Cheesy, 50's style Announcer: DarkJuno: Roving Repo....
DJ: Hold up!!!!
Cheesy, 50's style Announcer: ...Er, what?
DJ: Just a sec, need to clear something up....
-DJ, Foyusa, and FPB, all looking annoyed, turn as the former shakes his head and questions the Generic Network Executive in front of them-
DJ: Wait...you mean to tell us you're changing the show's format!?
GNE: Why, yes.... your previous two episodes are a huge expense, not to mention all the havoc you three have caused in the assorted worlds...
Foyusa: C'mon now, we still have that completed Resident Evil Episode to show...
GNE: Yes, and YOU had better be glad that Ms. Valentine and Ms. Chambers aren't pursuing a lawsuit after what you did!
Foyusa: Hey, I couldn't help it! Every 4 years us Redians have to hump something or die...
FPB: True enough...
GNE: Nevertheless, not only did that occur, but you -points at FPB- were infected with the T, G, Ebola, Nemesis and T-Veronica Viruses! It cost us a fortune to get you back to normal!
FPB: -shrugs- Hey, it's a hazard pay...though it was handy being human sized, have those tentacles, and eating meat...
DJ: Yeah, well, so what? Now you're firing all of us!?
GNE: Well, not quite....regardless of the damage you three have caused, the demographics love you all...so you three will stay on, but we'll re format the show into a news type of thing
FPB: Er, you mean like the Evening News, or Face the Nation?
GNE: Both, actually... You either report news or interview someone...here, report to this studio and we can start today...
Foyusa: Today!?
FPB: Already!?
DJ: Aw, don't worry guys...this is a glorified fanfic! All I have to do is start over and hey, we'll be prepped and everything!
GNE: Oh, ONE more thing Mr. Juno....
DJ: And that is?
GNE: We at the network have decided that while your arguments with your Ladybug and Bird friends are entertaining, you need...someone else to banter with...
DJ: -raises eyebrow- Yeah, like...
GNE: Well.....we want to give you........a partner....
DJ: A partner!? Hey, I work best solo with my two buds here!
Foyusa: Yeah, just the trio!
FPB: No room for a...er, 4th wheel.....
GNE: Either get a partner, or we find a new host!
DJ: ......fine, fine, whatever.....and who's the person in question?
GNE: Oh, we'll leave that up to you...
DJ: Fine...
Foyusa: Let's just get this thing started....
FPB: Agreed......
Cheesy, 50's style Announcer: Um....WELL THEN! -coughs and gets not-so-cheesy- With DarkJuno, Freaky Psychic Bird and Foyusa....this is DarkJuno: (Non)Roving Reporter.......
-camera pans into DJ at the news desk, shuffling papers and looking none too happy about it-
DJ: Hey everyone, and welcome to, uh, DarkJuno: (Non)Roving Reporter! As usual, I'm the host, DJ, and joining me here are my old partners Foyusa!
Foyusa: Hey.
DJ: ...and FPB is in the field. Well, as you can see, MANAGEMENT -coughassholescough- has decided to reformat our show into a slightly less risky news type show that you see now. Soooo........on to the news...I guess........
-DJ jumps with a start as the loud, pounding, news type music plays as the camera angle changes-
DJ: Uh...Our story, scandal rocks the Mushroom Kingdom today, as a pirate videogame website posts pornographic pictures and movies of the Crown Princess, Peach Toadstool in a pictorial with several other well established and high ranking females from the world(s) over. The royal guard has no idea who this bandit is, but have been successful in shutting it down within the day. However, the damage was already done as a mob of angry Mushroom folk stormed Peach's Castle and are jeering and attacking the Princess, who is understandably distraught over the news. However, in an official new conference, the upset Princess issued a statement:
-switches to video, to a sobbing Peach-
Peach: I swear, upon my great grandmother's grave, these videos are not true! They must be fabrications of someone's sick mind, for I have never...
Crowd #1: Woo! Take it off baby!
