Hope this works for you guys.
PART I
Name: Setson Aldrian
Race: Human/ Ikarion (a spiritual being vaguely like the Dragons from Breath of Fire: Dragon Quarter... see bio for deeper explanation)
Gender: Male
Age: Looks fifteen, although he is really seventeen years old.
Height: 1.651 Meters (or around 5 feet 3 inches)
Weight: 70.3 kilograms (or around 155 pounds)
Hair color/Style: Setson has brown hair that is short and not styled in spikes, with one lock of hair grown longer on the front of his head, which usually hangs in the way of one of his eyes, yet somehow doesn't inhibit his fighting ability.)
B/W/H: N/A
Origin: Original, although the origin of his powers is somewhat inspired by Breath of Fire: Dragon Quarter.
PART II
Strengths & Abilities: Setson is trained in the art of swordsmanship, which he learned from his father, Jerod Aldrian since he was old enough to walk. At least until he was fourteen and his father was killed in the attack that destroyed his entire town. (More information on this in the bio)
Ever since his hometown of Karlarion was destroyed, he's had the essence of a being known as the Ikarion Janos in him. An Ikarion is a mystical being that uses it's essence to 'fuse' with a being that was severely injured or killed, healing them or bringing them back to life. For Setson, it was the later. He was killed in the destruction of Karlarion when he foolishly tried to fight against the various demons that were killing the inhabitants of the town.
Anyway, his added power from Janos allows him to add spiritual energy, known as Mana to his attacks, or even using the powers directly. He can use it to make his attacks almost twice as strong, or fire 'Mana Blasts' with it. (Essentially Ki blasts) This power also allows Setson to come back to life from ANY fatal wound. Janos' power theoretically could allow him to completely destroy a city half the size of New York City.
Weaknesses: However, Janos' powers have limits. Setson can't use too much of these powers without destroying his soul completely. While he has grown to the point of being able to hold an enhanced strength seemingly indefinitely (he'd have to stop sometime, although battles have never lasted long enough to for him to be drained enough so he couldn't use it), he cannot do his 'Mass Destruction' attack without destroying his soul. (The only conceivable way anyone would be able to survive doing that is if they had the powers of the Ikarion from CONCEPTION, and lived to be at least sixty years old).
Of course, the longer that Janos' power is in Setson, the greater amount of power he can dive into. Also, his powers regenerate over time. He can recover most of his strength from using a moderate amount of mana blast and his strength enhancing abilities over night, although recovering from Death creates a MASSIVE drain on his souls lifeline. The general amount of time that it takes for Janos' power to 'regenerate' from a resurrection is around six months. NO ONE'S soul can recover from using an Ikarion's powers to regenerate themselves FOUR TIMES unless there is a recharge of six months PER death. (There is an exception stated in legends, although no one with these powers has lasted long enough for the legend to be proven true, so it's assumed false). In short, Setson only has a max of three 'lives' before he's gone for good. He actually only has two. (The max is based on having high tier access to his power; Setson's access is actually relatively low)
Also if Janos decided to leave Setson's body for any reason, Setson would die instantly.
PART III
Bio:
Setson Aldrian is the son of the world-renowned swordsman and sword smith, Jerod Aldrian. Jerod was famous for killing the Demon Lord Argalot, although the events surrounding the Demon's death were greatly exaggerated (it took an entire army to take that demon down). Many people have come to the city of Karlarion to seek apprenticeship from Jerod, although he always refuse, considering it his duty to raise and train his son. Besides, his greatness was greatly exaggerated by media and word of mouth, making it seem like he was the only one involved in that battle.
Any way, once Setson was four years old, his father began to train him in the art of using a sword. Setson soon proved to be a natural at using a blade. One day, when Setson was seven, Jerod used a drop of Setson's blood in order to 'key' a sword that he had forged to his son, making Setson and himself the only ones who could use the sword. Jerod told Setson, "One day when you are ready, this sword will be yours." Despite the excitement that Setson had for having his own blade, he never one tried to wield it without his fathers permission, as he knew that he wasn't good enough to wield the sword yet.
Seven years later, Karlarion was attacked by a hoard of demons, led by someone who looked like a human with long blue hair, wearing a blood red suit of armor. Setson watched as his father, and all of his friends were murdered. In a fit of rage (and possibly insanity), Setson charged at the demon hoard, only to be killed effortlessly.
After the demon hoard and mysterious man left, Setson was brought back to life when the Ikarion of Light, Janos, fused his essence with him. After Setson asked how he was still alive, Janos answered him, telling him exactly what had happened, and the powers, and weaknesses he would now have.
