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[DarkJuno]

Final Fantasy confusion, charity golf tournaments, a duo's work, and the next Partner for the day on the next edition of DarkJuno: (Non)Roving Reporter!

Non-cheesy, 50's sounding Announcer: With DarkJuno...Foyusa...and Freaky Psychic Bird, this is DarkJuno: (Non)Roving Reporter...

DJ: Hey everyone, and welcome to the 4th Edition of DJ:(N)RR! As always, I'm your host DJ, and over there are the rest of the Triumvirate of Insanity...
Foyusa: Foyusa!
FPB:...and FPB! Triumvirate of Insanity?
DJ: Well, YOU try making up these witty remarks at the beginning of each edition! Anyway, joining me today as my partner for the day is that S.T.A.R.S. Bravo Team Badass turned Pipsqueak, straight out of Resident Evil and the upcoming Resident Evil 0, it's Rebecca Chambers everybody!
Rebecca: Yes sir! Hehe, Hi hi!!
DJ: Thanks for joining us today Becky, especially after the INCIDENT in our unaired final episode of DJ:RR...-glares at Foyusa-
Foyusa: Eh-heh...sorry about that again Ms. Chambers...it was nature, and all that.....
FPB: True, you can't blame him...
Rebecca: Yeah, I know, it's alright...
Foyusa: -whew- So...what about that restraining order?
Rebecca: Hehehe...Not damn likely, thank you very much...
Foyusa: -snaps finger- Damn!
DJ: Getting back to the matter at hand, I've got one question...Resident Evil 0 takes place before the original, correct?
Rebecca: Yup!
DJ: Then...how'd you turn from a, from what it looks like in the pics, such a kick ass fighter to a fraidy cat that acts like she's never seen zombies in her life?
Rebecca, smiling: Now now...THAT would be telling....wouldn't it?
DJ: What, it's not like you use you your somewhat annoying and ditzy behavior to cover up the fact that you are secretly an Umbrella spy who, during RE2 through C:V, actually left with Wesker and plotted against your comrades, including writing that bogus report as seen in the RE2 EX Files, right?
Rebecca: -sweats- What? of course not! Where'd you get a silly idea like that!?
-arches her eyebrows and leans closer-
Rebecca, in a lower, more serious voice: Seriously...where'd you hear that particular -ahem- rumor?
DJ: Uh.....onto the news!!!!

-the loud annoying music plays, as the camera goes into "News Mode"-

DJ: First up, an update on the brutal murder of Starky. As reported last week, the former leader of the "Cute Creatures Kick Ass" political party was found murdered and decapitated on the former Sky Dragon Island. Now, it has been reported that the Acacia Dragoons, under the orders of General Viper himself and in a plan led by Dragoon Deva Karsh, have arrested Vincent Valentine, accusing him of the murder! The Final Fantasy VII star was dragged away from his haunts in a secluded waterfall cave on the Western Continent. Their reasoning?

Karsh: "Quite frankly, we saw the chainsaw and had Luccia analyze it...it's a perfect match for one of Mr. Valentine's Limit Break Form's weapons! That's good enough for me!"

DJ: Valentine, the self-confessed and more then slightly Gothic Loner was silent as the Dragoons abducted the accused through the Inter-Game Portal Pathways, the opposite of which is quite true with Vincent's acquaintances. Barret Wallace, who had to be restrained by the gargantuan Ketchop and another 6 Dragoons, had this to say:

Barret: "What!? I pity da Foo' dat be thinkin' Vincent be murderin' someone! Sure, he's a little odd, but come on now! Sucka!!!!!"

DJ: Vincent Valentine is world renowned as an expert marksmen, being ranked amongst the top 10 in all of the worlds.

