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[DarkJuno]

Mai gives chase, Sephy continues to rebel, and DJ has new hair! All this and more on the 8th Edition of DarkJuno: (Non)Roving Reporter!!!

-flashy new intro w/ new theme music, shots of the individual cast members turning as the announcer states his/her name-

Non Cheesy, 50's sounding Announcer: With Millenia........Foyusa.........Freaky Psychic Bird......and on the spot correspondent Mai Shiranui.......this is DarkJuno: (Non)Roving Reporter.......

-news desk, both DJ and Millenia sitting there now-

DJ, shorter hair apparent: Heya everyone, and welcome to the 8th edition of DJ:(N)RR! As usual, I'm your now not-so-bishounen-like(thank God) host DJ! And of course, joining me now is my brand new partner......
Millenia: Millenia! And believe me, I'm glad to be here!
DJ: And of course, we can't forget about my old buddies at the news desk.....
Foyusa: Foyusa!
FPB: And FPB! And please DJ.......your shorter hair is cute, but you still look like the "Bishounen Boy" nickname you were given.....
DJ: What? C'mon now.....
Foyusa: It's true! Besides, before, your hair was just a weird combination of Squall, Link, and Lulu..........
FPB: ...but now, it looks like a little bit of "Blue" Mary Ryan and Jill Valentine thrown in for good measure!
DJ: .............okay! So they screwed up my hair cut, big deal!
Millenia: Well...it wasn't just your hair.....why, if I were a mere, normal girl, I'd be jealous of your eyes......
FPB: Don't forget his hair, eyelashes included!
Unseen Female Stagehand #1: And hey! His skin too!
Unseen Female Stagehand #2: Not to mention his perfect lips!
DJ: -frowns and glares-
Unseen Female Stagehand #1: Plus that damn sexy frown and glare! Rowr!
Unseen Female Stagehand #2: Yeah! I Looooooove those!
Unseen Female Stagehand #3: Quiet fool! What if his girlfriend hears us!?
Unseen Female Stagehand #2: Crap! I forgot about her!
DJ: .............OKAY! ON TO THE NEWS!!!!!

-news music, you know the drill-

DJ: -mutters something about nicknames- Ahem......more news on "The Valentine's Fugitive" -fancy graphic- As suspected, Vincent and Kid are now seemingly running throughout the worlds of gaming, with Karsh and the Acacia Dragoons of Viper Manor giving chase. Now, we turn to DJ:(N)RR's own on the spot correspondent, Mai Shiranui live from the Acacia Dragoon's base camp, wherever they may be right now. Mai, can ya hear me!?

-fuzz picture, clears up, showing Mai in a camp that seems to be set up in a hotel of some sort, the correspondent dressed in a somewhat modified Dragoon uniform, albeit being a bit less...modest-

Mai: Hiiiiiiiiii DJ-chan!!!! -face becomes more serious- Hello Milly-chan.......
DJ: Hiiiiiiiii Mai!!!!
Millenia: Hmph! Hello Mai......
DJ: Uh........so Mai! What's up?
Mai: Hehehe, quite a bit DJ-chan! As you should have been able to figure out, DJ:(N)RR has been given exclusive access to this story, and has worked out a deal -coughbribedgeneralviperbykidnappingriddelcough- that allows ME to travel along with the group!
DJ: Ah, cool......though what about your privacy? I mean, I'm sure other then Marcy, there are no female Dragoons...
Millenia: Unless of course you WANT people to see you....
Mai: Hmph! -Japanese- Milly-chan! But yes, there was a problem...but I, ah, took care of it....now they all leave me to my privy!
DJ: All right.......so, what about Vincent? Where are you?
Mai: Ah, well, Karsh, using Luccia's tracking bug, tracked Vinny-chan and Kid here to the Mushroom Kingdom! But, we were too late, as there are no traces of them left. However, I went out personally and interviewed some of the...how do you say it.....
DJ: Mushroom?
Mai: Yes! The mushroom citizens here have some reports of having seen the two.....so here's the tape!