At first Setson thought that Janos' voice was an illusion that his dying mind had decided to conjure up and waited for death. Eventually he realized that he actually WAS alive. Janos then explained to Setson that the man who was controlling the demon hoard was named Kaidraik, who held the Ikarion of Darkness, Seirath, in his soul. He also had that power in him for at least three hundred years, making him the strongest Ikarion infused human yet, only choosing to strike now that he knew that almost no one would be able to stop him. Janos didn't even know if the Four "Deaths" to eradicate the soul condition actually applied to him.
Setson asked what Kaidraik's plans were, and Janos replied that he didn't know, although they certainly involved taking over the world in some form, as he has sealed the other elemental Ikarion away in five temples across the planet. (The other Ikarion are the Ijinn of Fire, Sairent of Water, Kainos of Wind, Ralith of Thunder, and Korands of Earth). They would have to be freed in order to defeat Kaidraik.
Setson asked "What makes you so sure that I'm going to fight against him?" Which Janos responded:
"Because he murdered your father and everyone you cared about in this city. That, and I could just threaten to leave your body here and you'll die instantly."
Setson then asked, "Why aren't I feeling sad that my father and friends are dead?" thinking Janos had something to do with it. Janos told him that he was suppressing Setson's emotions so he could explain everything, and then turned them back on, causing Setson to wallow in misery and guilt. After a while, the feelings slowly became rage, and Setson took his sword, the same one keyed to him by his father seven years earlier, and asked Janos what he had to do.
That was three years ago. Setson found that he didn't age as fast with Janos' essence inside of him, making him look two years younger than he really is. He spent the last three years getting used to his powers, while increasing amount that he could use at the same time, and also searching for the seals that the other Ikarion were located in.
Setson would defeat Kaidraik and Seirath...
And he was going to enjoy it.
My character: Setson Aldrian
Started by
Custommagnum
, Oct 04 2004 08:42 PM
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This topic is locked
5 replies to this topic
#2
DarkLink_14
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- Members
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Scout
Posted 04 October 2004 - 11:44 PM
hmmm...
First off, he is WAY overpowered.
Looking at the strengths, you start off well by relating his swordsmanship to his bio. It goes ok until you get to his ability to recover from ANY fatal wound and the massive potential power he has. That right there is already too, much, but we'll continue.
The weaknesses just won't work. For every weakness you give you immediately negate in the next sentence. You say that his powers have limits, then you say he can augment his strength almost indefinitely. Then you say his "massive destruction" attack would greatly drain him, you then go to say that basically nobody could survive it anyways. You then begin describing even more strengths; basically the fact that his abilities restore quickly. You then say that it takes him six months to recover from a revival then turn around and say that he can do that three times. That's just way too much. The final sentence about Janos leaving Setson's body would work, but you also give only scant few details about Janos.
The Bio is, simply put, flat. The character has only a vague personality. You simply recount events and give it no emotional weight; nothing at all to give it deeper meaning.
The Bio would greatly benefit from any insight into Setson's relationship with his father. You recount what they did, but there is nothing more. You mention that he becomes a natural at swordplay. The fact that he became good at it does not mean that he enjoyed it. Did he? You tell me. How did his father teach? How did that affect Setson and his relationship with his father? The fact that he became enraged with his father died does not necessarily mean that the two were on good terms with each other.
What about the sword? What makes the sword so special aside from the fact that only he and his father could wield it?
You may also want to account for those seven years you skip over. Obviously not in great detail, but at least give us an overview of how those years were spent. Also, Why was the village attacked? Did they have any sort of forwarning? No news of other villages attacked? Why did he wait until everyone else was dead before trying to fight? Were there any significant details surrounding his own death?
Perhaps the most important part, I will convey here. WHAT IS JANOS? Why did it decide to revive Setson? What made Setson special? The way you wrote it, you made it seem just too random. When a person reads through the bio, the gaping plot hole you leave there just hangs up the reader to the point where they don't care what you have to say next. Why the hell does Janos care if Setson's father was killed? What interest does Janos have with Kaidraik and Seirath?
You would also do good to describe the way Setson expressed his feelings of rage after Janos let him feel. There are obvious ways, but SHOW us those feelings. Also you should describe any important events in the past three years. You give us an overview, but there is nothing vitally important there. And why set the character three years after anything of interest happened?
In conclusion, the character requires an overhaul in strengths and weaknesses and a great embellishing of the bio. Read the rules and edit your submission.
Until then
...Approval Pending
First off, he is WAY overpowered.
Looking at the strengths, you start off well by relating his swordsmanship to his bio. It goes ok until you get to his ability to recover from ANY fatal wound and the massive potential power he has. That right there is already too, much, but we'll continue.
