Non-Cheesy, 50’s Style Announcer: With DarkJuno......Millenia.....Foyusa......Freaky Psychic Bird.....and special correspondent Mai Shiranui.....this is the Non Roving Reporter.
News Desk
DJ: Hey everyone, and welcome once more to another edition of NRR! Like always, I’m your barrel rollin’ host DJ, and joining me per usual is my lovely co-anchor...
Millenia: ...Millenia! Wow we’re late this week.
DJ: Don’t be silly, we’re perfectly on time! –cough-
Millenia: Yeah, sure. Anyway, over there at the Letters’ Desk, like always, are DJ’s (internet) lifelong buddies...
Letters’ Desk
Foyusa: Foyusa!
FPB: ...and FPB! Damn, who the hell are you and what’ve you done with DJ!?
DJ: Wha?
Foyusa: Yeah, come on now, you haven’t done this in forever!
DJ: Oh, don’t be silly guys...
Millenia: I have to agree, I thought we were cancelled or something.
DJ: Well, I’ve had a lot on my mind, but I’m back now – besides, it’s high time I make the NRR archives actually worthwhile instead of just wasting space, right?
Foyusa: True, I suppose.
FPB: So, any bets on how long this streak will last?
Millenia: Put me in on just two in a row!
Foyusa: Eh, Is ay this is it ‘till the Parade.
DJ: ......-cough- On with the show!
News Mode, slight musical flourish
DJ: Our top story tonight regards news from the Raccoon City Ruins, as those pesky Green Gaians are holding a rally demanding that several survivors of the Umbrella incidents be arrested for slaughtering hundreds of living beings. The “Zombies have Feelings too!” rally is calling that several people, including Chris and Claire Redfield, Jill Valentine, Leon Scott Kennedy, and Rebecca Chambers, be tried for killing beings which were only acting on their instincts. Former flower girl and now disturbingly psychotic Gaian leader Aeris Gainsborough had this to say:
Aeris: -inexplicably looking like a commando, complete with face paint- Do we kill lions, tigers, and angry fishing shacks for merely acting on their instinct to feed? It is bad enough that these poor animals and humans were changed by the march of so-called progress, but it is deplorable that they are then shot at with prejudice, as if science no longer wants them!
DJ: When it was pointed out that she herself had killed many a fishing shack in her day, Ms. Gainsborough quickly glanced around, pointed at something over the reporters’ shoulders, and ran away. Police units are standing by the rally in case a riot incites.
Millenia: Pokemon League officials the world over are meeting today on the attempt to make the capture and containment of “Legendary” Pokemon illegal, as they debate at the IPL headquarters at the Indigo Plateau. There is actually a great debate over this, as some cite that, as Pokemon, everyone in the world has a right to capture them if they can. Others, however, disagree, stating that Legendaries are one of a kind, and most, if not all, hold a great duty in the balance of the world itself. Rayquaza, for instance, is long believed to be among the first lines of defense for the world against hostile invaders from space, whether they be aliens or asteroids, while the three birds Articuno, Zapdos and Moltres are key to creating basic building blocks of life. The opposition argues that it matters little, because life on the planet is already ongoing and doesn’t require these natural, mythical beasts anymore, and that if a trainer is strong enough to catch one, he or she deserves it. The common opinion of gym leaders and trainers on this subject varies, however, as you see here:
Giovanni: Hmph! As a gym leader, I must say that I support trainers growing stronger and more powerful as they train – catching a legendary beast is proof of this, and should be allowed. Why, I would personally like to have one, and oddly enough even have dreams of it. Now that I think about it, it’s almost like I did have one, though that’s just my own desire.
Clair: I’m all for becoming a strong trainer, but it would be unfair for trainers to have a legendary Pokemon – it would be a cheap advantage against normal trainers, and while it requires a great deal of discipline to control one, the sheer power of Legendaries is unfair.
Ash: Well, I’ve seen a lot of them, and it doesn’t seem right to catch them to me. I like catching Pokemon, and I want to try and catch more, but it seems like ones like Lugia and Entei should be left alone.
Millenia: They will come to a decision later this week, and it will hinge on the voting of the IPL Committee a few days after.
DJ: Swashbucklers, buccaneers, and dirty rotten scoundrels the worlds over are gathered today at the Forsaken Fortress for the first ever Pirates’ Convention, as ships gather at various dimensional gateways to get to the deadly island. With such noted guest speakers like Faris Scherwiz, Vyse the –insert adjective here-, Cervantes de Leon, and Captain Syrup, it promises to be a pirate’s dream getaway. Noteworthy is the slightly grudging inclusion of supposed “air pirates,” as the Convention organizers have noted that they do enough pillaging and ravaging to be allowed in. Space Pirates, however are not allowed, which ahs led to many a threatening messages from the High Command to blow the island sky high due to this impudence. The threats, however, are taken lightly, as they are also currently dealing with Samus Aran, making their resources few and valuable. Noteworthy panels at the convention range from “D’arrrrr VS. Arrrrrrgh: The Endless Debate!” to “Gardening on the High Seas.”
