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[DarkJuno]

From coast to coast, from shore to shore, from the top of every mountain to the bottom of the darn Marinara Trench, it's...

DarkJuno! Roving Reporter!!!

Cheesy sounding, 50's style Announcer: Yes, with his faithful sidekicks Foyusa and Freaky Psychic Bird, DarkJuno, proprieter of the acclaimed DJ's Bar and Disco Inferno and former host of Clocktown's talent extraveganza, Let Us Perform or We'll Pummel You to Death!!!, travels the globe of gaming in search of of a story. From happy lands to dark futures, and family centers to brothels, it's.....

DarkJuno! Roooooving Reporter!!!

Today's episode: Super Smashed Brothers: Get Laid!

-An empty, trailer filled parking lot outside a stadium. Assorted props from various Nintendo games are scattered throughout the lot leading to the stadium truck entrance as DJ, Foyusa, and FPB walk out from behind the Temple of Time facade-

DJ: Geez Foyusa! With your driving I'm amazed we even got here...
Foyusa: Blah, whatever, it's better then whenever she drives.

-points to FPB-

FPB: Eh, shut up!
Foyusa: Make me!
FPB: Oh, I will!
DJ: Hey! Calm down, we need to have the sh...
Both: BUTT OUT!!!
Cheesy sounding 50's style announcer: -cough- Uh, people? You're on....

-the trio turns and notices the cameras running as DJ pulls a microphone out of nowhere and flashes a cheesy, toothy grin-

DJ: Hey there everyone, and welcome to an episode of DarkJuno: Roving Reporter! I, of course, am your happy host DJ with...
Foyusa: I'm Foyusa!
FPB: And I'm FPB!

-DJ shoves the two Pokemon out of the way-

DJ: Erm! Anyway, here we are live at the site of the Super Smash Brothers: Melee competition, and we're here hoping to interview the immortal Mario! And hey, we'll probably run into the rest of the Big N gang here at the celebration party too! As you know, mah main man Link won the tourney and..
Foyusa: Er, why do you call him you main man if you don't even know him?
FPB: Yeah, plus you call Knuckles, Squall, NiGHTS, Locke, Solid Snake, and who knows who else your main man too...
DJ:......ANYWAY, pretty much everyone else is a good sport and they should be at the party in the stadium somewhere. So let's go!

-the trio begins to move, but a trailer door opens as Captain Falcon walks out eating half of a sub sandwich-

DJ: Hey! Here's a fighter now!

-grabs C. Falcona nd points him towards the camera-

C. Falcon: Hey! What the....
DJ: Say hi to the camera Captain William Jay Falcon!
C. Falcon, with a mouthful of sandwich: Cameba? Wha cameba?

-he notices the camera and drops the sub, shaking his head-

C.Falcon: Oh, uh, show me ya moves! Hey mom!
DJ: Well Captain, congratulations on your success here.
C. Falcon: Oh hey, not hing too tough for a 6 time F-Zero X champion!
DJ: Erm, anyway, we're looking for Mario, and we're assuming he's at the party..
C. Falcon: Yeah, the Guido boy's at the party, but why interview him when you can interview me!
DJ: Uh, cause we want high ratings pal.
C. Falcon: But I draw all the ratings to the races...
Foyusa: Actually the half naked cheering girls do that.
CF: No, I thought...
DJ: Nope.
CF: You sure?
FPB: Uh-huh
CF: Really..
Foyusa: Yup.
CF, grumbling: ....well, whatever, follow me and we'll get to the party...watch out for Peach's Castle, the roof's been loose lately....

-Cut to the trio and CF walking through the stadium kitchen, past the stainless steel cabinets and appliances-

CF: C'mon, I AM the...
FPB: Quiet, don't make me turn into...
CF: In to what?
Foyusa: You don't want to know...
DJ: Anyway, let's just get to tha party already, we need to get Mario's interview.
CF: Yeah, whatever...

