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[DarkJuno]

Vincent still on the lam, Sephiroth's uprising, and the revelation of DJ's permanent partner, all on the 7th Edition of DarkJuno: (Non)Roving Reporter!!!

Non-cheesy sounding, 50's Sounding Announcer: With Foyusa...and Freaky Psychic Bird...this is DarkJuno: (Non)Roving Reporter...

-instead of going to the news desk as usual, the scene instead opens to DJ, standing in front of a curtain, headset microphone on while Foyusa and FPB sit on either of his shoulders-

DJ: Heya, and welcome to the 7th Edition of DJ:(N)RR! Once again, I'm your hip-hoppin' host, DJ! And over here are...
Foyusa: Foyusa!
FPB: ...and FPB! Hip hoppin'!?
DJ: Well, I gotta keep these ideas up...anyway, before we get to the news, it's time to finally assign myself a full fledged partner! Granted, the 5 weeks of musical chairs with the fine ladies who answered my call for help was fun -for the most part- but now we've gotta find the permanent one! So, we left up to you, the readers of this fine series to decide! Yup, that's right, all 4 of you! So, after a long arduous process of tallying up the votes, here we are...now, first we'll re-introduce the nominees! Please welcome back Mai Shiranui, Millenia, Rebecca Chambers, Aeris Gainsborough, and Morrigan Aesnland everybody!

-the 5 walk out from behind the curtains and smile, wave, and otherwise act hot/cute-

Mai: DJ-chan!!!!!!!
-dashes and hugs DJ-
DJ: Erk! Nice to see you too, Mai......
Millenia: What about me? Don't tell me you've already forgotten......
DJ, squirming free of Mai's grasp: Of course not! Heya Millenia....Becky!
Rebecca: -salute- Hi!
Aeris: -politely walks over and shakes DJ's hand- Hi again!
DJ: Hello Aeris!
Morrigan: Now of course you can't forget me.....
DJ: -swallows- Nope, how could I?
Morrigan: Have you given anymore thought to my offer?
DJ: Uh, nope, my answer remains the same.....
Morrigan: For now, anyway...-giggle-
DJ: -sweats- Uh...anyway, once again I'd like to sincerely thank each of you ladies for putting up with myself, Foyusa, and FPB here for the past few weeks...
FPB: ESPECIALLY that part about Foyusa!
Foyusa: Hey!
DJ: All right, next up we have our distinguished panel of judges, or in this case, the ballot counters! Welcome Slash, Flea, Ozzie, Ridley, and Kraid, the Rogue's Panel of Judges!

- the 5 villains walk out-

Flea: Hmph! No murders this time....
Slash: Yeah, but what're ya gonna do?
Kraid: ROOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAARRR!!!!!!!!!!!
Ridley: Sqwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak! Sqwak sqak Sqwaaaaaaaakkkkkkk!!!!!!!!

-flies over and hands DJ an envelope-

DJ: Uh, thanks Ridley.....
Ridley: Sqwaaaaaakkkkkkkkk!
Ozzie: Good idea! You're paying!

-the five walk off stage-

DJ: ......anywho, now, the name of my Partner! After the votes have been counted, this game's winner is........
-Foyusa and FPB take out miniature trumpets and play a fanfare-
DJ: .........thank you. Anywho, the title of DJ's partner goes to................a tie! Mai and Millenia!
Mai: What!?
Millenia: A tie!? With her!?!?
Mai: Hey, what's that supposed to mean?
Millenia: Well come on....you're cute, but how can you expect to, ahem, "stack up" against me?
Mai: Hmph! Not likely, "Milly-chan!"
Millenia: Ohhhhhh, you KNOW I hate that name!
Mai: Well, whatever you say....besides, you're like a 10 year old BOY compared to me!
Millenia: All right, that's it! You and me, right here, right now!
Mai: Hai! Gladly! Yaaahhhhhhhhh!!!! -leaps on Millenia-
Foyusa: Wooooooooo! Cat Fight!!!!!!!
FPB: -sigh- For goodness's sake, do something DJ!
DJ: -snaps out of his trance caused by watching Mai and Millenia roll around- Huh!? Oh, um...Becky, Aeris, Morrigan! A little help here?
Rebecca: Yes sir!
Morrigan: Psss...what could YOU possibly do, pipsqueak?
Rebecca: Hm.....a whole lot more then you, bat-head!
Morrigan: .......Do NOT insult the head wings little miss!
Rebecca: Oh yeah? What're you going to do about it, "grandma?"
Morrigan: What!?!?? I'm not THAT old.......
Rebecca: Right, I'm sorry......I meant great great great great great grandma!
Morrigan: That's it! Haaaaaa!!!!!!! -jumps on Becky, and the two roll over alongside Mai and Millenia-
Aeris: -looks and shrugs- Eh.....why not!? -jumps in-
DJ: Um.........all right, you girls figure this out yourself...I gotta get to the news......
Mai: Sure!
Millenia: Ow.....fine with me!
DJ: Okay....c'mon guys.....
FPB: Sure! -flies off-
DJ: How about you Foyusa? Foyusa?