Millenia: Finally tonight, parents’ groups have begun to protest to the rather rambunctious and sophomoric actions of the Super Mario Strikers Soccer League. Unlike the rather restrained nature of Princess Peach Toadstool’s other sports projects such as the Kart, Golf, and Tennis leagues, the soccer league is well known for it’s rather wild, crazed attitude and almost rude gesturing. Besides the addition of rules which would make a regular Soccer game’s officials head explode, the players are encouraged to be somewhat rude and crude in their dress and actions – a far, yet refreshing, cry from the norm in this reporter’s opinion. Most of the supposed controversy stems from the prim and proper Peach and her cousin Daisy’s rather revealing outfits, and more notably, the villainous Waluigi’s “crotch chop” victory dance. The problem, of course, arises from the fanatic fans who have began to imitate these antics off the field, leading to several brawls after the games between supporters of the two teams that just played. Surprisingly, Princess Peach writes it off as “Soccer fans being soccer fans,” though intends to make sure that no one is seriously injured. She did, however, express displeasure at how swarms of fans now crotch chop every time anyone makes a goal, and not just Waluigi.
DJ: I find the crotch chopping kinda funny, actually.
Millenia: I do too! I wish they did that in all of the Princess’ sports thing.
DJ: ...crotch chops at a golf game?
Millenia: Of course!
DJ: ...right. We’ll be back after this.
Commercial Break
Announcer: From the creative team that brought you “The Real World: Soul Calibur”
Sophitia: Hey! Who ate all the muffins I just baked!?
Cassandra: -hides cupcake- Uh, Voldo did it Sis!
Voldo: !?!?
Announcer: ...and “Big Brother: Loners”
-scene of Squall, Chrono, Serge, and Hero sitting in a living room, silent and glaring at each other for five minutes-
Announcer:...comes the latest in the line of the finest reality shows on the planet(s): Survivor Villains Edition: Oblivion!
Host: You moron! You were supposed to build a base camp and find firewood!
Ganondorf: I did!
Host: Yes, but you also slaughtered the entire camera crew and used their bones to make the camp!
Ganondorf: You weren’t specific enough.
Ultimecia: Kursed idiot....
Wolf O’Donnell: This isn’t fair! Their team has Bowser, he can light fires just like that!
Bowser: Quit yer whining!
Ridley: -flies in- Sqwak squaaaaaak! (Hey guys, dinner!) –drops carcass of crew members on floor-
Host: What the!? You just killed the executive producer!
Mithos: You said we were supposed to hunt for food on the island, correct? Even if this is a meal that I would...rather not have.
Host: But...
Eggman: Everyone, quickly, I need aide in setting up my robot factory!
Host: o_o
Eggman: I followed the rules – they’re robots made of material from here!
Host: ....I give up...
Announcer: Coming this Fall on CBS!
DJ: ......okay then. o_o
Millenia: Hey, I’d watch it. My little brother, the foot of Valmar’s in there somewhere!
DJ: I thought you ate all your siblings already?
Millenia: Well, the show IS pre-taped. <.<
DJ: .....anyway, to the segment everyone loves more for the commentary then the letters themselves –fancy voice effects- LETTERS TO MODIFIED EXISTING POKEMON!
Millenia: Take it awaaaaaay, Foyusa and FPB!
Letters’ Desk
FPB: Thanks guys, today’s letter reads:
Dear Foyusa & FPB,
First of all, great show guys. Lately, I have a problem with my damn teacher at school. I admit, I’m not exactly a model student, but she’s just so damn annoying! It annoys the hell out of me how those son of a –bleep- guys drool all over that blonde moron and suck up to her and her awkward dancing. What’s worse is that I have to keep joining her in team stuff because we’re assigned to each other, and it’s just annoying how lame she is. I’ll confess, she is kinda hot, but....grargh. It is SO uncool for me to be seen with her, but she’s too good of a partner to just dump. How can I break it to her that she’s just lame when she tries to be cool?
Rock on,
Grapplin’ Bi-bleep-
FPB: Well, obviously, tell her exactly what you feel. It sounds like you don’t much like her anyway, but like the way she adds tot his team of yours at the same time. If you don’t, you’ll end up in a bad situation where everything is false pretense and that’ll weaken your group. So I’d let her know, and get that cleared up.
Foyusa: I disagree. You never know if that might cause her to go over the edge or not. Typically, uncool people don’t know they’re that way, and once they do, they might just snap – why, she might even turn into, say, an eye patch wearing, kinky dominatrix who wears bikinis to class.
FPB: What the heck are the chances of that!?
Foyusa: I don’t know, but it actually sounds like a good idea now. –rubs chin-
FPB: ....back to you Deej.
DJ: -mutters at nickname- Thanks guys! So, I guess that’s that for this week, right?
Millenia: That it is, but don’t forget peeps, joins us next “week” for our 40th Edition of The Non-Roving Reporter!
DJ: That’s right! We’ll be broadcasting live from the newly restored Clocktown Town Square by the Clocktower, where we’ll have the return of The Eyes of Mai and other things!
Millenia: Where’s she going this time, anyway?
DJ: I’m not sure, but I hear she’s heading to the country for this one! So all that said, for Millenia, Foyusa, and FPB, I’m DJ, bidding ya’ll a sane and peaceful day!
All: See Ya!
Edited by DarkJuno, 26 August 2006 - 01:41 PM.
