they'll get it back to your right away!

DJ: As for Alucard and Sephiroth themselves, the two couldn’t be in anymore different states of mind. Alucard is extremely up tight and distraught over this battle for power, and is reportedly suffering insomnia and other problems as he remains worried. Sephiroth, on the other hand, has also been slightly "out of character," so to speak, appearing in public quite a bit and reportedly even grinning once.......sure, it was an evil grin, but hey!

Sephiroth: I'm not sure if the reports about my opponent are particularly correct, but it certainly proves my statement; Alucard is weak and unable to control the UBA any longer! He should give up the power to me, for his own well being......

DJ: Alucard is still staying quiet about all this......

-camera switch to Millenia, who’s now suddenly off in another corner with a couch and a couple of chairs. DJ is shown running in as she speaks-

Millenia: Thank you DJ....now, as we reported last week, a new political party, the Super Smashers, was formed last week. Joining us now is one of the founders of the party and soon to be sovereign of the Mushroom Kingdom, Princess Peach Toadstool! Welcome, and thanks for taking time to be with us Peach!
Peach: Tee-hee, no problem! How are you two?
Millenia: Eh, I've seen better days.....
DJ: Not bad, not bad at all! And you?
Peach: Well, you could say I'm just peachy! -rim shot- Teehee!
Millenia: Eh.....
DJ: -cough- So, why did you and Princess Zelda of Hyrule decide to form this new party?
Peach: Well, Zel was over and were we just talking about stuff, like the problem in Termina and all that...ya know?
Millenia: Princess Crap?
Peach: Uh, yeah, I suppose so...Anyway, we just got to talking about this whole UBA power struggle, and Starky's Murder, and all of these problems......and she brought up how she wished all of these so called political parties would learn to at the very least govern right. I mean, if they choose to ignore the TRUE way of government with a sovereign like Hyrule or the Mushroom Kingdom, at least they should try and keep things running smoothly. I then of course joked as to how those parties could learn a thing or two from us monarchs...and the idea just came from there.
DJ: So, explain exactly what this party is based on.
Peach: Sure! Basically, it does work for a generally democratic style, but it holds a little more importance in tradition...I suppose it's a cross of a republic and a usual monarchy like with us, but of course, the people vote. Nothing really different, we still select who we wish to represent the party in an election just like the UBA....
Millenia: Bah, I don't see the point......I mean, neither of you have actually switched over to the new Super Smashers Party.
Peach: Oh come on! We're rulers, not politicians! We were meant to and always will be the rulers of our lands, we very well can't change tradition!
Millenia: Oh yeah!? Why not!?
Peach: Well...we just can't, that's why!
Millenia: Tch, whatever...
Peach: Besides, we have other capable members in the party.
DJ: Yes, you have quite the impressive list......all from the recent SSB;M Competition, might I add!
Peach: Yes......I hazily remember you and your two Pokemon friends being at the after party.......
DJ: Ah, well.....

-flashback, from the original DJRR Episode 1-

-DJ is interrupted as Foyusa comes flying in through the door, screaming as Roy gives chase to the slightly burnt Rediba-

Foyusa: Waaaaaa!!! Hey, is that beer?
Peach: Sweet! It is!!

-Link, Zelda, Samus, DJ, FPB, and Mario turn...only to scream at the sight of a drunken Peach in a bikini-

DJ: Gah!!!
Link: Yow, I didn't think she was that hot...
Zelda: Eh!?
Link: Er, nothing....
Mario: Hey-a Peach, wanna do it?
Peach: Yeeeeeah....whyn...ot?

.................

Peach: Mario! Not so hard!