-Foyusa is watching the fight through binoculars and eating popcorn. DJ flicks him off his shoulder-

Foyusa: Hey!
DJ: Just get to your desk!
Foyusa: -sigh- FINE!

-loud music starts, you know the drill. Camera switches to the news desk, DJ leaping into his seat and scooting it over to the center of the desk-

DJ: We begin tonight with more on..."The Valentine's Fugitive" -fancy graphic comes on screen- As the rumors have proved true, Vincent Valentine and his accomplice Kid did indeed land on the mainland, near the derelict Guardia Castle. According to reports and this on the site footage shot by the Acacia Dragoons, Valentine did this to access a dimensional gateway, and as of right now is at large, quite possibly anywhere in the worlds! Here's the footage...

-a shaky camera is shown in a mostly dark forested area, quite a few dragoons are rushing through the forests. Karsh comes into view-
Karsh: All right men! They must be in the castle! Follow me!
-more movements, as the camera bursts out into the open. Guardia Castle, ravaged and war torn after the attack and subsequent take over from Porre. Vincent and Kid are shown bursting out of the front door, but then stand back surprised by the Dragoons-
Karsh: Ha! Right into our hands! Give it up Valentine! The place is surrounded!
Kid: Not on yer' life Karsh! Don't make me hurt ya....
Dragoon #1: Not likely! Haaa!
Karsh: No! You fool!
-the dragoon rushes the duo, but Vincent merely whips out a gun and shoots him. Kid is visibly upset-
Kid: Ya' Idjit! I said not to kill anyone!
Vincent: ......don't worry...he'll be up in about an hour.............
Karsh: Sunuva! Valentine, there's no use for that!
Kid: I agree......so see ya!
-Kid grabs her astral amulet and takes a small gem out of her pocket. Touching it to the amulet, a bright flash is produced, causing the camera to white out. When it clears, Vincent and Kid are gone-
Karsh; Agh! Damn it!

DJ: Karsh and the Dragoons quickly rushed back to Viper Manor and held this press conference.......

Karsh, furious at the same old podium: I swear to you all........I WILL catch Valentine! After studying the tape, there is no doubt that he opened a dimensional gateway and has gone into another world.....Luccia has designed a machine that will trace onto either his or Kid's life signs and will allow us to give chase.....we leave tonight, no questions.......

DJ: And indeed they have.....We'll have more on this potentially huge, epic story as soon as it develops....








FPB: Psss........DJ, you have no partner, so you gotta do all the news, remember?
DJ: Oh, uh, right........moving right along, there was quite a surprise at the Final Fantasy Main Character Council headquarters today as Aki Ross requested a meeting with the 10 member group today. Slightly surprised, Terra granted this and met with her....only to be even more surprised as she asked for a seat on the council! She explains....

Aki: Well, I believe I have a right to be on the FFMCC...after all, it is reserved for the main protagonist of a Final Fantasy story, correct? Then why not I? Granted, I am only asking, and not demanding, but I do believe I rightfully have a place on it....

DJ: However, it seems that the council disagrees with her. Squall states:

Squall: Well, she had some good points I suppose, but you have to see this from our point of view. This council is reserved for the core areas of Final Fantasy....and the 10 of us represent that. If we were to give her a seat, then frankly, people from our Mystic Quest and Tactics branches will come out of the woodwork and begin begging to be let in.......

DJ: Terra adds,

Terra: Indeed.....while we do appreciate her input into our town meetings, we will have to respectfully turn down her application of sorts......she just won't fit in, and it wouldn't be fair to our "side story" brothers and sisters. besides, we're busy enough trying to iron out the whole Final Fantasy XI: Online mess.