-Fox, Marth, and Roy are shown rummaging through the big reflective refrigerator-

CF: Hey guys! Cameras coming in!
Fox: Eh? Oh, hey!

-Fox taps the two others on the shoulder and says something in Japanese-

Marth: -babbles in Japanese-
DJ: Erm, what?
Fox: He says hello, how are you doing.
Roy: -more Japanese-
CF: And him?
Fox: Same here..hi mom!
DJ: Well, anyway, I'm assuming you guys are bringing that food to the party?
Marth: -Japanese-
Roy: -Japanese-
Fox: Indeed.
CF: Anyway, is Mario in there? Cause these guys want to interview him.
Fox: Ah, yeah, he's in there with Peach and the others.
Marth: -Japanese-
DJ: Erm, what's he saying now?
Fox: Sorry, I'm not too good at translating...it's best just to nod at everything.
DJ: Ah....
Roy: -Japanese-

-Foyusa nods, as Roys gets enraged and drops the chips he was holidng, holding the fireblade against DJ's neck-

Foyusa: Urk! Uh.....
Fox: Uh, I think you just agreed with Marth that Roy sucks compared to him and has girly legs...
Foyusa: Uh...
Roy: -Japanese-
Fox: Um....start running.
Foyusa: No need to tell me twice!

-DJ scratches his head as Roy runs off, chasing Foyusa and coughs-

DJ: Well, anyway, let's get to that party!
Fox: Right!
Marth: Hai!
DJ: Hey, I understood that!

-The trio, Captain Falcon, Fox, and Marth cross through the empty lobby, strewn with Warp Stars, empty PokeBalls, Temple Columns, and other Nintendo junk-

DJ: Geez, how far away is this room!?
Fox: Don't worry, we're almost there....
CF: Have I said that I'm
FPB: Yes, a 6 time F-Zero X champion, we know...

-As the group walks, whistling is heard as Link walks along from one of the side hallways-

DJ: Hey!!! Take a look at this, it's the SSB:M champion Link, the Hero of Time!
Fox: Hey Link! C'mon over here!
Link: Hey Fox, Falcon, Marth, erm, people out there in TV land.
DJ: Link, it's such a pleasure to meet you, and congratulations on being the champion!
Link: Eh, no problem, and it's not such a big deal...

-Link shines his championship belt and smiles at the camera, as a loud thumping sound is heard vibrating the stadium-

CF: What was that!?
FPB: I think it was the sound of every female gamer in the world fainting
CF: Really!?

-Captain Falcon looks at the camera and grins, only to hear a loud coughing and hacking sound-

DJ: And that was every female gamer throwing up
CF: .....
Link: Anywho, what are you guys here for anyway?
DJ: Well, we're here to interview Mario
Link: ...why Mario?
DJ: Well, because....um, because...
FPB: Probably just a plothole....
Link: Ahh...

-talking is heard as Princess Zelda and Samus Aran appear from another hallway, both holding some wine bottles from the Hyrule Temple set-

Zelda: Well, you have to still be proper and noble, regardless of how strong you are...
Samus: Sure, but sometimes it takes a sock in the stomach or a strong crunch in the nu...
Link: -cough- Ladies! Over here!
Zelda: Oh, hello Link...what are these cameras for?
DJ: Well, we're here to interview..
Samus: Let me guess, Mario?
DJ: How'd you know?
Samus: Eh...
CF: Hey Samus, Show me your...

-Samus snaps her grappling hook's "claws" together with a loud metallic clang-

CF: Erm...the wine, show me the wine you got!
Link: Oh yeah, you found the wine Bowser and DK wanted?
Zelda: Yup...strange how those two wanted chardonnay...
Fox: Bowser wanting that?
CF: That seems fishy....
Marth: -Japanese-
Link: Wha?
Fox: Something about Bowser carrying something big in earlier....
Link: Erm...big? Like, maybe the size of a barrel?
Samus: Barrel? Like a keg?
Zelda: Oh dear.....
CF: Uh-oh, let's go!
DJ: What?
Link: Nothing, just that Bowser...well, c'mon!