The weaknesses just won't work. For every weakness you give you immediately negate in the next sentence. You say that his powers have limits, then you say he can augment his strength almost indefinitely. Then you say his "massive destruction" attack would greatly drain him, you then go to say that basically nobody could survive it anyways. You then begin describing even more strengths; basically the fact that his abilities restore quickly. You then say that it takes him six months to recover from a revival then turn around and say that he can do that three times. That's just way too much. The final sentence about Janos leaving Setson's body would work, but you also give only scant few details about Janos.
The Bio is, simply put, flat. The character has only a vague personality. You simply recount events and give it no emotional weight; nothing at all to give it deeper meaning.
The Bio would greatly benefit from any insight into Setson's relationship with his father. You recount what they did, but there is nothing more. You mention that he becomes a natural at swordplay. The fact that he became good at it does not mean that he enjoyed it. Did he? You tell me. How did his father teach? How did that affect Setson and his relationship with his father? The fact that he became enraged with his father died does not necessarily mean that the two were on good terms with each other.
What about the sword? What makes the sword so special aside from the fact that only he and his father could wield it?
You may also want to account for those seven years you skip over. Obviously not in great detail, but at least give us an overview of how those years were spent. Also, Why was the village attacked? Did they have any sort of forwarning? No news of other villages attacked? Why did he wait until everyone else was dead before trying to fight? Were there any significant details surrounding his own death?
Perhaps the most important part, I will convey here. WHAT IS JANOS? Why did it decide to revive Setson? What made Setson special? The way you wrote it, you made it seem just too random. When a person reads through the bio, the gaping plot hole you leave there just hangs up the reader to the point where they don't care what you have to say next. Why the hell does Janos care if Setson's father was killed? What interest does Janos have with Kaidraik and Seirath?
You would also do good to describe the way Setson expressed his feelings of rage after Janos let him feel. There are obvious ways, but SHOW us those feelings. Also you should describe any important events in the past three years. You give us an overview, but there is nothing vitally important there. And why set the character three years after anything of interest happened?
In conclusion, the character requires an overhaul in strengths and weaknesses and a great embellishing of the bio. Read the rules and edit your submission.
Until then
...Approval Pending
#3
Custommagnum
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- Members
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- 303 posts
Journeyman
Posted 05 October 2004 - 04:25 PM
It's amazing how easy it is to forget to not explain something as well as you wanted to.
The recovering part is in his weaknesses section because it shows how fast he recovers.
As for Setson's ability to destroy a city half the size of New York city, using that would destroy his soul, PERMENTLY killing him.
I also plan on starting up an RPG using this plotline, and I know that amount of potential power would be a major plot point in developing his character, which is why it hasn't been removed, although what I attempted to say the limits to that more clearly.
PART I
Name: Setson Aldrian
Race: Human/ Ikarion (a spiritual being vaguely like the Dragons from Breath of Fire: Dragon Quarter... see bio for deeper explanation)
Gender: Male
Age: Looks fifteen, although he is really seventeen years old.
Height: 1.651 Meters (or around 5 feet 3 inches)
Weight: 70.3 kilograms (or around 155 pounds)
Hair color/Style: Setson has brown hair that is short and not styled in spikes, with one lock of hair grown longer on the front of his head, which usually hangs in the way of one of his eyes, yet somehow doesn't inhibit his fighting ability.)
B/W/H: N/A
Origin: Original, although the origin of his powers is somewhat inspired by Breath of Fire: Dragon Quarter.
PART II
Strengths & Abilities: Setson is trained in the art of swordsmanship, which he learned from his father, Jerod Aldrian since he was old enough to walk. At least until he was fourteen and his father was killed in the attack that destroyed his entire town. (More information on this in the bio)
Ever since his hometown of Karlarion was destroyed, he's had the essence of a being known as the Ikarion Janos in him. An Ikarion is a mystical being that uses it's essence to 'fuse' with a being that was severely injured or killed, healing them or bringing them back to life. For Setson, it was the later. He was killed in the destruction of Karlarion when he foolishly tried to fight against the various demons that were killing the inhabitants of the town.
Anyway, his added power from Janos allows him to add spiritual energy, known as Mana to his attacks, or even using the powers directly. He can use it to make his attacks almost twice as strong, or fire 'Mana Blasts' with it. (Essentially Ki blasts) This power also allows Setson to come back to life from ANY fatal wound. However, this isn't as usefull as you would think. Janos' power theoretically could allow him to completely destroy a city half the size of New York City.