-end flashback-

DJ: Yeah, I think we were there....
Peach: Well, we chose to have this party done this way because, with the exception of Ganondorf, we have all grown into a sort of......friendship. And Bowser, at the very least, has expressed at least a slight feeling of acceptance towards this, though he himself hasn't joined.
DJ: So, re-iterate who is part of this new party?
Peach: Gladly! Of course, Mario and Luigi are big parts of this, as are Donkey Kong, Roy, Samus Aran and Captain Falcon. Most of our members have actually crossed lines to help found this. Pikachu, Yoshi, Jigglypuff, and Pichu are from the CCKA, Link and Marth are from the UBA, Mr. Game & Watch, Popo, and Nana are from the "Old-Schoolers" Party, and I think that's it for party crossers. We also have Fox McCloud, Falco Lombardi, and finally Young Link. A strong party...
Millenia; Hmph, sounds more like a limited selection to me.....
Peach: I beg your pardon?
Millenia: I mean, come on sister! You have heroes/heroines, animals, and kids! What kind of diversity is that?
Peach: -sniffs- Well, if you don't appreciate it, then don't support us! Besides, we do plan to expand. I'm already in talks with my cousin Daisy and a few other people not yet in a selected party...
Millenia: Blah blah, whatever......
Peach: Of all the nerve!
DJ: Calm down girls.....okay, I'd like to say thanks to.......
Millenia: No!
DJ: Eh?
Millenia: Sorry, but I’ve been holding back for too long! Ever since that jerk Ryudo ran off from both me and Elena, I've been trying to act.......'nice," o that other crap! Well, no more! Peachy, your platform sucks! No power, and you're going to end up like the Green party from his -points at DJ- world!
Peach: Gr........that's your opinion........
Millenia: Uh-huh,. WHATEVER! -puts hand out-
Peach: How rude! Perhaps you'd appreciate it more if we settled this like men, erm, women?
Millenia: Gladly! Follow me!
DJ: Er, ladies?
Peach: Butt out DJ! This red headed b*tch is going to get it!
Millenia: Oh, a red headed b*tch am I!? Bring it on Peachy!
Peach: Fine! Ha-cha! -takes out golf club and leaps on Millenia-
DJ: -slowly inches away back tot he desk- Um..........Time for.......

-you know the drill-

LETTERS FROM MODIFIED EXITING POKEMON!!!!!!!

DJ: Take it away.. YAHHHH!!!!! -the wrestling Peach and Millenia roll into DJ, knocking him down into the middle of the fray-

Foyusa: .......why is it that everyone but me gets drawn into these chick fights?
FPB: -Ahem- Today’s letter is from Tokyo-to! It reads...

Yo Foyusa and FPB,

'Sup? Lemme get down ta' business here....I used to be the man! I was the leader of my gang, I had my ho...I mean, my ladies all around me, and I was the coolest rudie around, yo! But now.....a "friend" of mine, one of our gang's founders, began getting more popular....soon, he changed his name, and before I knew it, the fool's the new leader! What the hell happened? How can I get rid of this mug!?

Laterz,
I'm not a Model, Do the Scrappy with da' Miller Ball Breakers

FPB: Well Model, I hate to say it, but you're screwed buddy...obviously this guy had it in for ya the whole time! you let your guard down and he got ya........ya know what I'm saying?
Foyusa: Well, you WERE definitely screwed there, but fight back man! Get your favorite Ex- H...I mean, Lady on your side and amass another gang! Git' da't foo', ya know? Word.....Back to you DJ, yo!

-Switch to the Main Desk. With his shirt ripped to shreds, his hair a mess, and missing both his jeans and shows (leaving him in his black boxers and a single torn sock), DJ crawls onto his seat and nearly collapses-

DJ: Gah......th-th-thanks Foyusa....FPB......-ahem- Well now.....I'd like to thanks Princess Peach Toadstool once again for joining us...
Peach, off camera: -strained- No problem DJ!
DJ: .....and so.......for Millenia......
-Millenia's equally bedraggled head comes into the shot, smiles, and is quickly pulled out again by Peach's (torn) gloved hand-
DJ: ....Foyusa.........Freaky Psychic Bird....and our on the spot correspondent Mai Shiranui.....I'm DarkJuno, bidding you all a sane and great day.....see ya..........
-falls over-