-Mai shown happily walking around in the daytime in her usual clothes, twirling her mike around like one of her many fans (The kind that keeps you cool, not the drooling ones). Cuts to Mai kneeling to interview the considerably shorter townspeople-

Mai: So, tell us what you've seen....
Teenage Mushroom: -tries to keep from staring at Mai's cleavage- Uh, yeah, well, I was watching my parents' store while they were away at the Town Meeting, when these two....humans, walked in, a guy and a girl. The guy was dressed in a sort of cape and had a golden left are, and wore a scarf and a big bandana...I could barely make out his face. The girl just wore a short, tight white T-shirt with a small red jacket over it, along with a similarly designed short, red skirt and brown boots. Anywho, the girl walked up to the counter and asked if we had any lock picks. I was a little suspicious, but we did so I plunked them onto the counter. I told her they were 100 Mushroom Coins, but all she had were gold pieces, so she just dropped 2 of them, which is well worth over 300 MC's, and just said to keep the change. All the while, the guy seemed to be looking around, worried. Anywho, after they left, I felt bad about taking so much extra dough, so I went out the door to see if I could catch them. Thing is, once I got out, there was a pair of handcuffs lying by the door, along with the lock picks the girl had bought....
Mai: Hmmm...so, anything else?
Teenage Mushroom: -quit trying to stop staring- Er, nope Miss...sorry I couldn't be much more help to ya'll...uh, I mean you....
Teenage Mushroom's Girlfriend: -SLAP!-

-change, Mai sitting down at a table and talking to an old woman mushroom, who's standing on her chair in order to speak to Mai eye to eye-

Mai: Thanks for joining us Ms. Mayor....you encountered Vincent and Kid?
Mayor: Yes indeed.....if I had known those two nice people were criminals, I would have had the police apprehend those ruffians! Come to think of it, I didn't like that girl...she was flaunting far too much.......in fact, you're showing off too much as we...
Mai: -ahem- So, what did they ask?
Mayor: Oh, well, I was taking a walk when I ran into this tall man dressed in a cloak, as well as that skanky girl....they asked where the nearest warp pipe was, and I responded by pointing them out towards the Mushroom Principality, where the Chancellor and Princess Peach live. I then gave the girl some advice to cover up, though she didn't seem to like it, though the man held her back and thanked me.
Mai: Thank you for your time Ms. Mayor.
Mayor: No problem...though dear, I think you should maybe be a bit more mo....
Mai: Back to me!

-back to real time-

Mai: Hehe! Anywho, here we are now at the Mushroom Principality Marriott, and we're too late! As of right now, it seems that Vincent and Kid have ducked through one of the many warp tubes scattered in the lands here....Karsh and the dragoons are checking on which one they may have jumped into right now.
DJ: Well, we'll check in with you again next week Mai! See ya!
Mai: Ja ne!

Millenia: -hmph, I'll show her...- Turning to other news now, the FFMCC was the site of a slightly embarrassing situation today as they held their seasonal town meeting with the other FF Characters. Issues raised today were, once again, the ownership of the 11th vacant seat in the council, which is still unresolved, and the setting of rules towards the placement and powers of Main villains and Summoned monster. However, what's important about this is this little disruption, caught on tape...

-camera feed, FF Heroes I-III, Cecil, Bartz, Terra, Cloud, Squall, Zidane, and Tidus are shown sitting behind paneled desks divided down the middle by Terra, who's in the center with the high desk. Naturally, there is an empty desk to the right by Tidus, marked with the FFXI logo and nothing more-