Rebecca, still eyeing DJ suspiciously but keeping up her usual pipsqueak demeanor: Valentine...I wonder if he's related to Jill...anyway, confusion was the norm at the Final Fantasy Main Character's Monthly Council Meeting today as the current 10 members were somewhat confused as to who the 11th member of the prestigious congregation should be. Council Leader Terra Bradford, who is also the only female member, states from HQ at Jenova, site of many other organizations home base,

Terra: "Sure, we've had some problems before I myself had joined the FFMCC, such as the confusion on whether Galuf or Bartz should represent FFV here, or what to call the FFI - III's candidates, but this is completely boggling to the mind!" Cecil, FFIV representative, explains,

Cecil: "With the advent of FFXI: Online, there are quite literally millions of ego pumped, self praising characters out there who believe they are the rightful owners of the seat! We have unanimously decided to use an NPC...but there aren't very many of those worth anything..." Cloud Strife, FFVII Rep, adds,

Cloud: "Besides, we won't have the fun of hazing new members in! At least we really took it to the smiley boy Tidus!"

Rebecca: Terra announced at the meeting's end that they would take it upon themselves to personally, and unanimously, select which character would be in the council, more likely then not an NPC. If so, this has a chance of being the first time a villainous character is allowed into the FFMCC. No date is set for their announcement.

DJ: -notices the glaring Becky- Ahem...In the Mushroom Kingdom, an upset was pulled in the 4th Annual Princess Peach Toadstool Charity Golf Tournament, as King Bowser Koopa pulled off the victory with an amazing -10 under par. While being known as evil incarnate in the Kingdom, Bowser has always been a fair, if somewhat gruff and scary, sports player, also participating much in the Kart Races and Tennis Tourneys. Last year's champ and 2nd overall this year, the legendary Mario Mario, had this to say...

Mario: "Well, I am still-a little suspicious of-a Bowser actually being-a nice-a with us, but still, it is-a nice to have some-a competition. Plus, he's not-a bad in the cooking department as-a well." Peach, 5th overall this year, adds with a slight pout,

Peach: "Humph! That's all nice and true, but he's definitely a messy eater!"

DJ: Bowser, predictably, supported the Halfway House for the Goomba and Koopa Troop Kind, though he muttered something about getting back at "...those blasted traitors." The Koopa King is staying, surprisingly, at the Chancellor’s Guest House, and plans to stay a few more days. On a somewhat related note, Princess Peach is looking for someone to keep up with her castle grounds, golf course, tennis courts, and racetracks while she plans on her big vacation with Mario in a few weeks...

Rebecca: Finally today, trouble rocks the Lylat System this week as the Interstellar Mortgage Company has stripped Team Star Fox's Vessel, The Great Fox, of nearly all of its components, save a somewhat broken computer in ROB64. The once powerful ship has been reduced to a shell, as the ruthless company could not be halted, taking what they call "A fair share" of the Great Fox due to the lagging payment of team leader Fox McCloud's father's initial 100 year mortgage on the ship. Fellow members Slippy Toad and Peppy Hare attempted to cheer up the complaining and obviously grief stricken Fox, claiming that Slippy could easily repair and improve the ship...The Cornerian Military Government's leader. General Pepper, reports from the Cornerian Air Defense Force’s HQ that, "I've never seen the Fox more distraught then ever. All he does is mope around and stare at the shell of the Great Fox here in one of our hangers, complaining how it won't be the same even after we fix it up. Maybe a mission will cheer him up...."

DJ: Hmmm, do you really think Jill and Vincent might be related?
Rebecca: I don't know...Jill kills the zombies while Vincent turns into one, so who knows?
DJ: Maybe they're cousins...but anywho, it's time for this weeks feature...

-blatantly exaggerated, echoing effect to DJ's voice, complete with more pyros-
DJ: ...The Roving Reporter's Book Block!!!!!!!!!

