So, without further ado, I give you.... THE YOUNG AND THE BREASTLESS EXTRAS.
(*: hailed by Vet as a masterpiece, but only because he got a cameo)
- - -
The Young and the Breastless
The Nadir Experiment
DVD Extras
Features
1. The Initial YB4 Test Run
2. Unaired Confessionals
3. Backstory, YB1: The Fallout
4. Backstory, YB2: The Lineage
5. Backstory, YB3: Bloodlines
6. Outtakes
1. The Initial Test Run
Commentary: Before we actually ‘filmed’ the real episode 1, Toan let the Sims run for a while in order to get the hang of the program, and to see how the characters would interact. Some of this is just too priceless to pass up, so here you are! The initial test run data for YB4, scripted for your enjoyment!
The housemates are released to their house, different from the one in the actual series, for the very first time. It is stocked with supplies, electronics, and gadgets of all shapes and sizes. Any millionaire would LOVE to have some of the things these housemates are now in possession of. And so, Chik, Lena, and Toan take a look around.
They shrug, not caring.
Chik spots Lena right off the bat and runs over to talk to her.
CHIK
How ya doin’, bot?
SELENA
Fine, fine. What you think of the place?
CHIK
It’s all right, I suppose.
SELENA
...Why do YOU get camo pants? I want camo pants. What’s with the wardrobe department here.
CHIK
It’s your own fault for not demanding to see what all the options are!
SELENA
Bah, shut up.
CHIK
You’re just jealous, bitch.
SELENA
Jealous of a flat-chested hobbit? Nah.
Chik rolls her eyes and heads over to Toan, who’s just been listening for a time.
CHIK
Well, isn’t she a sour lemon.
TOAN
Which is just the way girls like her.
CHIK
Indeed.
SELENA
Stfu.
TOAN
Now, now, let’s be peaceful, guys. Gonna have to be here for a long while, after all.
CHIK
Well, if you don’t wanna see two girls wrestle...
TOAN
...Dammit.
CHIK
Yeah, that’ll make you think twice, won’t it?
TOAN
Bah, you women.
Toan heads off, exploring the surroundings. He find a Jacuzzi tub, and quickly changes into his trunks and climbs in. After talking for a bit longer, Chik and Lena eventually see Toan and change into their swim wear. They climb into the tub, Chik seated in the middle, either housemate next to her.
CHIK
So, Lena, what should we do to the fish here?
SELENA
I’m actually for climbing out of here, turning up the temperature, and boiling him, but...
CHIK
Tasty, tasty fish soup?
TOAN
Hey! There will be no cooking of the fish in any way!
Toan splashes the two girls, who duck and cover.
TOAN
However, if you want to get me hot in other ways, I’m all for that.
Chik snuggles up to Toan, who, somewhat shocked, wraps his arms around her and complies with her random advance.
CHIK
Well, fish, if you insist. *purr* What a sexy beast.
TOAN
I… I- um.. I… hawt.
Chik shakes her head and then rolls her eyes. She wriggles out of Toan’s embrace, much to his confusion, and then looks back over to Selena.
CHIK
He can’t handle it, the poor guy.
SELENA
Amateur.
CHIK
(wrapping an arm around Lena)
Not like you, eh, sex goddess?
SELENA
Of course not, lemon. Of course not.
Chik and Lena then cuddle up against each other, while Toan watches on in utter confusion (but mild amusement, as well). His lower lip then quivers. He was all alooone!
CHIK
(notices)
Oh, fish, what’s wrong? You need some loves?
TOAN
Yeah! This isn’t fair, man!
Chik complies, all too happy to be in the middle of the two, able to love up to both. Like the player she is. She and Toan then start cuddling, while Lena glares. Then, Toan moves to start giving her a massage. She grimaces, the fish not exactly good at the task. She squirms away.
CHIK
Gaw, what are you trying to do, strangle me?
TOAN
Sorry...
Chik then slides back into Lena’s arms, and the two girls go back to cuddling. Again. Lena then attempts to massage Chik, hoping to beat Toan in the race into Chik’s pants. Chik, although not as irritated this time around, still squirms out of Lena’s grips. She then turns around, slightly. Lena raises an eyebrow in confusion and annoyance.
