8 replies to this topic

[DarkVenusGospel]

Name: Alain Narwen
Original: yes
Origin: The depths of my subconcious
Age:19

Strengths: Healing herbs and magic.
Weaknesses:Physical combat, Pointy things, hurty things... you get the point


Bio: Alain was orphaned when his mother died in childbirth, no father was know do to his mother's...profession. He was raised in a seaside village,and promised to the local monastary at the age of 10. In the monastary, he learned all of his healing knowledge and he devoted his life to the people of the world. At the age of 18, he left the monastary to go out into the world and provide his support to anyone in need. Alain is a tall wiry young man, with blue eyes and dark brown hair. He is the perfect support for any group in a dangerous situation. The knowledge of his order has provided him with the ability to raise someone from death, but at the cost of permanately loosing his abilities.

Edited by DarkVenusGospel, 13 March 2008 - 09:11 AM.

[Steel Samurai]

*sigh* Ok, before I say anything about this submission, let me ask you this. How much do you really want this character approved? How much work are you willing to put into it? Cause I'm not going to waste time going into a detailed explanation about what is wrong here unless you're willing to put some effort into getting it right.

[DarkVenusGospel]

*sigh* Ok, before I say anything about this submission, let me ask you this. How much do you really want this character approved? How much work are you willing to put into it? Cause I'm not going to waste time going into a detailed explanation about what is wrong here unless you're willing to put some effort into getting it right.

I am going to take that as a big, "I messed up..." sorry, thought i read the rules clearly enough. I apologize, and ask nicely what i can do to fix it... I was very serious, there is no questioning that.

Edited by DarkVenusGospel, 13 March 2008 - 10:50 PM.

[Nevermind]

Firstly, give us some more detail on his Strengths and Weaknesses. And his bio needs a big fleshing out. You need to let us understand who this guy is. At this point I see a wiry, young man, adept at some kind of healing magic, able to use herbs, not good at fighting, and raised by some kind of monastery. He has no character. He's directionless, no motivation, no hint of personality. Basically we've got a cookie-cut young man who has decided to go into the world to help people. Just give us a little more of a look into his history and what kind of life he experienced there in the monastery, and how it moulded him as a person. Ideally, you'll be giving him some depth. After you've created a life for this character, you should be able to glean some more information regarding his strengths and his weaknesses, and you'll be able to go into more detail about what they are and what he can and cannot do.

[Steel Samurai]

I am going to take that as a big, "I messed up..." sorry, thought i read the rules clearly enough. I apologize, and ask nicely what i can do to fix it... I was very serious, there is no questioning that.

Good. I have no problem with helping you to get it where it needs to be in order to be approved (If I did I wouldn't be a mod) but I want to make sure you're willing to put effort into making it better. I've had far too many submissions come in like yours, I (or one of the other mods) write out a huge post detailing what they need to fix, giving examples, etc, and then they just abandon their character. Now, for the moment go on what Laz's said, and then we can get into the details once you've gotten a bit more written out. It isn't that you've messed anything up, per say, we just need a hella lot more detail.

[Nevermind]

For best results, refer to the newly posted Character Resume

[DarkVenusGospel]

Ok, sorry... i was in a hurry to get it down, i should have put more effort into it. I will work on a much better one this weekend,and i intend to put a whole lot more effort into it. Sorry about the trouble.

[Nevermind]

No trouble. It's what we're here for.

[Delphi]

There are some things that the RP moderators need to discuss regarding this thread. In the mean time it will be closed.