Terra: Hmm...okay, anymore issues anyone wishes to bring up?
-Irvine walks up to a mike set up in front of the council-
Irvine: Yeah, actually....
Terra: Well?
Irvine: Hmm, well, I just want to ask for a movement....
Squall: ........in what?
Irvine: Well, it actually involves you guys.....
Cecil: May I ask.....how?
Irvine: Ya see, I've spoken to pretty much everyone else in Garden, AVALANCHE, the Tantalus, and even in the Church of Yevon, and well....we want their to be a ban against overly happy people being the main character.
Tidus: What!?
Cloud: Really!?
Squall: Don't joke around with us Irvine!
Bartz: Seriously now, no joking?
Irvine: Yup!
FFI: I move to vote on this matter now with no discussion!
Tidus: Hold up! If you pass this, then that means there won't be anyone like me up here!
-the others, Squall included, turns to Tidus and merely smile-
Tidus: That's not fair! I mean, come on! I'm cool! -turns to the assorted FF characters in the audience- Right guys?
Quistis: Um........
Rydia: Well........
Locke: Ah......
-more scattered muttering-
Tidus: Oh come on! Why am I so hated?
Irvine: Well, for starters, you smile too much!
Tidus: What!? Hey, YOU'RE a pretty happy guy!
Irvine: Yeah, but at least I'm not chronically smiling!
Yuffie: Also, your clothes! What are you thinking!? Hip waders and a yellow jacket!?
Tidus: What about Squall?
Squall: Hey, I'll have you know orders are being placed for the furry brimmed short jackets all the time......
Relm: Also......you're a whiny little wimp!
Rinoa: Yeah, and I thought I was the worst whiner and complainer around!
Celes: Indeed....plus you're a weakling! I could easily take you myself......
Tidus: -eyes tearing up- But...but....but you're a general! It wouldn't be faaaaaaaaair!
Faris: Oh hush! You play a girl better then I can!
Tidus: But.....you are a girl........
Tifa: -slaps head- Duh! That's sort of the point idiot!
Tidus: -the insult dawns on him- What!? Hey, no need to be so mean.........at least I have a woman!
Yuna: ..............unfortunately.......
Cloud: So? -ducks under the table and takes out a big bag, dumping its contents onto the desk- This is just some of the fan girl mail I've gotten!
Squall: -dumps his own bag on the table- Same here.....
Tifa and Rinoa: -raise eyebrows- What!?
Cloud: Erm.......
Squall: Ah.......
Tidus: -leans over and picks up a nearly empty bag, dumping out three measly letters- Hey, I have letters too!
Zidane: Let me see those....-grabs letters- Hey! These two are actually meant for Terra!
Terra: -blushes- Oh, really?
Zidane: And this one's...a bill! It's for 7 sets of black hip waders!
Tidus: Hey, I LIKE my clothes! And so do girls!
Cecil: Really? Last I heard, girls bid about 5 gil to go on a date with you...
Tidus: -sniff sniff- I don't have to take this! Hmph!
-gets up and runs off, crying slightly as he runs up the stairs to his office-
Barret: Heh, dere goes one sucka'!

Millenia: Hmmm, well......Tidus is reportedly still locked in his office, refusing to step out until he gets an apology..........gee, what a wuss....

DJ: I know......believe me, I know........anywho, news out of Hyrule, as in the midst of the Terminaian crisis, Princess Zelda announces the creation of a new Political party, the Super Smashers. Alongside Princess Peach of the Mushroom Kingdom, Samus Aran and Captain Falcon of the Bounty Hunters Union, and other assorted small conglomerates, have formed this new party. Furthermore, Marth and Link, formerly of the United Bishounen Association, has revoked their membership and have joined, as have Pikachu, Jigglypuff, and Pichu of the Cute Creatures Kick Ass party. When asked why he jumped ship, so to speak, Marth replies...

Marth: -Japanese-

DJ: Er........Link quickly adds,

Link: Yes, we never felt good or welcomed by the UBA, truth be told...we were also usually made fun of for having shorter hair, so we felt we had to leave...this was the perfect opportunity.

DJ: Pikachu also states,

Pikachu: Chu chu, kapika pika pika! Cha!!!!

DJ: If you haven’t figured it out, the SS are an extension of the SSBM Tournament....the parties involved felt that they have all made a bond that should be stronger then anything else out there, and therefore took this gamble. Peach and Zelda, however, plan to remain sovereigns and not switch to democracy. Obviously, the existing political parties have no worries about their new rival. Kuja, spokesman for the UBA, states

Kuja: Oh please...should we truly worry about such a hypocritical party? After all, their two only rulers wish to remain monarchs and keep their power...the SS will soon crumble....

DJ: More on this new party shall be revealed soon enough.