Rebecca: Um, overdoing it a bit, aren't you?
DJ: Well, maybe...anywho, up on the block this week is a somewhat comedic, non fiction work titled "AFFIRMATIVE!!! (Ya Know?)," co-written by Balamb Garden Disciplinary Committee members Fujin Asher and Raijin. Welcome to the show!
Raijin: Thanks, ya know?
Fujin: AGREED!
Rebecca: I just have to say, when I picked up this book, I couldn't put it down for a second. It's a wonderful narrative of some of the trials you two have gone through in your work as members of the D.C. and your other 'adventures' so to speak. Where'd you get the idea to chronicle these?
Fujin: -turns to Raijin- EXPLAIN!
Raijin: Well, ya know, it was actually part of something Headmaster Cid said, ya know? He told everyone to write down things they might want to pass on, and the idea hit me, ya know? 'Course, Fujin and naturally Seifer refused, so it started off with just me writing my own stuff, ya know?
Fujin: DISASTER!
Raijin: Er, yeah, ya know? Fuj' here eventually took pity on me and helped out...but let's just say her writing wasn't all that good either, ya know?
Fujin: RAGE! IMBECILE!!!!! -smack-
Raijin: Owch, ya know?
DJ: Erm...well, how'd you get past your little writing dilemma then?
Raijin: Ah, well, Squall's dad is the President of Esthar Laguna, ya know? Well, he and some of the Esthar delegation was stopping by to put in a little hanger for Selphie's Ragnorak...
Rebecca: Wait, the Ragnorak belongs to Selphie now?
Raijin: Well, not really, ya know? But she seems to be the best at piloting it, other then chicken wuss, I mean, Zell, ya know? She really got attached to it, so Laguna went ahead and donated it to Balamb Garden for missions, and Selphie's the unofficial pilot, ya know? She calls it, or, "her"....
Fujin: RAIJIN!!!! POINT!!!!
Raijin: Oh right, sorry, ya know? Anyway, Laguna was looking around with that girl Ellone, with Rinoa walking them around since Squall was busy. She let them into the library, where Fuj' and I were trying to type parts of this up, ya know....

-strange flashback waves filter around the screen-
DJ: Wha? When'd this get the money to use the "Wayback Flashback ™" Machine?
Foyusa: Eh, the Generic Network Executive gave us some more in the budget
DJ: Ah....

-flashback to Balamb Garden, Raijin is sitting at a computer in the library typing, whilst Fujin is hovering behind, annoyed as usual-

Fujin: IDIOT! FAILURE!
Raijin: No way, ya know? We can make this work, ya know?
Fujin: CURRENT RATE! IMPOSSIBLE!!!
Raijin: Aw, c'mon Fujin, ya know? Have a little faith, ya know?

Rinoa: .....and in here, is the library President Loire! We even have every issue of Timber Maniacs with your article in it.
Ellone: Ah, good! I can finally read all that stuff you said you wrote Uncle Laguna!
Laguna: Uh.....thanks Rinoa, and please, just call me Laguna. Even Squall calls me that.....where is he, by the way?
Rinoa: Well, he took another walk....understandably, he's still trying to figure out all of this with you being his father and all that...
Laguna: I see....
Fujin: IDIOT!!!
Raijin: I'm sorry, ya know?
Ellone: Eh?

-Back to reality-

-Fujin is standing over Raijin, whom she knocked off his seat-
Fujin: NO FLASHBACK! TO POINT!
Raijin: Okay ya know? But Laguna saw that we had a problem and gave us some hints, ya know? And now, ya know, the book's...
Fujin: COMPLETED!
DJ: Ah, I see. Now, all the "adventures" in here are mostly true life experiences as part of DC, correct?
Fujin: -nods- INDEED! GALBADIA ALSO!
Raijin: Yeah, ya know? We did break away with Seifer, and had some stuff then too, ya know?
Rebecca: Yeah, those were my favorite stories!
DJ: Hmm, does it have anything to do with being a traitor as well?
Rebecca: Please, don't be ridiculous! -nervous laugh-
Fujin: RIGHT....RAIJIN, EXPLAIN!!!
Raijin: Yeah, ya know? We have stuff from when we were in training, stuff during the Second Sorceress War, and stuff after, ya know?
DJ: Well, I must say, it's all very interesting, and I give this a high recommendation!
Rebecca: Me too!
DJ: Well, I want to thank you to for being here again...
Raijin: Ah, it was great, ya know?
Fujin: AFFIRMATIVE!!
Rebecca: And now, over to Foyusa and FPB for...