SELENA
What gives?
CHIK
You’re so very cute when you don’t get your way.
Chik then leans in and gives Lena a peck on the lips. Lena’s irritated look diminishes a bit, but Toan gets too frustrated by the whole act, and climbs out of the tub. He changes back into his clothes and roams the house. Chik and Lena follow suit soon enough, after cuddling a bit more.
While Lena’s changing, Chik, already done with that, heads over to Toan, and notes that he looks sad.
CHIK
What’s the matter, fish?
TOAN
No, nothing, never mind.
CHIK
Tell!
TOAN
Well… erm… I’m losing to a girl!
CHIK
(chuckles)
Oh, silly fish, you are not. Gotta try and turn you on with a little girl on girl action, that’s all.
TOAN
...That was it?
CHIK
(innocent grin)
Really.
TOAN
…Hmm.
Chik then moves in and then she and Toan tenderly kiss. They stare into each other’s eyes afterwards, feeling some lingering emotions for one another. However, Lena spies them as she heads back down the stairs from her room. She grits her teeth and anger and stomps down the stairs, the other two housemates leaping apart.
Lena walks forward without a word, grabs Chik by either side of her face, and frenches her, obviously jealous.
SELENA
Back off, little man! You can’t compete!
Toan’s jaw drops, and he immediately bursts into tears and slaps Lena across the face. Chik stares on in wonder and amusement. Toan runs off, and Lena wanders into another room, ever glaring at the fish. And even though he soon apologized, when he and Chik go off to bowl, Lena sits there, cracking her knuckles and glaring.
He. Would. PAY.
2.Unaired Confessionals
Commentary: Every good house reality drama has them. Here ya go.
---------------------------------------
SELENA, During Episode I
Lena sits in a chair in the study while the other two are exploring the house.
So, like, oh my god, do you guys think Toan really likes me? He’s just really, really nice to me, and like, makes me laugh, and… and… he’s just… yeah! Eee! I hope he and I get to spend some quality time alone together. Ha! You know what I mean by that. Oh my gawd, he’s so hot!
---------------------------------------
TOAN, During Episode II
Toan sits down in the study (before the fire), looking really, really sick.
Well, um, I just ate some breakfast that Chik made. Croissants. Yeah, I hate to actually tell her that she really sucks at cooking, but... my god. I feel like my stomach is crawling up my throat trying to escape future torture. I bit into raw dough, man! It’s just bad. Really bad. Never accept food from her. I better go drink some Pepto before I hurl all over this damn camera, so see ya.
-----------------------------------------
TOAN, During Episode III
He sits down, really happy.
Oh my god! Oh my god! I’ve made out with two girls today and neither knows about the other! Oh my god! I’m the chosen one!
He runs out of the confessional, looking for one of the women.
----------------------------------------
CHIKARA, After Episode IV
She sits. Not looking happy.
WHO IS THAT BLUE ALIEN MAN THAT’S BEEN HITTING ON MY WOMAN?! WHO?! I’LL INVADE HIS PLANET AND ENSLAVE HIS ENTIRE FUCKING RACE!
She twitches her eye.
I mean, I like Toan. And men in general. …Yeah.
---------------------------------------
TOAN, Episode VI
He sits. Hair disheveled.
Omg. Omg! I just got laid in public. OMG.
---------------------------------------
TOAN, Episode VII
He sits, confused.
Huh. You know, while I’m up here trying to take a nap, I really can’t sleep over those girls’ giggling downstairs. They must be telling some pretty funny jokes, I’ll bet. Yup. Life with women, eh? They’re always gossiping and whatnot. Really strange. They’ve been at it for hours now. Ah well.
----------------------------------------
SELENA, Episode VII (shortly after Toan’s confessional)
She sits, lipstick on her neck. She starts wiping it off.
...HA! I KNEW she was a lemon!
----------------------------------------
CHIKARA, Episode VII (after Lena’s)
She sits, and pouts.
I hate it when Lena’s right.
---------------------------------------
3.Backstory – YB1: The Fallout
Commentary: Scripted version of a scene in the original Young and the Breastless! The plot is that Selena denies Chik as her mother, leaves the Labyrinth, until Chik begs her to come home. Enjoy. This occurred in… 2003? Note the lack of lemon jokes. We didn’t have them then. No Toan or nyc in this season, either. 
