2 replies to this topic

[SteveT]

This is just a pulpy action piece based on a few different characters I've used in various other places. Rated PG-13 for language and poor proofreading.

EDIT: Updated the file.

Attached Files

•  A Decent Night Rev2.pdf   432.18K   4 downloads

Edited by SteveT, 02 August 2010 - 10:26 PM.

[SteveT]

New version.

Attached Files

•  Decent Night Rev 3.pdf   435.63K   2 downloads

[Egann]

Unquestionably better, but at the same time somewhat wasteful of any subtlety in the characters (a good quantity of "feeling" the depth in a character comes from NOT being explicitly told things about them, but figuring it out yourself. Getting to know fictitious characters works a lot like real people; you can only regard a person as human so much when all you know is their reputation.) Pages 2 and 3 continue to be a bit of a low, still, because the humor in them is either flat or absent, but depending on what you do in the future, that's fixable.

Mack clearly has a cynical twist to everything when he's viewing everything around him, and is perhaps given to exaggeration. Could you add to him a sarcastic side which he uses only when he's describing himself so that you don't hand the readers "here's who Mack is?"