Weaknesses: However, Janos' powers have limits. Setson can't use too much of these powers without destroying his soul completely. While he has grown to the point of being able to hold an enhanced strength, with his sword, seemingly indefinitely (he'd have to stop sometime, although battles have never lasted long enough to for him to be drained enough so he couldn't use it, he's usually been only in fights that last a few minutes to an hour tops, he just hasn't found his limit yet. Plus he's been using a sword forged for him by his father, keyed so only he can use it. That sword also serves as a focusing point for his mana, making it easier for him to do this. He cannot do his 'Mass Destruction' attack without destroying his soul. Janos probably wouldn't allow him to use this anyway. (The only conceivable way anyone would be able to survive doing that is if they had the powers of the Ikarion from CONCEPTION, and lived to be at least sixty years old. As Setson hasn't had his powers since conception, he's never going to be able to do this and survive. He can live for three hundred years, like Kaidraik, and he still wouldn't be able to do this.)
Of course, the longer that Janos' power is in Setson, the greater amount of power he can dive into. Also, his powers regenerate over time. He can recover most of his strength from using a moderate amount of mana blast and his strength enhancing abilities over night (assuming he doesn't actually reach his limit on that, which while Setson doesn't know this, is only around two hours), although recovering from Death creates a MASSIVE drain on his souls lifeline. The general amount of time that it takes for Janos' power to FULLY 'regenerate' from a resurrection is around six months. Technically, he can regenerate himself twice in a six month period, but he'd be drained enough that he wouldn't be able to use his powers AT ALL, for AT LEAST six months. Also any enemy that knew about his recovering from any fatal wound would just have to bind him after killing him, remove the weapon, let him come back, kill him again, repeat this one more time, and then Setson is gone for good.
Also if Janos decided to leave Setson's body for any reason, Setson would die instantly. If Setson decided to take over the world, for instance, Janos WOULD leave Setson's body.
PART III
Bio:
Setson Aldrian is the son of the world-renowned swordsman and sword smith, Jerod Aldrian. Jerod was famous for killing the Demon Lord Argalot, although the events surrounding the Demon's death were greatly exaggerated (it took an entire army to take that demon down). Many people have come to the city of Karlarion to seek apprenticeship from Jerod, although he always refuse, considering it his duty to raise and train his son. Besides, his greatness was greatly exaggerated by media and word of mouth, making it seem like he was the only one involved in that battle. Argalot was the most fearsome demon lord in existance, having taken over around half the world before his defeat. Jerod just dealt the final blow to the demon.
Any way, once Setson was four years old, his father began to train him in the art of using a sword. Setson soon proved to be a natural at using a blade. Setson enjoyed this very much over the course of his life, as it gave him a lot more time to spend with his father than most children his age. It also gave Setson the thought that he could eventually become importat. One day, when Setson was seven, Jerod used a drop of Setson's blood in order to 'key' a sword that he had forged to his son, making Setson and himself the only ones who could use the sword. Jerod told Setson, "One day when you are ready, this sword will be yours." While Setson didn't know this, this sword was made out of a speical ore called Zairas, which was a high conductor of mana. Despite the excitement that Setson had for having his own blade, he never one tried to wield it without his fathers permission, as he knew that he wasn't good enough to wield the sword yet. Over the next seven years, Setson would get closer to his father than he would have otherwise, trusting Jerod with many things that most childern wouldn't trust their parents with. He became reguarded as somewhat of a "Master Swordsman" (he isn't actually a Master Swordsman, as many swordsmen four years older than him can beat him on pure skill, but then again, media and gossip tend toexaggerate things.) Setson also spent time trying to learn how to forge a sword from his father, although it would seem that the 'family talent' hasn't been passed down from Jerod to Setson (Most of the Aldrian family have been swordsmiths. Jerod was the first Master Swordsman).
Also Jerod was the single parent that Setson had growing up, his mother murdered by Argalot when she was busy at the Capital helping out after an attack by Argalot, as she was one of the most talented healers in the world. Whoever the murderer was, no one knows, although he or she was PROBABLY a supporter of Argalot. This event is what led Jerod to join in the battle against the Demon Lord, leaving Setson in the care of his best friend Victor Relorath. Setson became good friends with Victor's daughter Kristina, one of his most trusted friends, as he was famous for being Jerod Aldrian's son, while Kristina saw him for who he was.
Over the years, Setson and Kristina became closer and closer, and once Setson was fourteen, he was planning on asking her to be his girlfriend.
Seven years later, Karlarion was attacked by a hoard of demons, led by someone who looked like a human with long blue hair, wearing a blood red suit of armor. Setson watched as his father, Victor, Kristina and everyone he ever knew was slaughtered. In a fit of rage (and possibly insanity), Setson charged at the demon hoard, only to be killed effortlessly.
After the demon hoard and mysterious man left, Setson was brought back to life when the Ikarion of Light, Janos, fused his essence with him. After Setson asked how he was still alive, Janos answered him, telling him exactly what had happened, and the powers, and weaknesses he would now have.