DJ: The FFMCC, of course, did add that they may be able to offer Ms. Ross a position in another area...but not in the main council......

-turns to another camera-

DJ: In other political news, Sephiroth of the United Bishounen Association is now challenging current chairman Alucard's seat of leadership. Sephiroth cites that Alucard has grown "weak and small minded from his former glory, though now that I think about it, we never should have given him the seat of leadership...his ideas were never grand enough....." the silver haired baddie adds, "What the UBA needs right now is a leader who is also a visionary.....one who has the ideas for the grand future we so richly deserve! Something I can easily be!" Sephiroth has quite the following amongst the UBA members, and is probably the most well known of the members. It has long been rumored that Alucard has been jealous of his popularity, especially among the other leaders of the UBA.

However, Alucard has back lashed with his own statement, stating:

Alucard: Sephiroth is a dreamer...always has been, always will be. He could never be a proper leader in peace time....for sure, he was and is a terrific general in combat, but when it comes to the political and social sides, the man is sorely lacking......I have no worries about his little complaints.....

DJ: It is expected that Sephiroth will likely not appreciate these jabs at him, and will take appropriate action......on another front entirely.....

-a purple thong suddenly flies into the shot and falls on DJ's head, leaving him looking none to happy and basically frozen in mid sentence. A slender arm reaches into the camera view-
Rebecca: Whoop! Sorry DJ:....could you hand me that?
DJ: ......sure......-takes it off his head and hands it over-
Rebecca: Thanks!
Morrigan, off camera: Get back here you little freak!
Rebecca: Freak!? People in glass houses....

-turns again-

DJ: Uh.......in another front entirely, the annual "Hey, Look at my Blatant Cleavage!" Swimsuit Competition was held today at Costa del Sol. Drawing in huge crowds (naturally), this year's winner was the bright, um, perky, and, uh, bouncy personality holding shinobi Kasumi. Sporting a simple black two piece, she wowed the crowds in her walk and her swimsuit talent: she fought off hordes of ninjas and other warriors AND was able to keep her suit from slipping off. While many other considerably well gifted women raised a stink, fellow DOA stars and best friends of the kunoichi Tina Armstrong and Lei-Fang applauded her performance, though obviously had some jealousy. Tina, current Women's Title Holder of Extreme Videogame Wrestling, was also impressive in the talent competition as she was able to magically change her hair from brunette to blonde at will. Back on the more serious news, Termina........

-DJ is interrupted as Mai and Millenia crash on top of the table, Millenia on top as both attempt to choke each other out-

Mai: -gasp!- I would've entered this -wheeze!- year, but I was too -hack!- late.....
Millenia: I just -gag!- didn't have the time!

-the two roll off-

DJ: .......Termina's war escalates into even greater heights today, as the Gorons have begun bombing Clocktown with modified powder kegs. What's worse, representatives of the Gerudo Pirates have met with the Gorons and are rumored to concocting a sort of "depth charge" for use against the Zoras. In return, the Gerudos would help the Gorons in another way. While still voicing her Pro-Gerudo ways, Nabarou of the Gerudo Thieves has raised some concerns....

Nabarou: I still stand by my sisters in arms...however, this does seem to be quite extreme, and I pray to our divine goddess at the Spirit Temple that this war does not spill into Hyrule.....I tolerate the Hylians quite well...and that King Zora is quite a good drinker! He can keep up with the best of us!

DJ: The war has, for the most part, remained rather civil, but obviously, the hopes for a quick end to this war are now gone. Yet another world leader, Queen Garnet til Alexandros XVII, has voiced her opinion on this, calling it "Sad, shameful, and utterly disappointing." We will also have more on this as it wears on.....

-turns to face the first camera angle-

DJ: Now, seeing as how the girls haven't quite resolved their differences yet, it's time for me to introduce our weekly feature.......

-usual over done special effects-

LETTERS TO MODIFIED EXISTING POKEMM-MM!!!

-somehow, a pink bra flies through the air and hits DJ in the face. Aeris, seen only from the shoulders up, crawls along and takes it off DJ's face-

Aeris: Heehee...sorry DJ......... -crawls off-
DJ: .........take it away, Foyusa.....FPB.....