Selena, still young and fairly naïve, recently made a member of the Labyrinth of Doom, now wanders aimlessly in the desert, sun beating down on her back. She, after many miles of travel, finally collapses in the sands, left to die under the heat of the sun. Her throat is dry. Her sun is burnt. Her will is broken.
And then, a figure hooded in black approaches from the east. They kneel down next to Selena’s unconscious body, and check to make sure that the girl is still alive. They cradle Lena in their arms, pouring some water into her mouth from a handy canteen previously strapped to their side.
Much had happened. Selena and Chikara had gotten into a minor argument, really, as they always did, but this time, it had snowballed into something more extreme. Selena had yelled and screamed at her mother, refusing to acknowledge that she was in fact descended from the Queen of the Labyrinth. With that, she had stormed out, seeking her new home out in the Desert of Mystery. But, as expected, Selena was unable to find her way into Jaina’s kingdom, lost in the sands that protected it, and had passed out. All over one simple argument.
It was time to make things right. This had gone too far. She had nearly killed herself over nothing!
Chik slowly takes off the hood protecting her pale face, white as a sheet from the many years away from the sun.
CHIKARA
Selena, wake up. This isn’t funny anymore.
Selena doesn’t move. Chik shakes her a bit.
CHIKARA
Selena! Wake up!
Selena still does not move. Chik sighs, entirely stressed out by the situation.
CHIKARA
(to herself, mainly)
I don’t understand how things got this far. It was just a little dispute. We always bicker. It’s what makes us us! But then you had to go and deny that I was your mother and accuse me of abandoning you, you stupid little girl. If you really want to live with your aunt Jaina in this… realm of sunlight, then I guess I really have no say in the matter. But...
She hesitates.
CHIKARA
...but the Labyrinth is, without question, where you belong. You, Jinn and I could rule the world easily if we could just work together!
SELENA
(slowly stirring)
But you said...
CHIKARA
(hugs Lena after realizing she’s woken up)
Nevermind what I said back then! It was a slew of insults in the heat of the argument! I mean, I still say if you want to leave, it’s your own decision. But don’t leave in anger, dammit. You’ve worried the rest of the Loddies. I can’t have that.
SELENA
And YOU?
CHIKARA
What about me?
Selena glares. Chik grumbles a bit.
CHIKARA
Okay, fine, the place simply isn’t the same without my evil little daughter there. Now come home and stop this nonsense. Do you really want Jaina for you mother? She’ll buy you dolls. And not to destroy.
SELENA
You still want to disown me?
CHIKARA
(sighs)
No, I don’t. You are indeed the rightful heir to the Labyrinth, and my daughter. Nevermind that you killed my first born.
SELENA
Bitch deserved it.
CHIKARA
Hey! Speak more kindly to your dead sister’s memory!
SELENA
(stands up, shaking her head)
Let’s just go home... mother.
Chik smiles, and helps Lena along as the two head back to the Labyrinth, where all the Loddies welcome them with cheers. Perhaps because the drama’s ended, rather than in welcoming. Mother and daughter return to rule LoD side by side.
4.Backstory, YB2: Lineage
Commentary: The infamous ‘searching for Lena’s real father’ quest. We still don’t really know for certain, actually. Occurred shortly after YB1.
Chik paces in her bedchambers, trying to think of all the men she’d been with in the Red Room around the time Lena was conceived. The list went on and on! Curse the massive amounts of lust in that dark Labyrinth! …So dark she didn’t even know who she was with sometimes! Gah!
Lena was demanding answers. Answers that she was having a hard time giving. So there she was, in her room attempting to think of something to investigate. There were a few main choices, really. There was Miatch. That sexy Australian. There was Vet, her sister’s husband, but one she’d been with none the less. There was Jinn, the insane and depraved man who’d made up several of LoD’s legends. It could’ve been any of them.
Chik leaves her bedchambers, off to meet with them. She sees Green Goblin in the hallway. She waves, but he, knowing what’s going on in the drama department, ducks into a hall opposite her.