The Ikarion are a race of magical beings from another realm. While they're in the Ikarion realm, they can appear normal, an Ikarion can only affect the mortal realm by giving its essance to a human whom was fatally wounded, thereby giving the human additional powers.
At first Setson thought that Janos' voice was an illusion that his dying mind had decided to conjure up and waited for death. Eventually he realized that he actually WAS alive. Janos then explained to Setson that the man who was controlling the demon hoard was named Kaidraik, who held the Ikarion of Darkness, Seirath, in his soul. He also had that power in him for at least three hundred years, making him the strongest Ikarion infused human yet, only choosing to strike now that he knew that almost no one would be able to stop him. Janos didn't even know if Kaidraik couldn't survive dieing more than twice.
Setson asked what Kaidraik's plans were, and Janos replied that he didn't know, although they certainly involved taking over the world in some form, as he has sealed the other elemental Ikarion away in five temples across the planet. (The other Ikarion are the Ijinn of Fire, Sairent of Water, Kainos of Wind, Ralith of Thunder, and Korands of Earth). They would have to be freed in order to defeat Kaidraik. Janos explained the Ikarion realm to Setson at this point, and his reasons. He also explained how if the Mortal Realm was compeltly covered by a certain Ikairion's influence, than the Ikarion realm would be destroyed, leaving only the conquering Ikarion around in existance. If Seirath, influencing Kaidraik could do that, then all existance will become a hell.
Setson asked "What makes you so sure that I'm going to fight against him?" Which Janos responded:
"Because he murdered your father and everyone you cared about in this city. That, and I could just threaten to leave your body here and you'll die instantly." If certain things did happen, Janos WOULD leave Setson's body and let him die. It was not an empty threat.
Setson then asked, "Why aren't I feeling sad that my father and friends are dead?" thinking Janos had something to do with it. Janos told him that he was suppressing Setson's emotions so he could explain everything, and then turned them back on, causing Setson to wallow in misery and guilt. Setson actually tried to kill himself at that point, although Janos was able to convince him to avoid doing that. After a few hours, mostly spent trying to punch through a couple of walls in anguish and rage, the feelings slowly became determination, and Setson took his sword, the same one keyed to him by his father seven years earlier, and asked Janos what he had to do.
That was three years ago. Setson found that he didn't age as fast with Janos' essence inside of him, making him look two years younger than he really is. He spent the last three years getting used to his powers, while increasing amount that he could use at the same time, and also searching for the seals that the other Ikarion were located in. Setson hasn't had much luck, and didn't meet anyone who could actually tell him the location of the seals, and Janos didn't actually know where they were either. It was also during this three year period that Setson gained most of his strength augmentation (he's unaware that his sword is forged from the ore that is a focusing point of mana, making this eaiser on him.)
Setson also spent those three years being a mercenary, although any job that could take him to the location of the seals was something that he took over anything else.
Durning this time, Setson killed the leader of a group of bandits called 'The Reapers' by the populance, as they carried large sytches and left few prisoners. Setson has since been a target of them.
Setson vowed he would defeat Kaidraik and Seirath...
And he was going to enjoy it.
The recovering part is in his weaknesses section because it shows how fast he recovers.
As for Setson's ability to destroy a city half the size of New York city, using that would destroy his soul, PERMENTLY killing him.
I also plan on starting up an RPG using this plotline, and I know that amount of potential power would be a major plot point in developing his character, which is why it hasn't been removed, although what I attempted to say the limits to that more clearly.
PART I
Name: Setson Aldrian
Race: Human/ Ikarion (a spiritual being vaguely like the Dragons from Breath of Fire: Dragon Quarter... see bio for deeper explanation)
Gender: Male
Age: Looks fifteen, although he is really seventeen years old.
Height: 1.651 Meters (or around 5 feet 3 inches)
Weight: 70.3 kilograms (or around 155 pounds)
Hair color/Style: Setson has brown hair that is short and not styled in spikes, with one lock of hair grown longer on the front of his head, which usually hangs in the way of one of his eyes, yet somehow doesn't inhibit his fighting ability.)
B/W/H: N/A
Origin: Original, although the origin of his powers is somewhat inspired by Breath of Fire: Dragon Quarter.
PART II
Strengths & Abilities: Setson is trained in the art of swordsmanship, which he learned from his father, Jerod Aldrian since he was old enough to walk. At least until he was fourteen and his father was killed in the attack that destroyed his entire town. (More information on this in the bio)
Ever since his hometown of Karlarion was destroyed, he's had the essence of a being known as the Ikarion Janos in him. An Ikarion is a mystical being that uses it's essence to 'fuse' with a being that was severely injured or killed, healing them or bringing them back to life. For Setson, it was the later. He was killed in the destruction of Karlarion when he foolishly tried to fight against the various demons that were killing the inhabitants of the town.