Peach: !?!? I beg your pardon?
Crowd #2: I never knew you looked like that!
Peach: No, no, no, no, NO! It's not me It's a fake!
Crowd#1: Well, you seemed to be "faking" QUITE often in those movies!!!
Peach: Why you!!!!!!!
-video quickly switches to Peach choking someone out with her parasol, and again to Toad and the Chancellor dragging her off as she screams-
Peach: Son of a *****! I'd never do a ******* disgusting like that in my life! It's not real, it's not real, it's not real, it's not ******* REAL!!!!!!-
DJ: .....Obviously, she claims it's not true, though her private temper problems are now public....Foyusa?
Foyusa: Yes DJ, this is indeed quite a scandal that has far reaching effects...naturally, the other women in question have either been unavailable for comment, or have issued statements. For more on the Crown Princess of Hyrule, Zelda's, feelings, we now turn to our reporter live from the Press Conference at Hyrule Castle, my buddy, FPB. Hey there FPB!
FPB: Yes, I read you loud and clear!
Foyusa: Has she spoken yet?
FPB: No, we're waiting for her to arrive here, as she, too, is obviously distraught over this. However, we have received statements from the two other ladies in question. First from Bounty Hunter Samus Aran: She says, and I quote...
"What!? Never! When I get my hands on that son of a -blank- who did this, there'll be some nuts cracking! That -blank-in' ass-blank-"
...and from Misty Waterflower of Cerulean City....
"What!? Of course not! How could I do a thing like that! I'm not even legal yet!!!"
...Strong denials from those two, as...ah, yes, here comes Princess Zelda now! Let's listen in...
-Zelda walks out, as the press jumps up and begins asking questions. Heading up to the podium, she nods solemnly as Link walks forward and shushes everyone up-
Zelda: I...I am utterly shocked and disgusted by these allegations......but not because they are completely false...
-a gasp is heard as everything quiets down-
Zelda: True enough, that is NOT myself in those movies, and I trust my fellow sisters who have been accused of such a travesty, especially Peach. However, I have a confession....
Link, puzzled: ...Zel?
Zelda: I....I.....I was once, involved, in a situation as that in those videos..
-loud gasp-
Link: WHAT!?!? And you didn't invi...er, I mean, why Zel, why!?!?
Zelda: I...was young, only 15 at the time...and I don't wish to put in details, but you were still in the midst of your travels Link....and it was.....horrible, vile, and disgusting...yet I was strangely enraptured, and drawn to it.....the thrill of the camera with other ladies around.....I felt bad...but I liked it....in fact...
-the crowd gasps as Zelda grabs Link and pulls him up to the podium-
Zelda: ....I still do.....your flirtations and questioning of "Wanna do it?" have re-sparked my fire Link....
Link: Uh.......
Zelda: ...and I want YOU to put it out.........
Link, sweating: Uh......ya know, this could've been better private......
Zelda: Privacy to hell!
-Surprisingly, Zelda picks up Link and runs back to the castle, with the Hero of Time screaming-
Link: Oh Din no!!!!!!!!!! By the goddesses, Help Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
-the crowd speaks loudly, as FPB looks at the camera and blinks-
FPB: Well...that was shocking and unexpected.....back to you in the studio
DJ: Er....thank you FPB. So a recap: Peach is a b*tch when she's angry, Samus wants to crack nuts, Misty's not legal, and Zelda's become an insane nympho....um....
Foyusa: You may want to tell them about the contests....
DJ: Oh, right! As you can see, the show's name isn't all that good...hell, it downright sucks. So from now until before next week's show, e-mail me at dromeosaurus@hotmail.com for what you think the show should be called. Flames and insults will be ignored, up until I come to your house and break your skull over my knee, anyway.
All suggestions must be in no later then 6PM Central Standard Time on July 3rd, 2002. So, 'till then, this is DarkJuno, for Foyusa and Freaky Psychic Bird, bidding you a pleasant and sane day...See ya!