-camera switches to the letters desk-

Foyusa: Damn! I'm missing quite a fight!
FPB: Erm, right.....anyway, today's letter comes from Station Square! It reads.....

"Dear Foyusa and FPB,

Gah! Why do people think I'm such a slut!? Sure, I wear low cut shirts and like wearing my leather outfit, but c'mon now! I'm a reasonably nice girl.....unless my date wants otherwise, but that's another matter. Come on, so what if I have fangs!? Help!

Creat O. Rsarerealylonly"

FPB: Well, for started, wearing those clothes aren’t going to help any, so change your outfits! Sure, you obviously have got the goods to show off...but come on now!
Foyusa: I beg to differ...screw what others think! Be yourself! People that think you're a slut will just miss out on a nice girl that can, heheh, "play" with the best of them! Back to you DJ!

DJ: Alright! Hmmm, I do believe the girls are beginning to tire now.......ah! Here are Mai and Millenia!

-panting an wheezing, a very bruised and beaten Mai and Millenia crawl up to the desk and lean against it, on opposite sides of DJ.-

Mai: -pant pant- Okay......give me a few minutes...and I'll finish you off!
Millenia: Not -gasp!- damn likely! I'll take you on......'till I die!
DJ: Please ladies! As amusing and fun as this was to watch.......you to have gotta settle this! It's a tie, and initially, I was going to let the 2nd place contestant be our corresponding reporter as sort of a consolation prize....
Mai: Well...I deserve to be your partner! I was the first!
Millenia: Well, I was the funniest!
Mai: Nani!? Never!
Millenia: Prove it to me!
DJ: Hold it! Okay, I'll settle this.....Hey girls! Get over here!
-the other three girls crawl up from behind the desk, all equally roughed up, and look up-
DJ: Foyusa, FPB, you two get over her as well!
-the two comply and fly over, landing in front of DJ-
DJ: Okay......I have right here a coin....heads...or tails?
Mai: Tails!
Millenia: No way! I want Tails!
Mai: Tails is mine! I called first!
Millenia: Who gave you the right to get first choice!
DJ: LADIES!!!!!!
-Mai and Millenia swallow hard and shut up-
DJ: ....good. Foy, who should get what?
Foyusa: Hmmmmm.....I think Mai should get Tails, since she uses her "tail" to attack! Millenia gets heads cause, well.....
Millenia: Finish that sentence and you die bug boy!
Foyusa: Gah!
DJ: Alright...now FPB! Transform.....
FPB: Aw, do I have to!?
DJ: Just do it......
FPB: Fine....-takes out a red crystal- Foy Prism Power!
-FPB disappears in a flash of light, and reappears as a Sailor Mercury look alike, save with brighter green hair and trim matching that of her normal feathered colors-
Sailor FPB: Ah yes! Defending the virtues of...
DJ: Can if FPB, now flip the coin. Being a Magical Girl, it should be totally fair and accurate.
Sailor FPB: Tsk, fine.....
-FPB grabs the coin and flips it, while in a mysterious place known as "reality", some guy typing a silly humor article takes out a dime and flips it, getting the same result that FP...erm, SAILOR FPB is soon to get-
Sailor FPB: ......it's heads! Or tails, I can't tell with these Gil Coins.......
DJ: -peeks- It's Heads! Millenia wins!
Millenia: -jumps up and down with joy- Yes yes yes!!!!!!!!
DJ: -cough- Er, Millenia......I'd lean back down if I were you......
Millenia: Huh? -looks down- Oh, uh......-kneels back-
Mai: Oh.............I lost...............
DJ: Now now Mai....you're still welcome to take the correspondent’s job.........
Mai: Really DJ-chan?
DJ: Yup!
Mai: ......Hai! I'll take it!
DJ: Good! Now, I do believe this ahs dragged on long enough, so for -takes a deep breath- Foyusa, Freaky Psychic Bird, Mai Shiranui, Rebecca Chambers, Aeris Gainsborough, Morrigan Aensland, and my new partner Millenia, this is DarkJuno, bidding you all a sane and comfortable day! -passes out-
Foyusa: -shrugs-
All, save the passed out DJ and Mai: See Ya!
Mai: Ja ne! -bounce-
Unfortunately, the bounce sends a rippling effect throughout all five girls, causing Foyusa to faint as well-
Sailor FPB: Oy......