GG
Oh, FUCK no, you aren’t pinning this on me!
Chik gives him a wry look and continues on her way to meet with the others. She’d nearly lost Lena once already in that damn desert because Chik had ‘abandoned her to be raised by moral humans.’ No need to make her run off yet again!
Chik assembles the candidates in a room and sits down, not sure where to start.
CHIK
So. Which one of you WANTS to be Lena’s father?
Silence.
CHIK
Then let’s determine by personality who her father could be.
MIATCH
Rules out Vet, aye?
VETERAN
She could be a lovely new addition to the Book’s cause! Don’t dismiss me so easily. I wouldn’t mind having Lena for a daughter. Really!
MIATCH
Well, hey, there ya go. Blame Vet for this problem and let me go listen to some tunes.
CHIKARA
And you, Jinn? What do you think?
JINN
Erm… well..
CHIKARA
WELL?
JINN
I didn’t do it!
CHIKARA
(sigh!)
Look, I’m thinking that it might be you anyway, Jinn. Look, she’s evil, she’s wily, she’s... well, she’s not a stripper yet, but 2 out of 3 ain’t bad.
MIATCH
Haw, haw, we can keep working on that last one.
VETERAN
Completely unacceptable to be talking about my daughter-candidate like that, Mitch!
MIATCH
What you gonna do, Bookworm?
VETERAN
Why, I’ll...
CHIKARA
Boys! You know I love a fight, but after!
JINN
Maybe she was conceived by the union of you and Lycia. Eh?
CHIK
I just ate lunch, don’t make me puke all over you. Vet, do you… think it could be you? Why?
VETERAN
Well, she’s... she’s... come to think of it, she and I have little in common. However! I do believe she has an inner light of goodness in her that is waiting to break through. If so, then neither of these guys had a hand in her being.
CHIK
Goodness? I said don’t make me hurl, Vet.
Jinn takes his leave as the others argue, wandering the dark halls and getting out of the way of the interrogation. In his wanderings, he finds Selena, who is busy ripping pages out of the Book in contempt for Vet being nearby.
JINN
What are you doing?
SELENA
Skiing.
JINN
...Looks like fun!
SELENA
Loads.
JINN
But poor girl. Sitting there. Wondering which poor sap could be yo’ daddy. Must suck a lot.
SELENA
(defensively)
I don’t care!
JINN
Do too.
SELENA
Do not.
JINN
Do too.
SELENA
Do not!
JINN
Do… aw, hell. Nevermind that! Who do YOU think your father is? Hmmm?
SELENA
Jaina.
JINN
Har har.
SELENA
(shrugs)
I don’t know. She’s a whore, it could be anyone. I guess… if I had to say… well, it’d be you, dude.
JINN
Me? Why?
SELENA
‘Cause you taught me a bunch of stuff when I got here. Vet was elsewhere. Miatch just wanted to show me his Metallica collection. And you’re evil. Not as much as I am, but hey. Better than Vet.
JINN
Vet could make a good dad!
SELENA
He wants to make me GOOD!
JINN
Yes, I see the problem. But, erm, just between you and me, I gotta tell you something.
SELENA
Yeah?
Jinn grins.
JINN
I’m yo’ daddy.
SELENA
...You kidding me?
JINN
Nope! It’s me. Papi! But don’t tell your mother. She’ll keep me here forever and I can’t have that!
SELENA
Manwhore.
JINN
Totally.
Jinn stands, flinging a black cloak over his head. He ruffles up Lena’s hair, then turns towards the hall.
JINN
Speaking of that. It’s time for me to wander in the world. I am not content. I’ll see you later, kid. Much later.
SELENA
Bah! A child of a broken home, I am.
JINN
Walk it off, girly… girl.
With that, Jinn heads off into the night, his return unknown. And, although Lena relays this information against Jinn’s wishes, no one really believes her. The quest for Lena’s father ends, Vet feeling disappointed and Chik still utterly confused. Lena, however, is content enough knowing that it is most likely Jinn. That wandering trickster.
5.Backstory, YB3: Bloodlines
commentary: Some time later, we discovered that Jinn had also fathered Toan. And soon after that, nyc came to the Labyrinth and became Chik’s adopted daughter! Naturally, things weren’t entirely peaceful for a while.