Anyway, his added power from Janos allows him to add spiritual energy, known as Mana to his attacks, or even using the powers directly. He can use it to make his attacks almost twice as strong, or fire 'Mana Blasts' with it. (Essentially Ki blasts) This power also allows Setson to come back to life from ANY fatal wound. However, this isn't as usefull as you would think. Janos' power theoretically could allow him to completely destroy a city half the size of New York City.
Weaknesses: However, Janos' powers have limits. Setson can't use too much of these powers without destroying his soul completely. While he has grown to the point of being able to hold an enhanced strength, with his sword, seemingly indefinitely (he'd have to stop sometime, although battles have never lasted long enough to for him to be drained enough so he couldn't use it, he's usually been only in fights that last a few minutes to an hour tops, he just hasn't found his limit yet. Plus he's been using a sword forged for him by his father, keyed so only he can use it. That sword also serves as a focusing point for his mana, making it easier for him to do this. He cannot do his 'Mass Destruction' attack without destroying his soul. Janos probably wouldn't allow him to use this anyway. (The only conceivable way anyone would be able to survive doing that is if they had the powers of the Ikarion from CONCEPTION, and lived to be at least sixty years old. As Setson hasn't had his powers since conception, he's never going to be able to do this and survive. He can live for three hundred years, like Kaidraik, and he still wouldn't be able to do this.)
Of course, the longer that Janos' power is in Setson, the greater amount of power he can dive into. Also, his powers regenerate over time. He can recover most of his strength from using a moderate amount of mana blast and his strength enhancing abilities over night (assuming he doesn't actually reach his limit on that, which while Setson doesn't know this, is only around two hours), although recovering from Death creates a MASSIVE drain on his souls lifeline. The general amount of time that it takes for Janos' power to FULLY 'regenerate' from a resurrection is around six months. Technically, he can regenerate himself twice in a six month period, but he'd be drained enough that he wouldn't be able to use his powers AT ALL, for AT LEAST six months. Also any enemy that knew about his recovering from any fatal wound would just have to bind him after killing him, remove the weapon, let him come back, kill him again, repeat this one more time, and then Setson is gone for good.
Also if Janos decided to leave Setson's body for any reason, Setson would die instantly. If Setson decided to take over the world, for instance, Janos WOULD leave Setson's body.
PART III
Bio:
Setson Aldrian is the son of the world-renowned swordsman and sword smith, Jerod Aldrian. Jerod was famous for killing the Demon Lord Argalot, although the events surrounding the Demon's death were greatly exaggerated (it took an entire army to take that demon down). Many people have come to the city of Karlarion to seek apprenticeship from Jerod, although he always refuse, considering it his duty to raise and train his son. Besides, his greatness was greatly exaggerated by media and word of mouth, making it seem like he was the only one involved in that battle. Argalot was the most fearsome demon lord in existance, having taken over around half the world before his defeat. Jerod just dealt the final blow to the demon.
Any way, once Setson was four years old, his father began to train him in the art of using a sword. Setson soon proved to be a natural at using a blade. Setson enjoyed this very much over the course of his life, as it gave him a lot more time to spend with his father than most children his age. It also gave Setson the thought that he could eventually become importat. One day, when Setson was seven, Jerod used a drop of Setson's blood in order to 'key' a sword that he had forged to his son, making Setson and himself the only ones who could use the sword. Jerod told Setson, "One day when you are ready, this sword will be yours." While Setson didn't know this, this sword was made out of a speical ore called Zairas, which was a high conductor of mana. Despite the excitement that Setson had for having his own blade, he never one tried to wield it without his fathers permission, as he knew that he wasn't good enough to wield the sword yet. Over the next seven years, Setson would get closer to his father than he would have otherwise, trusting Jerod with many things that most childern wouldn't trust their parents with. He became reguarded as somewhat of a "Master Swordsman" (he isn't actually a Master Swordsman, as many swordsmen four years older than him can beat him on pure skill, but then again, media and gossip tend toexaggerate things.) Setson also spent time trying to learn how to forge a sword from his father, although it would seem that the 'family talent' hasn't been passed down from Jerod to Setson (Most of the Aldrian family have been swordsmiths. Jerod was the first Master Swordsman).
Also Jerod was the single parent that Setson had growing up, his mother murdered by Argalot when she was busy at the Capital helping out after an attack by Argalot, as she was one of the most talented healers in the world. Whoever the murderer was, no one knows, although he or she was PROBABLY a supporter of Argalot. This event is what led Jerod to join in the battle against the Demon Lord, leaving Setson in the care of his best friend Victor Relorath. Setson became good friends with Victor's daughter Kristina, one of his most trusted friends, as he was famous for being Jerod Aldrian's son, while Kristina saw him for who he was.