Millenia: So, it seems that we're just full of politics today! The reason why it fell upon Kuja to speak for the UBA was that because Chairman Alucard is reported in a struggle for power as we speak. As reported last week, Sephiroth has begun an uprising within the ranks of the party and is attempting to grasp leadership. After all, the UBA's rules are different from other parties in that the leader is not chosen by the general membership. Rather, the seat is almost literally fought by popularity only, and the winner is decided by who quits first under the pressure. Things do not bode well for Alucard, as his popularity is significantly less then that of Sephiroth, with his 41% vs. the Silver haired baddie's 59%. What's more, a picket has begun in front of Alucard's Transylvania headquarters, down the road from the infamous Castlevania. What began as a one person march last week has grown into a huge crowd of general public members, most of which are not even bishounen. Sephiroth gladly took this and appeared briefly, speaking to the masses

Sephiroth: -waves to cheering crowd- Thank you friends, for all your support....while we in the UBA may be the actual "pretty boys," it is you, the general public which gives us the true support! I thank you all once again....fight on! -cheers and chants of Sephiroth's name-

Millenia: No word has come from Alucard himself, but a representative has stated that he is rather disturbed and distraught over this.
-looks over DJ-
Millenia: Hmmmmmm.........ya know? YOU could be in the UBA!
DJ: ..........
Millenia: Okay okay! Geez, sooooooorry!

DJ: -cough- Finally tonight, the Tantalus are honored to have been selected to be the first troupe to perform in the brand new Golden Saucer Theatre in the Western Continent, set to open next year. Baku, head of the troupe, states,

Baku: Wow...we are honored to have been chosen, given the fact that we are more a band of thieves then minstrels......but hey, we're going to put on a great show!

DJ: The Tantalus are scurrying around right now, working on the play. At first they wished to once again perform the classic, "I Want to be your Canary," but are now opting for something brand new. The Golden Saucer has always had a stage for plays, but the new theatre will be a totally separate attraction from the main gates, and will, in fact, be the most advanced and sophisticated one of its kind. Dio adds that it will, "Attract all those stuff shirted jerks over as well!"

Millenia: Heh, well, now it's time for........

-special effects, you know the drill...'cept this time, a song plays along in the background-

LETTERS TO MODIFIED EXISTING POKEMON! Take it away Foyusa, FPB!

-switch to the letters desk-

Foyusa: Thank you...thank you.......I could be part of a traveling troupe if I wanted to, ya know?
FPB: Yeah, whatever you say......anyway, today's letter comes from Cerulean City! It reads....

Dear Foyusa and FPB,

I can't get this guy outta my mind! I mean, I used to travel with him a lot, but then that jerk and my other so called friend dumped me for some other little (censored)-bag! Er, not to say I'm one, of course. Um, anyway, now that he's gone, I can't help but think of him all the time! In fact, I'm getting desperate for a date! I actually went on one with some other guy....but this stupid kid came along and scared him off! I can't help it! That guy is a jerk, but I think I'm in love........AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Central Cerulean B*tch

FPB: Oh please! Forget about the guy......if he and your other "friend" left, he's not worth it!
Foyusa: Actually, I agree...but, you should give him another chance if he ever swings around......but still, if he did that, forget about it, and just get it on with some other poor soul that'll bow down to your obvious, dominatrix-like ways! Back to you guys!

DJ: Thanks Foyusa! Alright, ready Millenia?
Millenia: Of course!

-coughs-

Millenia: Little girl Mai tracks down Vinny and Kid,
DJ: While FFX Hero cries and needs some bids,
Millenia: SSB is now a party,
DJ: While Sephy looks on his rival with a laugh that's hearty/
Millenia: New theatre opens with thieving stars,
DJ: While girl in Cerulean gets kinky with bars.
Millenia: And before DJ here gets all too girly.....
DJ: -glares- Stop calling me that before I start getting all hurly.

-boos-

Millenia: What the hell? Only a bishounen would say that......
DJ: Shut up shut up shut up!
Millenia: Tch...fine......
DJ: -sighs- And now.........and now.....hmmm......
Millenia: What now DJ?
DJ: I really don't know......I usually thank the partner right now and mention the vote........but we don't have to worry about that now......
Millenia: Huh....I see what you mean.......
DJ: Well, I guess I'll just thank all of you out there for watching! For Millenia, Foyusa, Freaky Psychic Bird, and Mai Shiranui, I'm DarkJuno, wishing you all a sane and happy day! See Ya!
Millenia: Bye!!!