Chik sits on her throne, entirely amused as Lena frantically paces back and forth in LoD’s royal chambers. The younger ruler is absolutely livid, while two other teens watch her, not quite sure how to handle all this drama. The girl looks somewhat entertained by it all, however.
SELENA
This is BULLSHIT. Absolute bullshit!
CHIKARA
Now, now, you have to share with the other children like a good sister.
SELENA
I am not their sister! They… they… hell, that one isn’t even an actual Loddie!
She points to the male, Toan, who shuffles his feet. He’s dressed in DoMers clothes, visiting the Labyrinth due to a dorm event. During that time, it was discovered that Jinn had fathered him! Omg!
TOAN
Hey, come on, would having me for a brother be so bad?
SELENA
Yes! I do not share my kingdom!
CHIKARA
YOUR kingdom?
SELENA
Er… my future kingdom.
NYC
Bah, Lena, you know you totally want to have us as siblings. But I hate to say it, mother will think I’m the favorite. By far.
CHIKARA
I do admit, Lena, you’ve got some competition now!
SELENA
(glares at the others)
I’ll have you know I KILLED my other sibling!
NYC
Did you kill her by hugging? You look so sweet, Lena, I can just see it now.
SELENA
Screw you!
TOAN
This is not the time for lemonyness. Lena, this is gonna be the start of something great! You’ll see!
SELENA
Be silent, DoMer scum!
NYC
Aw, she just wants to hog Chik for herself.
CHIKARA
You see what I have to put up with? Stalkers. All the time.
TOAN
(nods)
We’ll be much better children.
SELENA
(to Chik)
You gonna try and make out with them too?
TOAN
(gasp)
NYC
Gaw!
CHIKARA
Oh, get over yourselves. And Selena, I don’t care if you like it or not, go help them move their things into the Labyrinth this instant! Nyc’s our new co-ruler and Toan will forever be an honorary member of the dorm.
SELENA
They can move their own damn selves in.
CHIKARA
Selena, Selena, if you can’t handle the stress, perhaps you should… I don’t know, leave the Labyrinth for a while in order to recover?
SELENA
You’re kicking me out?!
NYC
We’re the new favorites! Woo!
SELENA
Oh, stfu! At least when Emiko was adopted she never visited!
TOAN
But Lena, this’ll be great. Me, a representative of DoM, and you guys…together we can form an awesome alliance! …Of awesomeness!
SELENA
(to Chik, pointing to Toan)
Futhermore, since when do we allow OUTSIDERS into the Royal Family?
CHIKARA
Emiko?
SELENA
She doesn’t count.
CHIKARA
Stop your bitching! Welcome them or get out yourself!
SELENA
Damned DoMer scum. Fine! That’s it! I’m leaving! And I won’t return until these…these…wannabe siblings have gone entirely from our realm!
With that, Selena storms out of the royal chambers, slams the door behind her, and heads out to who knows where. …But, of course, things are eventually patched up, and she accepts the new kids on the block as her siblings. Or at least Toan.
Stupid Nyc.
6.Outtakes
Commentary: …Do we need commentary for this?
EPISODE I
-----------------------
Selena, Toan and Chik all climb out of the car after it pulls up to the new house for the first time. Toan whistles.
TOAN
Man, look at how huge this place is! Let’s go explore!
SELENA
Eh.
CHIK
Bah, you know it’ll be cool. Come on.
The three head up the stairs and towards the door. Toan turns the handle and…
…it’s locked.
TOAN
Um… keys?
Chik and Lena look at each other, and then search their pockets.
CHIK
Um…
SELENA
I don’t have any damn keys. All they gave me was that card with rules and shit.
CHIK
…Uh oh!
All look at each other. Toan shrugs, and throws a chair through the patio glass. They enter. The producers, however, cut, and decide to re-shoot. Without locked doors.
##
Later that day, Lena and Chik are curled up on the couch, and a woman, old and haggard looking, peers up through the window. She is holding an ORB.
However, this time, Chik turns ‘round, feeling like someone is watching her and Lena. She drops her jaw, then screams, falling off the couch and into a camera, destroying it.
Lena hops up and sprints out of the room. Chik is now unconscious.