Over the years, Setson and Kristina became closer and closer, and once Setson was fourteen, he was planning on asking her to be his girlfriend.
Seven years later, Karlarion was attacked by a hoard of demons, led by someone who looked like a human with long blue hair, wearing a blood red suit of armor. Setson watched as his father, Victor, Kristina and everyone he ever knew was slaughtered. In a fit of rage (and possibly insanity), Setson charged at the demon hoard, only to be killed effortlessly.
After the demon hoard and mysterious man left, Setson was brought back to life when the Ikarion of Light, Janos, fused his essence with him. After Setson asked how he was still alive, Janos answered him, telling him exactly what had happened, and the powers, and weaknesses he would now have.
The Ikarion are a race of magical beings from another realm. While they're in the Ikarion realm, they can appear normal, an Ikarion can only affect the mortal realm by giving its essance to a human whom was fatally wounded, thereby giving the human additional powers.
At first Setson thought that Janos' voice was an illusion that his dying mind had decided to conjure up and waited for death. Eventually he realized that he actually WAS alive. Janos then explained to Setson that the man who was controlling the demon hoard was named Kaidraik, who held the Ikarion of Darkness, Seirath, in his soul. He also had that power in him for at least three hundred years, making him the strongest Ikarion infused human yet, only choosing to strike now that he knew that almost no one would be able to stop him. Janos didn't even know if Kaidraik couldn't survive dieing more than twice.
Setson asked what Kaidraik's plans were, and Janos replied that he didn't know, although they certainly involved taking over the world in some form, as he has sealed the other elemental Ikarion away in five temples across the planet. (The other Ikarion are the Ijinn of Fire, Sairent of Water, Kainos of Wind, Ralith of Thunder, and Korands of Earth). They would have to be freed in order to defeat Kaidraik. Janos explained the Ikarion realm to Setson at this point, and his reasons. He also explained how if the Mortal Realm was compeltly covered by a certain Ikairion's influence, than the Ikarion realm would be destroyed, leaving only the conquering Ikarion around in existance. If Seirath, influencing Kaidraik could do that, then all existance will become a hell.
Setson asked "What makes you so sure that I'm going to fight against him?" Which Janos responded:
"Because he murdered your father and everyone you cared about in this city. That, and I could just threaten to leave your body here and you'll die instantly." If certain things did happen, Janos WOULD leave Setson's body and let him die. It was not an empty threat.
Setson then asked, "Why aren't I feeling sad that my father and friends are dead?" thinking Janos had something to do with it. Janos told him that he was suppressing Setson's emotions so he could explain everything, and then turned them back on, causing Setson to wallow in misery and guilt. Setson actually tried to kill himself at that point, although Janos was able to convince him to avoid doing that. After a few hours, mostly spent trying to punch through a couple of walls in anguish and rage, the feelings slowly became determination, and Setson took his sword, the same one keyed to him by his father seven years earlier, and asked Janos what he had to do.
That was three years ago. Setson found that he didn't age as fast with Janos' essence inside of him, making him look two years younger than he really is. He spent the last three years getting used to his powers, while increasing amount that he could use at the same time, and also searching for the seals that the other Ikarion were located in. Setson hasn't had much luck, and didn't meet anyone who could actually tell him the location of the seals, and Janos didn't actually know where they were either. It was also during this three year period that Setson gained most of his strength augmentation (he's unaware that his sword is forged from the ore that is a focusing point of mana, making this eaiser on him.)
Setson also spent those three years being a mercenary, although any job that could take him to the location of the seals was something that he took over anything else.
Durning this time, Setson killed the leader of a group of bandits called 'The Reapers' by the populance, as they carried large sytches and left few prisoners. Setson has since been a target of them.
Setson vowed he would defeat Kaidraik and Seirath...
And he was going to enjoy it.
#4
DarkLink_14
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- Members
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- 169 posts
Scout
Posted 06 October 2004 - 05:26 PM
ok, first off, I mentioned that he is way too overpowered and he is still so. I will not approve this character regardless of the circumstances unless that is corrected. If his potential power is to become a vital point of your RPG, fine, but make that an element specific to the RPG. I will not let such an unbalanced character be approved under any circumstances.
The same problem remains with your weaknesses, you negate them completely in the following sentence. Your additions may have clarified certain things, but the fact still remains.