-the mass runs out towards the room, but Link grabs Zelda and holds her back-

Link: Zel! One more thing though!
Zelda: What?
Link: ......Wanna do it?
Zelda: Link!
Link: Aw, c'mon, I just now finally naturally became 18, and I want to...
Zelda: Later! Besides, if Bowser 's up to what we think it is, there are going to be a lot of other people wanting to do it....

-DJ and everyone runs into the recpetion hall and gasps-

DJ: Holy crap!!!!
Samus: We're too late....
Fox: Oy....
Marth: -Japanese-
Link: Oh geez....
Zelda: We should've expected this...
Bowser: WOOOO! More beer!!!!

-the room erupts with a cheer as DK jumps in the open window with another keg of beer, landing amidst the drunken stupor of the party. Mr. Game & Watch, Pikachu, Kirby, and Jigglypuff seem to be stripping at a pole sans the actual stripping, as a bunch of Goombas and Shy Guys are hooting and howling. Bowser is sitting up by the beer tossing out the drink to the drunken masses. Over in the other corner, Luigi and Falco are taking bets on a Mr. Saturn/Freezie Knife Fight whilst pretty much all the other playable and trophy characters are stumbling around-

DJ: Well, kiddy my ass...
Ness: Hey!....are you talking about my sIstER!?!?!?

-Ness takes a weak swing at DJ before collapsing in a kiddie pool full of Budweiser-

CF: Hey! Save some for me!!
Link: They start so young....
Fox: Well, I doubt you're going to find Mario now.....
Mario: Hey! It's a me, Mario!

-Mario, half drunk, pops out from behind the tables suspenders unhooked and stumbles towards the cameras-

DJ: Well, I doubt we can now conduct an interview, so...
CF: Hey, then does that mean...
DJ and FPB: NO!
CF: Ah....

-Captain Falcon shrugs and takes a swig of beer, walking off-

Mario: Hey, who-a called me?
DJ: Well, I did, but...
Mario: Wooo-a! Want a beer-a?
DJ: Erm, no thanks...
Fox: Heck, I'll take some
Marth: -Japanese-
Mario: Eh-a?
Fox: He'll take some sake
DJ: Well, sorry folks, but it looks like this episode's a bust, but...

-DJ is interrupted as Foyusa comes flying in throught he door, screaming as Roy gives chase to the slightly burnt Rediba-

Foyusa: Waaaaaa!!! Hey, is that beer?
Peach: Sweet! It is!!

-Link, Zelda, Samus, DJ, FPB, and Mario turn...only to scream at the sight of a drunken Peach in a bikini-

DJ: Gah!!!
Link: Yow, I didn't think she was that hot...
Zelda: Eh!?
Link: Er, nothing....
Mario: Hey-a Peach, wanna do it?
Peach: Yeeeeeah....whyn...ot?
FPB: It might be a good idea to end the show now...
DJ: Uh, right.....
Link: Hey Zelda?
Zelda: Now what?
Link: Wanna do it?
Zelda: LINK!!!
CF, from across the room: Hey Samus!
Samus: What?
CF: Show me ya moves!!!
Samus:...sure!

-Captain Falcon spits out a mouthful of beer-

CF: Really!?
Samus: Sure!!!

-grinning, Samus throws out her grappling beam as DJ, Link, Fox, and Marth grit their teeth at the loud CRUNCH!-

CF: Yoooooowwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!
DJ: Geez!!!!
Link: That's beyond cruelty!
Fox: Eh-heh.....
Foyusa: For goodness sakes, end this now!!!
DJ: Right! Live from the SSB:M celebration, er, party, this is DJ, saying good night and tune in to the next installment of....

Cheesy sounding, 50's style Announcer: DarkJuno!!! Rooooooving Reporter!!!!!!!!

Peach: Mario! Not so hard!
DJ: ....somebody shoot me now...............