The woman cackles and disappears...
##
Lena, drunk and singing, stops her show and stumbles towards a camera that’s been placed against the wall. She puts her forehead to it and stars whispering seductively.
SELENA
My god, look at you. You’re jus’ like, so damn shexy I can’t keep ma’ hands off’a you. Come here to me, camera.
She licks it.
SELENA
Yeessss, there’s a’good camera. You want a little of Lena don’t you? C’mere, and I’ll…
Lena starts taking off her shirt.
CHIK
What the hell are you doing?!
EPISODE III
-----------------------------------
Lena is out for a drive, while Toan and Chik are flirting with each other. Lena is SPEEDING down the highway, music cranked up as loud as humanly possible, seeing just how fast the car can go! She does, however, throw an empty can out her window.
At a cop car.
Naturally, sirens go off and Lena is soon pulled over. She slams her hands against the wheel in anger repeatedly.
SELENA
Sonuvabitch!
COP
Ma’am, license and registration, please.
SELENA
(gruffly)
Here!
She flings the items at him, and he snarls.
COP
Ma’am, don’t take that tone with me!
SELENA
Whatever!
COP
(sigh)
Step out of the car, please.
SELENA
WHAT?
COP
Out of the car. Now.
Selena gets out of the car and then slams the door behind her, roughly. She gets about two inches away from the cop’s face.
SELENA
What do you want? Just give me a ticket and leave me be.
COP
You’re acting awfully suspicious. Have you done anything tonight, ma’am.
SELENA
(sarcastically)
I robbed a liquor store and raped a small dog.
COP
GET YOUR HANDS ON THE CAR, NOW!
SELENA
Wtf?
COP
(takes out a can of mace and fires it into Lena’s eyes)
SELENA
OMFG! OMFG!
She flails about as the cop tries to get a hold on her. She eventually punches him across the face, and then kicks him in the crotch. He falls over. Lena then climbs back into the car, still trying to claw the mace out of her eyes, and speeds off, car almost uncontrollable as it races down the road.
COP
My… balls!
EPISODE V
--------------------------------------
A brick sails through the window, a bill for $800 attached. However, instead of landing in the middle of the kitchen, it hits Chik square in the head, and she falls over, bleeding profusely.
TOAN
OMG, NO!
SELENA
YES! YES! OMG YES!
She is rushed to the hospital and the scene is re-shot.
##
CHIKARA
Well Toan, you wanna have a little fun while we’re out here?
The two start stripping, but in the middle, Toan stops, looking embarrassed.
TOAN
Um...
CHIK
...It happens to a lot of guys?
Scene is re-shot. Several times.
EPISODE VI
-----------------------
The three are driving down to the community pool. Toan, however, is speeding. He is pulled over by an all too familiar cop...
COP
License and Regis… wait a minute, I know this car.
He looks inside. Lena glares at him.
COP
OUT OF THE CAR, NOW!
TOAN
What!?
CHIK
But we didn’t do anything!
COP
GET OUT! NOW!
He pulls out a gun. The three obviously rush out of the car and face it. He pats them all down.
COP
You have the right to remain silent...
SELENA
I’m not gonna use that right!
COP
Be quiet!
SELENA
No way, pig! What you gonna do, mace me again? HA!
TOAN
LENA! Shut up!
SELENA
Come on Chik, we can take him!
CHIK
RIGHT!
TOAN
Right!
SELENA
No, fish, not you.
TOAN
Aw! But… but…
COP
I said BE QUIET! Now, then, you have the right to remain silent, the right to...
Lena and Chik pounce on him, beating him to a bloody pulp. They steal his gun and mace, storing it in their glove box for future use. Probably on each other. Toan stares in shock. The other two get in the car.
SELENA
Drive! Drive!
Toan leaps back in the vehicle, speeding away towards the community pool.
###
EPISODE VII
----------------------
Lena throws her paper airplane around the house. It goes off camera. A few moments later and...
TOAN
OMFG, MY EYE, OH GOD THERE’S A PAPERCUT ON MY EYE! IT BLEEEEDS! HOSPITAL! HOSPITAL!
CHIK
(screams!)
Lena jumps out of the window and runs for it.