-overdone special effects mode-

LETTERS TO MODIFIED EXISTING POKEMON!!!

Rebecca, off camera as the camera switches to Foyusa and FPB: DJ? Now what about that rumor...
DJ, off camera: Er, well, about that Becky...

Foyusa: -ahem- Hey everyone! Who's the next victim, er, recipient of our advice this week FPB?
FPB: Ah, this week, we have a letter from Hyrule! It says...

Dear Foyusa and FPB,

Ugh! I'm so confused right now! The man I love only likes me as a good friend, and nothing more...instead, his heart goes out to that stupid girl! Sure, she's nice enough, and I like her as well, but....do you know of anyway I can win his heart? I've tired giving him gifts, but now he just uses the horse I gave him to save that girl! I may even have to resort to...well, something "not so nice."

Signed,
Frustrated (In more ways then One)

FPB: Well, get over it sister! Obviously that chump only mooched and used you to get that horse, and obviously he wants to get laid by that other chick, not you! Heck, I'm sure he already has, in cruel and unusual ways....I guarantee you'll see him bandaged up because of it! Just block the fool outta your life!
Foyusa: Hey, wait a second! The man already treats you as a good friend...at least take his offering for a friendship! Besides, it seems that you're close to this other girl as well, so who knows? Maybe the three of you could get together and...well...
FPB: Tell me you didn't just suggest a threesome...
Foyusa: WHAT? What kinda sick freak do you think I am? I was referring to the three of them having some tea or something!
FPB: ........
Foyusa: Really!
FPB: Fine, whatever...back to you DJ, 'Becca.

-camera switch, showing Becky choking DJ out-

Rebecca: Tell me what your source is and I'll go easy on you!!!!
DJ: Never!!! Down with Umbrella!
Foyusa, off camera: Er, guys?

-the two of them notice, and Rebecca immediately releases the chokehold-

Rebecca: Oh, hey again! I was just showing DJ the basic chokehold I learned in the S.T.A.R.S. Academy!
DJ, crawling back to his seat: Urk, yeah that's it...ready Becky?
Rebecca: Guess so...

-clears throat-

Rebecca: An alien murdered by a Valentine's hand,
DJ: Tidus was embarrassed during the hazing plan.
Rebecca: The Koopa King wins the charity tourney,
DJ: The Great Fox is busted for any journeys.
Rebecca: Odd couple writes an interesting book,
DJ: Hylian girl, wants to break a "nook"

-loudest boos-

Rebecca: I'm not even going to ask about the last one...
DJ: Yeah, you probably shouldn't...but, uh, anyway, I'd like to -cough- thank Rebecca Chambers for sitting in today...
Rebecca: It was my pleasure DJ! -we're not done yet...-
DJ: -gulp- Uh, and of course, thus far we've had three Partners for the Day...pay attention, because after the final two, it'll be up to you who my final partner shall be!
Foyusa: Yeah, so long as people bother to vote this time...
FPB: Yup, it was too tough tying to figure out whom the Rouge's Panel of Judges ™ murdered last time around...
DJ: Eh-heh...anyway, for Rebecca Chambers, Foyusa, and Freaky Psychic Bird, I'm DarkJuno, bidding you all a nice and sane day! See Ya!
-gets up and runs-
Rebecca: Come back here! Tell me who your source is!
-runs after DJ-
Foyusa: Hey, I want to see how this ends up!
FPB: Me too! Bye everyone!
-fade out, with Becky chasing DJ over the horizon as seen through an open window, the two Pokemon following shortly-