You've added certain emotional strings, but they're only minute carvings instead of a complete picture. Its far too simple a characterization that needs to be expanded upon throughout the entire bio, not just in scattered pockets. You say, for example, that Setson is famous for being Jerod's son (which you give little information to back up), then say that Kristina saw him for who he was and you leave it at that. Show us. If Kristina's view of him was important to Setson, then the fact that his own identity was eclipsed by his father's celebrity had a great impact on him. Show that to us. You say that Kristina saw him for who he was. Show that. Perhaps most importantly of all, you need to show us why the two grew closer if we are to care at all about her death later on. Obviously I'm not asking you to describe every little event that contributed to their coming together, but you have to give far more detail than simply, she "saw him for who he was." That's one reason why he might be attracted to her. Note, I only said ONE reason. Why else whould he be attracted to her, and why would she be attracted to him?
Also, there is a blatant contradiction in your bio when you mention that "his mother murdered by Argalot" then say "Whoever the murderer was, no one knows, although he or she was PROBABLY a supporter of Argalot."
In addition, now that' you have brought Setson's mother into the story, you need to describe the emotional connection to her and how she influenced his life. You also mention that Jerod was a single parent, yet you do not make it imporatant in any way. In a bio, everything you say must be worth saying. If you make a specific point to mention that Jerod was a single father, and that his dead wife was one of the most talented healers, give us a reason to care.
And there's still a problem with Janos. He is obviously his own sentient being and that being the case, you should treat this as something of a dual approval. Janos has to be fleshed out and described. The question still remains as to why he would come to Setson in the first place as well as what interest Janos has in Kaidraik and Seirath.
In conclusion, the bio retains most all of its original problems. The unbalanced strengths must definitely be dealt with if I am to even begin to consider this for approval. Characterization must be refined, and Janos must be well described, not physically, or what he is in terms of race, but who he is as a character, and why he thinks the way he does, and most importantly, why he came to Setson in the first place, considering, as you mentioned yourself, there were swordsmen more skilled and people more powerful than Setson to begin with.
Until then
...Approval Pending
The same problem remains with your weaknesses, you negate them completely in the following sentence. Your additions may have clarified certain things, but the fact still remains.
You've added certain emotional strings, but they're only minute carvings instead of a complete picture. Its far too simple a characterization that needs to be expanded upon throughout the entire bio, not just in scattered pockets. You say, for example, that Setson is famous for being Jerod's son (which you give little information to back up), then say that Kristina saw him for who he was and you leave it at that. Show us. If Kristina's view of him was important to Setson, then the fact that his own identity was eclipsed by his father's celebrity had a great impact on him. Show that to us. You say that Kristina saw him for who he was. Show that. Perhaps most importantly of all, you need to show us why the two grew closer if we are to care at all about her death later on. Obviously I'm not asking you to describe every little event that contributed to their coming together, but you have to give far more detail than simply, she "saw him for who he was." That's one reason why he might be attracted to her. Note, I only said ONE reason. Why else whould he be attracted to her, and why would she be attracted to him?
Also, there is a blatant contradiction in your bio when you mention that "his mother murdered by Argalot" then say "Whoever the murderer was, no one knows, although he or she was PROBABLY a supporter of Argalot."
In addition, now that' you have brought Setson's mother into the story, you need to describe the emotional connection to her and how she influenced his life. You also mention that Jerod was a single parent, yet you do not make it imporatant in any way. In a bio, everything you say must be worth saying. If you make a specific point to mention that Jerod was a single father, and that his dead wife was one of the most talented healers, give us a reason to care.
And there's still a problem with Janos. He is obviously his own sentient being and that being the case, you should treat this as something of a dual approval. Janos has to be fleshed out and described. The question still remains as to why he would come to Setson in the first place as well as what interest Janos has in Kaidraik and Seirath.
In conclusion, the bio retains most all of its original problems. The unbalanced strengths must definitely be dealt with if I am to even begin to consider this for approval. Characterization must be refined, and Janos must be well described, not physically, or what he is in terms of race, but who he is as a character, and why he thinks the way he does, and most importantly, why he came to Setson in the first place, considering, as you mentioned yourself, there were swordsmen more skilled and people more powerful than Setson to begin with.
Until then
...Approval Pending
#5
Custommagnum
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- 303 posts
Journeyman
Posted 06 October 2004 - 08:54 PM
Okay... you're right. Setson is way too overpowered for anything. I'll change his strengths and completely change his weaknesses.
It might take me a few days though.
It might take me a few days though.
#6
DarkLink_14
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- Members
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- 169 posts
Scout
Posted 18 October 2004 - 11:48 AM
With no new posts in over a week, I am forced to lock and void this thread in accordance with rule 3 of the Character Submission rules.
If you wish to submit this character again, you may do so in a new thread.
LOCKED AND VOID
If you wish to submit this character again, you may do so in a new thread.
LOCKED AND VOID
